Family is a safe haven. Storms, quarrels, intrigues should not rage here. Everyone wants the sun to shine in their living room, the smell of buns and something else incomprehensibly homely. It is a pleasure to return to such a house. But of course, walls don't build relationships. On the contrary, it is you and I who create the very “weather in the house”. And we alone are responsible for it. Today we’ll talk about what a happy relationship is and how to make yours as such.
What you need to know at the very beginning
If you've just started dating or just got married, your journey hand in hand is just beginning. According to statistics, today more than half of all couples get divorced. Why is this happening? Most argue that they did not agree on the characters. But after all, something pushed them to be together? Most likely, they decided that they already had a happy relationship. But soon they began to notice that the partner does not cause such delight, that he is not without flaws, and indeed, it is quite possible that they hurried with the choice. But let's talk about everything in order.
The foundation of a happy relationship
Not many rules:
- Don't rush things. Let everything take its course. Trying to change the curtains in a man's apartment after a second date is overkill.
- Letting relationships take their course is also not recommended. Now is a fertile period for romance and flight of fancy.
- Critical remarks. Never, and especially in public, make fun of your partner.
- Try not to talk too much about your future together. Happy relationships are built day by day. and the ringing of wedding rings can frighten an unprepared partner.
- Don't completely dissolve in him (her). When you met, each of you lived your own life, had your own hobbies and interests. This is how he attracted attention, so you need to continue in the same spirit. And if your hobbies intersect, it will be even better.
- You can't help but respect personal space. This is the rule for life if you want to build a happy relationship. Phone, social networks, notebooks, personal bag - all this should remain a secret with seven seals. Decide once and for all that you trust your partner.
What else can I add
The birth of a new couple is a wonderful event. But so far, much is built on the first enthusiasm, on illusions. They just have to understand what everyone really represents, and also go through a lot of difficulties. Yes, happy family relationships are not an ideal picture from the cinema screen. itlife, where there is a place for fatigue, illness, failure, resentment. This is a natural phenomenon. And relations develop unevenly. Sometimes there is a decline, negative accumulates, then an “explosion” occurs, and if it is resolved correctly, a new stage of development begins. Here are some more tips:
- Choose a partner who is similar to you. If he adheres to other views, traditions, values, then the conflicts will be more serious. Either one will constantly give in, or the relationship will end. The more matches in character, everyday habits, hobbies, the more chances to build long-term relationships.
- Put the couple's interests ahead of your own. There is a very thin line that everyone draws for himself. Everyone should have a piece of personal space, as well as earnings, which he can spend as he sees fit. But there are also general goals, planned purchases that come first.
- Work on yourself. Conflicts are indispensable, but each of them gives you a chance to reconsider your views and habits. And if the relationship broke up, do not rush to enter into a new one. Analyze what happened, why they turned out the way they did.
Of course, there can be no unambiguous recipes for a happy relationship. To do this, you need to write a whole book, and even then it will be impossible to take into account everything. Our task today is to consider only the main points or difficulties that each couple faces.
Setting goals
So, a certain amount of time has passed since yourfirst meeting, and both are ready to go on a long journey called family. It's time to get serious about goals. Now we have to go together, one way. And you must be sure that the partner did not plan a sudden turn. This is the premise for a serious conversation. Everyone should know what the partner expects from life and from the beloved (lover) in particular. This will really help.
Imagine that one plans to move to a big city in a few years. And his half dreams of living next to aging parents. Will they run into problems? Inevitably, if you do not come to a single solution in advance or to an alternative that will suit both.
You are a team
If you had to undergo teambuilding trainings, then you know that the process involves constant work and dedication of each participant. This is perceived as normal, because relationships in a team do not build on their own. But for some reason, many expect the exact opposite from their own family.
Happy family relationships are only possible if both make an effort. Be best friends, discuss everything in the world, share problems and doubts. You both have a rich personal life, so share its details. Get to know each other endlessly.
Honesty
Happy in relationships are those who trust each other. Imagine your life if you have to control every step of your soul mate. What is it? It's like workingthe head of a company whose divisions are headed by incompetent bosses. Instead of giving orders and minding his own business, he will have to constantly be aware of everything that happens on all fronts, control every decision made.
There are only two of you, and the whole range of tasks needs to be divided in half. So trust and be honest yourself. So much more comfortable and peaceful. If conflicts arise, they must be resolved immediately. So you minimize the time while everyone is offended by the other. The faster you get rid of the negativity, the less you wind yourself up.
Admit your mistakes
We love to assert ourselves at the expense of others. Often this is transferred to those closest to you. And who likes to be poked with his nose like a naughty kitten? If you want to point out mistakes, do it delicately and carefully. Sometimes it's better to be tactful. A smart person himself will understand how it is better not to act next time.
If you have already solved the problem, do not discuss it again. Such words will be unpleasant and leave a heavy aftertaste. Better think about what you need it for. To assert yourself in front of a partner? But he loves and respects you anyway.
Come to terms with imperfections
If you can't accept your partner for who they are, then it's best to give up the idea of building a family. Otherwise, each person has his own characteristics, unique views on the nature of what is happening. Remember the recommendation to look for a partner who looks like you? That's how you canavoid big disappointments. This process is not always painless. But remember that you are far from an angel. At the same time, the partner somehow gets along with this. Just give him back.
We only get what we give
You can say that you reap what you sow. If you are thinking about how to make relationships happy, then start with yourself. That is, do not ask, but model behavior. If you want to be paid attention to, start waking up your partner with a smile every day. Sincerely rejoice, meeting in the evening, offer plans for the evening. To make a partner feel happy, it is usually enough to give him a massage, bring hot tea, find an interesting movie. Agree, this is not so much.
Moreover, accepting such signs of attention, the partner himself will want to please you in return. That is, you yourself will benefit from such innovations. Would you like him/her to look better than now? Buy a gym membership for yourself. Then, for the company, invite your soul mate.
Diagnostic moments
Happy long-term relationships are a reality. But this requires the desire and efforts of both. How to check if you are going in the right direction? It's not really that hard, but the most telling is the quality of the sex. If after 10 years you still have complete harmony in the bedroom, if the attraction has been preserved, this is wonderful. Good sex shows that you still want each other and are faithful to each other.
If there is no sex, it's bad, but when it's of poor quality, it's even worse. Therefore, really appreciate intimate relationships.and honestly answer whether everything is as good as you think. After all, this is a way of communication that is important for any couple. Talking and stroking after sex is very different from communicating at other times. This is a moment of intimacy when you can trust each other so much more.
After the ball…
Sometimes a relationship can't be saved. There is nothing particularly terrible in this, especially if both of you understand the inevitability of the finale. Is it worth holding on to something that has already burned out? No, it's better to let everyone find their own happiness. A happy relationship with an ex is the result of a good breakup. Accept the partner's decision to part, he will no longer be yours. This is not a tragedy, but a chance to change your life for the better. Give each other time to calm down after talking about the separation and resolve any questions about the division of property. Try to be honest in material matters. Then, and in a few years, it will be possible to congratulate each other on holidays and even go to visit.
Recipe ready
So, take feelings as a basis. For example, love. Some substitute affection, respect. Add a pinch of interest to yourself and to your partner, to dreams and to life. Add a couple of spoons of freedom, but do not overdo it. Now another glass of compromise, flexibility, tolerance and acceptance. These are magical ingredients, without which nothing will come of it.
Sprinkle it with the ability to ask, discuss and speak. Do not try to replace this with thinking for another. Add care for yourself and your partner. It can be different: about he alth, about nutrition, about safety. Take just a handful. Keep a balance: you need to take and give. Add general and personal desires, goals and dreams to taste. Season it all with the desire to be together and warm it up with flirting. These are the rules of a happy relationship that will be true for every couple.
If there are problems, and they are inevitable, this does not mean that love is over. Moreover, what you experienced at the dawn of a relationship was not yet one. Love is born in a relationship, it is something deeper than passion and attraction, but not exclusive of them.
