Everyone has lost to someone at least once. We have been taught this since childhood. Share toys, yield to elders, submit to someone or circumstances, because "it's necessary." And in most cases, there is nothing wrong with that. Compliance teaches us to think not only about ourselves. However, be careful.
Excessive accommodating can play a trick on you. When for the sake of others you are ready to sacrifice your plans, time, interests and, as a result, life. Which you could live your way, but live the way you were told to live. This is not your destiny. You need to learn to distinguish between ordinary concessions and helping people from manipulations that ruin your personality and life. Learn to say "no" to everything that doesn't suit you.
Meaning of the concept
Compliance is a type of social influence when one individual seeks to satisfy the needs of others at the expense of his desires. That is, such a person will calmly cancel his plans, which he planned a week ago, in order to go shopping with a friend for the company, so thatshe was not bored.
Often such behavior is regarded as a weakness, because if you are not able to defend your rights and interests, then you are a weak person. But that's not entirely true.
Compliance is a controversial quality, the usefulness of which depends on the specific situation. In one case, gentleness will play into your hands, for example, during a family conflict, it will allow you to smooth the corners and end the quarrel without big losses. In another case, compliance will bring unnecessary troubles and problems. For example, working overtime. In the eyes of your boss, you are a real hero, but what will it cost you?
Altruism and submission
Soft people are very easy to manipulate. They are kind and do not see the catch where it is. If you ask well, put pressure on pity, then they will gladly and free of charge do everything.
Giving unselfishly is giving help without asking for anything in return.
There is nothing wrong with intelligent altruism that does not overstep human boundaries. But you shouldn't break yourself for the sake of others for the sake of an imaginary goal.
Humble personality type
A person's pliability of character is expressed in focusing on people, on their problems and desires. These are dependent, passive, insecure people who please others for the sake of their safety and tranquility. They need protection, guidance and love. Quite often behind the mask of virtue hides hostility and anger towards others. This is due to the fact that this type of personality suppresses and hides itsaggressiveness.
In a crowd, such a person is easily recognizable by his restrained, constrained behavior. In the presence of others, they are embarrassed and lost, so they usually keep a low profile.
Compliance and stubbornness
Decision-making in situations depends on the individual attitude of a person to his resources and interests, as well as the needs of other people. Resources are everything that we have, that we have. Interests are actions that we are ready to take upon ourselves. How a person behaves depends on how they are distributed among themselves. Stubbornness and compliance are two opposite qualities.
The zone of personal space of a compliant individual includes the interests and needs of other people, and resources act as a means of manipulation. Such a person generously shares everything that he owns. He treats the needs of others with sensitivity and understanding. But as soon as someone encroaches on his interests, his reaction may turn out to be unexpected and aggressive.
Resources get into the zone of personal space of a stubborn person, and interests are the cause of the impact. He can calmly share them with others, listen and accept proposals. But if someone encroaches on his resources, he will meet a tough rebuff and a sharp reaction.
Stubbornness is the opposite of compliance. A moderately stubborn person will never allow himself to be used in the interests of others. This is an independent, active and self-confident individual who dictates his own rules of the game. Such a person is difficult to manipulate.
Techniquesimpact
In psychology, compliance is a great method to achieve many goals. It is used by marketers and sellers, forcing us to be more accommodating and buy products.
- Fawning - a person exposes himself in a more attractive light in the eyes of another in order to facilitate the achievement of the goal. For example, using flattery as a tool.
- Reciprocity - if something good has been done to us, then we consider it our duty to repay the same. This is a very powerful method that works even when the favor is done by accident or comes from the wrong person.
- The "door to the forehead" method - first you are asked for a large concession, when you refuse, the requirements are reduced until you agree. This method is used by sellers, offering goods at an inflated price, and then, gradually reducing it, they give you a big discount.
- Method "foot in the door" - you are asked for a small request, if you agreed, then do the rest, more serious ones. For example, a colleague asked to replace him for a few hours, you agree. The next time he asks you to fill in for the whole day.
- Method "that's not all" - before you agree, you will be offered additional favorable conditions and offers. This technique is used in advertising according to the principle: "buy one - the second as a gift" or "three for the price of two".
- The "low ball" method - a person agrees to a service on certain conditions, and then these conditions are changed without his knowledge.
Compliance strategy
Everyone swears and quarrels from time to time. But there are times when a good relationship must be maintained at all costs. It is best to give in when the conflict has exhausted itself, but the skirmish continues automatically. Such behavior will aggravate the situation and give rise to a new wave of dispute. Compliance is a great way out of an awkward situation. It will help in the following cases:
- Your opponent is absolutely right, and you understand it.
- The subject of the conflict is less important for you than for the enemy.
- If you are sure that the disagreement will end in a loss, then this step will minimize the loss.
- Your opponent is stronger than you.
Tactics
These are difficult but effective techniques that will help smooth out the conflict. Use them as a last resort, because suppressing negative emotions can be bad for your well-being. Try to still resolve differences through negotiations and find a compromise together.
- Pretend that nothing bad happened and everything is fine.
- Act like nothing happened.
- Suppress negative emotions.
- Go to the goal in a detour, for example, through charm.
- Be quiet and plan your revenge.
Compliance is neither good nor bad. It is a tool that people use to achieve results. Sometimes these goals are positive and aimed atgood, sometimes negative and destructive. It all depends on the individual.
In order not to fall for manipulation and be able to regulate situations in your favor, you need to know how this mechanism works. Respect yourself, value time and love your life!
