Husband comes in late, meets with friends and completely forgot about the family? Such problems very often torment women. How to understand the reasons for this behavior and what to do, the article will tell.
Husband walks with friends: reasons
To get rid of a problem, you should first find out its causes. If the husband seeks to spend a lot of time with his friends, do not panic and even more so blame him or his comrades for this. Often the reason lies in family relationships or is a reaction to ongoing changes in the lifestyle of spouses.
- Defensive reaction from problems. What does a person expect when they come home? Of course, relaxation, warmth and comfort. In this quiet harbor, you want to relax after a hard day, get support. If a person coming home is met with conflicts, problems and an aggressive attitude, the adequate reaction will be the desire to leave, to abstract. It makes no sense to blame a man for this, because his nature, like all people, has a normal response to any kind of stress - "fight or flight." If there is no possibility to give a physical rebuff to an annoying situation (violence is not practiced in the family), it remainsmove away from the object of stress. A man's company or computer games come to the rescue.
- It is also impossible to exclude the identity of the husband himself. Sometimes the reason for constantly spending time in the company of comrades may be some kind of inertia - the continuation of behavior that was habitual before marriage. This happens if the man was not psychologically ready for marriage or is very young. It is difficult for him to switch from the role of a bachelor to an exemplary family man.
- Lack of common interests and topics for communication between spouses. Unfortunately, this reason is quite common. It happens that a husband and wife are simply not interested in each other's company. For example, he knows little about music, and she absolutely does not want to hear about car engines. In these cases, people naturally look for a "club of interests" where they can share what is important to them.
- Family crisis. No one has canceled the natural periods in the life of every family, when feelings cool, romance ends, and a new stage of relations has not yet been formed. The consequences in this case are often male hobbies that are not related to home and wife.
- Reluctance to engage in family life. Very often, the cause of conflicts between a wife and husband can be a male company that simply takes a man from the family circle. Many members of the stronger sex are not attracted by the prospect of doing repairs, taking out the trash and vacuuming on the weekend. It is much more interesting to devote this time to your hobbies. But does this mean that the wife should bear the entire burden of household chores? Not at all. Whatto do in such cases - read on.
Why friends, if there is me?
The common opinion of many women boils down to the following: why should a husband spend time with other people if his wife can also keep company in some activity, talk or support? It makes sense. Especially if a woman is really a "universal soldier", with whom you can go fishing, bowling, and fix a car. But why should a person have only one friend, even such a diverse one?
In this case, you should reconsider your own position and attitude. Is it really important for a woman herself to spend all her free time with her husband? Does she have her own interests and friends to meet? After all, replacing the whole world with a man, especially if he does not need it, means adding stress to his own life. First, it limits the living space. Secondly, it adds torment if a man does not appreciate it.
If a husband meets with friends periodically, and there are no other problems in family life, a woman has the opportunity to take care of herself - appearance, hobbies, communication with friends. The things that give you pleasure. And after that, you can share your elated mood with a man and only improve relations with him.
If a friend is more important
Resentment of a woman (and a well-deserved one) can be caused by a man's clear preference for his friends. Moreover, this applies not only to leisure activities, but also to help or support. For example,to take his wife home from the supermarket, he should be persuaded, and to pick up a friend from the club - just one call is enough. The woman's indignation in this case is understandable.
This situation is worth discussing. And only in a confidential atmosphere, excluding from the dialogue as much as possible all possible accusations against the spouse. A backlash can also be caused by a clear opposition to the family as the most important sphere of life and friendship - "unnecessary and meaningless." Most likely, such words will only cause a protest in a man. The dialogue should be reduced to the mainstream of one's own experiences - to show that such behavior is unpleasant and insulting, to ask to take into account the interests of the family and plan your time so as not to cause damage to any of the areas of life. Indeed, sometimes a man simply does not know that he offends his spouse in this way, and perceives hints in the form of scandals and tantrums as manifestations of her bad character.
Tired of seeing them at home
No less often than the absence of a missus, women are enraged by such male hobbies as meetings in the house. A wife can be annoyed not only by the presence of strangers, but also by the need to play the role of a hostess at the same time: prepare refreshments, clean the house after gatherings, and so on.
In this case, reproaches and claims will definitely not help. They will only aggravate the situation and alienate the spouses. Here again, a calm conversation is important: explain to your husband that you sometimes want to relax at home, and this is difficult in the presence of his friends, and try to find a compromise. For example, ask him to meet with comrades in other places. And if they're going all the samein this house, then they themselves will be responsible for the household functions associated with this.
Husband abuses alcohol in companies
If a husband drinks with friends, and systematically, you need to understand the reasons for this phenomenon:
- Suspicions of alcoholism. Many men do not attach much importance to occasional drinking with friends, not considering it a problem. A woman needs to understand if the problem really exists. If, at the same time, a large part of the family budget is spent on such festivities, he alth is deteriorating and the psychological climate in the family is suffering, it is necessary to solve the problem of addiction. Start with a heart-to-heart talk, express your worries and find out why your husband is doing this. Then draw up a plan for vocational rehabilitation.
- Escape from problems at home. How comfortable is communication between spouses? How is the father's relationship with the children? By eliminating family troubles, you can solve the problem and forget men's hobbies for alcohol, like a bad dream.
- If gatherings in bars with friends are the only alternative to free time, you should think about family leisure. If the spouses have common interests, it is worth trying different ways of cultural recreation together, then there simply will not be time to meet friends over beer.
How to check if a husband is cheating?
Very often, the excitement of the spouse is connected not only with the absence of her husband at home, but also with the reasons behind this. Change is the most commonsuspicion.
Before you look for ways to check if your husband is cheating, you need to give yourself answers to some questions. First, are there any reasons for this (cooling in relationships, conflicts)? Secondly, is there any clear reason to think so? In itself, the absence of a man at home does not indicate treason. But, say, lipstick on a shirt is a more obvious sign.
It is very easy to get confused in such a delicate situation. So, in order.
- Are there reasons for betrayal and signs of it? Stop panic! Self-control in this matter is the most difficult, but at the same time the most effective rule. Decisions can only be made with a cool head. First of all, decide for yourself what you want more: save the relationship or break it off? Depending on this, plan further actions.
- To understand if a husband is cheating, you can torment yourself with suspicions for an infinitely long time, look for confirmation of them, go to fortune-tellers, etc., up to nervous exhaustion. Or you can openly talk to him about your worries. And again, in a calm manner. Tell why it worries and give him the opportunity to speak. In a confidential dialogue, you can understand whether a person is lying (looks away, tries to translate the topic, unreasonably accuses in response, or becomes very nervous). It is easier for a husband who has nothing to hide in open communication to explain himself and reassure his wife if she is mistaken. Or say directly about the betrayal.
- Another option for women who have made the decision not to end their relationship. If there are suspicions of treason, you can turn the situation in your favor. Just be the oneA woman you won't want to leave. Putting in order the appearance and mood - this is usually enough. Accept the fact that both are always to blame for all the discord in the family. And start building a life for yourself. If a man continues to cheat, a woman will still have her beautiful appearance and attitude, with which to build a new relationship is a matter of time.
What can a woman do?
A woman can do a lot in such situations, if not all. In any case, you should start by identifying the problem and the reasons why the husband does not want to go home. To do this, you need to ask yourself a series of questions:
- What is the relationship like in the family?
- How do we communicate?
- Do we have common interests?
- How interesting am I as a person?
- What do friends give their husband?
- Why do I care?
- Can I help him deal with problems better than friends?
If you managed to answer most of the questions, depending on this, you should plan your tactics of behavior. The following simple recommendations will help in this.
Seek a compromise
If a husband spends more time with friends just because he does not know how to manage time, it is important to discuss this with him.
Ultimatums, blackmail and restriction of freedom will not help. It is important to explain to a man that his wife accepts his desire to spend time with friends. Moreover, it supports this. But it would be even better if he had time for loved ones. Show that the family needs the active participation of the headin her life. A man is more likely to accept this point of view if he really feels his importance and necessity.
Search for common interests and plan family activities
Again, this should be done gently and without commanding intonations like: "So, we're going to the skating rink today, and no questions asked!"
It is important to learn to hear each other, accept the interests of everyone and draw a conclusion: what can we do together from all this? And is it so important for a wife to go on a fishing trip she hates just to limit her husband's communication with friends?
An important point in the general pastime can be family traditions. The rituals that people perform together bring them very close. You can choose a specific day of the week and an activity that will bring joy to both.
One more thing - how to talk to your husband about household chores? Straight and open. Instead of accusations of lack of help, it is necessary to explain that it is difficult to cope with all household chores alone. And the strength and skill of a partner would be very useful. Many psychologists recommend that couples simply share responsibilities.
Befriend the "enemy"
Wise women know that it is important to be friends with rivals. At least keep them at close range. Why not use this tactic with your husband's friends? Joining the company is unobtrusive, based on common interests and with the consent of the spouse. Most men really appreciate it when their woman gets along well with her comrades. It is very important that the wife understands that friends are an integral part of a person's life. They don't always"take away" it from the family, but are also able to provide a resource, emotionally nourish life.
In addition, it is quite possible that it suddenly turns out that these people are quite pleasant and interesting personalities with whom she herself wants to spend time?
Correction of family communication
This is probably the place to start. If a husband spends the lion's share of time with friends, you need to exclude the factor of the negative atmosphere at home. It is worth taking a critical look at yourself: how often conflicts occur, in what mood they meet their husband, how often spouses discuss something other than problems.
It should be realized that no one wants to come to a house where they are always dissatisfied with something, constantly show their fatigue, burden and sacrifice. The latter very often manifests itself in phrases like: "I am everything to you, and you …" It is better to exclude from the lexicon and "you must." A problematic and quarrelsome spouse, no matter how cruel it may sound, is not needed. Any husband will run away from this: spending time with friends is more fun!
Of course, no one is iron, and everyone wants to throw out their negativity. But it is better not to do this on a loved one. Self-education and self-improvement is not only a guarantee of your own comfort, an opportunity to take your free time, but also a way to always remain interesting for your husband, to which you want to come. Find something to your liking, develop, improve. It works!
And finally - freedom. Everyone knows the truth thatI want more of what is forbidden. That is why it is important to learn not to bind yourself and a man with vigilant control. Freedom is not permissiveness. This is an opportunity to choose. And, most likely, the choice will be in favor of the one who provides this opportunity.
