Approaching a stranger is not an easy task. To do this, you need to have self-confidence and emancipation. For a guy who wants to meet a girl he likes, this task is doubly complicated. Many factors are superimposed, especially if the young lady is pretty. According to statistics, 75% of men under 25 prefer relationships with beautiful girls, but after 35 years, the percentage of such men drops to 25%. Men are afraid of rejection, they are afraid to be in a ridiculous position, and in most cases they pass by. What about beautiful ladies? They think that something is wrong with them, they gradually acquire complexes. Why is a guy really afraid to meet girls? More often than others, introverts and teenagers face this problem. They depend on the opinions of other people, and having a negative experience, they prefer not to start communication at all. Psychologists see several reasons why guys are afraid to meet girls:
• in differential psychology, this phenomenon is considered innate and cannot becorrections;
• Supporters of the theory of behaviorism believe that the fear of dating is formed by receiving negative incentives earlier, it was they who formed this type of behavior and became part of the personality;
• Psychoanalysis claims that shyness is an unconscious conflict in the personality structure.
Individual analysis of personality psychology explains modesty by several factors. Usually the root of such behavior lies in early childhood, as a result of comparison with peers, the individual gained a negative experience. Let's take a closer look at how this affects the behavior of an adult.
They are afraid of rejection
The most common reason why guys are afraid of beautiful girls is the fear of rejection. When a man sees a woman he likes with attractive looks, his brain starts to work differently. He turns into a hunter who needs to find a way to seduce the victim, make it his own. From that moment on, the behavior of a man becomes not typical, and perhaps completely wild for him. And it's scary, especially if the guy is young and inexperienced. Some become nervous, look overly excited, unnatural. From the outside, this behavior seems strange, what can we say about the happiest owner of a brain in love! He, realizing what will now begin to happen to him, is afraid to even approach a representative of the opposite sex. And the worst thing for him is to be rejected in such an emotional state.
Fear of bad impressions
Why is a guy afraid of a girl he likes? Fear of rejection leads him to think that she will not be happy to see him. Sometimes men think too much, making decisions for a woman without even talking to her. They assume the woman's reactions to the attempted acquaintance, but do not know exactly what she will think at that moment. However, for some reason, we are firmly convinced that these will be bad thoughts. Men are afraid to seem stupid or funny, thereby spoiling the first impression. Looking for the right moment that may never come.
Thinks he doesn't deserve her
No matter how handsome a guy is, his legs still get cold at the thought of approaching a pretty girl. He thinks he's not good enough for her and she will reject him. Low self-esteem is a common reason why a guy is afraid to meet girls. At the same time, he does not even think that she can be happy if he approaches, and misses his chance.
Excitement
There are people who have no difficulty in addressing a stranger. And there are those who find it difficult to even ask for directions from a passerby on the street. Of course, these guys are afraid of beautiful girls. Why do they have a panic attack? This is a response of the brain to irritation, getting into an unusual situation. The behavior of such a person becomes strange: palms sweat, the conversation does not stick. It looks like he has never spoken to anyone before. And regardless of his own desire, the guy stopsyourself.
Criticism
Another reason why a guy is afraid of meeting a girl is the fear of criticism. Perhaps he had a bad experience before, for example, the young lady he liked refused to meet in a rude manner. Combined with low self-esteem, this could lead to a reluctance to meet girls in general. Guys don't want to get hurt again or feel bad. Often, such a man can get acquainted with women only under the influence of alcohol. Then the instinct of self-preservation is dulled, and self-confidence grows.
Thinks he's not good enough
Why is a guy afraid of a girl he likes? Sometimes the reason is low income or origin. At the same time, the guy does not think that the young woman is just looking for a good man who will love her and make her life happier. The guy believes that she can find someone better, and personally deprives himself of the opportunity to spend life with the person he loves.
Sensitivity
Some guys are very sensitive. They know that they can be upset, or even depressed, from any unsuccessful phrase of a girl, therefore they prefer not to take risks. This confuses them and they prefer to stay away. If a guy is afraid of a girl, you need to understand that not everyone is looking for an "overseas prince." Most prefer regular guys who will give them what they deserve.
Which girls are guys afraid of?
What does it mean if a guy is afraid of a girl? Perhaps, in her behavior, the girl is likethe following types:
1. Vamp woman. Even her makeup is aggressive, she is always ready for a fight. Loud, starting a scandal from scratch, emotional so much that even an adult man prefers to bypass her. It’s good to know the measure in everything, excessive emotionality harms relationships.
2. Boss. Freedom-loving men hate commanding tone. As soon as they notice the manners of a dictator in the lady they like, the desire to get acquainted disappears. He does not want to live under the same roof with "mommy", who makes up his daily routine and controls every step. For girls in leadership positions, this is especially true.
3. Fatal Beauty. The saddest thing is that beautiful women scare away most men. They are afraid of appearing strange, unworthy, funny or stupid.
Reasons for hesitation
Even after dating, there are reasons why a man can "turn back." A strong woman causes the effect of rivalry in men. And this is not what I would like to do with a lady of the heart. A guy is afraid of a girl who likes her if she is financially more successful, more collected. As a rule, such ladies attract weak gentlemen who are ready to remain on the sidelines, tyrants, or remain lonely. Self superwomen make men feel unwanted. If she herself can drive a nail, get a mammoth, plant a tree and at the same time raise her son, then why does she need a man? There are a lot of girls who need help carrying bags or holding the door. The lack of willingness to compromise also applies to mentypes of personality behavior. A woman whom a man will not be afraid of must be flexible, ready to make concessions. Another reason why a man is afraid of a girl he likes is the inability to take care of and protect her. She herself is ready to rush into the embrasure, just to prevent the man from seeing her weak. A beautiful woman is difficult to keep, because there are always crowds of fans around. What is left for the girls? Is there really only hope for happiness in weak women with an average appearance? No, you just need to learn how to be strong only at work, avoid manifestations of a dictatorial nature at home.
What mistakes are fatal when meeting?
There are some actions that are contraindicated when meeting. What should not be allowed so as not to harm at the first meeting?
1. Waiting for the right moment to come. The lady of the heart can be busy or be surrounded by friends. And then the guy waits. And it can wait for a very long time, thereby underestimating its own value. Even in a couple of minutes, self-confidence can be lost, so you can not pause. Act immediately, there will be an opportunity to deal with interference in the course of the conversation.
2. No need to look away. It is inconvenient to talk to a person whose gaze does not linger. It seems that he is in a hurry or hiding something. A man should be confident and have a direct, interested look.
3. No need to betray your joy from the fact that you dared to approach. First, it will be strangelook, especially if before that the facial expression did not express fun. And secondly, a fear of dating will appear, which does not give confidence in the reliability of a man.
4. Start a dialogue with banal things or ask everyday questions. Questions like these indicate disinterest. The dialogue must be built in such a way that the young lady understands that they approached her, because she is unique. And not from the duty phrase, like to everyone. For example, note the details of her wardrobe or positively comment on her action.
5. Why is a guy afraid of a girl he likes and wants to end the conversation as soon as possible? Excitement and fear win over eloquence. Do not quickly end the speech and run away - this is strange. Keep talking, try asking her out.
6. Block her way, restrict movement. It's handy if you're walking along. Trailing behind or trapping a girl in a tight space is a very bad idea. In the second case, she may even get scared.
7. Ask for a phone number. Just be sure to ask for her number. There is no need to beg and whine. At the first refusal, offer to meet again, for this, ask for the number again. Arranging a date will increase the chance of getting her phone number.
8. Give up after the first rejection. Often this rejection is automatic or the girl does not want to appear available. Take the initiative again, don't give up.
9. Look after. It doesn’t matter whether the acquaintance took place or not, a sad look after the receding figure makes you dependent on her behavior, whichwill not play into the hands of further communication.
How to stop being afraid of dating
Trying to fight with yourself is useless, becoming a macho at once will not work. The first thing to understand is that if a guy is afraid to approach a girl, that's fine! He does what he has never done before. Anxiety in this case is a natural process. To achieve success in this seemingly simple matter, you can use the following methods to help cast aside fears and doubts.
Make a promise
When you see a girl you like nearby, have an internal dialogue with yourself and promise that you will do it right now. Come and get acquainted. The most important person in your life is you. And you can't lead him. After all, it is a shame not to fulfill the promises given to relatives and friends. And doubly ashamed in front of you. This method trains internal responsibility.
And burn everything…
Imagine a wall of fire burning behind you. Or the floor has failed, and there is lava. Not one step back! The fear of death for a person is the strongest, it awakens the instinct of self-preservation. Under his influence, meeting a girl will not be such an impossible task.
Friend
Arguing with a friend will help. Bet on something not too valuable that you can come up and get to know each other. At the same time, an assessment of a close friend from the outside will help you find out what mistakes you make when meeting. You may be approaching too close or talking too fast. A friend can impartially assess the quality of acquaintance from the outside.
Letter
The universal way to deal with any fears is a letter to yourself. Why are guys afraid to meet girls? They are afraid of the consequences. So describe on paper what the worst thing can happen if you approach a girl to get acquainted and she refuses. Describe in detail what exactly scares and hurts when you refuse. This method works not only with fears of dating. It is used for accomplishments in all areas of life. Awareness of your fears deprives the subconscious of the opportunity to come up with the most terrible denouement. You live it on paper.
Visualization
Sitting at home on the couch, sit back and relax. Imagine a beautiful girl in front of you, try to approach her and talk. Play several scenarios in your head with different endings. Feel the moment of acquaintance, her voice, your excitement, all the sounds and smells that accompany the dialogue. Pay attention to how you feel at the moment. Replay this meeting in your head several times a day. This will help your subconscious decide that you have already met girls a million times. Then it will become easier to approach for the first time for a real acquaintance. If after that you meet a beautiful girl on the street, do not rush to approach her. Try to do this after a month of exercise. The brain itself will help to perform the usual action.
Exercise "3 seconds"
This technique is used in pick-up courses. You need to walk all day with a smile on your face and keep your eyes on the girls you like. Why are guys afraid to approach girls? They are afraid of rejection. Tathe girl who holds her gaze for three seconds and smiles back is the one who will not refuse to get acquainted. Feel free to take the first step. Over time, experience will be gained and the fear of the first acquaintance will recede.
Appearance
This is an important point. Clean hair, clothes and shoes will give confidence and leave a good impression. You need to take care of how you look. A decent girl does not want to see a slut next to her or a guy accompanied by extraneous smells. Choosing expensive clothes will keep them in excellent condition longer. Get in shape in the gym, this is a great help in gaining self-confidence. Girls love strong men.
What about talking?
Develop inner peace. Visiting exhibitions, concerts, interesting places, traveling around the country and the world - all this fills a person. In addition to the word "hello" you will have to maintain a further conversation with the girl. And it should be pleasant, attracting attention. Versatile interests will allow you to keep up a conversation on any topic.
Recommendations from psychologists
Specialists consider shyness as a natural manifestation of human temperament. To overcome this in yourself, you can use the following recommendations:
1. Identify the cause of the fear of dating. Perhaps the reason why a guy is afraid of a girl is due to internal blocks or difficult experiences in childhood. Work through the problems on your own or together with a psychologist, write down on paper andsometimes go back to them to better understand yourself.
2. Remember that each person is primarily concerned with himself. Everyone around does not care whether you approached the girl you liked or not. No one will pay attention to what you said and how you behaved. And if he notices, he will forget in a few minutes. Don't think that people care about you. These thoughts will make the first step easier and more confident.
3. Know and be able to use your strengths and weaknesses. There are no perfect people.
4. Connect more with new people. This will give you experience. Observations of different characters contribute to the development of adaptability to any type of behavior.
In conclusion
If guys are afraid to confess their love to a girl or even approach to get acquainted - there is nothing to worry about. Every man in his life faced with such a problem to one degree or another. Remember that excessive shyness deprives you of a million opportunities. Outgoing and self-confident people are more valued in society.
There is always a way to overcome insecurity, you just need to work on yourself. Exercise, make more dating attempts. And it's not just about dating. Why is a guy afraid to kiss a girl or ask her out on a date? Due to the lack of experience of communication with the opposite sex. With practice comes the understanding that there is nothing to be afraid of. We have learned every skill we have. We went through thousands of mistakes, did not give up, and that is the only reason we are what we are now. Notbe ashamed of your mistakes, work on them, train to get acquainted not only with girls. The rules for successful dating are simple, the main thing is to be able to make an effort on yourself and start acting.
