In any human relationship, there are disagreements from time to time. And at work, and in the family, and in relationships between lovers, conflict situations occur. Many people experience them quite painfully. And absolutely in vain. You need to learn how to properly relate to such situations and know how to competently resolve the conflict.
Psychologists advise to treat conflict situations positively - as an opportunity to clarify and even modify relationships.
Learning to resolve conflicts
When a conflict arises, be sure to let your partner let off steam: try to listen to all his claims calmly and patiently, without interrupting or commenting. In this case, the internal tension will decrease both for you and for your opponent.
After the emotions are thrown out, you can offer to substantiate the claims. At the same time, it is necessary to monitor the situation so that the opposite side of the conflict does not again switch from a constructive discussion of problems to an emotional one. If this happens, you need to tactfully guide the debater to intellectual conclusions.
Turn out the negativepartner's emotions can be done by giving him a sincere compliment or by reminding him of something good and pleasant from the common past.
Respectful attitude towards the opponent is a prerequisite for how to resolve the conflict correctly. It will impress even an extremely angry person. If, in such a situation, the partner is offended, personalized, it will definitely not be possible to resolve the conflict.
What to do if the opponent failed to restrain himself and switched to shouting? Do not break into reciprocal abuse!
If you feel guilty about the conflict yourself, do not be afraid to apologize. Remember that only smart people can do this.
Some methods of behavior in a conflict situation
There are several tried and tested tricks on how to resolve conflict.
Trick 1. Try to imagine yourself as a commentator watching an argument. Look at the conflict as if from the outside, and above all - at yourself.
Mentally fence yourself off with an impenetrable cap or bulletproof vest - you will immediately feel that the taunts and unpleasant words of your opponent seem to break against the barrier you have set up, and no longer hurt so sharply.
Seeing from the position of a commentator what qualities you lack in a conflict, endow yourself with them in your imagination and continue the argument as if you have them.
If you do this regularly, the missing qualities will indeed appear.
Trick 2. How to resolve the conflict between the disputants? This very simple technique often helps not only to relieve tension, but evenavoid confrontation. You just need to move away or move away from the enemy. The closer the conflicting parties are physically, the stronger the intensity of passions.
Trick 3. Surprise your opponent at the moment of conflict with a non-standard phrase or joke. It's just a great way to resolve conflict. It is difficult to swear at a person who is set to joke!
Trick 4. If it is absolutely clear that the interlocutor deliberately provokes a conflict, offends and simply does not give a chance to answer, in such a situation it is better to leave, saying that you do not want to continue the conversation in this tone. Better move it "to tomorrow".
Taking time out will calm you down, give you a break to find the right words. And the person who provoked the quarrel will lose his confidence during this time.
What should not be allowed in a conflict
Good self-control is the key to a successful exit from a conflict situation.
You need to learn to control your emotions and stay calm. In case of conflict with partners or clients, it is strictly prohibited:
- irritable tone and swearing;
- clear demonstration of one's own superiority;
- criticism of the opponent;
- searching for negative intentions in his actions;
- disclaiming responsibility, blaming everything on the partner;
- ignoring the interests of the opponent;
- exaggerating one's role in the common cause;
- pressure on “pain spots”.
The best way to get out of conflict is not to bring it up
PsychologistsIt is advised to treat conflict as a positive factor. If at the very beginning of building relationships, noticing conflict points, not hushing them up, you can stop serious quarrels in the bud.
We must try to "put out the fire" even before it flared up. Therefore, the best way to resolve the conflict is not to bring it to it. Indeed, in life there are already many difficulties, and nerve cells will still come in handy.
Often the cause of confrontation is the accumulation of unspoken negativity. A person is annoyed by something in the behavior of a colleague or simply infuriated by some habit of a loved one, but he does not know how to say this so as not to spoil the relationship. Therefore, he is patient and silent. The effect is just the opposite. The accumulated irritation sooner or later spills out in an uncontrolled form, which can lead to a serious conflict. Therefore, it is very important not to bring to a “boiling point”, but to calmly and tactfully express your claims as soon as they arise.
When not to avoid conflict
But there are times when you should not avoid a conflict situation, because it is she who will help solve the problem. You can consciously go into conflict if:
- need to defuse the situation by finding out what is sore with a loved one;
- there is a need to end the relationship;
- to yield to your opponent means for you to betray your ideals.
But you need to remember that intentionally going into conflict, you need to sort things out intelligently.
Memo "How competentlyresolve the conflict"
To get out of the conflict situation as quickly as possible and with the least losses, we offer the following sequence of actions.
1. First of all, the existence of conflict must be recognized. We must not allow a situation where people feel opposition and act according to their chosen tactics, but do not openly talk about it. It will not be possible to resolve such a conflict without a joint discussion of the parties.
2. Having recognized the conflict, it is necessary to agree on negotiations. They can be either face to face or with the participation of an intermediary that suits both parties.
3. Determine what exactly constitutes the subject of confrontation. As practice shows, the parties to the conflict often see the essence of the problem differently. Therefore, it is necessary to find common ground in understanding the dispute. Already at this stage, it is important to determine whether convergence of positions is possible.
4. Develop several solutions, considering all possible consequences.
5. After considering all options, settle on one that suits both parties. Record the decision in writing.
6. Implement a solution. If this is not done immediately, the conflict will only deepen, and it will be much more difficult to re-negotiate.
We hope that our advice will help you, if not to avoid conflicts, then get out of them with dignity.
