Man is very complex. No wonder they say that someone else's soul is darkness. But sometimes it is very difficult to understand even in one's own soul. For example, in how personal dislike arises. You must have experienced something that annoys you. Moreover, you perfectly understand that the person in front of you is not bad, but his manner of speech, style of clothing or life views drive you crazy. What to do in such a situation? Read more about it below.
Reasons
Every effect has its causes. To understand why a person annoys you, you need to understand how dislike is born.
The following situations are possible:
- The cause of personal dislike is most often some unpleasant memory. For example, as a child, you were strongly scolded by a person who had long hair. Now all men with shoulder-length hair evoke an unpleasant response in your heart. But not all people can understand what is farmemory and reality have points of contact. Identify the type of person who pisses you off and consider if he is a shadow of some important figure in your life?
- Different views of the world. The person who annoys you may have the opposite of your point of view. Moreover, your opinions may not agree on many issues. A person you can't get along with will annoy you.
- A person not from your social class will cause dislike. All people grow up in different conditions. Therefore, do not be surprised that you and your friends may have different views on the same things. But in most cases, people who grew up in the same social group will have similar views on life, but people who are lower in the social ladder will annoy you, because you will consider them stupid.
Manifestation
How does personal dislike manifest itself? A person who annoys you will cause a lot of emotions in your soul. Your nerves with each of his words will stretch more and more, and when you can no longer endure, then bring down a stream of unflattering abuse on him. Most often, this is how people express their dissatisfaction and hostility. All this will be accompanied by a furious cry and active gestures. Such a manifestation of feelings is characteristic of unrestrained people. More adequate persons will not demonstrate their restraint to others. They will act differently. Well-mannered individuals will speak to their opponent in a courteous and condescending manner, aswith baby. Sometimes this manner is even more annoying than screaming. After all, it's a shame when an adult considers his interlocutor a stupid and inadequate kid who needs to be explained everything twice.
Consequences
A person has to answer for every action. And for intemperance, too. But the manifestation of hostility is the result of incontinence. How is a person responsible for his actions? He spoils the relationship with the person who is unpleasant to him. And, it would seem, what's wrong with that? But in fact, it turns out that you spoil relations not with one person, but with a whole group. Every personality, even unpleasant to you, will have supporters who, after a stormy scandal between you and an intolerable person, will turn away from you. Whether you like it or not, sometimes you have to keep social ties even with people you don't like.
Another consequence of your neglect of certain personalities may be reputational damage. Someone will consider you an arrogant person with whom you should not have anything to do with.
Don't screw yourself up
Personal hostility does not arise from the person himself, but from your attitude towards him. To eliminate the oppressive feeling that arises in the soul, try to treat everyone with an open mind. Do not believe the rumors that the world is full of. They can be disbanded by ill-wishers. Do not make any judgment about a person until you personally talk to him. Only when you succeed in forming your own opinion can you condemn a person or ex alt him. But even this is better not to do until you get to know the person better. After all, everyone can have a bad mood or trouble in their personal lives. The person may just have a headache. You should not say that a person is too gloomy if you have no idea how things are going with him now. Do not wind yourself up and do not think that the world revolves around you, then life will be easier.
Always give people a second chance
As mentioned above, it takes some time to get to know a person. Therefore, you should not think that he is bad if he let you down or offended you. Before judging someone, always find out the reason for the person's behavior. Perhaps she had reason to help someone else, not you.
Do you hear the phrase "I personally dislike"? Consider how often the person who says these words forgives people. Only a person who does not forgive his friends and who tends to accumulate resentment will not give people a second chance. Compassionate individuals treat everyone equally and, accordingly, do not feel hostility at all. Of course, you should not forgive everything and everyone, but you should learn to trust people.
Learn more about the person
The personal dislike of the boss is formed due to lack of information. If you know more about your subordinates, you can enter into their situation. Many bosses are accustomed to judge biased. For example, a person is late for work, so he is bademployee. But he can raise a young child alone and not have time to come on time for the reason that he takes the child to the garden.
Never blame people if you can't look at the whole situation. No ratings should be given. You have your own life, so live it. You don't have to pry into your own business. Except for those cases that relate directly to you and work with you. Recalling the above example, we can say that the boss should not know how his employees spend their leisure time, but they need to know about the marital status and the general state of affairs of their subordinates. The same goes for friends, colleagues and family.
Change wording
Does your boss dislike you? Personal dislike for a subordinate may arise as a result of envy. It would seem that the very idea that the boss is jealous of his ward is rather strange. But this happens quite often. You can not cope with envy, which eventually develops into dislike? Think about what you can say good things about your employee. He has a wonderful family, a loving wife and excellent children. Yes, a person may seem boring to you, but he is a decent family man and you can respect him for that. Now your subordinate is not just a boring type, but a good and responsible employee. By paraphrasing an opinion about a person, it will be easier for you to find a common language with him. Everyone should get into the habit of learning to find the good in people before the bad.
Understand that not all people thinkhow are you
There are many conflicts based on personal hostility. And what's the point? The fact that people can not come to a consensus. Each person considers the situation from his own point of view and does not want to understand that his opponent cannot look at the world from someone else's bell tower. Always consider the fact that all people think differently. To build a relationship with a person, you need to descend to his level of development. If a simple worker is sitting in front of you, then he does not need to convey information in high-flown words. It is unlikely that a person will reach the essence of what was said. Do not try to show your mind in this way. Explain the information to the person in an accessible way. In this case, you will see understanding in the eyes of your opponent and you will not consider him narrow-minded. If you are talking to a person who is smarter than you, try to use your strength and imagination and understand everything that is being said to you. No need to think that you are boasting of knowledge. It's just that you and the person speak different languages. Before labeling a person and saying that they annoy you, consider whether you are in the same social environment and think the same way.
Everyone has their flaws
Personal animosity towards the victim, and indeed towards any other person with whom you have to meet at work, can sometimes be very difficult to hide. It is especially difficult to restrain your emotions when you know in advance that in front of you is a bad person. For example, this is a person who has brought trouble on herself. How to understand such people?Accept the fact that everyone has their flaws. It is in your power to evaluate people, but there is not a single ideal person in the world. Everyone is guilty of something, everyone has their own sins and shortcomings. By understanding this, you will be able to reduce the personal dislike that arises in you every time you look at any person or type of people.
Emotions are not the best friend
Personal hostility of the boss to the subordinate or the subordinate to the boss is usually accompanied by the appearance of emotions. You should learn to restrain yourself and not give free rein to your aggression. Nothing good will happen if you actively show the person your bad attitude. Start a conversation with a smile. Yes, she will be on duty, but this will help smooth out the sharp corners of the relationship. Do you want to treat all people with restraint? Then stop using emotions in the process of dialogue. This means that you do not need to give an emotional assessment of what is happening. You will give it after you talk. In this case, you will not have a chance to break loose, and you will calmly talk with any, even the most unpleasant type.
Mirror
Have you ever wondered what a leader's personal dislike is? But this is nothing more than a reflection of their shortcomings in the working staff. Think about what annoys you the most about people you know. Disorganization, isolation, lack of initiative? Do you have all these qualities? Probably not. So why is it annoying in others that you can forgive yourself? The fact that a man cannot forgive himselfsome inaccuracies, and causes irritation. But since the person cannot afford to condemn himself, he condemns those around him. Therefore, always be attentive to personal dislike and try to understand its nature. You are rarely annoyed by people who are not like you. Much more often you will meet people who will remind you of personal shortcomings. If you notice a tendency to find fault with others, start working on yourself. By eliminating the shortcomings in yourself, you will stop finding fault with other people.
