Caring for yourself and your interests is selfish? Altruism and selfishness. selfishness in relationships

2024 Author: Miguel Ramacey | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 06:11

Often, arguing with loved ones, we hear reproaches of selfishness addressed to us and make the same accusations ourselves - parents, children, husband, wife. During a quarrel, a person does not think about how much his words correspond to reality - the mind is overwhelmed by emotions. And if you sort out the problem with a cold, sober head?

The concept of selfishness

The word comes from the Latin root ego, i.e. "I". Therefore, when a person considers himself better, more worthy than others, this is selfishness. If he demands more benefits, care, attention, love, privileges for himself - such behavior also indicates the presence of this trait in his character. A brother does not want to share candy with his sister, a husband does not want to help his wife around the house - this is also selfishness. From the school bench, we know that Larra, the hero of Maxim Gorky's story "The Old Woman Izergil", is his personification. How did he earn such an unflattering reputation?

From Larra to Danko

Remember the classics! Larra, sonan earthly woman and an eagle, the king of birds, was unusually handsome, proud to the point of arrogance and believed that he could do anything: take the most beautiful girls of the tribe, steal cattle, dare the elders of the family and kill fellow tribesmen if they did not want to recognize his superiority. This is selfishness, isn't it? How did people repay him for neglecting universal human laws? Not by deprivation of life, no - by exile! Even the earth itself did not want to accept him, death bypassed. Larra was doomed to lonely immortality. At first, the hero was even pleased with this state of affairs: it was selfishness that spoke in him. But centuries passed, and loneliness began to burden Gorky's character. However, no one wants to deal with a selfish person - such is the truth! And the complete opposite of Larra is another handsome man, Danko. He loved people more than himself, more than his own life. And even a living heart tore out of his chest for them. Both heroes embody altruism and egoism in a concentrated form, in a pure form, as two opposite forms of human consciousness.

Find the differences

How do they contradict each other? Many! The egoist lives for himself, does something for himself. And even if it helps others, it is not disinterested. Personal gain is what guides all his actions. This is an axiom, a given, nothing can change it. Therefore, altruism and egoism are antonymous concepts. Self-sacrifice, recognition of the interests and rights of another, the desire to do something pleasant or useful to someone, but to the detriment of oneself - people like Danko, "with the sun in their blood," are capable of this, as literary critics say about the hero.

From the Explanatory Dictionary to the Expanses of Life

The best help to understand what egoism is, synonyms for the word. First of all, it is narcissism (i.e., love for oneself), selfishness (almost the same) and self-interest. Psychologists often say that modern man lacks self-love. Do they call us to selfishness? By no means! We devote a lot of time to work, solving everyday or momentary problems, shouldering the family cart, and behind all this we simply do not have time to do something good for ourselves personally. And then we complain about he alth, moral fatigue, lack of positive in life. What is the conclusion from this? Loving yourself isn't always bad. The main thing is that it does not take hypertrophied forms! But self-interest is a phenomenon of a different plan, and it should be eliminated in oneself. Although this is a moot point!

Double-edged sword

What is the main problem of selfishness that we face in everyday life? In the duality of his nature. When will we consider another selfish? If this “other” refuses to share his assets with us - personal time, feelings and emotions, knowledge, money, etc. A legitimate question: when someone sacrifices his own blessings, gives, so to speak, what is he guided by? Psychologists believe that the desire to please, to make a favorable impression. Moreover, sometimes the donor (donor) himself is not aware of this.

It turns out that the main motivation for good deeds, by and largeaccount, is the desire to look in the eyes of others better than you really are? If the “attraction of unheard of generosity” is not demonstrated, it means that we did not promote it, did not arouse the corresponding desires. That is, not only the "egoist" is bad, but we are not angels either? It is difficult for the average person to agree with such a position, because deep down everyone considers themselves to be “quite good”. And this feeling is one of the manifestations of narcissism! Solid dialectic!

"I" + "I" or "We"

How does selfishness manifest itself in a relationship between a man and a woman? The question is very interesting. In a nutshell, the answer can be formulated as follows: "You live for me, and I will also live for myself." Namely: the desire to enjoy everything that a partner can give, and the unwillingness to answer him in the same way. At all levels of the joint existence of such a couple, there is a hierarchy: one loves - the other allows himself to be loved.

There is not and cannot be equality, equality. Someone necessarily adapts to a partner, whether it concerns sexual preferences, the choice of dishes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, the distribution of household chores, buying things and other, other, etc.” to the general “We”. If it is possible, then on one condition: one of the marriage partners completely levels himself, dissolves his individuality, his needs, loses himself as a person. Sad outcome! There is no place for harmony, real, equal and uplifting manlove, no happiness. And, in fact, the couple has no future either.

Family-market relations

And what happens if fate brings two egoists together? Such a tandem will either lead to the so-called scorpion syndrome, when one of the “lovers” will simply eat the other, or their relationship will become a kind of analogue of the family market. In this case, the position of the husband and wife will change somewhat. If earlier the dominant principle was: “I want you to do (a) something pleasant for me, but I myself (a) do not want to do this for you,” now their family code sounds different. Namely: “If I do what you want, what will be your step in response?” Or, "I'll do this if you do that." And further put forward approximately equivalent conditions. Such examples of selfishness are found all the time in marriages of convenience, and the main provisions of the future relationship are written in the marriage contract. And the marriage itself, by and large, resembles a good deal.

When cons turn into pros

In business, such concepts as business integrity, trust, honesty, partnership are important. If they are transferred to the family level, things may not be as bad as it seems at first glance. Yes, husband and wife can agree on many things in advance. They can run a common household as a joint venture. They can help each other out in difficult situations, because prosperity (in all areas!) of one is beneficial to the other. In such a tandem, people even begin to show warm human feelings for each other. Of course, ifthey are not betrayed by the very decency we talked about.

Reluctantly selfish and reasonable

In Russian literature of the 19th century, we come across such interesting concepts as "unwittingly an egoist" and "reasonable egoism". The author of the first is the most talented critic V. G. Belinsky. That is how he designated Eugene Onegin and Grigory Pechorin - the heroes of the novels of Pushkin and Lermontov. What did Belinsky mean? He explained with his term: a person is not born an egoist. He becomes such under the influence of the environment, circumstances. Often it is society that is responsible for the fact that someone's character was completely distorted, disfigured, and fate was destroyed. Then the boomerang law turns on - and the person himself becomes the destroyer of other people's destinies. The situation is different when rational egoism is turned on. This concept was introduced to the masses by the democratic writer and public figure N. G. Chernyshevsky and substantiated in the novel What Is To Be Done? What is its essence: to think purely about yourself, neglecting others, is unprofitable for the egoist himself. They do not like him, they will not come to his aid, he has no one to count on. Agree, it is foolish to put yourself in such a position of a renegade! Therefore, relations with others should be built in such a way that the personal interests of one person do not contradict, by and large, other people. For example, if you come to a cafe, order food, enjoy the aroma and taste of dishes, and next to each piece you put in your mouth with a hungry look, a person who has not eaten for a long time sees off, lunch will not go well for you. But having treated the beggar, you will feed the needy, and your appetite will notmess up. Smart, isn't it?

As you have seen, selfishness is different from selfishness. And it is not always a minus!