It is generally accepted that love does not live more than three years. And also, that in a couple there inevitably comes a period of cooling to each other. Of emotions, only irritation and discontent remain. There are thoughts of a breakup. Being around is simply unbearable. What to do if the relationship is at an impasse? Is this really the end?
Psychologists believe that every union goes through the same stages of formation. There may be slight deviations in the degree of manifestation of signs and the duration of periods. But the main points are similar.
The initial stage of relationship development
A spark ran between the man and the woman. He showed attention. She responded to courtship. Unbeknownst to both, a flame of passion flared up, and the couple plunged headlong into the pool.
At this stage, partners experience a hurricane of feelings. The mind is clouded by waves of experienced emotions. There is neither the possibility nor the desire to look at each other. Deficiencies are not noticed. Bad habits seem cutequirks. There is a constant need to be around.
Fatigue
The body is tired of bright emotions and hormonal surges. Reboot and save power mode is enabled. Partners are tired of each other and need to rest. At this stage, the first quarrels begin. The desire to dissolve in each other is replaced by the desire to prove their own importance and individuality.
Return to reality
Disillusionment usually happens when a couple tries to live together. Life inexorably crowds out romance. The ideal image of a beloved fades under the onslaught of daily needs. It becomes obvious that no one is safe from a bad mood, runny nose and dirty linen. The need to be together is waning. I want to be alone and do my usual favorite things.
Many couples come to the conclusion that the relationship is completely ruined, and break up. The inability to overcome the first difficulties confirms that a person has not yet matured for a serious relationship. Self-education and personal interests should be taken up.
Humility
The Union, which managed to overcome the stage of inevitable disappointments, is entering a new level of development. Partners learn to talk and accept each other with all the features. The understanding comes that an adult cannot be remade. A couple that has passed this stage is much less likely to quarrel. Conflicts over everyday trifles and differences in characters are disappearing.
People who failed to draw the right conclusions are transferred to later lifeendless showdowns. There are families in which spouses have been harassing each other for decades with nit-picking and complaints about unfulfilled expectations.
Convergence
A couple that harmoniously completed the stage of humility gets the opportunity to create a truly strong and happy union. In such a family, partners accept each other's right to personal time and their own interests. Joint hobbies are born, traditions are created. There is no need for constant demonstration of feelings. Uncontrollable emotions give way to stability and peace.
Synthesis
At this stage, the couple becomes one. Each partner respects the other and reckon with his opinion. Love is experienced not for specific actions, but in relation to a person as a whole. Unconditional trust appears, the need to prove something disappears. Problems are solved together. Spouses often notice that they understand each other without words. The union is transformed into a team of full members of one crew.
This is how, according to psychologists, any relationship develops. The duration of the stages for each pair is individual. The decisive role will be played by the maturity of partners, their readiness to overcome difficulties.
Only one thing can be said with certainty: the transition to the next stage is always accompanied by a crisis. And not every union is able to survive it. Often people break up and start over with new lovers. Those who are not ready for endless walking in circles are looking for ways to correct the situation in the existingunion.
What to do if the relationship is at an impasse?
The solution to any problem must begin with an unbiased view of the situation. It is necessary to understand what is the true reason for what is happening. Only by finding out what exactly led to the current state of affairs, you can find a suitable way out.
The fickleness of youth
Unions formed in adolescence are almost all doomed to collapse. Boys and girls are not yet ready for major changes in their lives. Too much unknown, I want to try everything. Feelings are born easily, but just as quickly fade away.
It's worth taking for granted that first love is too often unhappy. Time will pass, and a new feeling, mature and conscious, will be born in the heart. You have to prepare for it. In order to be interesting for a potential partner, you need to be a self-sufficient person, devote more time to self-improvement. It should also be remembered that having an education and an exciting hobby has never hurt anyone.
Incompatibility of characters
Inevitably, there comes a stage when romantic walks under the moon are replaced by a desire to sleep. Partners suddenly discover that they need a different number of hours of rest to feel good. One, upon awakening, needs to be in silence and realize what is happening. The second one cannot imagine himself without rhythmic music turned on at full volume.
Such a mismatch of tastes can be observed in culinary preferences, ways of spending leisure time, and even on all countssimultaneously. Signs about opposites that attract are good for physics lessons studying the properties of magnets. In everyday life, such differences in tastes are extremely difficult to ignore. It will be impossible to turn a blind eye to them for years. Hopes that a person will change his addictions without prejudice to relationships can be safely sent to the dump of unfulfilled legends.
What to do if the relationship is at an impasse due to mismatched tastes and habits? Ask yourself: how unacceptable is what my partner practices for me personally? Both people in a pair are independent individuals. Everyone has the right to live the way they want. If it does not infringe on the interests of others, of course. And it is precisely this degree of inconvenience caused to each other that is worth determining.
Only having figured out for yourself what specifically categorically does not suit you and what solutions are acceptable, you can raise this topic in the discussion. Otherwise, an attempt to settle the situation will turn into a banal squabble.
You should be prepared that the partner will put forward a counter wish. You should not agree to any concessions for the sake of maintaining the union. The thoughtless infringement of one's interests will one day result in a hidden resentment, and even in regular scandals. It is wiser to find compromises at the very first stages of the distribution of rights and obligations. If it is not possible to agree immediately, you can return to the discussion later, but do not accept what you are not ready for. Otherwise, differences in preferences will result in endless complaints.
Intervention of relatives
It is safe to say that only those who need them have advisers. Individuals who are not capable of independent decisions will look for answers from their parents, colleagues and in horoscopes until old age.
If both partners are at this stage of internal development, there are chances for long-term prospects. With the support of relatives, action plans will be discussed at family councils, results will be achieved by joint efforts, the guilty are known in advance in failures.
When only one left the care of relatives in a couple, the situation becomes noticeably more complicated. At the first incident, you should clearly state your position. Do not be afraid to spoil relations with the relatives of your lover. If third parties are allowed to interfere in the union, very soon you will have to forget about your personal life. In conversations, the main argument will be the opinion of authoritative persons. Housekeeping methods will be compared to how someone else did it.
A conversation about the intervention of relatives should be built as correctly as possible and at the same time firmly. Insults and humiliation are unacceptable. It is extremely undesirable to set as an example your relatives and friends. It is worth explaining that adults can and should solve pressing difficulties on their own. Otherwise, they should return under the parent wing and stay there until maturity.
Childbirth
Happy event for many families becomes a test of strength. Howimprove relations with her husband after the appearance of a new family member? Time to redistribute household chores. The amount of work that a woman could easily handle before is now becoming an unbearable task. There is constant fatigue, including psychological. At the same time, the man feels his uselessness. You should share your worries with him. Tell the truth: about emerging anxieties, self-doubts, ailments and fears. Allow the newly-minted father to take on all feasible chores. The advice of wise women is unequivocal: from the first days of the birth of a child, a man should be involved in the cycle of events. Only after going through all the difficulties of raising a baby together, you can build a harmonious full relationship.
Addictions
These include everything that does not fit into the notion of the norm: alcohol, drug addiction, betrayal. What to do if the relationship has reached an impasse for such grave reasons? Look for the answer in your own soul. There can be no advice in such matters. What is acceptable and negotiable for one person is categorically unacceptable for another. The experience of a mother, a girlfriend or a star couple will not work. Only a response in the depths of the heart can clarify the situation. Is it worse to endure or harder to lose? Is there a desire to devote life to trying to return the beloved to the true path? Telling the truth to yourself is the only way out of any impasse.
The main thing to remember is that there are no universal solutions. No one, even a very close person, is able to discern all the nuances of a relationship.between two people. Bringing family troubles to the discussion of third parties, you can achieve only temporary relief in the soul. You will have to make the choice yourself and answer for it only to your own "I".
