A woman suffering from this psychological complex constantly makes excessive demands on others. One of the strongest desires in her soul is that every area of her life should be perfect. Such a lady herself wants to take only the first place, no matter what business she undertakes.
The desire to always be ahead
This is how the complex of an excellent student manifests itself. If this lady fails to be a beauty queen, a talented hostess, the best mother, wife, lover, she experiences severe spiritual disappointment. After all, she does not want to lose in anything. Even a badly prepared dinner can be a tragedy.
In pathological forms, the complex of an excellent student manifests itself in a deep inner conviction regarding the unacceptability of an imperfect result. This problem can be looked at in two ways: on the one hand, it is the desire for an ideal that spurs a person to constantly improve his skills, giving birth to a true master. But on the other hand, the long-awaitedmastery may or may not be achieved. A woman suffering from an excellent student complex may quit halfway through her work in order to protect her self-esteem. After all, her restless inner critic will always find what aspect of the work you can still find fault with. And that part of the personality, which is called upon to protect and praise, has never been developed in the "excellent" student.
Introspection questions
This trait is very easy to recognize. To identify it, a woman just needs to answer a few questions:
- Does she like her own voice on the audio recording?
- Does she like to look at her photos, or does each of them seem to her unsuccessful?
- Does she like receiving compliments?
- How many times a day does she compliment herself?
- Is she ever 100% satisfied with a job? How often does this happen?
In fact, it often turns out that a woman grows up from an excellent student, who becomes the most severe critic for herself. She can say as much as she wants that she "doesn't care about someone else's opinion." But in reality, of course, this is not the case. Everywhere she will strive to be the best, gain the status of authority and expert. In the pursuit of achieving goals, such a woman is unable to fully enjoy her success.
Where does this complex come from?
In psychology, the syndrome of an excellent student has been studied for a long time, and researchers are convinced that such women grow up in those families where there was a ban on unconditional love. More precisely, the mother and father could give the child their warmth and attention. But it always happened on special occasions. And of course, the girl was never forgotten to be punished for failures, which always turned out to be much more for some reason.
It often happened in the childhood of such a woman that she could receive praise and attention only for especially major achievements. While every failure was accounted for. She spent her childhood years under the motto "It must be done!". She knows firsthand the words: “Look how Katya Ivanova is doing well with her lessons!”
The belief that you have to pay for everything
The syndrome of an excellent student in adults is also manifested in the fact that a woman is not able to get something for nothing. Deep in her unconscious is the belief that love or success must be earned. Therefore, she will have to travel a thousand kilometers where another person takes only two steps.
Fear of public speaking
A woman suffering from this complex often has difficulty speaking in front of an audience. After all, she is not “perfect”, no matter how hard she tries. She will have limbs shaking before going on stage. In her mental panorama there will be huge images of the people around her, with whom she compares herself on an unconscious level. You can complete this picture by imagining the image of a mother or father whispering devastating phrases “You can’t. Look how to do", "Ah,how helpless you are” and so on.
Self-criticism
Depreciation is one of the main features of the A-student complex in adults. Such a woman will nullify all her achievements in which she failed to achieve the ideal. And therefore it will be more and more difficult for her to set new goals for herself. After all, nothing motivates a person like a sense of his own luck, success achieved. The "excellent student" considers herself a loser, who has nothing to be especially proud of.
That is why psychologists recommend that women suffering from this complex keep a diary of their own achievements. Every day, you need to write down at least three points there, even if the voice of self-criticism persistently sounds inside.
Reluctance to do anything for yourself
Often the syndrome of an excellent student in a woman is also manifested in the fact that she does not want to do anything for herself. This happens for the reason that she rejected her real self many years ago. She put a lot of effort into what she needs to be in order to meet the standards of society.
At the level of consciousness, most of these women firmly believe that they do everything only for themselves. Moreover, they may consider themselves reasonable egoists. But inside them lives a little girl who is afraid with all her heart to be rejected if she allows herself to be herself, sometimes to rest, to make mistakes, to have her own point of view, to satisfy her needs.
Parenting
When an "A" student herself becomes a mother, she strives to make her children just as perfect. She wants toher child was the smartest and strongest. This allows you to consider yourself the “ideal mother.”
It often happens that the psychologically traumatized inner child of such a woman tries to compete with a real child. The “A” student wants to surpass herself once again and get the approval she so desires from the unconscious images of her own parents.
The desire to be perfect is rooted in human survival instincts. At the dawn of civilization, the images of mother and father were not loving, but, on the contrary, threatening. They could expel a “weak cub” from the flock or even beat a non-viable individual to death.
Signs of the A-student complex in adults
The presence of the following properties should alert a woman, as they indicate an existing complex:
- She strives to be perfect in everything. The minimum acceptable result for her is one that can enter the Guinness Book of Records.
- She criticizes existing achievements. Such a woman cannot accurately determine whether she tried hard enough or not. She doubts the decisions she made, and keeps returning to the situation of choice.
- When the goal is finally achieved, the "excellent student" experiences a state of delight. But it doesn't last long. As soon as she discovers any flaw, she begins to ask herself: “Why couldn’t I do better?”, “What if the decision to do this was wrong in the first place?”
- Another sign of an A student's complex is constant anxiety about whatother people might think about it. She always strives to make a good impression. An "excellent student" wholeheartedly needs to feel the approval of other people. And they tend to expect a lot from her.
- She constantly judges others. The desire to be perfect generates the same requirements in relation to others. Therefore, an "excellent student" with her requirements can turn the life of others into a real competition, held under the slogan "Faster, higher, stronger!". There are no double standards in her life - it's just that all the existing standards are twice as tough as usual.
- She loves order. Her house is usually the focus of cleanliness. She will spend a free hour not on a self-care procedure or watching a movie. Rather, the “excellent student” will try to do some housework at this time, which the hands have not reached before.
- She thinks a lot. It may take her half an hour to write a response to an email or to find the right wording for an SMS message. Explanations, corrections and other subtle points take a lot of her time and effort.
- "A" student lives in a world of details. And also she is able to see what is beyond the gaze of others. Such a girl will persistently double-check the work several times - after all, it cannot be that an error has not crept into it.
- She misses the point and is unable to "see the forest for the trees". Her desire for perfectionism plays a cruel joke on her, taking her away from the main thing. The ideal state of things becomes an end in itself, and it oftenforgets his original aspirations.
Features of the manifestation of the complex in children
What to do if a similar disorder develops in a child? If this happens, you need to understand that the complex of an excellent student in a child most often arises due to a lack of love and attention. With good school marks, the child wants to win the favor of his parents.
There are a few signs to watch out for parents:
- Painful dependence on the opinions of others.
- Striving to earn a good grade in any way.
- Inability to lose. If a child sees someone else's success, he feels hurt.
- Increased vulnerability. When another triumph goes unnoticed by the parents, the child may become upset.
- Inability to prioritize. The desire to be the best in everything.
A good effect in this case can be given by the manifestation of their feelings by adults. Psychologists believe that a person needs 8 hugs a day for the normal functioning of the psyche. Therefore, if a child has signs of this complex, it is worth paying as much attention to your daughter as possible, hugging, expressing your affection.
Chad needs to be taught that defeat is as much a part of life as victory. It is an incentive for further work on oneself, finding new ways of development.
Also, parents should show their child whoseside in the relationship with the school. You can say, “I will always be by your side. You have nothing to fear.”
Ways to overcome the complex in adults
How to get rid of the complex of an excellent student, to recognize in yourself a simple person who can sometimes be imperfect? There are several ways to do this:
- Set realistic goals. Learn to compromise with your demands on yourself. If the goal is unattainable, you should think about replacing it with something more mundane. You can break a large task into several smaller ones and be sure to praise yourself throughout the day for accomplishing it.
- Delegate things to other people. Since getting rid of the syndrome of an excellent student in adults means for many people learning to regulate their own workload, this item will be very useful for hyper-responsible women. Often "A" students take on the entire burden of responsibilities. It can be helpful to occasionally ask your spouse to wash the dishes, or to share work on a time-consuming project with a colleague.
- Rechecking the work again, you should ask yourself: is not too much time allotted for work that could be done in a few minutes? Usually the cause is fear. In this case, you should analyze how real it is and how critical possible errors can be.
- Give yourself the right to imperfection. How to overcome the syndrome of an excellent student, if you continue to set excessive demands for yourself? It is impossible to do this, and that is why those who want to get rid of this complex must deliberately learn to do the work.into fours and threes. Such women will benefit from the Japanese wisdom "Almost perfection is better than perfection." The desire to be better is great in itself, but don't dwell on it too much.
- Another way to overcome A student syndrome is Zen meditation. Eastern practice will help clear the mind of disturbing thoughts, turn the mind inward. Meditation helps to let go of exorbitant demands on oneself and on the world, to focus on the joys of the current moment. You can concentrate on breathing, bodily sensations or objects of the outside world. An important point - the practice must be done regularly, only then it will be effective.
- Don't be afraid of failure. An "excellent student" is often afraid of ruining everything. But in reality, what at first glance seems like a failure can turn out to be a great achievement in the end. History knows many such examples. For example, the Oscar-winning cartoon "Toy Story", as well as many others like it, could not have been born without a failure. After a high-profile departure from Apple, Steve Jobs decided to acquire the animation studio, which eventually acquired the famous name Pixar.
- Stop competing. In many ways, the self-esteem of an “excellent student” depends on what she is doing at a particular moment in time. She always judges herself both by the achievements that she succeeds in and by the process of being engaged in a certain business. At a certain point in her childhood, she developed a certain competitive pride. She began to compete for "a more difficult position than that of a neighbor." This allowed her to be morehigh opinion.
- From an adult "A" student, you can often hear phrases like "Because of the report, I have been sleeping four hours a day for a week", "I have not been on vacation for four years." This allows you to create the appearance that she has everything under control. The “excellent student” herself looks more advantageous from this in the eyes of society. But how much easier will her life be if she begins to appreciate herself not because of her busy schedule, but because she is herself? To get rid of this habit, you need to stop comparing yourself with others, allow yourself to rest. It is also helpful to find a hobby. But it is worth doing it not in order to achieve perfection, but for the sake of enjoyment.
Cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy, Gest alt therapy, and a client-centered approach have proven themselves as psychotherapeutic methods of treating this complex. To get rid of the syndrome, it is necessary to conduct at least 10 sessions with a psychotherapist. Unfortunately, often the complex of an excellent student is combined with other neurotic disorders. Therefore, the duration of therapy is always individual and depends on the personal characteristics of the woman. In any case, the key to success is your own desire to overcome the complex, as well as the experience and qualifications of a psychologist.
Related book
The publication that will appeal to those interested in the features of this psychological complex is Elena Romova's "A student's syndrome". The book belongs to the genre of fantasy novel. The heroine of a story who had to become an assistant to a despoticleader, must overcome the psychological complex. Reviews about the "Excellent Student Syndrome" can be found of a different nature. Many readers write that the book is very emotional, and its plot captures from the first pages. To others, she seems overly romanticized. The publication is not a psychological aid and is rather entertaining. The book may appeal to women themselves, suffering from this syndrome, and those who are interested in the fantasy genre with a love story intertwined.
