In the psychology of communication, it is important for a person to realize his own significance - when they are interested in him, listen carefully, want to understand. The interaction of people in society is based on politeness and the basics of etiquette.
One of the new trends in communication skills is the technology of active listening. Its essence lies in a benevolent attitude towards the interlocutor, the desire to understand him. Interest is the main technique of active listening. Knowledge of technology will help to gain the trust of the interlocutor, to get detailed information from him.
In dealing with children, active listening will allow you to better understand the fears and experiences of the child. He will learn to overcome his problems on his own. Parents and children will become more attentive and tolerant of each other. This will create harmonious relationships in the family.
Listening
During communication, it is important not only to speak expressively, competently, but also to be able to listen to the interlocutor. For mutual understanding with your counterpart, this is of great importance. To be able to listen means to perceive the flowinformation from the narrator. The level of human culture will allow you to politely listen to the interlocutor, tactfully refrain from harsh statements, dismissive facial expressions.
The ability to listen depends on the type of personality, intelligence, communication culture, age, gender. Scientists have proven that women are emotional while listening, inattentive, often interrupting the interlocutor with their own stories. Men, on the other hand, are able to listen to the information to the end, mentally looking for ways to solve it.
Many jobs involve listening. These are sellers, hairdressers, massage therapists, psychologists, doctors, teachers, administrators, consultants. Efficiency and a culture of listening are essential to business communication. There are special techniques that contribute to the perception of information. Active listening will help support the interlocutor, show the significance of his story.
Types of listening
Psychologists and communication researchers distinguish 4 types of listening.
Empathic listening. This is the ability to read the feelings, emotions of the speaker. The ability to imagine yourself in the place of the interlocutor, to empathize with him. Empathic listening is effective if the counterpart or their information evokes positive emotions.
Critical listening. This is a targeted analysis of the information received. Her critical perception, understanding. Such listening is effective for making responsible decisions. It allows you to weigh the pros and cons, agree or disagree with the interlocutor.
Passive (non-reflective) listening. This kindused when the interlocutor needs to speak out. It implies minimal interference with the counterpart's monologue.
Active (reflexive) listening. This is the maximum establishment of feedback with the interlocutor. Active listening helps to win over the interlocutor. Allows you to influence his point of view. The reception of active listening indicates elementary politeness, attention to the words of the interlocutor.
What is active listening?
Active listening is the semantic perception of information. This communication skill allows you to concentrate on the conversation, clarify details, ask again. With the help of this technology, the interlocutor feels the need for his information, the interest of others in it.
The ability to conduct a conversation, to perceive and understand the words of the speaker is possible only with a benevolent attitude. Active listening, its techniques and techniques contribute to the development of trusting relationships between interlocutors. It is a skill and an art that can take years to master.
The inability to establish a dialogue, the alienation of people make active listening technology in demand. This process consists of several steps.
Basic steps in active listening
- Sincere interest in a person, a desire to help him.
- Attention to the emotional state of the interlocutor.
- The ability to temporarily discard critical judgment, try to put yourself in the place of the speaker.
- Create a favorable environment forinterlocutor, stimulating him to independently search for a solution to the situation.
Hinder active listening
During listening, a person encounters certain difficulties that interfere with the perception of information.
Internal interference is one's own thoughts, experiences. They interfere with perception, forcing one to concentrate on one thought or a whole set of thoughts. A dreamy or sleepy state also interferes with active listening.
External interference - irritants that make you distract from the conversation. This may be the inability of the interlocutor to convey information (incoherence and slurring of speech, its pace and volume), strangers or distracting noises (telephone, repair work, traffic sounds).
Active listening. Its types and techniques
Active listening technique is conditionally divided into 2 types: male and female.
The masculine form of active listening is more about business communication skills. The correct presentation of information, its understanding and analysis is important here. Therefore, in the active listening of the male species, clarifying questions are most often heard: “where”, “how much”, “when”, “for what”, “how”.
Female type of active listening focused on feelings and emotions. It is not so much the accuracy of the information that is important, but the attitude towards it or the interlocutor. This allows you to take the place of a counterpart, to feel his mood, feelings.
During communication, you should pay attention to the words of the interlocutor, try to understand him. This will allow you to choose the rightAppropriate active listening skills. These include encouragement, repetition, reflection, generalization. They will help to better understand the narrator, will promote sympathy between the interlocutors.
Active Listening Techniques
The main techniques of active listening are the desire to catch the essence of the interlocutor's speech, if possible help him. Mastery of these methods is achieved through constant training. Active listening techniques include:
- encouragement. It lies in the interest, the expressed desire to listen to the interlocutor. At this stage, goodwill is important, the absence of evaluative opinions;
- repetition. It consists in clarifying questions, repeating phrases of the speaker. Verbal concentration on the main points of the conversation;
- reflection. It consists in understanding the emotions of the interlocutor. At this stage, you can copy in moderate doses the facial expressions or gestures of the interlocutor, thus expressing interest and complete mutual understanding;
is a generalization. It consists in summarizing the speech of the interlocutor. This is the concentration on the main idea of all that has been said and the selection of a compromise.
Examples of active listening
With regular use, it is easy to remember the basic techniques of active listening. Examples for training are encouraging and clarifying questions, sympathetic acknowledgment and head nodding.
Encouragement of the interlocutor allows you to tune in to the conversation. Non-verbal methods can be used here (smiling, nodding, friendlysight). In addition to them - verbal. These are the words "uh-huh", "please continue", "I'm listening to you carefully", "how interesting".
Repetition is best phrased as a question. Then it will be easier for the interlocutor to point out the mistake and voice his own version of the phrase. These are the questions “Do I understand you correctly?”, “Did you mean to say this?”, “In other words…”.
Reflection is the ability to understand what is difficult to convey in words. Subtext can be read in facial expressions, voice modulation, increased or decreased intonation. These are the words “you are alarmed”, “you feel that…”, “it seems to you that…”.
Summarizing or resolving a problem slips several times during a conversation. An experienced interlocutor will definitely sum up, thereby making it clear that he listened carefully to the narrator and understood his main idea. These are the words “I think I understand what you wanted to say …”, “it seems that the most important thing here is …”, “if I understand correctly, you experienced …”, “in general, you decided that …”.
Active listening questions
During the conversation, you should not be distracted, but you should try to understand the essence of the interlocutor's speech. Find out what he wants to say and why. Clarifying questions need to be asked in a timely manner. They will help you quickly understand the interlocutor.
Open questions require a detailed answer. The more there are, the more information will be received. These are “how”, “how”, “how much”, “why”, “what for”.
Closed questions require a short, definitive yes or no answer. It does not followabuse them - they create an atmosphere of interrogation. They are best used at the end of a conversation to find out the state of the interlocutor. Did you manage to come to an agreement with him, come to one decision.
Alternative questions consist of two parts. The first part is an open question. The second part is two or more answers. The interlocutor is given the opportunity to choose the desired option.
Mistakes in technology application
Techniques of active listening in psychology contribute to the full building of relationships in society. Therefore, obvious mistakes in communication should be avoided.
- Distraction from the conversation, reaction to external stimuli, own thoughts.
- Making up answers or arguments tends to lose the essence of the conversation.
- Instructions, criticism and moralization (“I told you…”) will only push the interlocutor to stop talking.
- "Parrot" phrases or copying the words of the speaker create the illusion of understanding. A shrewd person will guess that they are not listening.
- You can not interrupt, finish the phrase for the interlocutor. It's better to let him form his own thought.
- Reducing the conversation to pointless polemics.
- Concentrate on yourself, translating all the words of the interlocutor to your situations ("and I had it like that…").
Active listening with your child
In childhood, it is important to know that parents understand the experiences of the child. It is sometimes difficult for him to put into words all that he feels. Attentive parents should help the child to correctly explain their condition, to clearly talk aboutevent.
Children's active listening techniques are an aid in voicing feelings and emotions. Parents should not only understand the child, but also learn to empathize with him, support him. This will bring together and strengthen family relationships. Teach your child not to be afraid of negative feelings, to cope with them. Will lead to mutual active listening: parents - child, child - parents.
Father and mother should learn the types of listening. Techniques of active listening of children consist in their demonstration. It is necessary to show the baby that they want to listen and help.
- In a conversation with a child, you should be on the same level with him, eye to eye. Postpone everything, do not talk to him from different rooms. Show the importance of dialogue with a friendly look.
- Try to combine the meaning of the child's words with his feelings. This will help you sort out the situation. Prefer the affirmative form (not a question) in describing the internal state of the child. “You are upset because…”, “You are angry because…”
- Pause for the child to gather his thoughts and continue the conversation.
- Repeat in your own words the main idea of the child. So it will become clear to him that his parents heard and understood him.
- Do not leave the child alone with his fears, problems, experiences.
Recommendations for a bad listener
It also happens that you should get rid of the interlocutor as soon as possible. The reasons can be different: from unwillingness to communicate with a specific person to unwillingnesslisten to long monologues. Based on active listening techniques, an alternative technology can be created. With its help, the interlocutor will feel unwillingness to communicate with him. What concepts do not apply to active listening techniques?
- Silence, lack of emotional reaction to words, ignoring the interlocutor.
- Permanent question-to-question answers.
- Scornful posture, facial expressions.
- Interrupting the interlocutor, switching to your personal topics.
- During a conversation, be distracted by phone calls, do other things.
- Sharply criticize the interlocutor, immediately pointing out his mistakes and miscalculations.
This alternative technique should not be used all the time. People need communication and empathy. Only in rare exceptions should you remember what concepts do not apply to active listening techniques. It is best to politely explain that the counterpart has chosen the wrong time for a conversation. Try to avoid annoying interlocutors, giving preference to positive people.
Recommendations for a good listener
Basic active listening techniques promote positive interpersonal communication. With their help, the interlocutor will feel attention to his words, experiences. Knowing the techniques and the ability to use them will create a sense of self-worth in the counterpart, which will help to come to a consensus faster.
- You should not interrupt, interrupt a person. This active listening technique will allow you to bring the main idea to the end.
- Afterquestion, be sure to wait for the interlocutor's answer, do not answer for him.
- Maintain eye contact, turn to face the speaker.
- Get feedback, ask questions, nod.
- You should not immediately refute the information you hear. First, delve into the essence of the conversation, understand the motives of the interlocutor.
- Do not give in to the speaker's aggression. Patience and calmness try to level it.
