Every person needs to be understood, respected and loved; that he was needed and close to someone; so that he could develop his abilities, realize himself and respect. For some, this is easy to do, they go through life with their heads held high, with a resolute and firm tread. And some are closed, afraid to make serious decisions, lack of initiative and unsure of themselves. Why is this happening? There are a huge number of reasons, one of them is fear … Let's try to figure out what are the reasons for the appearance of fears.
What is fear?
Fear is an ancient, very strong and unpleasant human emotion that occurs in case of any possible danger. This emotion in some people, being in a neglected form, can develop into a phobia. And getting rid of a phobia is very difficult, even with the help of a specialist. "Grandfather Freud" divided fears into two types: real - quite adequate (asreaction to danger) and neurotic - fear that has grown into a phobia.
Feeling anxious. Fear. Reasons
There are "non-obvious" reasons that can push children's anxiety to rebirth into a sense of fear:
- Overprotection. Only, long-awaited or late children are especially susceptible to excessive care. This type of guardianship consists in maximum control by the parents of almost all the actions of the child. Constant warnings, a feeling of concern for the baby (with or without reason) make the child more anxious, he begins to fear for any step, doubt himself and his abilities. Give children more freedom, do not follow every step and believe in its success in order to avoid unpleasant consequences in the form of suspiciousness and complexes.
- Lack of attention. The antipode of hyper-custody occurs when there is a lack of communication between parents and a child. Some parents, due to their employment, devote very little time to the upbringing and development of their child, who becomes a "hostage" of TV and gadgets. If you do not pay due attention to your child, the child will become isolated, will avoid communication with peers, which can develop into social phobia.
- Insufficient physical activity can also become the progenitor of fears (for example, fear of falling while running, twisting your leg when jumping, etc.). Help your child to develop physical activity, do not encourage "sitting" in the four walls, spend more time in the fresh air. Lack of physical activitycan negatively affect the he alth of the child, which will give rise to new fears and self-doubt.
- Aggressive behavior of the mother. Nowadays, women try to be on a par with men in everything, they strive to keep everything in their hands. If the mother tries to rule everything in the family instead of the father, authoritatively manages family members, then it is almost inevitable that the child will develop a sense of fear. For a child, the mother in the first place is his protector, kind, affectionate and understanding. If the mother does not have this function, the child will either obey and grow up as a weak-willed "dead person", or will resist all the orders that the mother dictates and will seek protection and affection elsewhere.
- Instability in the family. Constant discord between father and mother, quarrels, assaults will almost completely develop fear in a child: loud sounds, sudden movements, loneliness and more. You should never sort things out in front of children, especially in raised tones and with hands open. Calm children grow up only in a family where peace and harmony reign.
Types of fears
- Social fear is the fear of socializing, dating, crowded places and public speaking.
- Fear of spaces (open or closed) is the fear of fields, heights, tunnels, squares, crowds. This kind of fear is very widespread these days.
- Free fear - pointless and objectless, which can overtake anywhere, at any time, to any object or phenomenon.
- Fear of sentient beings. The name speaks for itself: a person is afraid of all living things. It can be insects, fish, animals and even people.
- Fear of a certain situation or object. This fear is closely related to the already familiar dangerous situation or phenomenon. Once a person has been bitten by a dog, they will avoid and fear all dogs.
Anxious child, or where do children's fears come from?
Childhood. It is there that it is worth looking for the causes of the appearance of fears, the most frequent of them are inspired. The sources of instilled fears are the immediate environment, in particular, relatives.
Almost every parent, grandmother or caregiver tried to calm a child from a year to three years old with the words: "Don't scream, otherwise the grandmother will hear - she will come and take away", "If you don't sleep - the dog will bite (or you won't grow up)", etc. e. The kid does not yet understand the meaning of all the words spoken, but judges by the intonation and emotions of the speaker, draws a conclusion and … gets scared. It is in this way that pessimism, dependence, anxiety can be developed in the character of a child. And further, from these "features", a stone's throw to the development of fears.
Many parents, trying to protect their beloved baby from dangers, intimidate everyone in a row, not thinking that even the wrong warning about a possible danger is perceived by the child differently. "Don't go there - you'll fall", "Don't touch the iron - you'll get burned", "Don't go near the dog - it will bite you" - for a child they are simply frightening words that disturb him without understanding. Each warning must be explained in words understandable to the child, otherwisesuch unreasonable anxiety can develop into a feeling of fear for no reason and be fixed for life in the form of a phobia.
Children's fantasy
Fantasy is another source of fears. The kid often invents fear for himself. The darkness hides someone, there is someone around the corner, and a monster lives under the bed. A child begins to fantasize about this topic at the age of three to five years. He can calm down and understand the absurdity of this fear, either by virtue of his character, or by talking with adults. Someone quickly forgets about him, but someone will become and may later develop into a phobia.
For example, consider the situation: a little boy is very afraid to sleep in the dark. Each laying is accompanied by tears, requests to leave the light on or spend the night with him in the room. What reasons for the manifestation of fear come to your mind? Fear of the dark, being alone in the dark. What should parents do? In no case should you scold the baby, you need to ask what he is afraid of and try to help. If a child is afraid of the dark because “someone lives under the bed”, you need to dispel this fantasy if possible, look under the bed together, tell a story about your childhood with the same fear and about how you defeated him with your courage. You can give your child a plastic "magic" sword that will protect him from all the "bads" at night. A small nightlight will also be relevant, a miniature light source will cheer up the baby in the dark.
If the appearance of fears is associated with loneliness, thenthe recipe here is simple: let the child sleep for the first time with a plush friend (someone from a different material, but also a friend), explain that you are always there, open the doors in the rooms. Read or tell a story before going to bed with a good ending - without surprises and horror stories, so that the child calms down and understands that good is stronger than evil.
Fear of death. Ways to overcome
After the age of five, most children develop a fear of death. The reasons for its occurrence seriously worry parents. What is it connected with? Where does the fear of death come from? The child grows up, communicates, watches programs, and an understanding of age gradually comes to him. He begins to take an interest in the age of all relatives and friends, analyze and draw conclusions: an old grandmother - she is 72, I am small - I am 5, my mother is "average" - she is 33. After thinking a little more, the child comes to the concept of "death", especially if in The family has conversations about this topic. The child begins to worry, bombarding everyone with questions: “Why did my uncle die?”, “How old was he?”, “And I will die too,” etc. And then the five-year-old begins to show fear! Fear of losing loved ones, fear of old age or illness. The situation is aggravated if there is a place for manipulation in the family: "Here you upset me, I can get sick because of this and die." You should never say things like that! The receptive psyche of a child may not be able to cope and fail, in the form of a phobia or panic attacks.
If your child has become obsessed with the fear of death, help him urgently. Explain what is naturala life process that you do not need to be afraid that you will be together for a long, long time. Invite your child to do "longevity exercises" - elementary exercises, thanks to which you can be he althy and happy longer. Charging will really add to your he alth, and also help to dispel the fears of the child, to forget about them.
Acrophobia
Where does the fear of heights come from? A very interesting question with a very interesting answer. More than 50% of people who are afraid of heights have been afraid of it since childhood because of fear. The child either fearlessly climbed everywhere until he fell and acquired this fear due to excessive suspiciousness and self-doubt. Or the parents instilled this fear in their fidget due to excessive guardianship and their acrophobia. The rest of the causes of this phobia, rather, for medical reasons: brain damage (injuries or infectious diseases), poor heredity (mental disorders of parents), alcohol intoxication (or disruption of the vestibular apparatus), etc. If the child is panicky afraid to rise above his growth, it is necessary to check it with specialists so as not to miss it and not to let it go, to prevent the fear that has begun to develop into a phobia. Where does the fear of heights come from - clarified, now about ways to fight.
Fear of heights is highly treatable. If you notice that your child has the following signs when rising to a sufficient height: palpitations, dizziness, wet hands, perspiration, dry mouth, and even the urge to go to the toilet - stop lifting and helpmoral support. Talk to the child, ask what happened, bring it to a frank conversation. Let him share his fear with you, so it will be easier for him to help. Treatment will require medical and psychological assistance, plus your understanding and support.
Fear of sentient beings
The causes of fear of living beings have not yet been established.
Some children are afraid of insects, the most common scarecrows are spiders, bees, flies and caterpillars. At the sight of them, the child's pupils dilate, perspiration appears, he tries to run away or hide. The reason for this behavior may be fear, which appeared either due to "modeling" - the repetition of actions for an adult who has an influence on the child, or it is a classically conditioned fear.
As you know, children are greatly influenced by adults from their immediate environment. If the child at least once hears how the mother screamed: "Oh, spider, how I'm afraid of this muck!", then in almost 100% of cases he will remember this and "take" this fear for himself, and unconsciously - the mother is afraid, which means that this scary for me too. What should parents do in this case? Firstly, always watch your words and reactions, show composure, even if you are really scared - do not show it in front of a child. Secondly, try to explain that the insect is small, and you are big, so you can do more harm to them, you should not be afraid of these "bugs". And thirdly, watch good cartoons and programs about insects with your child,talk about how they are useful, living their lives and not wanting to harm you.
If the causes of fear and anxiety are classically conditioned, then it is necessary to find out during the conversation - where and when the child was afraid of this particular insect. This can happen, for example, "in the corner", in which the father placed for the purpose of education. A child stands, experiences his punishment in an unpleasant place, and then a spider runs along the wall - this can cause fear. In the future, the sight of a spider can cause an unpleasant association with punishment. This hostility will sink deep into the mind of the child, and he will try his best to avoid meeting the spider. In this case, talking alone will be difficult to help, the help of a specialist and your support is required.
What should parents do if their child is afraid of large crowds?
Some children are indescribably delighted at the sight of the crowd: everyone is so different, many faces, many sounds, the atmosphere of the holiday. Such a reaction to the crowd testifies to the mental he alth of the child. But there are exceptions - children who, at the sight of a crowd, try to hide behind their mother, cover their ears with their hands, close their eyes, or even run away. What to do with such a child?
The causes of crowd fears are hidden in childhood. Maybe the child was systematically deprived of personal space or it was completely absent. Or maybe someone scared him on the street, precisely during the crowd. The cause of this fear is not so important as timely help. Talk, try to find out the reason, calm the child. Howas often as possible, go for a walk in crowded places - at first strictly by the hand, until you get used to it. Try not to let go of one until the child understands that nothing threatens him.
Another good way to overcome the appearance of fear for no reason is to ask a child to ask someone from the crowd what time it is. Let the child himself choose the object that is most attractive to him, and ask, even holding your hand. This experiment will help overcome the feeling of fear, give self-confidence. If these tips do not work, then, alas, you cannot do without the help of a specialist. Do not delay your visit, do not miss your precious time. After all, a feeling of anxiety, fear, the causes of panic at the sight of a crowd should be assessed by a competent specialist in order to help your child as soon as possible.
How can I help my child overcome the fear of communication?
Where do children's fears of communication come from - a difficult question that requires careful observation and long conversations with the child. If your child is afraid to communicate with peers, then there are two explanations: either the child had a bad experience (for example, in kindergarten he was teased, offended, ridiculed), or he is “uncommunicative” (was at home for a long time, communicating only with family members and having no experience of interacting with other children). If the causes of fear and anxiety are in a bad experience, then you can help your baby very easily - with practical advice. Talk about the fact that it’s not worth reacting to the inappropriate behavior of others, that if one of the children bullies the other, it means that he has problems with communication and self-esteem, he tries tothrough insulting and humiliating other children, to assert that this bully child should be pitied, not feared. Invite your child to make friends with the one who offends him, to be the first to approach and make peace with the offender. Maybe in the future they will become best friends.
Well, if your child's fear appeared due to the lack of communication with peers, then this is your fault, and you must make amends for it by correcting the situation. Invite the neighbor's children with their parents to a party at your home, arrange a holiday for the children for no reason - just a fun weekend. Let the children get to know each other, have fun. Arrange some contests, quizzes, relay races so that they can make friends and continue communication in the future. You can enroll your child in a section that will be of interest to him. There he will also be able to find friends, have a good time, engage in self-development. If your child is still a preschooler, then this experience will be very useful to him before starting school. While there is time, develop his sociability, let him make sure that communication is not scary.
Prolonged exposure to negative emotions
Emotions affect a child more than an adult. The unformed fragile psyche reacts very violently to negative emotions, such as threats, punishments, swearing, the death of someone close, etc. If the child is in constant stress, under the influence of negative emotions, there is a high probability that the psyche will not survive and fail. Following this, there may be a threat of the emergence of variousdisorders in the child's body (based on the work of Louise Hay):
- ear disease (may arise from unwillingness to hear this world, people who cause stress);
- eye disease - from unwillingness to see the source of stress;
- throat disease - from the inability to defend one's rights and point of view, from the fear of speaking out and being unheard;
- headaches - from low self-esteem and constant guilt;
- foot diseases - begin as a result of fear, resentment and suppression of anger;
- anorexia and bulimia - a sign that a person does not accept and hate himself, denial of his own "I";
- asthma - from a constant (hypertrophied) sense of responsibility, the child suffocates from the tightness of being;
- cancer - from long-term resentment corroding from the inside.
Expert Opinion
Conclusions from this article will help us draw psychologists, cognitive-behavioral therapists, answering some questions of worried parents.
Question: "The feeling of fear, the causes are clear, it is not clear how to prevent its occurrence. Is there any prevention?"
Answer: "Of course there is. Reasonable parents should be sensitive to any changes in the behavior of the child. If you suddenly notice that he began to react sharply to some situations, immediately talk to him. The most important thing that depends on you first aid is to understand and accept his fear, try to explain by example that you should not be afraid of everything unknown. If the cause of fear in children lies indarkness, show them another darkness - from a kind fairy tale, in which if anyone lives, it is good fairies and funny gnomes."
Question: "The baby is afraid of the "granny" - how to help overcome this fear?"
Answer: "Grandmothers usually like to scare grandmothers when they go to bed. Add darkness to the grandmother immediately. Explain that mom and dad are always there and will protect their loved one from all sorts of "grannies" and tops; leave a night light on; put in some favorite toy, but it’s better to buy a new one - a “protector of children” specially from “scarecrows". Tell a fairy tale in which dad drove the evil babayka far, far away. Make the child laugh at his fear, draw a joint picture and leave in her tomatoes. There are many options, it all depends on your imagination."
Question: "Parents understood where the fear of death comes from. How to isolate your child from this?"
Answer: "Fencing off will not work at all. Parents can only mitigate the consequences by talking, explaining the essence of life - its natural cycle."
Question: "The child experiences a feeling of fear, the causes of which are unknown. How to understand it? What is he afraid of?"
Answer: "Ask the baby to draw or mold your fear. This is a very productive therapy. Sit next to me and say that you also draw your fear - this will put the child in a trusting contact. And already based on the picture, we can draw conclusions - what he is afraid and how to help the child".
Question:"The child refuses to be left alone in the room. Where does the fear of loneliness come from in a seven-year-old?"
Answer: "If a child is afraid of being alone, this may be the result of a sad experience. Maybe he was once alone and something or someone scared him. Or maybe he is just afraid that you will leave and not return - this fear could appear if the child witnessed your conversation with someone, with the words “I will leave where my eyes look and will not return.” For you it was a surge of emotions, and the child took these words literally. this situation will help a confidential conversation with promises to never leave him, about the importance of your family and love for the child."
Question: "The child is afraid of spiders. How to rid him of this fear?"
Answer: "Where does the child's fear of insects come from - the parent can answer best of all. Maybe some individuals live in your house? Or maybe the older sister scared the baby by throwing a spider on his toy? Your task is to find out the truth As soon as you understand why the child is afraid of the spider, start acting. And it is best to act in this situation with "fairy tale therapy". Think up a fairy tale about an old spider man, about his family and work. So that the main character is necessarily weak and defenseless, but very kind. Let the child feel sympathy for the "old man" and stop being afraid of him. To consolidate the "fairy tale therapy" you can get acquainted with the spider in your presence. Act carefully and thoughtfully, do not rush things. If you see that the child has not yet overcomeyour fear, then continue every evening to tell a new fairy tale about a spider. Slowly but surely, your child will change his mind about insects, and maybe very soon you will see the fruits of your labor."
Instead of a conclusion
Children's fears, types, causes, consequences - this is a very difficult topic for parents to think about. Thinking about your behavior, about how the child grows, how right or wrong he is brought up and how it can turn out.
Psychology is a delicate thing. If you feel that you yourself cannot cope with some peculiarities or deviations in the behavior of the child, the most important thing is not to start this situation, contact a specialist in time. There is nothing to be ashamed of - our life revolves at a frantic pace, we live in such a rhythm that even adults cannot cope with the pace and problems. What can we say about children with their unprepared and fragile psyche. The causes of constant fear and anxiety are inherent not only in children, but also in adults. In order for your child to be ready for adulthood, to adequately respond to stressful situations, you must help him now. Launched childhood fears in adulthood turn into phobias that are very difficult to cure even for specialists. Everything is in your hands.
