A woman's love for herself is manifested primarily in her pleasure to be herself, to feel her uniqueness and warm energy coming from within. Women who love themselves are like the sun, warming everything that its rays fall on. But how to love yourself as a woman, and not just as a wife, mother, good worker? How compatible is this?
Love yourself - how is it?
According to psychologist N. Kozlov, only self-care, carried out with joy, releases the inner light of a woman and makes her attractive and desirable. Do not confuse worthy self-esteem and the desire to enjoy life with selfishness. If we compare one state with another, then a person’s egoistic aspirations can be expressed by the thought: “Everyone owes me, because I am better,” and self-respecting: “I am wonderful and unique, like everyone else.”
What else distinguishes a woman with a he althy positive attitude towards herself from an egoist or a person who is too anti-selfcritical:
- she does any work with her soul, her actions are devoid of automatism (fully conscious);
- she does not seek to make her happiness loud;
- she is altruistic, but without prejudice to her own interests;
- she doesn't take on impossible tasks;
- she values her time and is familiar with the principles of intelligent delegation.
Bringing yourself into the world as a rare work of art, respecting your unique qualities and cherishing your individuality - this is what it means for a person to love himself. But how do you love yourself as a woman?
Causes of low self-esteem in women
A girl begins to evaluate herself from the perspective of "I - everyone else" even before the onset of puberty. But if in childhood the criteria for such correspondence are primitive: “Whoever loves me is good,” then adolescents have different standards. The girl already looks at herself from the position of “everyone else” and determines her attitude towards people in terms of her own behavior.
When committing anti-moral acts or those that are considered as such in a given family, a teenager tends to condemn himself "for sins", giving them an exaggerated value. There is self-rejection, an acute rejection by the girl of her "dark" side, or, even worse, a subconscious belief is formed that she "does not deserve better." In the absence of psychological contact with the mother and help from her side, this conviction can develop into a life attitude and chronic dislike for oneself.
SecondThe reason that prevents a woman from being herself is laid in early childhood, when parents, out of good intentions, begin to inspire the girl what she should be and what she should not. The child, by manipulating his love for his parents, is deprived of the right to individual traits. The skill of hypocrisy is presented to the girl as a means of being in demand and convenient for others. Having mastered this science completely, the teenager also derives a number of benefits, and wearing masks becomes familiar and comfortable.
Miracles of disguise, or how to escape from yourself
When a woman is not satisfied with her life, she seeks to change the external conditions of the main factors of her discontent, while she should first understand the origin of each of these factors. An inattentive (lazy, aggressive) husband, a problematic job, a bad girlfriend, are a thing of the past and what appears in return seems more tolerable and acceptable. But soon the situation miraculously returns. Why is this happening?
The fact is that when adjusting the external circumstances of her life, a woman forgets that those traits of her character and worldview that once attracted negative events into her life have not gone away. And just as the removal of acute symptoms does not cure the disease, but only makes it less noticeable, a change of scenery and environment will only temporarily bring relief, creating the illusion of well-being. In the end, if a woman does not learn to love herself, the new husband will also not respect her, like the old one, but interesting worksoon become a tedious chore.
It is necessary to understand that harmony is a very important component of an integral self-sufficient personality, it does not form around a person in the form of an aura that changes everything around in a magical way. This desired balance, translating into outward beauty, peace of mind and, as a result, a magnet for positive events and good people, comes from a woman's peace of mind, her self-acceptance and self-love.
Disturbing symptoms of dislike
How does self-dislike manifest itself? Below are 10 points that mark the key points of a woman's lack of self-esteem:
- inability to accept compliments, embarrassment about it and attempts to "lower the degree" of someone else's admiration;
- denying oneself small joys, arguing that "others need it more";
- searching for flaws (bad skin, gray hair) every time you look in the mirror;
- denying one's accomplishments, belittling one's merits;
- the onset of a feeling of shame if something “extra” was allowed to oneself (dessert, a new handbag, manicure) and a promise to oneself that “this will not happen again”;
- excessive worry about other people's opinions, condemnation;
- being "stuck" for months or even years on the negative moments of life - someone's death, a failed romance, insults;
- fear of showing outward individuality in clothing or behavior;
- fear of changing something in life - getting a high position, going to an unfamiliar country, getting something neweducation;
- tension in the society of unfamiliar people or colleagues in a higher position, involuntary fawning over them in order to earn their approval.
A woman who does not agree with her appearance and character, who thinks that everyone else is much more beautiful, smarter and more successful than her, takes any criticism very sharply. A reason to think that she is being “treated”, “survived” or “hated” can even be a remark from a colleague about an unsuccessful manicure or an “arrow” on tights.
Correct and clean the mind
How to awaken the woman in you? Psychologists say: just as you shouldn’t decorate a room littered with garbage, you shouldn’t try to improve your life filled with old grievances and negative thoughts. Therefore, first of all, a woman needs to get rid of what has so far filled her life, but did not make her better. This can be done mentally by connecting visualization, but it is best to approach the matter thoroughly.
I need to get a small cardboard box and write on it in big letters: "Everything that ruins my life." Then, cutting paper strips from notebook sheets, you need to try to fill as many of them as possible with various negative emotions, bad thoughts, old events and even the names of people who left an unpleasant aftertaste in your memory. An example of inscriptions on paper strips:
- Seryozha from grade 7 who laughed at me;
- my extravagance that everyone takes advantage of;
- quarrels with dad about cars and others
We need to extract as much as possible from memorysuch "fragments" that constantly hurt the soul. When there is not a single hidden grievance left in the head, the notes, one by one, are picked up, read out loud and sent to the box. With a sealed "box of negativity" you can do whatever bad you like - trample it, throw it against the wall, throw it off the roof, in the end, but in the end it must be destroyed without a trace, thrown into a fire or drowned in a swamp.
Letter to the past
Despite the successful passage of the first stage of "cleansing", the woman's mind probably lingered and did not stop sharply reminding herself of the most difficult moments of her life. As a rule, those episodes that could develop in a positive way, if they follow a slightly different scenario, “sit in memory” most painfully. How does it usually happen? “If it wasn’t for that fight after the party, we wouldn’t have broken up,” “If my friend had listened to me then, we wouldn’t have stopped talking.”
Such thoughts can poison the whole existence, so they are very dangerous. Forcing yourself not to think about them is unrealistic, but you can take away their power, which is called "empty regrets."
When left alone, a woman must first allow painful thoughts to prevail over the rest. This can be very painful, but the need for this measure is justified by the ability to look at the situation from the distance of the elapsed time. Was the guy's misconduct so terrible, because of which a quarrel broke out? Could he have done otherwise?
The outcome of renewed experiences should be a letter to a person whose memories are so painful, but at the same time itbecomes a woman's letter to herself. In your message, it is appropriate to throw out all the accumulated emotions, ask for forgiveness, explain. The main thing is that later, when burning a sealed envelope with a letter, a woman should feel relief and a desire to move on.
Learning to love yourself
Now, when all the bad things from the past are humiliated and forgotten, it's time to fill your head with only useful and pleasant knowledge about yourself. How to love yourself as a woman? Of course, realizing that there is no other like it, and everything that is part of such a unique personality is wonderful and beautiful by definition.
How a woman can increase self-esteem and confidence:
- learn 2-3 suitable affirmations to lift your spirit and repeat them often;
- make a rearrangement in your home exactly as you have long wanted;
- take care of yourself every day (do masks, manicure-pedicure), despite being tired or in a bad mood;
- revise the wardrobe and get rid of everything that for a long time was just a pity to throw away;
- at least once a day do what you really want - eat ice cream, watch a movie, etc.
It is worth taking note of this fact: in no film or book does the protagonist achieve success by suffocating in an unloved job or meeting an unpleasant person. All good events begin to occur with decisive changes and only after the hero has reconsidered his life values. Conclusion? What is tiring or annoying does not fit into one format with well-deserved happiness.
Reading and getting to know yourself
In the pace of modern life, it is difficult for a woman to find time to attend trainings and seminars on personal “re-pumping”, and independent study of the subject is often impossible due to a lack of understanding of how to understand the mass of literature offered. Books on psychology for women, which are worth reading at the very beginning of the path of self-discovery, belong to the classics of popular literature, and their authors are the gurus of modern relationship science:
- Ute Erhardt, a German psychologist who breaks stereotypes, and his book “Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go wherever they want…”
- Victoria Isayeva, journalist and family psychologist with "We and Men"
- Bert Hellenger, psychotherapist, philosopher and author of psychological techniques with the book "Springs of Love"
These famous works will not only introduce a woman to the "correct" everyday psychology - how to love your body, learn to respect yourself and watch your thoughts - but will also open up a world of other people's motives and secret thoughts.
Separately, I would like to highlight the work of the master of positive thinking Alexander Sviyash “90 steps to a happy life. From Cinderella to Princess. The work can be safely called the answer to the question of how to love yourself to a woman. The book is written in an interesting style and perfectly stimulates achievements.
Recommendations for every day
How to love yourself as a woman? There is no definitive answer to this question, but there iscertain rules, following which any seeker will unlearn how to think of herself in the second plan:
- you must unconditionally accept this fact - everything that happened in life should have happened this way and not otherwise;
- no need to see other people as an ideal, but there should always be someone ahead who I would like to catch up and overtake;
- learn to take care of yourself, seeing it not as a necessity, but as a source of pleasure;
- you should often compare yourself today with yourself yesterday and positively note any positive dynamics;
- should avoid falling under the influence of such social egregors as television, political parties, fashion, etc.
Psychologists advise to try for a while (for 7-10 days) to give up 3 things (actions, habits), the need for which is debatable, but which, nevertheless, are present in a woman's life, like parasites. It can be: smoking, wearing shapeless (tasteless clothes), using swear words. After the expiration of the test, it was necessary to evaluate the quality of the "new" life and compare it with the old one.
Many women report that their lives have improved significantly after they stopped clinging to their comfort zone and allowed themselves to be carried away by other interests, ideas and pleasures.
