Unfortunately, people do not always manage to peacefully resolve all disputes and misunderstandings. Very often, completely out of nowhere, interpersonal conflict arises. What is the reason and why is this happening? What are the ways to resolve interpersonal conflicts? Is it possible to avoid them and live a lifetime without conflict with anyone?
What is conflict?
Conflict is one of the ways to resolve problems and contradictions that arise as a result of interaction between individuals or groups of people. At the same time, it is accompanied by negative emotions and behavior that goes beyond the norms accepted in society.
During the conflict, each of the parties takes and defends the opposite position in relation to each other. None of the opponents wants to understand and accept the opinion of the opponent. The conflicting parties can be not only individuals, but also social groups and states.
Interpersonal conflict and its features
If interests andthe goals of two or more people in a particular case diverge, and each side tries to resolve the dispute in its favor, an interpersonal conflict arises. An example of such a situation is a quarrel between a husband and wife, a child and a parent, a subordinate and a boss. This type of conflict is the most common and the most frequently occurring.
Interpersonal conflict can occur both between well-known and constantly communicating people, and between those who see each other for the first time. At the same time, the relationship is clarified by opponents face to face, through a personal dispute or discussion.
Stages of interpersonal conflict
Conflict is not just a dispute between two participants, arising spontaneously and unexpectedly. It is a process consisting of several stages, gradually developing and gaining momentum. The causes of interpersonal conflicts can sometimes accumulate for quite a long time before they turn into open confrontation.
At the first stage, the conflict is hidden. At this time, conflicting interests and views are only brewing and forming. At the same time, both parties to the conflict believe that their problem can be solved through negotiations and discussions.
At the second stage of the conflict, the parties realize that it will not be possible to overcome their contradictions peacefully. There is a so-called tension that grows and gains strength.
The third stage is characterized by the beginning of active actions: disputes, threats, insults, the spread of negative information about the enemy, the search for allies and like-minded people. However, between the participantsmutual hostility, hatred, anger accumulates.
The fourth stage is the process of resolving interpersonal conflicts. It can end with reconciliation of the parties or a break in relations.
Types of interpersonal conflicts
There are many classifications of interpersonal conflicts. They are divided according to the severity, duration of the course, scale, form of manifestation, and expected consequences. Most often, the types of interpersonal conflicts differ in the reasons for their occurrence.
The most common is a conflict of interest. It occurs when people have opposite plans, goals, intentions. An example is the following situation: two friends cannot agree on how to spend their time. The first wants to go to the cinema, the second just wants to take a walk. If neither of them wants to make concessions to the other, and an agreement fails, a conflict of interest may arise.
The second type is value conflicts. They can arise in cases where participants have different moral, ideological, religious ideas. A striking example of this type of confrontation is the conflict of generations.
Role conflicts are the third type of interpersonal confrontation. In this case, the cause is violations of the usual norms of behavior and rules. Such conflicts can occur, for example, in an organization when a new employee refuses to accept the rules established by the team.
Causes of interpersonal conflicts
Amongreasons that provoke conflicts, in the first place is the limited resources. It can be, for example, one TV or computer for the whole family, a certain amount of money for bonuses that needs to be divided among all employees of the department. In this case, one person can only achieve his goal by infringing on the other.
The second cause of conflict is interdependence. It can be a connection of tasks, powers, responsibilities and other resources. So, in an organization, project participants may begin to blame each other if, for some reason, it was not possible to implement it.
Conflicts can be provoked by differences in goals, views, ideas about certain things, in the manner of behavior and communication. In addition, the personal characteristics of a person can become the cause of confrontations.
Interpersonal conflicts in the organization
Practically all people spend most of their time at work. In the course of performing duties, disputes and contradictions often arise between employees. Conflicts in interpersonal relationships that occur in organizations very often slow down the company's activities, worsen the overall result.
Conflicts in organizations can occur both between employees holding the same position, and between subordinates and superiors. The reasons for the occurrence of conflicts can be different. This is the shifting of responsibilities to each other, and the feeling of unfair treatment of management, and the dependence of the result of employees on each other.
Provoking a conflict in an organization can be not only disagreements about working moments, but also problems in communication, personal hostility between colleagues. Most often, the confrontation can be eliminated by employees on their own through negotiations. Sometimes the management of interpersonal conflicts is taken over by the head of the organization, he finds out the causes and tries to resolve the problems that have arisen. It happens that the case may end with the dismissal of one of the conflicting parties.
Interpersonal conflicts of spouses
Family life involves the constant solution of all kinds of everyday problems. Very often, spouses cannot find agreement on certain issues, resulting in interpersonal conflict. An example of this: the husband returned from work too late, the wife did not have time to cook dinner, the husband scattered dirty socks around the apartment.
Material problems significantly aggravate conflicts. Many domestic quarrels could be avoided if each family had enough funds. The husband does not want to help his wife wash the dishes - we will buy a dishwasher, there is a dispute over which channel we will watch - it does not matter, we will take another TV. Unfortunately, not everyone can afford this.
Each family chooses its own strategy for resolving interpersonal conflicts. Someone quickly concedes and goes to reconciliation, some can live for a long time in a state of quarrel and not talk to each other. It is very important that dissatisfaction does not accumulate, the spouses find a compromise, and all problems are resolved as quickly as possible.
Interpersonal conflicts of people of different generations
The conflict of "fathers and sons" can be considered in a broad and narrow sense. In the first case, it occurs within a single family, while in the second it is projected onto the whole society as a whole. This problem has existed at all times, it is not new for our century either.
The conflict of generations is due to the difference in views, worldview, norms and values of young people and people of more mature age. However, this difference need not provoke conflict. The reason for the struggle of generations is the unwillingness to understand and respect the interests of each other.
The main features of interpersonal conflicts of generations are that they are much longer in nature and do not develop in certain stages. They can periodically subside and flare up again with renewed vigor in the event of a sharp infringement of the interests of the parties.
In order for your family not to be affected by the conflict of generations, you must constantly show respect and patience for each other. Old people should often remember that they were once young and did not want to listen to advice, and young people should not forget that in many years they will also become old.
Is it possible to live your whole life without conflict with anyone?
Few people like the constant swearing and quarrels. Many people would dream of living without ever having conflict with anyone. However, this is currently not possible in our society.
Starting from early childhood, a person is in conflict with others. For example, the kids did not share toys, the child did notobeys parents. In adolescence, generational conflict often comes first.
Throughout our lives, we have to periodically defend our interests, prove our case. At the same time, conflicts cannot be avoided. We can only reduce the number of conflicts to a minimum, try not to succumb to provocations and avoid quarrels without good reasons.
Rules of conduct in a conflict situation
When a conflict arises, both participants want to resolve it as soon as possible, while achieving their goals and getting what they want. How should one behave in this situation in order to get out of it with dignity?
First you need to learn to separate the attitude towards the person with whom there was a disagreement, from the problem itself, which needs to be solved. Do not start insulting your opponent, get personal, try to behave with restraint and calmness. Argument all your arguments, try to put yourself in the place of the enemy and invite him to take your place.
If you notice that you are starting to lose your temper, invite your interlocutor to take a break to calm down and cool down a bit, and then continue to sort things out. To solve the problem as soon as possible, you need to see a specific goal and focus on ways to achieve it. It is important to remember that in any conflict situation, it is necessary first of all to maintain relations with the opponent.
Ways out of a conflict situation
The most successful way out of the conflictsituation is finding a compromise by the warring parties. In this case, the parties make a decision that suits all parties to the dispute. There are no reticences and misunderstandings between the conflicting parties.
However, not in all cases it is possible to reach a compromise. Very often the outcome of the conflict is coercion. This version of the outcome of the conflict is most typical if one of the participants takes a dominant position. For example, a leader forces a subordinate to do as he pleases, or a parent tells his child to do as he sees fit.
In order to keep the conflict from gaining strength, you can try to smooth it out. In this case, the person who is accused of something agrees with the reproaches and claims, tries to explain the reason for his actions and deeds. The use of this method of getting out of the dispute does not mean that the essence of the conflict is understood, and mistakes are recognized. It's just that the defendant doesn't want to get into a conflict at the moment.
Admitting your mistakes and repenting for what you have done is another way to resolve interpersonal conflict. An example of such a situation: the child regrets that he did not prepare the lessons and received a deuce, and promises his parents to do homework in the future.
How to prevent interpersonal conflicts
Every person should always remember that absolutely any dispute is better to prevent than to deal with its consequences later and repair damaged relationships. What is the prevention of interpersonalconflicts?
First you need to limit your communication with potentially conflict people to the maximum. These can be arrogant, aggressive, secretive personalities. If it is not possible to completely stop communicating with such people, try to ignore their provocations and always remain calm.
To prevent conflict situations, you need to learn how to negotiate with your interlocutor, try to find an approach to any person, respect your opponent and clearly formulate your positions.
When should you not fight?
Before you enter into a conflict, you need to think carefully about whether you really need it. Very often people start to sort things out in cases where it makes absolutely no sense.
If your interests are not directly affected, and during the dispute you will not achieve your goals, most likely there is no point in entering into an interpersonal conflict. An example of a similar situation: on the bus, the conductor starts arguing with the passenger. Even if you support the position of one of the disputants, you should not get involved in their conflict without a good reason.
If you see that the level of your opponent is radically different from yours, there is no point in entering into an argument and discussion with such people. You will never prove to a stupid person that you are right.
Before you get involved in a conflict, you need to evaluate all the pros and cons, think about what consequences it can lead to, how your relationship with your opponent will change, and whether you want this, how likely it is that induring the dispute, you will be able to achieve your goals. Also, great attention should be paid to your emotions at the time of the threat of a quarrel. It may be worth using the tactics of avoiding the conflict, cool down a little and think carefully about the current situation.
