The psychological boundaries of personality determine our difference from other people. In the process of development, maturation of a person emotionally and physically, a set of certain qualities is formed in each of us, which, like elements of a mosaic, make up a general picture called human individuality.
These boundaries are determined by the goals, desires and interests of a person and are based on the value system.
Who are you in this world? How do you feel about yourself? How do others treat you? What are your goals? Do you know the way to achieve them? When an individual has answers to these questions, he comes to full awareness of himself, which means that his boundaries are formed correctly. This is the highest degree of human development.
A child cannot imagine himself without his mother and has no mental difference with her. An adult is independent and self-sufficient. He doesn't need a mother to feel protected, and he's a completely different person.
Interference and benefits
Fulfilling needs, individualhave to interact with the environment. In this world there are those people, situations or things that are useful to us, but there are also stumbling blocks: there is always something that hinders or poisons our existence. At the same time, it is worth noting that a kind and full of love person does not experience discomfort, because he is not used to operating with negative emotions and negativity. The world is set positively for those who are pure in soul, touching the good and bright, you yourself become like that. Give love, ignore the negative - and the good will definitely be attracted to you, and the bad will go away on its own. Do not be distracted and do not exchange for malice and revenge, for wars and hatred. They destroy yourselves.
Function of psychological boundaries
They help develop personality, get a person from life what he needs, and protect him from unnecessary, harmful "poison". This invisible barrier helps our "inner self" to develop harmoniously and with minimal negative.
Strong=flexible
Flexibility is a sign that the psychological boundaries of a person are normal and he althy. Such a person has a mobile and lively psyche, adaptive to the environment. It is easy for a he althy person to determine his interests in life, to make optimal decisions. He can realize his ambitions in the current conditions, communication with people seems easy for him, starting and ending relationships is not a problem for him. He is stable in conflict situations and knows how to stand up for himself.
Deviations
If the psychological boundaries are weak or excessively rigid, this indicates a violation of the interaction of the individual with the outside world. Such problems are usually experienced by people who are unable to assess their status in this life. What they experience:
- difficulties in everyday life;
- low self-esteem;
- problems in relationships with family and friends, work colleagues;
- not feeling their boundaries, they themselves violate the boundaries of another person, causing him unpleasant emotions;
- They are easily manipulated as they often feel responsible for the feelings of others, sacrifice themselves in relationships, endure bad treatment, seek to please others;
- it's hard for them to say "no" to other people;
- their credo is "everyone does it, and I will."
The other extreme is rigid boundaries, when a person behaves the same way with all people, emphatically inflexible. In all situations, he has a single line of conduct. He is closed to everyone. His "stone wall" is a defense to keep himself safe, but in this "wall" he is very lonely. These people are not able to love anyone and be attached to someone. It is very difficult for such people, even talented ones, to realize themselves in life.
Protect the baby
What do psychological boundaries give to a growing person? Protection from uncertainty and chaos, which instills fear and panic in the baby. Parents who clearly define the rules, setting limits and limits, givethe most important thing in life for a child: a sense of security, and these are not at all continuous restrictions that hinder the development of his soul, as many mothers and fathers believe. The kid needs to understand what is good and what is bad, what is possible and what is not, and then he will feel solid ground under his feet. Correctly established psychological boundaries of a child are his reliable support and lifeline in life. These are the foundations of his principles, which parents must lay in him.
These boundaries in the beginning are the mother's womb, where the baby lives in a comfortable shell for all 9 months. Then he is born, he is swaddled, bringing him closer to the conditions in which he was inside his mother. They are one, but gradually they are separated.
As the baby grows, he begins to separate himself from his mother, adapts, finds himself, explores his body. He understands that his mother is not him, but a separate being, but they are still in a very close connection, and the mother’s task is to help her daughter or son explore this world, build the psychological boundaries of the child, explaining how and what works, what to whom belongs, what is possible and what is not.
Disobedience is the way to build boundaries
What happens when a child breaks the rules? He tests you for parental love and checks his security. This happens unconsciously, the child "tests" the reactions of the adult. Crying and tantrums are attempts to test how many minutes adults will “give up”. The kid is trying to express himself, and the adult is trying to express himself with his behavior and reactions to these actions.the baby builds the boundaries of this child. If you respond in the same way to his demand, which is served at different times, you will create … comfort for the child. The kid will understand: "Everything, no matter how hard I try, I will not get this toy, you can not invent anything." The clearer and more stable your reactions to certain actions are, the more firmly your baby will stand on his feet.
React calmly and be consistent. For example, if a child gets dirty, then you need to explain that you are unhappy, this is bad, you don’t need to do this anymore. When it gets dirty again, you should not say: "It's okay, it will dry, everything is fine," because your initial reaction was that it was bad, and the child does not understand which reaction is correct and, accordingly, will not understand how to react to it himself, because he copies his mother in everything.
The worst thing is that he realizes that he can cheat and get what he wants sooner or later by different methods. This is a dangerous conclusion. He can grow into an unprincipled egoist who only follows his "I want" and does not know the word "I can't".
Only clarity and consistency
Psychological boundaries of early age are established by a clear line of your behavior and your stable and unshakable reactions and attitudes to the same events at different times. They will give the baby a clear understanding of how he himself should behave and how to react. And it will be easier for him to live. And, of course, do not forget to give your baby yourlove by deeds, words, care, tenderness.
What is the cause of he althy boundary dysfunction?
Psychologists explain these violations by a person's incomplete awareness of his goals and desires in a certain situation, or by a person's general misunderstanding of his boundaries. Or when a person is aware of their limits, but cannot control them.
When forming psychological boundaries at preschool age, it is important to get honest reactions from the child. The right way to recognize and manage your boundaries is determined by the following feelings:
- self-compassion;
- disgust;
- anger.
If a child is blocked from experiencing these feelings for any reason, they may have trouble forming and managing their psychological boundaries.
Come from childhood
Did your parents often scold you as a child? That you didn’t show enough willpower that you didn’t succeed here or there and didn’t become the best here? Hence the lack of self-compassion, the poisonous repressed shame that signals that you don't meet some social standard. A lot of complexes appear, inventing non-existent pictures of oneself. In these cases, the psychological boundaries of a person do not work in his favor. He takes on something, although in fact it is beyond his reach. As a result, he does not cope and digs himself even deeper. Or vice versa, he does not believe in himself and does not take on those things that he can handle, losing in many waysnot receiving.
Disgust and anger are also powerful inner feelings that help build the right boundaries. By suppressing them, you deceive yourself, and your borders become not yours, which means that they will not be able to protect you.
Preschoolers
As a rule, today's kids attend kindergartens, as the vast majority of parents are busy with work. Correctly set psychological boundaries at the age of three to five years - during the period of younger preschool age - this is the most important thing that kindergarten can give. They can be achieved by plot-role-playing games, at this stage the baby's imagination is formed, and moral values are very well absorbed. Toddlers focus mainly on punishment, and they develop an understanding of what exactly should not be done.
In the period from five to seven years - at the stage of senior preschool age - it is necessary to continue to consolidate the past. The child has more balanced emotions, he begins to focus not on punishment, but on the praise of an adult - this is how awareness of oneself in this world begins.
At the age of seven, there is a turning point of crisis, when the child moves from the home comfort zone to the school environment with a lot of obligations, workload and stress. Therefore, properly built psychological boundaries of the child will help him succeed in school and in the ability to get along with peers and teachers.
The main thing for parents to remember is that any boundaries will work if the child lives in an atmosphere of absolute and unconditional love and feels it from parents.
