There are many ways to listen to what other people are saying. Some prefer to perceive information in the form of a dialogue or discussion. That is, they actively participate in the conversation, periodically interrupt the interlocutors, give their assessment of what they heard, or voice "counter" ideas, even if they are not asked about it. Such a manner of perceiving information is often considered a sign of a lack of education, a manifestation of disrespect for the interlocutor and inattention to the topic of the conversation. Meanwhile, from the point of view of psychology, such a manner of communication indicates just the opposite.
In psychology, there are two types of communication style: active perception, or reflective, and non-reflective listening, that is, passive.
The more actively the interlocutor reacts, the more he is interested in the topic of conversation and is filled with emotional sympathy. In other words, reflective listening is a sign of participation and interest. Non-reflective listening, accordingly, speaks of unwillingnessa person to enter into a discussion or about his indifference to the topic of the conversation.
However, this is a very generalized representation. In some life situations, the lack of reflexes during communication is a necessity, for example, in the office of a psychotherapist. The doctor, communicating with the patient, practices precisely the non-reflective perception of information. Another example of the need for this kind of listening is behavior in a family or friendship conflict, when one of the parties simply waits for the more temperamental person to "let off steam." There are also special techniques that teach non-reflective listening. Accordingly, this way of perceiving information does not always indicate the alienation of the interlocutor or his lack of interest in the conversation.
What is this? Generalized definition
Every person, even if only superficially studying psychological disciplines, must have come across the following task during tests or examinations: "Indicate what the essence of non-reflective listening is." At first glance, there should not be any difficulties in its implementation. You should simply write or say the definition of this type of listening.
However, things are not as simple as they seem. There are three excellent detailed definitions of this concept. Therefore, when asked to “Specify what the essence of non-reflexive listening is”, explanations or additions to this wording are required. If there are none, then, as a rule, a superficial, generalized definition of this concept is voiced. It also gives an idea of the essence of this type of listening.
Non-reflective listening is a specific way of perceiving information and communication in which one person speaks and the other is silent.
How else is this concept interpreted?
This type of perception of information, when considered as a natural manner of listening to an interlocutor, is defined as a type of dialogue, which, of course, has its own characteristics.
Non-reflective perception of information in this case is defined as a passive-active type of listening, in which a person is not absent-minded, delves into the essence of what is being said, but he himself is silent, although he shows signs of auditory attention to the interlocutor.
In other words, the listener is interested in the topic of conversation and supports the speaker with facial expressions, gestures, short interjections or rare leading, clarifying questions. It is this natural kind of non-reflective way of perceiving information that formed the basis of professional listening techniques used by psychotherapists.
The second definition interprets the concept of "non-reflective listening" literally. The name comes from the Latin word reflexio, which is translated into Russian as "reflection". Thus, non-reflexive perception of information is nothing more than listening without understanding the meaning of speech or analyzing what is being said by the interlocutor. This type of listening is also used in professional communication techniques. He is indispensable when you have to listen to empty, meaningless chatter.
The third definition is this: non-reflexive perception is silentlistening to the information presented by a person, accompanied by the creation of conditions for the interlocutor to speak frankly, to the point. This type of listening involves encouraging the speaker, demonstrating attention, usually expressed in short remarks or interjections, in gestures and facial expressions. It is this type of non-reflective perception of information that is used in heart-to-heart conversations, on first dates, or when providing friendly support.
What are the features of this type of perception?
What is the peculiarity of non-reflective listening? It would seem that the answer to such a question lies on the surface, it is obvious from the definition of this concept. That is, a feature of this method of perceiving information is silent listening to the speech of the interlocutor. Without a doubt, this is true, and silence during a conversation is the main, indicative feature of the non-reflexive perception of the speech of another person.
However, this feature is not the only or unique feature of this way of listening. For example, when being at a lecture, the students are silent, and the teacher speaks. At first glance, there is a picture of non-reflexive perception of information. But this is not at all the case, since students are silent not of their own free will or in accordance with their nature and not out of discretion, but because these are the rules for being in a lecture.
That is, silent listening to the speaker does not in itself determine non-reflexive perception, is not its onlyfeature. This is just one of the distinguishing features of the way we are considering the way of receiving information.
So what's so special about non-reflective listening? The fact that this way of perceiving speech is a component of dialogue, a manner of maintaining a conversation. This manner can be characteristic of a person by nature, that is, be an integral part of his psychotype. But it can also be acquired artificially, in the course of learning to master it. Also, a non-reflective manner of perceiving the information presented by the interlocutor may be a forced necessity.
In any case, the non-reflexive kind of perception of another person's speech is the result of a voluntary choice or a combination of circumstances, emotional and psychological characteristics of the individual, but not a consequence of the rules. At first glance, this statement may seem to be contradictory. After all, psychotherapists use this manner of communication when they see patients. Isn't the choice of a non-reflective way of perceiving in this case the result of following the rules? It turns out not. Psychotherapy allows any manner of conducting a session. In other words, a specialist may well use active, effective listening, reflective. Non-reflective listening is a voluntary choice of the vast majority of professionals, since therapies based on it are the most effective, especially in psychoanalysis.
What are the rules for the technique of such a hearing?
Each way of communicating has its own rules and techniques to learn.
The non-reflective listening technique implies the following rules:
- no attempts to interfere with human speech;
- non-judgmental acceptance of the information presented by the interlocutor;
- focus on what is being said rather than one's own attitude to it.
When following these "three pillars", it is easy to master the non-reflective way of communication.
When is this way of listening appropriate? Examples of life situations
It is widely believed that the scope of non-reflective listening is psychology, all sorts of special trainings, and in ordinary life this way of perceiving information has no place. Such a belief is erroneous. There are quite a few situations in which this particular type of listening is appropriate in everyday life.
For example, if people are friends, communicate closely and one of them develops severe stress or depression, then, as a rule, this person needs a listener, not an adviser or criticism. In other words, a person only wants to complain about the “evil boss”, “stupid wife”, talk about how bad everything is in his life, and not listen to someone’s “valuable thoughts” or “practical advice”. That is, if a friend wants to pour out his soul, there is no need to try to explain to him how to get out of the current situation or show doubts about what was said, point out the advantages of the speaker's position. You should just listen.
No less frequent is the situation when women complain to their friends about their husbands or children. In this case, the desire of the speaker is the lamentation itself, andnot listening to assessments and opinions of girlfriends. Moreover, in such a conversation, exclusively non-reflexive, passive listening and rare consolatory phrases are appropriate, and even then, if any question is asked. If, for example, you agree with a woman who scolds her children or other family members, then you can face her indignation, resentment and simply lose a friend. And attempts to convince her otherwise and describe the positive qualities of those whom the woman criticizes will lead to a new round of complaints, making the conversation almost endless.
It is a mistake to believe that a professional non-reflective manner of perceiving information is the lot of only psychotherapists. Examples of non-reflective listening to a person in the line of duty can be found almost everywhere. Let's say the postman brought a pension to an elderly person's house. While the necessary documents are being filled out, the pensioner tells something, complains, reports on the economic situation in the country, or talks about something else. Of course, the postman is completely indifferent to this stream of chaotic information, but he is not able to silence the old man. The only way out is non-reflective listening. This method of communication effectively “works” in shops, bars, and hairdressers. In other words, an example of the professional practical application of this variant of information perception can be observed wherever forced communication with people takes place.
In what circumstances is this way of listening needed?
The essence of non-reflective listening is the lack ofactively participating in the conversation. Accordingly, this method of communication is appropriate in those circumstances in which a reflective type of listening is not required.
As a rule, just listening to the other person is required if he:
- wants to clarify his attitude to something or to indicate a political position, to tell about religion;
- strives to discuss acute, topical issues or family problems, conflicts at work;
- tries to complain or share joy.
In addition, non-reflective listening is necessary at work, and regardless of the field of human activity. For example, this type of communication is the best when it comes to conversations with managers, bosses. It also requires the ability to listen and negotiate. When it is important to understand the goals and intentions of business partners correctly, or to anticipate the methods that competitors will use, the ability to perceive information in a non-reflective way is very useful.
Can different types of listening be combined?
So, we have already figured out a little what non-reflective listening is. In practice, it all comes down to the silent perception of the words of the interlocutor, which means that it may well become a kind of "introductory stage" for any conversation.
As the only type of listening to the interlocutor, non-reflective communication is rarely used. As a rule, this happens when active forms of listening are inappropriate. For example, if one of the interlocutors wants to speak out or is toodepressed or, conversely, excited, an active manner of communication is unnecessary, you just need to listen. Also, one should not switch from a non-reflective manner of perceiving information to an active one when a conflict is likely to develop, for example, in the event of a brewing family scandal.
In other cases, non-reflective listening may well act as a prelude to active participation in the conversation. Moreover, a combination of reflexive and passive manners of perceiving information is usually used when conducting discussions, scientific disputes, or when discussing any issues that are relevant to people communicating with each other.
What is the execution technique?
The essence of the technique of non-reflexive manner of listening to the interlocutor lies in the ability to be silent, not to interrupt and not to voice a personal attitude to what is being said.
The technique of this way of perceiving information can be represented as a list of alternating types of reactions:
- willingness to listen;
- empathy expressed by facial expressions, posture, gestures;
- encouragement, demonstration of attention, manifested in short phrases, interjections and other options for participation (for example, you can add tea to the interlocutor).
The person who initiated and actively participated in the conversation ends.
What is meant by techniques?
The technique of non-reflective listening is a component of the technique of this manner of communication. These include:
- facial expressions;
- body postures;
- gesture;
- short lines andinterjections;
- actions of interest and participation;
- leading questions that fill in the gaps and provoke the continuation of the narrator's speech.
Since the listening person is silent most of the time of the conversation, the interlocutor is guided by the posture of his body, look, facial expression, and so on. Therefore, it is extremely important not only to learn not to interrupt the narrator and not to make judgments about what you hear, but also to control your postures, gestures and facial expressions.
What challenges might the listener face?
As a rule, when asked about the difficulties that someone who begins to master the art of non-reflective perception of information, the first thing that comes to mind is the need to restrain one's own verbal activity.
But the ability not to interrupt the interlocutor, not to insert value judgments into his story and not to express one's own point of view is far from the most difficult in the art of non-reflexive perception of another person's speech.
Listening to someone's story, the following difficulties lie in wait:
- loss of concentration, while the meaning of the interlocutor's speech escapes partially or completely;
- temporary "disconnection" from the content of the story, with such a reaction, part of what was said is simply not perceived;
- thinking, a kind of attempt to "mind reading".
Overcoming each of these varieties of difficulties can be much more difficult thanlearn not to interrupt the interlocutor.
Loss of concentration is a special state in which a person listens, but at the same time "hovers in the clouds." Often, with such a reaction, the listener loses the thread of the story, does not catch the sequence of the information given by the interlocutor. As a rule, such a reaction is typical for conversations on topics of little interest to the listener. But the listener can also reflexively lose attention to the content of the narrator's speech. For example, if the interlocutor repeats the same thing many times. This also happens in the case of monotony of speech, inexpressiveness of the story, the absence of emotional coloring in it.
Temporary "disconnection" of attention implies a complete "loss" of the listener from reality. That is, a person does not just miss any details of the story, he basically does not hear the speech of the interlocutor.
Thinking out often becomes a direct consequence of "switching off" from an ongoing conversation. After the listener's mind "turns on", the person realizes that he has missed most of the story and, accordingly, tries to present it. And this process inevitably leads to the fact that the listener begins to think for the narrator and subsequent speech episodes. In other words, begins to "read the mind" of the speaker, instead of just listening to him.
Of all the difficulties that lie in wait for one who masters the art of non-reflective listening, thinking out is the most dangerous. The presence of this reaction does not allow you to correctly understand the interlocutor. In other words, the listenercomes to any specific conclusions, based not on the words of the narrator, but on his own idea of the content of his speech.
