Love… How many sonnets have been written about it, how many songs have been composed, how many films, books and other works of art have been created. Yes, and in real life, each of us at least once in our lives, but experienced this painfully sweet feeling. Although, according to many psychologists, if love makes a person suffer and commit rash acts, then this is not love at all, but a kind of substitute - love or passion. True love is expressed in the fact that even if a loved one loves another, it does not hurt. On the contrary, there is a desire to be sincerely happy for both … and let them go in peace.
Just like a dream
In general, of course, it is not easy for a person in love to distinguish love from blind love. When two people are together, they feel good when they are filled with bright hopes, when they literally cannot breathe on each other, hardly any of them think about the difference.
And it certainly is. Falling in love can be compared to a dream, magical and pleasant. I wish it would never end, but, alas, this does not happen.
Awakening
"Love boat crashed oneveryday life," Mayakovsky sighed. Yes, this happens. It is only in books that lovers maintain a reverent attitude towards each other throughout their lives, in fact, everything is somewhat different. Even the strongest feelings sometimes cool down, and come in some way insight or awakening. Psychologists speak more categorically, calling this moment a period of crisis or "grinding in. "Alas, it is at this time that a woman can suddenly feel and understand that her beloved man loves another.
What happened?
The beautiful half of humanity asks itself this question more than once, furtively glancing in the mirror.
Everything seems to be in order: there are no extra centimeters at the waist, hair and inconspicuous makeup are present, the wardrobe, including the intimate one, is regularly updated. So why are alarm bells ringing in the mind every now and then? Why now and then come terrible thoughts that the guy you love loves another? And let the girlfriends offer to "score" and "not bathe" - who, if not us, should know and feel that the beloved and the only one has become completely different?
Changes
No, he still calls us on a date, still brings gifts, still invites us to a weekend somewhere out of town. It just seems that between the two lovers, who seemed to understand each other a few weeks ago at a glance, a wall has grown that is getting thicker and thicker.
Favoriteloves another - the woman understands, feeling that a little more, and this invisible wall will become so thick that she will hardly be heard, even if she tears her vocal cords. He becomes more and more irritable, more and more in need of privacy, and eventually he withdraws so much that she would rather spend the weekend alone than in the company of a man who acts as if he is doing his duty.
Guilty me…
"He loves another" - an unpleasant thought persistently beats in the mind, and, as is often the case during a neurosis, the more we drive it away from ourselves, the more it sticks to us. Eventually, we too become irritable, suspicious, and whiny.
A man, for whom, as you know, women's tears are like a rag for a bull, already feeling guilty, gets annoyed in response. Here is the quarrel. Last? Hardly. A man - a rational being, even burning with painful love for another woman, can torment himself and both ladies in love with him for years. As for his unfortunate passion, having told the tormentor everything she thinks, she painfully begins to look for flaws in herself. The most annoying thing is that, while it is not known who is a happy rival, it is impossible to understand what advantages she has and what should be changed in herself.
Search for solutions
When a loved one loves another and does not hide it, the most important thing is not to panic and not throw tantrums. Although, given that womenBeings are emotional, this is perhaps the most difficult thing. It should be remembered that since he is still here and has not gone anywhere, it is necessary to remain calm. It is necessary for both, because only in a calm state can an adequate solution be found. As for the unfaithful lover, without hearing screams and reproaches, without seeing tears and a swollen face that once seemed to him the most beautiful in the world, he will be able to put his thoughts and feelings in order and understand what he really wants.
The decision to definitely find out what the opponent is is not the best. Firstly, this is a waste of time, and secondly, without the skills of Hercule Poirot or Sherlock Holmes, it is quite difficult not to make a mistake and not give yourself away during surveillance. And yes, it's a distance. If a loved one loves another girl, he turns into a real jealous in relation to his own person and carefully guards his personal space. If a mobile phone left on the edge of the table is moved a millimeter to the side, this may not cause unpleasant questions like: "Did you take it?" But the thought that in his short absence, a passion that clearly knows something, could either read incoming SMS messages or write out several numbers unfamiliar to her, flash through his head. And this means that the defense will be strengthened, the invisible wall will become wider, and on top of that, he will also dig a mental ditch.
What to do?
But some young ladies, despite the risk, still manage to recognize the "enemy" in person. So, when it becomes known that a loved one loves another, what to do is not entirely clear.
The whole strategy that was developed before the moment of truth is collapsing, hands are falling, and one wants to either kill both of them, or break with the traitor and traitor forever. Looking at them, happy, laughing, you absolutely do not want to go to the store for a new "outfit" that he will certainly like. I don’t want to change my hairstyle, I don’t want to improve in cooking: why, when next to him is she, who is not only younger or more beautiful, but just different…
By the way, a common mistake many women make is to assume that if a loved one loves another, she, this other, is certainly better in something. Yes, of course, sometimes it really happens that a man runs away from his passion to one that does not saw him, does not hang on him, does not require attention. But it is not uncommon for a previously tender and faithful friend to leave for another woman simply because she is completely different from his ex-lover. Unfortunately, there is hardly anything we can do to help. And it makes sense to return to the concepts of love and falling in love. If he really loved, he would hardly be drawn to the side in search of new sensations. If she truly loved, she would not have a desire to follow her beloved and torment him with her jealousy. Although, of course, to some extent, love is selfish.
Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way
When an unmarried couple breaks up, the breakup can be handled without too many complications. Yes itit hurts, but, in the end, it's not the end of the world, and is it worth holding on to a person who betrayed and trampled on bright feelings? And there is no guarantee that the homeowner will be happy with him. After all, as you know, the boomerang always comes back, and "who betrayed once - will betray again." Another thing is when a husband loves another.
Here, especially when there are children in the family, a real tragedy can happen. However, considering that life with a disgusted (yes, let's call a spade a spade) spouse, even for the sake of children, will not be a joy either for her, or for an unfaithful spouse, or, of course, children who feel that something is wrong at home, hardly it will benefit the latter. As practice shows, children growing up in a nervous environment, witnessing family quarrels, even in a complete family can acquire complexes and phobias. Therefore, wouldn’t it be better to either let your beloved spouse go free swimming, or invite him to live separately for some time? A man, no matter how much he is in love with another, is strongly attached to the family. It's genetic, and there's no getting around it. Having walked on the side, maybe even for more than one month, he will be able to appreciate the hearth and a benevolent wife, who, provided that she can understand and forgive, is always ready to take the prodigal husband back.
