The relationship between parents and children: problems and advice from a psychologist

2024 Author: Miguel Ramacey | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 06:11

How much has been written about the relationship between parents and children. But even despite this, people manage to step on the same rake. Children do not understand their fathers, take offense at their mothers and sometimes even run away from home. What can be done to prevent this from happening? We need to solve problems as they come, and not wait until the dam built of resentment and misunderstanding breaks.

Egoistic parents

Often people ruin relationships with each other for the best of reasons. Parents always do justice to their child, well, at least they think so. Relationships between parents and children can be very difficult due to parental selfishness.

It is especially developed in some mothers. A well-meaning woman, of course, spends her entire life raising a child. She spares neither time nor effort, sometimes working two jobs only to ensure a happy childhood for her children. And whatsame here selfish? A woman does not take care of herself, she lives only for her children. She wants to control everything and know everything. And when her children grow up, the woman demands return from them. Usually mothers of such a warehouse manage to be offended by their children with or without reason. It seems to them that the child does not love them enough if he does not come to visit daily or does not call back hourly. Such total control in the psychology of children and parents is the first destructive factor in he althy relationships.

Children are selfish

But in the relationship between parents and children, the first is not always to blame. Children can also be difficult. Of course, this is also the fault of the parents. If a child grew up as an egoist, it is clearly not his fault. He was raised that way by his parents or relatives. If little children are pampered, buying them expensive toys, and constantly satisfying their momentary desires, then it is foolish to expect any other result than their swollen ego.

A person who from an early age is accustomed to a good life, to the fact that the Universe revolves around him, will be greatly disappointed in the future. And if he cannot build normal relationships with society in any way, he will become a big problem for parents. Grown up children can sit on the neck of their mothers and fathers all their lives. They will borrow money from them and not give it back, they will demand attention and care, but not reciprocate. It is difficult to get along with such persons, because they are nothing but problems.

Jealousy

The relationship between parents and children can deteriorate if, for example, a mother devotes more time to her child than to her husband. In this case, the father of the family will become jealous, his relationship with the child will deteriorate. And how could it be otherwise if a man is at war with his own children for the attention of his wife? In such a situation, it is not the father who is to blame, but the mother.

To avoid problems with jealousy, all family members should devote an equal amount of time to each other. Yes, of course, you can’t kill romance in a relationship with the birth of a child, but you need to somehow reasonably dose it. There is nothing worse than a family where parents and children fight for each other's attention.

Relationships can deteriorate if the family has not one child, but two. In this case, parents do not have to choose their pet. You can never compare one child with another, let alone give one to another as an example. Such a method of education will cause war between children and, as a result, resentment against parents.

The issue of generations

The relationship between parents and children can deteriorate due to misunderstandings between each other. Of course, an adult must understand that each generation has its own ideological values and ideals. A father cannot quarrel with his son because the child has chosen a "disrespectful" profession. Today, a job that was in demand in the last century can be considered non-prestigious. And if a child wants to be a programmer, not an engineer, there is nothing wrong with that.

But it's not only parents who misunderstand children, it happens vice versa. daughter mayto persuade the mother to use a modern smartphone, and she will cry and say that she does not understand anything. In such a situation, it is foolish to swear or argue. You have to come to terms with the fact that an older woman lives at her own pace, and if she is comfortable in it, you need to leave her alone.

Unmet expectations

Why can the relationship between parents and children deteriorate? From unrealistic expectations. All people dream about something. Some want to draw, others want to dance. But what if you can't realize your dream? Many people find a way out of this problematic situation, they give birth to children and try to inspire them with their dreams and aspirations.

You can't imagine anything worse. A girl may cry and not want to go to the ballet, but her mother will forcibly drag her to class. Why? Because the woman always wanted to dance, but her mother did not take her to a specialized educational institution.

You need to understand that parents of minor children are not gods. They cannot control the lives and desires of children. They should listen to what interests their child. And if a girl does not like to dance, but draws every day, it makes sense to send her to art school.

Lack of trust

What is the most important thing in any relationship? That's right, trust. Communication with the child should take place in this vein. It is impossible to imagine a normal relationship where there are lies and understatement. If your child has stopped trusting you, try to understand what you are doing wrong.

Of course, everyone has secrets. But there are not many of them. Parents shouldknow what is happening in the life of the child, and this information should come to them from the primary source.

Of course, trust is a medal with two sides. Parents can go to extremes. For example, if a child started smoking and admitted to his act himself, the mother can act in two ways. She will either scold her child (and thereby lose confidence) or remain silent (and will spoil the he alth of the child with her silence). But what should be done? There is no need to scold a teenager. It should be explained to the child that smoking is bad, and argue this is harmful to he alth. But you should praise the child for his bold confession and say that you do not blame him, many people have tried smoking. The main thing is to end the conversation in the way that you hope that the child has indulged, but will not smoke anymore.

Constant Instructions

How is the standard communication with the child going? Parents instruct their child: do not do this, do not touch this, do not go there. The child is growing, but not all adults understand this. For them, children remain for life like little stupid creatures that need to be protected and taken care of. And it looks cute when the mother of a five-year-old boy tells him not to lick the railing, but it is somehow strange to see a man in his 30s listening to his mother's instructions on who he should not communicate with.

The advice parents tirelessly give is very annoying. If a teenager wants to go to a concert, he should have the right to go. But mom can start manipulation and persuasion. She can say thatyou should not listen to heavy or alternative music, as it has a bad effect on the psyche. It is better not to draw such categorical conclusions, which are not based on anything.

Loneliness

Children grow up very fast. And when they move out of the house and start living on their own, many parents cannot come to terms with the resulting loneliness. Someone is trying to fill it with a new hobby, someone is getting a pet, and someone is raising grandchildren.

Well, there are also parents who cannot fill the void with anything. It is these people who begin to deteriorate relations with children. They try to blame all their problems on the child. Mom can reproach her daughter for the fact that she rarely visits her and is not at all interested in the problems of an elderly woman. Reproaches may be completely unfounded, but they will be frequent, it can ruin the relationship. The daughter will call even less often, because she does not want to listen to constant complaints. To avoid this, parents must find something to do. It can be needlework, construction or long walks.

Overprotection

Little children need constant supervision. They are just beginning to explore the world, they just need an experienced mentor nearby. Parents always protect their child from danger, teach him to ride a bike, swim with him in the river and help him do his homework. But you need to understand that children grow up quickly.

Overprotectiveness can really annoy a child as early as adolescence. Because parents want to constantlycontrol the lives of children and do not give them personal space, relationships can deteriorate. Moms and dads must come to terms with the fact that at the age of 14 a person can already make decisions on his own, and at 18 he needs to move out of the house. Only a life separated from the parents can teach the child independence. Yes, parents should give advice, but they should understand that the child may not listen to them.

Inattentive listeners

The problem of the relationship between parents and children can be based on absent-mindedness. You have probably noticed that many people do not know how to listen. How do such persons conduct a dialogue? They express their opinion, then superficially listen to yours, and at this time their brain is actively working on creating a new argument. They are not interested in your opinion, they listen to it, but do not hear it.

This is the way parents like to talk to their children. Why is this happening? Adults believe that the opinion of the child does not play any role. What can understand this inexperienced creature? But mom is smart, she knows what to do.

If parents get used to communicating with their child in this way, then when the child becomes a teenager, the situation will not change. The child will not trust the parents. Why tell a person something or share ideas and dreams with him if he still does not advise anything and cannot really understand the problem.

To prevent this from happening, parents should be distracted from their adult and important affairs and pay attention to the child when he comes to talk to them.

What to do to savehe althy relationships

The relationship between parents and children is a complex process. Sometimes a barrier of misunderstanding, resentment and understatement interferes with normal communication. In order not to lose contact with their child, parents should make time for him every day.

It would be ideal to introduce something like a game called "candle" into the evening ritual. It is held in pioneer camps and helps people to get closer. What is the essence of such a ritual? Before going to bed, each family member picks up a candle and tells what good things happened to him during the day and what is bad. And if he has accumulated grievances against one of the family members, one should not be shy and express them. Then they will not grow like a snowball and will not break out of you at the most inopportune moment. Yes, maybe it will be unpleasant for mom to hear that her son will call her too selfish when she does not buy ice cream for him, but in this situation the woman will be able to tell why she did not get the sweetness. Perhaps the children will not take this ritual seriously, but such a game will definitely give its results. Honesty and trust are the foundation upon which any relationship should be built.