Viktor Sheynov is a Belarusian psychologist who in his books teaches how to competently get out of conflict situations, build relationships in a team. Tells you how to be persuasive and influence others. He explains how to become confident, resist manipulation, and recognize lies. In the article, we will consider some of the recommendations that Viktor Pavlovich Sheinov gives.
Author biography
Psychologist and writer Sheinov comes from Yaroslavl. There he was born on May 3, 1940. Victor was brought up by his mother, who worked at the factory, his father was gone. The family lived very poorly: 6 people huddled in a small room 2 by 3 meters, and the boy had to learn lessons from classmates. The teachers, knowing about the cramped position, specially "attached" it to the lagging students.
As a child, Victor was sickly, but he studied very well, he became the winner of the city chess tournament. The tenth grade finished only withone four. After school, the young man entered the Moscow Pedagogical Institute at the Faculty of Mathematics, because at the age of 8 he announced his desire to become a professor.
Sheinov brilliantly graduated from high school and became the head. Department of Higher Mathematics at the Shuya Institute. At that time, he was the youngest head in the Soviet Union, he was only 24 years old. Four years later, Viktor Pavlovich defended his Ph. D., and later took the position of dean. Sheinov became a professor in 2000
What about psychology? Viktor Pavlovich Sheinov became interested in this science when he was a freshman. A year later, he wrote a paper on the psychology of studying the game of chess by children from a boarding school. Sheinov's doctoral thesis was on conflict resolution.
Viktor Pavlovich calls himself an introvert and an optimist. He loves his job very much, so he spends almost all his free time on self-improvement. He considers himself a workaholic and values time the most of all resources.
Activities
Sheinov, as a psychologist, mainly studies the topics of manipulation, psychological influences, conflicts. He is the author of 15 monographs of his own methods. Published in scientific psychological journals (Russian, Belarusian and Western).
Many books by Viktor Pavlovich have been published in the Piter Publishing House series "Your own psychologist". For example, "Manipulation and protection from manipulation", "Irresistible compliment", "Humor as a way of influence" and others.
In total, Sheinov wrote 44 books. Some of themtranslated into foreign languages. The total circulation is 800 thousand copies.
How to be persuasive
In the book "The Art of Managing People" Viktor Sheinov offers the reader the rules of persuasion:
- When talking to the person on whom the decision depends, start with arguments, not with a request. The order of arguments is extremely important: first use the strong, then the medium, and leave the strongest for the final.
- To get agreement, win over the interlocutor with two easy questions or worthless requests. When he answers “yes” to them, he will relax. Now you can safely handle the key issue.
- Make it so that by agreeing to your terms, a person retains his dignity. However, do not forget about yourself: do not fawn, keep up with dignity so that you are taken seriously.
- Start with things that unite you, where you see eye to eye. If there is none, then do not provoke a conflict with the phrase "I disagree with you on this issue." Rather say, “Thank you for voicing your point of view. It was important and interesting for me to know her.”
- Be empathetic during the conversation. Listen to a person to understand how he thinks. Notice gestures, postures, facial expressions - this way you will better understand his emotional state. From time to time check if you understand each other correctly.
- Show the other person that your offer will satisfy one of their needs.
Conflicts at work
Viktor PavlovichSheinov explains that a work conflict can arise for the following reasons:
- The leader does not tolerate objections, dissent from subordinates. Behaves arrogantly, does not allow criticism from outside.
- The boss violates work ethics. Shows disrespect for subordinates, gives assignments not related to work, humiliates, mocks.
- The leader does not know how to convince subordinates. Prioritizes punishment over rewards.
- The boss sets a salary that doesn't match the employee's contribution. Gives more profitable tasks to "favorites".
- The boss is sensitive to the high qualifications of the employee. Because of jealousy for his authority, the head of the company "does not notice" the achievements of the employee, strives to belittle him in the eyes of the team.
- The leader, having taken office and meeting with subordinates for the first time, says: “I will put things in order! No one else will work the way you are used to! As a result, the team unites against the boss.
Why are people afraid to say no
“Saying “no” without feeling guilty” is a very popular book by Viktor Pavlovich Sheinov. It, as the author explains, is written for those who are constantly “hung up” with secondary tasks that are not related to work, for which others do not want to take on. Such people agree at the expense of their time and against their will.
Sheinov is convinced that the cause of sacrificial behavior is conformity (dependence of self-esteem on the reaction, attitudes of other people). The development of such a traitaccording to the psychologist, more inherent in our society, in Western democracies it is less common.
How to learn to refuse
To say "no" and not feel guilty, Viktor Pavlovich Sheynov advises to realize this:
- You don't have to answer. You can remain silent, skip past your ears, especially when they say: “Don't you hear? I'm talking to you!"
- You don't have to be smart, understanding. Don’t be fooled when they say: “Don’t you understand?”, “I’ve already explained it to you a hundred times!”, “Are you stupid?”
- You don't have to please everyone. This earlier condemnation of a person by others could be fraught with expulsion from the community, and it was difficult to survive alone. Now there is no primitive communal system, and there are not even party meetings.
- You don't have to, by all means, stick to a decision, a promise. It happens that new facts are discovered, circumstances change. Then hushing them up for fear of being branded as a person who does not keep his word can bring problems.
- You don't have to explain the reason for the rejection if you don't want to. Just say no.
Following these simple tips, you can learn to refuse when necessary.
