In the modern world, the stereotypical ideas about the women's team, which prevailed just a few centuries ago, have long been blurred. But if much attention has been paid to communication between girls, then close relationships between men continue to be condemned or retain a taboo on the expression of emotions. This is due to the historical context and lack of knowledge in the field of psychology.
Unbreakable chains of the past
In ancient times, the psychology of relationships between men was considered special. Such communication was considered ideal, arising at the mental level. At the same time, historians also emphasize spiritual closeness and communication without words. A strong friendship was compared with a high relationship that went beyond the usual understanding, and was placed one step higher than marital love for a woman. The Hellenes believed that girls were not able to fully understand people of the opposite sex, which is why such a union was mentally considered inferior.
Aristotle and other philosophers extolled virtuesplatonic feelings - an emotional connection without sexual intimacy. The Greeks considered relationships between men almost perfect.
During this period, the idea of heroic friendship was formed. It meant an intense emotional or intellectual union of people of the same sex. Examples of this type of relationship are recorded in many texts, from the Bible (David and Jonathan) to ancient Greek legends.
Strong male friendship is reflected in the colossal level of understanding of Achilles and Patroclus. They fought together in the Trojan War and had a really close relationship. When Hector killed Patroclus, Achilles was beside himself with grief for several days. He smeared his body with ashes and completely refused to take any food into the chambers. After the funeral, the warrior, filled with mighty anger, took to the battlefield to avenge the death of his best friend.
The image of Achilles and Patroclus has taken an important place in history. When Alexander the Great and his comrade Hephaestion passed through Troy, their army stopped in front of the tomb of the two heroes of legends, demonstrating reverence for an unbreakable spiritual bond.
Step towards free perception
Friendly feelings in the 19th century were expressed absolutely freely - hugs, even kisses. In the books of that time one can find a description of the open expression by men of deep feelings, sentimentality. Society was comfortable with the friendly union, which in many cases was as deep-rooted as emotional intimacy in marriage to a woman.
EraRomanticism focuses on emotions. However, it should be understood that this kind of relationship did not imply intimacy. The idea that close friendship between men endangers their heterosexuality was frowned upon by society and received with a sneer.
The representatives of the stronger sex freely expressed feelings on a piece of paper, sent secret letters or looked for pleasant words in everyday communication. For example, the American senator, one of the famous orators of that time, Daniel Webster, often began notes to male friends with the phrase "My beloved boy" and ended with "Tenderly, yours …". Even the letters of the eminent politician Theodore Roosevelt were filled with sentimental phrases that are embarrassing to say out loud in the modern world.
Friendly relations between men were not limited to affectionate words. Physical touches were also freely expressed, such as hugs or intertwined fingers. Sleeping in the same bed was considered a popular method of renting shared housing in order to save a decent amount of money. Thus, the great emancipator Abraham Lincoln shared a bed with a man named Joshua Speed for several years. Unscrupulous journalists believe that the politician had a romantic attraction to people of the same sex, but historians say the opposite: the two people simply enjoyed the comfortable company of the interlocutor.
The psychology of relations between men of that time looks strange to us, but it was considered the norm of behavior in society. Vintage photos show open affection.
Not all modern people perceive pictures positively, because they mistakenly see an intimate relationship in openness. In fact, the old photos looked normal for that time.
Split: change of heart
There are several reasons for tenderness between men in the past.
Firstly, there was no discrimination based on sexual orientation. The stigmatization of homosexuality took place at the legislative level, but did not set a strict framework for the expression of emotions among the population. Tender feelings were not considered a mandatory attribute of a sexual relationship. Even the concept of same-sex sex and partnership was missing, as they were hidden behind a metaphorical “crime that cannot be talked about.”
Only at the beginning of the 19th century, psychologists began to study people with a craving for the same sex. The changes that came had a negative impact on the freedom of men, as they caused embarrassment and embarrassment. The government, the media also influenced the change of views. Now, when meeting a true friend, they were not hugged, but at most patted on the back.
Secondly, in the past, emotional friendship between men had objective reasons. The social structure of society was strict, women were not allowed to show warmth towards the opposite sex. Occasionally, one could talk with a girl at dances, receptions, or, if there was permission from one of her relatives, youngpeople went out together. Interaction between the two sexes was reduced to a minimum until the lovers announced their engagement. Separation has led many young people to satisfy their need for emotional expression with other guys. After all, a person always remains a person, he needs close, open communication, support and tenderness. This desire has nothing to do with sexual needs.
Besides this, "fraternal" companies began to appear in America. They were like small communities where men gathered to discuss hobbies, share their impressions of a book they had read, or provide emotional support. Most of the meetings of such companies took place in secluded houses, where they could not be interrupted by an unexpected visit from a random passerby.
Shaping the modern view
The difficult events of the 20th century did not bypass the warm relations between men, which changed to cool and detached. Restraint began to be fixed at the legislative level. Accusations of homosexuality reached the point of absurdity. Testimony was given by third parties who only assumed an intimate relationship between two people, but did not have proper evidence. The once free society was brought into fear.
It now seemed wrong for young people to hug when meeting, as well as to show any physical contact. In many countries, same-sex relationships have been condemned, often ending in arrest. This was explained by the fact that an intimate relationship was contrary to biblical precepts, homosexuality was considered a disease, a form of deviantbehavior.
The Industrial Revolution and ideas like social Darwinism changed people's attitudes. It has become "unfashionable" to sympathize, to help, to show respect. This means that the possibility of finding a potential ally or friend has practically dropped to zero. The goal of the man was victory in everything, the comrades suddenly turned into competitors who need to be bypassed in order to take the best place under the sun. Of course, this does not mean that men have ceased to be friends. But warm relations between people have lost the status of a social norm.
Detachment and cynicism have become commonplace. With the increase in mobility in the 20th century, the search for self-interest came to the fore, friendly relationships became unimportant. It's hard to find a true friend when you have to compete with each other and make sure that the work is done better than the rest.
Influenced the relationship between men and technological progress. People had more free time, and after industrialization, the male category of the population began to play sports and take part in outdoor activities more often. Then there were new opportunities for communication: golf courses, front yard and workspace in the team. Habitual emotionality, attachment to another person was now built not on a mental union, but within the framework of professional activity.
World War II
Coldness has spread like a plague throughout the world, leaving only the battlefields untouched,where no one could remain indifferent. The battles claimed the lives of people every day, because the relationship between the men at the front was formed strong and emotional. The military operations were mainly attended by representatives of the stronger sex, which created a real male brotherhood. The soldiers never left their friends and were willing to die to save them.
In the 19th century, special organizations were created to provide psychological assistance to all combatants. Even the support of friends could not compensate for the monstrous psychological burden faced by the front-line soldiers. The experience changed people, distorted the idea of normal and abnormal. Men who came from the war hardly fit into civilian life.
Types of relationships
Friendship is an important part of life. It's nice to have people around you who you can rely on in difficult times, if your own strength is gone. The modern idea of friendly relations between men is multifaceted. Friends support each other, give gifts, spend time together. It would seem that everything is the same as in former times. However, in reality, the concept has undergone colossal historical changes.
Currently, there are four types of relationships: business, friendship, close and romantic. It is advisable to consider each of them separately.
Formal appearance
Business relationships between men involve the complete concealment of real emotions from the eyes of strangers. It is generally accepted that during work activities people should think exclusively about work. There is practically no place for emotions and personal relationships.
Often the key element is the rivalry. The desire to prove superiority and unique abilities over the rest.
Friendly look
When it comes to friendship, modern relationships between men are built without any strict framework. There are many exciting things that are more fun to do in a company. Such a pastime does not imply a deep emotional attachment. It's just that people know each other and treat each other well. They are unlikely to make sacrifices or open their souls to their friends.
At the same time, good friends can share their problems, get advice and support.
Close friendship
Attachment is common to all people. Close friends rely on each other in everything, share the most intimate experiences. This is a union based on the deepest emotional attachment and complete trust.
Romantic view
In the 21st century, educated people are no longer surprised by the topic of homosexuality. Often there are close relationships between men for a number of reasons, depending on the events experienced or the innate craving for the same sex. After the historical taboo of emotions, such a union of young people is perceived with disapproval. However, in Western countries, society treats partners indifferently, without condemnation, allowing them to build a full-fledged family orget married at the state level.
Relationship: what's good?
The strict limits of the modern world have led to the fact that men are free to establish close and intimate relationships with women, but not with members of the same sex. Such a refusal to express emotions negatively affects the general condition of a person.
Studies show that men who have a few friends they can confide in are generally happier and live longer than without them.
The critical fact is that when creating a family in the future, the need to find new friends will rapidly decrease, and a higher responsibility will become paramount - the role of a parent.
Male friendship is often associated with three things:
- Devotion. This is probably due to the desire to overcome obstacles collectively, not forgetting to help a friend.
- An open mind. In modern society, men are not judged by their appearance. It is assumed that the representatives of the stronger sex should be judged only by their deeds - worthy or not.
- Spontaneity. Men aren't really that reserved. They also need to throw out emotions, discuss the problem without suppressing themselves. It is unlikely that you will be able to openly express your feelings with a woman, but you can be completely frank with a friend.
It should be noted that the listed signs are also characteristic of the female half of the globe, depending on traditions and upbringing.
So let's sum it up. Men'srelations are multifaceted and have gone through a number of changes since ancient times, until they received a modern form - restrained. This found expression in books about relationships between men. It is unlikely that a modern author will describe friendship in the same way as Homer or Thomas Melory. True, the psychological aspect of such closeness from the world is negative, because it puts a person in a difficult position and makes him silent about his experiences and his own problems.
