No regrets: recommendations and advice from a psychologist

2024 Author: Miguel Ramacey | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 06:11

People often wonder why one should never regret anything? This question is rather rhetorical, since a person experiences feelings and discomfort during pity. He tries to correct the situation, level it at his own discretion, but he cannot do anything and falls into some despondency. The motives for this feeling can be conscious and unconscious, controllable or go beyond reasonable limits. Experienced professionals helped to figure out when pity is needed and when it becomes destructive.

State of pity

Pity is a feeling that has both positive and negative meanings. In our country, almost the entire population is endowed with this property, with the rare exception of a small percentage of people. But there are many countries in which one cannot feel sorry for not only strangers, but also close people. This is regarded as humiliation or an invasion of personal space. Moreover, in this case, both the one who does it and the one who is pitied are in a losing position. From this we can conclude that such a feeling brings only suffering and trouble. This is partly true, if taken literally. But there are many alternatives that can improve the situation. This is compassion, respect for oneself or another person, caring and other concepts that can and should replace blind pity. In the most direct sense, it can sometimes be fatal, as it provokes inaction and panic.

Reasons

There are many thoughts on why nothing and no one should be spared in this life. Before approaching the answer to this question, it is necessary to deal with the reasons that provoke the emergence of this feeling. The main factors are:

1. Excessive pity on the part of the parents. If a child was too pitied and spoiled in childhood, he will grow up self-centered. He will definitely have a sense of self-pity, and he will not be able to cope with even the most minimally extraordinary situation.
2. Lack of pity from parents. This is the second extreme, when the child did not see affection and care, as a result of which he grew up too compassionate towards others.
3. Desperate situation. For example, parting with a loved one or confronting a stronger opponent. A person cannot change the course of events, because he loses to circumstances in all respects.
4. Physical pain. In this case, the person inevitably feels sorry foryourself.
5. Injustice, resentment. These experiences can be a source of pity for yourself and others.

Signs

Situations are common when a person concludes that one should never regret anything. But it doesn't always work out the way you want. There are symptoms and signs that you want to get rid of as soon as possible, but there is not always enough strength for this. The following manifestations of pity are present in a person:

1. Tears. This is the most common symptom, which is sometimes difficult to cope even with the stronger sex (for example, the death of a loved one is experienced in this way).
2. Bad mood. Nothing pleases a person, because his thoughts are occupied with one problem.
3. Apathy. Absolute indifference and unwillingness to do what you love and communicate with people is a sign of pity (for yourself or other people).
4. Diseases and ailments. Excessive experiences that this feeling causes can provoke a number of minor or serious diseases.

To other people

The reasoning that you can't feel sorry for people is wrong. In order to understand this, we must consider the original part of this feeling. Each person proceeds from his life priorities, which are placed in favor of good or evil. Delving into the situation of another person, we project it onto ourselves, thereby experiencing a feeling of pity for ourselves.

There is a desire to console (do not takecertain steps to normalize the situation, namely to regret), hoping for similar actions in their address if a personal problem arises. For example, a single woman will feel sorry for a friend who was abandoned by a loved one. An unemployed person will be sympathetic to a friend who has been made redundant. But pity is not always necessary and constructive. Sometimes it is disguised as gloating, hatred or selfish intent, and sometimes such a feeling becomes the cause of troubles of an even greater scale.

To myself

Experienced professionals are trying to convey to people the truth about why you can not feel sorry for yourself. This feeling is a bad habit that prevents a person from maintaining confidence, getting into difficult life situations. People stop struggling with difficulties, fall into panic and despair, become absolutely helpless in the face of circumstances. Many even stop fulfilling their direct duties (for example, feel sorry for themselves and sleep longer instead of showing up for work on time).

A person who constantly feels sorry for himself enters into this image and gets used to it. He has no joys in life, except for always complaining about fate. He rarely experiences real happiness, because he does not receive true pleasure from it. He experiences real pleasure only when he is pitied. That is why in all, even the most positive aspects, such a person is looking for the negative in order to get his portion of sympathy.

To circumstances

It's safe to say that you can't regret the past. The classic expression “what has passed will be nice” should be taken literally. Negative aspects always fade into the background, and a person remembers only the best, so there is no point in regretting the experience. You can briefly immerse yourself in pleasant memories, draw reasonable conclusions from past experiences, but not torment yourself with regrets. Similar recommendations can be given about today's events. There is no need to regret that you missed the train or plane, did not turn in the report on time, or treated your loved one rudely.

It's worth drawing conclusions or just holding back your emotions. There is nothing to regret, because this path leads to further defeats. Sometimes people know for sure that they will regret what they have done, but they act contrary to their logic. Then they simply shrug their shoulders, demonstrate their readiness for such a result and begin to mourn themselves (sometimes figuratively, and in some cases literally).

Benefit

Pity is no less useful than its absence. It would be erroneous to think that you can never feel sorry for yourself, because in some cases this saves you from imminent trouble. A person must take care of himself if they begin to manipulate him, shift his problems, force him to make decisions for other people. You need to feel sorry for yourself if you have to work very hard without rest, limit yourself to wholesome food or deprive yourself of simple earthly joys. In this case, such a feeling will be appropriate and useful, since a person in his mindshould be your priority.

The benefits of compassion are manifested if you moderately feel sorry for your child. For example, when the baby fell and hit hard. The pity of the parents in this case is a demonstration of their love for him, his support, support and reassurance. So the child begins to understand that you need to do similar things, also come to the rescue when required.

The benefits of pity are very great for adults too. There are many cases when a person does not need help, but looks forward to a feeling of compassion (especially in the first moments of grief, when simple comfort and support is needed). It is necessary to feel sorry within reasonable limits for everyone: children, the elderly, sick and he althy people, animals, plants, nature.

Harm

Such a feeling can bring a lot of harm, because you can not regret thoughtlessly and immensely, without objectively assessing the situation. In no case is it recommended to constantly feel sorry for children, protecting them from any danger. For example, parents do not allow the kid to walk in the yard, because there are dangerous swings, hard asph alt, sometimes cars drive by and ill-mannered children walk. At home, the child also does nothing, because cleaning will seem too hard for him, and cooking or needlework will be dangerous. Such people feel sorry for their baby and try to protect him from all possible troubles. But this feeling is fatal, because it does not allow a growing person to get in touch with the reality and truth of life. He can't handle the hardshipson his own and become completely helpless when left alone.

The harm from compassion can be felt by adults too. For example, when a person is pitied and assured that the situation will resolve itself, at a time when it is necessary to act. Being in a state close to shock, the victim (in a moral or physical sense) relies on a person who pities him. But when time is lost, you have to pay for your inaction.

Advice from psychologists

Psychologists insist that one should not feel sorry for people and oneself too much, as this can lead to sad consequences. Do not abuse this feeling if it contributes to the weakening of the individual. In relation to other people, priorities should always be placed in your favor. No need to take on other people's problems, experience negative situations on an equal footing with the person to whom they are addressed. In this case, both parties will suffer: the one who is pitied will be disappointed in his hopes, and the one who does this will take on an overwhelming burden of negative energy.

Everything should be in moderation, and pity must be present, as it is the main form of kindness.