Among ordinary people with their advantages and disadvantages, there are also such unusual personalities who have everything perfect. Or at least they strive for it. For such representatives of the human race, everything is always sorted out - both thoughts and things in closets. They are neat and taut and do their job flawlessly. But for some reason, not all of them are happy. The thing is that their ideality is the result of such a psychological phenomenon as the "A student syndrome".
Ambiguous concept
This concept is one of the "popular" names for the term pathological form of perfectionism. This means that for a person who suffers from it, only the absolute and ideal result of any action is acceptable. That is, no “maybe” and “yes, okay”, no imperfections, but everything is structured, brought to perfection and executed “excellently”. And so it is in all aspects of life. Psychology has been studying the syndrome of an excellent student in adults for a long time and with passion. There are many scientific studies and works on this subject, and therefore awarenesspeople in this matter is quite high. However, unfortunately, there are no fewer such "excellent students".
Symptoms
The A student syndrome can manifest itself in different ways, and sometimes a person’s elementary desire to do something well or right can be mistaken for it. But still there are “calls” that you should pay attention to in order to provide timely assistance and support to a loved one, child or friend. By the way, both in children and in adults, the symptoms of this psychological illness are expressed in the same way.
- The desire to bring everything to the ideal: all the toys are stacked “under the ruler”, there are always only “fives” in the diary, in the kitchen each pan is brought to a shine, there is not a speck of dust in the car interior, the shoes are polished, the flowers are always watered, etc. d. And no "almost"! Everything must be brought to perfection.
- A person reacts painfully to any criticism. Public opinion and appreciation for the work done are above everything else in life. Any negative assessment (“two” or even “four” for the control, reprimand of a strict boss, remark of a passerby on the street, etc.) can simply plunge such a person into the deepest depression, cause a very strong psychological disorder, or at least greatly sadden and spoil the mood is very long.
- Insane jealousy of praise addressed to other people. A perfectionist can easily become hysterical just because the teacher today praised not him alone or the award for a successfully completed project was given at the same timeseveral employees. "Excellent" should always be only the best of the best.
- Self-sacrifice is the second "I" of such people. No hardships will stop them on the way to the ideal. They can sacrifice themselves, their family, interests, recreation, entertainment, in general, absolutely everything, for the sake of performing any task perfectly. As soon as the goal is reached, they switch to the next one, and then new victims are used.
- Constant comparison of yourself with others: no one should be better, no slips and mistakes like others. If an excellent student meets an even more ideal person on his life path, then two outcomes are likely. Either "perfect" will become an ideal for the perfectionist to follow, or such an encounter will lead to deep depression with serious psychological trauma and consequences.
Reasons for appearance
According to the latest research in the field of psychology and genetics, the A student syndrome can be both acquired and hereditary. Humanity has not yet learned to argue with genetics, but everyone can understand what causes such mental disorders.
- Incorrectly given in childhood, the attitude that love is not unconditional, it must be earned, and only by good deeds. And the better and more correct to do everything, the stronger they will love. How often do parents say to their child: "If you were an excellent student, then I would be proud of you and love you." Or like this: "Don't come near me, don't talk to me, because youtoday I acted very badly,”etc. From such statements, the child establishes a connection: if they act well and correctly, they will love, and if not, they will not. This is where the desire to make everything perfect at any cost arises, because love and recognition are at stake. Unfortunately, not only parents can make such a mistake, but also teachers, grandparents, and even school friends and classmates. And loving and caring mothers and fathers simply do not realize in time what kind of phenomenon this is and how to deal with it.
- The constant presence of one or more pathological perfectionists in a person's environment can cause the so-called "infection" in both an adult and a child. Of course, at the physiological level, no virus or bacterium is transmitted. But at the level of consciousness and subconsciousness, the adoption of skills, traits of character and behavior of another person with whom there is constant and close contact is not such a rare phenomenon. As the people say, with whom you will behave, so you need it. Often, perfectionist parents raise their child in their own image and likeness, and the result is another little man with excessive demands on himself and others, with a painful heightened sense of the imperfection of this world and the desire to bring everything to perfection.
- Excessive self-criticism can also lead to such a state. Analyzing his failures and mistakes, a person thinks that if he had done the right thing or done something better, then everything would have turned out differently or something would not have happened. This leads in the future to the desire to do everything better, andthen at the next failure even better, and so on increasing. Very often this occurs in children who are strongly scolded for mistakes and wrong actions.
Disastrous consequences
What is the danger of pathological perfectionism? The syndrome of an excellent student in adult women and men, as well as in children, manifests itself both in psychological problems (limited social circle, frequent nervous conditions, depression) and in physical ailments (disturbance of the heart and nervous systems, blood pressure jumps, nervous and physical exhaustion).
Understanding the symptoms, causes and effects, you can seek the help of a psychologist. If there is no such possibility or desire, then, in principle, everyone can develop their own way of dealing with this disease, using the following tips.
How can I help my child?
So that your beloved child does not have problems in the formation of his own family, and then with his own heirs, it is necessary first of all to provide him with favorable conditions for life and growing up. And the psychological attitude plays a paramount role in this regard.
Tip 1: Love and Attention
From birth, let the child understand that love is an unconditional concept. Even if a “deuce” was drawn in the diary or the director brought the parents to school for the student’s bad behavior, mom and dad will still love. Yes, they will be upset, educational conversation will follow, and perhaps even they will apply some acceptable punishment, but at the same time they will wholeheartedlyalong with your child. And no physical punishment, undue deprivation or alienation!
Tip 2: Genius is not the most important thing
In order not to nurture the syndrome of an excellent student in a child, you should not “sculpt” a genius or a winner from him in all competitions, competitions and olympiads. Let the child do what he is interested in and perform tasks that are within his power. Let not an excellent student, not a prize-winner in ballroom dancing, not the winner of the competition for the best plasticine sculptures, etc., but your beloved, dear and mentally he althy!
Tip 3: Variety and improvisation
If a student spends an excessive amount of time studying, sits at books without rest and walks, tries to be the best student in the whole school, then this, of course, is good. But, as you know, "a lot of good - also not good." So that such a diligent kid does not earn himself an “excellent student syndrome” along with fives, certificates and medals, parents need to stop being touched by this and distract the child to something else, to show that there are many things in the world that are not ideal, but so interesting. For example, start a tradition in the evenings to walk the dog together and chat about all sorts of different things, and not use the same route, but improvise each time.
Or quite unexpectedly, despite the mountain of unwashed dishes or unfinished work, get together and go with the whole family to nature to play badminton.
How to get rid of A student syndrome in adults?
Here, after realizing that you have a similar problem, you will have to try on your own. As they say, saving the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves.
Tip 1: Small changes
To allow yourself at least some carelessness. For starters, you can make a hairstyle that does not imply perfect styling. Then choose a few pieces that will look different from everything else in your wardrobe. You can also try to go to bed without washing the dishes, go to work without taking a bag of garbage with you to throw away, hang towels in the wrong place in the bathroom. At first it will be difficult, but then changing such trifles will make it clear and feel that the world will not collapse if not everything in it is perfect and flawless.
Tip 2: Delegation
A good way to get rid of the A student syndrome is to let someone else do something for themselves. For example, allowing the husband to go to the store himself and buy any products that he chooses, and not those that are indicated on a strict list. Or allow a colleague to bring the project to the end herself, without every minute control and verification. Of course, this will cause a whole wave of experiences, but it will be difficult only the first few times. Then the same principle will work - the world is not perfect, but despite this, it still holds on, and the people in it are happy.
Tip 3: It's the process that counts, not the result
And, finally, the syndrome of an excellent student in adults can be overcome by learning to enjoy not the result that will be obtained at the end of the path, but every step and moment. After all, it's not importantonly, for example, the delight of the customer from the seen result of the company's work, but also every minute spent at work, all the smiles of colleagues, all the pleasant memories and bright little things.
To overcome the A student syndrome is difficult, but still quite real. The main thing is not to try to do it "perfectly"!
