There are people who are not doing well. And the work is not as it should be, and they are not appreciated, and the children do not obey, and colleagues are gossips. Such people communicate in the style of complaints, accusations, moaning. Where do the victims come from? How to get out of this position? Candidate of Psychological Sciences Regina Enakaeva believes that the distinguishing feature of the victim is her constant habit of feeling sorry for herself. Such people, as a rule, are not ready to take responsibility for what happens to them. In other words, the victim is always looking for and finds the external culprit of all his troubles and misfortunes: an event, a person, a circumstance.
General concepts
A person who has chosen the position of a victim for himself is firmly convinced that no matter what job he takes, nothing good will come of it. I want to convince him, to prove that he will succeed,that the main thing is to believe in yourself, but any statements stumble upon a stone wall. He is not confident in his abilities, is not able to make decisions on his own. He gladly shifts responsibility to another person. This transfer of responsibility helps to evade the need to make a choice. He seems to have given up on being happy forever.
He quite logically explains why it happened. He proves to everyone and to himself that he is simply doomed to suffering, that nothing can be corrected. Gradually, he develops a similar circle of friends. Next to him are people who use him or try to convince him. The efforts of both the first and the second only strengthen the confidence that they are doomed to torment and suffering. A vicious circle is formed.
This is how the psychological position of the victim is formed.
Signs and symptoms of the victim
Scientists identify such signs of the position of the victim in psychology:
- Suffering - a person pays attention only to negative factors, he downplays all the good things that happen in his life.
- Intentionally choosing a disadvantageous position - of all the options, he chooses the one in which his interests are least taken into account. He deliberately prioritizes someone else's benefit. Simply put, he deliberately misses opportunities.
- Feeling of helplessness - especially manifested in those situations in which you need to take care of yourself. He can successfully manage the affairs of other people, solve complex issues in business, but feels himselfhelpless in direct conflict or relationships. So, a successful entrepreneur and manager can be deceived by his wife, a specialist, or simply cannot plan his day, does not know how to cook dinner for himself. Such people often become victims of unscrupulous people and scammers.
- Self-pity - his life is built around suffering, and this martyrdom is emphasized, comes to the fore in life. For an ordinary person, suffering is a signal that something needs to be changed in life, but a victim person perceives suffering with rapture, this is a reason to feel sorry for himself, he is not going to change anything.
- Permanent failure - a person in the position of a victim finds situations that confirm his helplessness and lead to suffering. For example, he wakes up an important meeting, a smart and good girl marries a walking or cruel man, a capable and competent specialist suffers insults from his superiors every day. There are a lot of examples in our life, the main feature is sacrifice and conviction in one's failure, which is taken for granted.
- Complete lack of will - often in the life of the victim there is a sense of doom. They prefer to shift most of the decisions onto the shoulders of other people. It seems that they are waiting for some certain conditions in order to change their lives. Only these conditions either never come, or they are not enough. The person suffers again and waits, leaving everything as it is.
- Propensity to find the guilty. A victim always knows who is to blame for his misfortunes. It could be a statefate, children, husband, boss, neighbor.
- A person in the position of a victim always attracts misfortune, traitors, deceivers constantly meet on his way, his life is full of physical and mental trauma.
Reasons why a person takes on the role of a victim
A person develops the habit of constantly being in the role of a victim. The main reasons why he plays the role of the victim:
- Exaggerated demands of parents to the child, while he did not always meet them. Too demanding parents often show dissatisfaction with the baby. This creates a fear of failure in him. He is afraid not to justify the hopes of mom or dad. He suffers from failure, and as a result he develops a clear conviction that apathy and inaction is the best way to avoid criticism. And even if he achieves some success, they begin to demand even more from him.
- Frequent comparisons of the baby with peers, and not in his favor.
Characteristics of the child victim
A child growing up in a family where he is treated very demandingly and strictly, constantly compared with other children, develops the following traits:
- He skillfully plays on the feeling of pity, wanting to attract attention.
- Painful reaction to criticism.
- Constant sense of shame, guilt.
- Striving not to conflict.
- Dissatisfaction with your life.
- Inability to stand up for yourself, to fight back.
- The desire to shift responsibility to others.
- Frequent depressions.
Adult victim profile
Adult victims have the following traits:
- A person experiences a constant feeling of resentment for himself.
- His life is full of self-blame.
- An adult often develops an inferiority complex.
- Self-doubt.
- Dependence on the opinions of others.
Reasons for this behavior
The behavior of the human victim resembles the behavior of an offended child. An adult feels dependent and helpless.
Most often the reasons for this behavior lie in childhood:
- Raising a child on the ideals of suffering and sacrifice. The main characters of a child in childhood are people who gave their lives for others. Such examples can bring up the best qualities: love for people, determination, fortitude. But at the same time, sacrifice can play a negative role, emphasizing the suffering, doom, guilt of heroes who survived at the cost of suffering - this forms a psychological attitude that recognition and love can only be earned through suffering.
- An example of close people of relatives who are in the position of the victim. Very often, adults play the role of a victim, they tend to take this position, and unconsciously pass on this model of behavior to children. For a child, the behavior of parents or close relatives is very important, he often copies it.
- Early childhood trauma experience. If a child experienced in childhood a situation in which he was helpless and was deprivedsupport from adults, he may also experience stressful situations in adulthood.
Awareness of one's behavior will allow a person to regain freedom of choice, and at the same time take responsibility for his life. But he will have to face anger, despair, sadness, fear. Resistance stands in the way of change. That is, a person understands everything, makes a decision to change his life, but at the most crucial moment he is visited by anxiety, tension, and the usual behavior pattern works. In such cases, the help of a psychologist is needed to help deal with unconscious attitudes.
The position of the victim in psychology, or Negative attitudes
A person from childhood may develop misconceptions about the nature of their problems and failures. He is hindered by fears and attitudes about the reasons for success or failure in life.
The most common settings are:
- "All my problems, failures, illnesses are due to the fact that the vampire sucks all life energy."
- "All my failures are due to being corrupted."
- "All my misfortunes, problems and illnesses are due to my sins, the sins of my ancestors."
- "I was born under an unlucky star."
- "All my problems are because of the wrong relationship with my parents."
- "All my problems are due to birth trauma."
- "All my problems are due to bad heredity."
These attitudes are actively cultivated in the press and media. They have a profound effect on a person's life andperception of the world.
It pays to be a victim
Today, many adults live this way profitably and conveniently. The position of the victim always provides a number of advantages: it helps to manipulate the guilt of other people; helps to do nothing on your own, shifting responsibility to others.
In principle, this position is no worse than other roles that we play in life. But it has one specific feature - it gives rise to a feeling of powerlessness, worthlessness, and as a result, hatred and envy of others.
Being a victim in a relationship has a number of psychological benefits. As a rule, this role is played by a woman, she derives certain benefits from this situation: she receives the attention of others, sympathy, support, and help. And in return, no one asks for anything from her. To leave this role means to lose both help, and support, and pity, and therefore she again and again chooses the position of the victim.
A person who is pitied by society is forgiven a lot and allowed a lot. The victim does not need to strive for anything. She is forgiven for mistakes at work because she has problems at home, and at home she is forgiven for not having dinner. She does what she wants, while she has no obligations to anyone. That is, the role of the victim has its own psychological "pluses". Therefore, it is very difficult to get out of this psychological game.
How to get out of the position of the victim
Psychologists believe that a person has the opportunity to play many roles throughout life - in the profession, in relationships, in the domestic sphere. The opposite role of the victim is the role of a happy free person - the creator and master of his life. To become such a person, you need to stop feeling and perceiving yourself as a victim, change internally and become the master of your own destiny.
How to get rid of the position of the victim? Getting out of the role of a victim, becoming a happy person is a long and difficult process, but everyone has such an opportunity. If a person understands that he no longer wants to play the role of a victim and wants to permanently change his life position, but feels that his own strength is not enough for this, he should contact a psychologist.
In addition to professional help, the following rules must be followed:
- Learn to control your emotions and experiences.
- Learn to overcome difficulties on your own without the help of outsiders.
- Surround yourself with cheerful, positive, successful people.
Emotional Freedom Technique
One way to get out of the victim position is the "Emotional Freedom Technique" developed by Harry Craig. This is a direct impact technique and is very simple and easy to learn.
The essence of it lies in the fact that once again, when a person remembers a negative event, a traumatic situation, he needs to lightly press his fingers several times on certain points on the body, which are points of energy flows.
In most cases, this method reduces fears, negative emotions.
How to properly perform the Emotional Freedom Technique can be learned by viewingvideo.
Coping
How to get rid of the position of the victim in psychology? How to psychologically overcome the desire to play the role of a victim?
- First of all, you should shift your attention from the external causes of failures inside yourself. This is the only way to understand what fears and limitations prevent you from living a fulfilling life.
- You need to start working on yourself, try to overcome negative attitudes on your own.
- Determine for yourself what success in life is all about. Believe in yourself, tune in to the positive.
- Striving in every possible way for self-realization in society, career, relationships.
What needs to be done to behave like an adult
The position of the victim leads to the fact that a person cannot control his own life. Psychologist Wayne Dyer believes that in order to get out of the role of a victim, two recommendations should be followed:
- Believe in your importance in this world and defend it in every possible way, do not allow anyone to belittle or challenge your importance, never put yourself below others.
- Begin to act like a strong, purposeful person. You should start working on yourself and develop the habits of independent, free, strong people. Get rid of self-flagellation and complaints. Do not wait for gifts from fate, always rely only on yourself and your strengths.
In order to get rid of the role of the victim once and for all, you need to become the master of your life.
Feeling of self-importance, confidence, independence - this is the basis of the behavior of a strong and free person.
