Each parent, raising his child, does not have a soul in him. The child reciprocates, but until a certain time. At some point, the child moves away from its ancestor. The conflict of fathers and children is an eternal theme. It is impossible to avoid it. But this problem, like any other, is completely solvable. It is enough to find the necessary information, and the conflict between fathers and children will no longer seem insoluble.
What is the conflict
At some point, this conflict is the main problem in family relationships. Parents clutch their heads, not knowing what to do with a rebellious child. All words and actions that were previously effective, at this stage, are completely useless. The child is ready to explode for any reason, he reacts negatively to all proposals from his ancestors. As a result, parents and children quarrel. This can lead to very sad consequences (hunger strike, leaving home, suicide). Even temporary alienation can dramatically change the relationship between relatives. If a"cold notes" in the child's behavior are already noticeable, which means it's time to take certain measures.
Reasons for misunderstanding between parents and children
Misunderstanding can arise due to a number of reasons. Most of the time it's the parent's fault. After all, he is much older and, accordingly, more experienced and wiser. Many conflicts can be easily avoided. But adults resist, try to maintain their usual position, so they raise their voice to the child and even raise their hand to him. Naturally, the child goes on the counterattack and shows his character not from the best side.
Causes of the conflict
Conflict between fathers and children most often occurs for the following reasons:
- Problems at school. Poor academic performance of the child, teachers' complaints of bad behavior, absolute unwillingness to do homework.
- Order in the house. Its non-observance becomes a reason for quarrels between a parent and a child of almost any age.
- Lie. Moms and dads are extremely unhappy with children's lies. Every child has lied to their parents at least once. After the truth "comes out", another scandal occurs.
- Noise. Children are naturally mobile, so they make a lot of noise (TV sound, loud music, screaming and audio toys).
- Disrespectful attitude towards the older generation. This behavior angers the parents, so they scold the child.
- Demanding gifts. Every parent faces this problem. child knowsonly the word “I want”, so the unacquired thing becomes a reason for resentment on the part of the child.
- Communication circle. Friends of a teenager very often arouse suspicion of both father and mother. They are trying to convey this dissatisfaction to the child, who does not want to hear anything about it.
- Appearance. Untidy appearance, modern style of dress and the taste of a child very often become a cause of conflict.
- Pets. A quarrel arises either due to insufficient care of the child for his pet, or because of his extreme desire to take possession of him.
Conflict through the eyes of a child
The conflict between parents and children most often occurs when the latter begins adolescence. This is an incredibly difficult time for both mom and dad, and for the child himself. The child begins to adjust his character, based on the beliefs of friends, high school students, but not parents. He learns this world from the other side, actively develops physically and begins to be interested in the opposite sex. But, despite the "adult" appearance, the psycho-emotional state of a teenager is very unstable. A carelessly thrown word can develop a number of complexes.
The child becomes nervous and closed. He tries to avoid the company of his parents, instead devotes more time to his friends or prefers to remain alone, shutting himself in his room. Any criticism is rejected immediately. The teenager becomes rude, begins to raise his voice to his father and mother. He has frequentmood changes. If the conflict has reached a critical point, then there may be attempts to leave the child from home or deliberate self-mutilation.
Conflict through the eyes of parents
The line of behavior of the parents also does not differ in its originality. The reaction can be divided into maternal and paternal.
Moms react more gently, but more often they are the cause of quarrels. In an effort to become the best friend for her child, the parent surrounds the child with excessive attention. Opinion is imposed on any issue, from appearance to preferences in music and films. This irritates the child and leads to conflict.
Paternal reaction is somewhat different. Dad is the breadwinner in the family. Therefore, he tries to instill in the child such concepts as hard work, the value of things and for the benefit of the family. A teenager, due to his age, does not understand this and reacts negatively to his father's upbringing.
What should I do if a parent-child conflict still occurs?
Urgent action needs to be taken. There are several solutions for this:
- Calm conversation in a narrow circle. At the family council, each participant in the conflict should be listened to. In no case should you raise your voice and interrupt the interlocutor. It is also undesirable to ask questions while the opponent is speaking. Such a dialogue almost always has a positive result.
- List of rules. All family members share responsibilities among themselves and the rules of conduct in the house. All itemsdiscussed jointly rather than appointed by the head of the household (or a rebellious teenager).
- Admit wrong. The parent does not like to do this, but this step helps the teenager to meet halfway.
Advice from a psychologist
Fathers and sons - a generational conflict familiar to everyone. But it can and should be avoided. To do this, just follow the following tips:
- you should accept the child as he is, you should not impose your tastes and preferences on him;
- it is strictly forbidden to raise your voice at a child;
- it is not permissible to reproach a child with his achievements;
- punishing a teenager should be done carefully, without taking harsh measures;
- you need to be interested in the life of a child carefully, as if by chance;
- do not forget about sentiments (hugs and kisses), but their number should be controlled;
- you need to constantly praise the child and focus on his positive features;
- you can't force a teenager to do something, you should ask him.
And, most importantly, do not forget that each person is individual and has his own path and his own destiny.
The eternal conflict of fathers and children in literature
As already mentioned, this problem is by no means new. The conflict between parents and children is covered by many classics of Russian literature. The most striking example is the novel by I. S. Turgenev "Fathers and Sons", in which the conflict of generations is described extremely vividly. D. I. Fonvizin wrote the wonderful comedy "Undergrowth", A. S. Pushkin - the tragedy "Boris Godunov", A. S. Griboedov - "Woe from Wit". This problem interests more than one generation. Literary works on this topic are only confirmation of the eternity of the existing conflict and its inevitability.
The issue of generations is unpleasant for both parties. You should not close yourself in a shell and hope for a time that will resolve the conflict between fathers and children. It is worth making concessions, being softer and more attentive. And then the children and parents will have an incredibly warm and trusting relationship.
