A whole universe lives in a person, which is incredibly difficult to unravel, and often impossible. It happens that we cannot understand someone's inner world, and this is certainly annoying. People are individuals, and it is time to come to terms with the fact that they cannot and do not want to think in sync with us. We should not forget that we do not live in an isolated world, but in a society. This means that the ability to find an approach to each person is an invaluable ability that any of us can acquire.
What is behind the criticism?
What is the root of the situation and how to love people? Behind the critical assessment of members of society, as a rule, is self-doubt and dislike for their appearance. Surely you have witnessed a situation where a young girl angrily evaluates another because of an insufficiently long skirt. She necessarily compares herself and consoles herself with the fact that she is still a fine fellow: notallows himself to wear such "terrible" things. Or a man who is not endowed with biceps will never recognize the beauty of a relief body. Rather, he will demonstrate absolute disinterest and completely devalue the other's biceps. An equal attitude towards people is what is the central evidence of self-confidence, real, not fictional. Here's the catch: acceptance of others and a positive attitude towards them is a consequence of self-love (not to be confused with selfishness!).
Mantra - everyone is different, and that's great. So, you should gather your strength and try to heal the injured ego, and then look at others with new eyes. It must be remembered that you are a unique copy of yourself, therefore, it would be great to remove the mask of uncertainty and understand that each person is an individual. Let others be themselves.
Let people take off their masks
Once Bernard Werber, a French writer, very original, but so truthfully described the need to accept people:
- Are you mad at grass because it's green?
- No! Not angry. What's the point of this? It won't make her any less green.
- What's the point of getting mad at a person because they're not the way you imagine them to be?
The initial stage of accepting people as real is to exclude one's own attachments and exit from the individual world, which implies an absolute separation of one's own and someone else's. A person should fully experience freedom, after whichgive it to others. Contemplation of one's own emotions is the most important task of achieving inner harmony, because through this process a person is able to accept his thoughts and state of mind, and therefore understand and stop judging others.
Naughty emotions. How to love people through humility with your own feelings?
No one will argue with the fact that it is incredibly difficult to hide anger, distrust, resentment and other negative feelings. But the fact is that it is absolutely useless to abolish them by an act of will: this only contributes to huge losses of internal energy. Of course, a person can put on an insincere smile, speak flattering speeches or give empty gifts, keeping the poison of hatred in his heart. Therefore, the most competent move in this case is not to be afraid to hide your emotions behind a screen of hypocrisy that is about to fall - and trouble will not be avoided.
Undoubtedly, emotions were not even close to love, nevertheless they play a significant role in the state of mind of every person. After all, love for others, not justified by feelings, means to love “badly”. Accordingly, it is completely illogical to try to draw warm feelings on a subconscious level and convince yourself of a kind attitude towards your neighbor, because this is self-deception.
But do not forget that there is a close relationship between actions and feelings. Hundreds of years ago, James and Lange discovered a law that is very useful for modern society: emotions follow behavior.
Loving is "bad", or how to love people in a conscious way?
An ingenious way to change your negative attitude towards people is to start loving them in a “bad way”. Like this? In fact, such a primitive phrase carries a deep meaning. The problem of almost every modern person is to understand love as a special state, which often he is not able to explain even to himself. For some reason, we think that such a magical feeling will surely fall from the sky - and right into the heart. It doesn't happen!
To love others is to initially formulate this decision in your subconscious, and then confirm it with appropriate behavior. That is, love is not a static feeling - it is the result of a long work on yourself and your emotions. This is not a ready state, but the most difficult path, the initial steps of which, as a rule, are ugly and clumsy, but most importantly, they are there.
It is possible to love each person, you just have to program an individual plan of action in yourself. To begin with, you should stop avoiding people you don’t like, after which the process falls into the “hands” of fantasy. It is absolutely easy to pay attention to a person, give him a smile, putting in your mind the installation: “By the way, he is a very good person,” and do good deeds towards your neighbor, even if in a one-sided way. The result of the above thinking is the formation of light in the darkness of dislike, from which the person himself becomes warmer in the soul.
Honest attitude to your emotional state is, of course, wise. It allows you to see your own inner darkness and not live in self-deception. In addition, it serves as a great way to notice the wavering of your emotions, because often we love our loved ones far from always. But to love “badly” is undeniable, the optimal solution is to turn on the inner light and program your good attitude towards a person. Do not forget that thoughts are material and the image of the interlocutor is a product of the imagination. It should be remembered that "bad" love for people will definitely show that you have room to grow.
Black dot on white sheet
One day a young guy was sitting on a bench in an autumn park. His eyes were full of unreasonable sadness. A sweet girl passed by, who decided to ask the reason for such a confused look. The guy did not hide that his wife had become unbearable in communication; he was very annoyed. The reaction of the girl was very unexpected: she smiled, after which she took out a piece of paper from her purse and drew a black dot there. "What do you see here?" she asked the young man. "Fat point," he replied in surprise. The mysterious stranger explained that the guy's problem is the unwillingness to see a white sheet due to the absolute focus on the point. So it is with people: no one is perfect, but in every person there is much more good than bad. And this is a reason to close your eyes to minor shortcomings and love your neighbor, regardless of such ridiculous circumstances.
Love the person himself - and life will sparkle with completely different colors. After all, everyone is able to engender a warm feeling without conventions. This can be proven to be complete.acceptance of life and all its components. You've come to terms with the birds, the trees, the sun above your head and everything, everything, everything, so what prevents you from accepting people for who they are?
Premature conclusions are often misleading
Almost everyone has a stupid habit of making premature conclusions about a particular person, which makes it very difficult to love people. Psychology gives good advice about this: in incomprehensible situations, you should always put yourself in the place of another.
If you are sure that rude or selfish behavior is completely unusual for a certain person, then you should think about the reasons for its occurrence. Most likely, this is due to troubles at work or in personal life. In general, there are many factors of emotional incontinence, but this is not the point. The main thing is to learn to understand a person and, if necessary, help him, because it often happens that with his incomprehensible behavior he cries for help. It is very important at this stage to hear this call. All people are good, it is only necessary to unravel and understand them at least superficially (“love” and “understand” as synonyms).
Irritating everyone? It's a problem and it's inside
How to love people and not reach that very critical point when absolutely everyone starts to annoy and cause negative feelings? Sometimes a person manages to find flaws in absolutely every one of the current environment. He does not like a certain character trait, demeanor, communication or conversation, style of dressand finally just presence.
This behavior in psychology is explained by a phenomenon called the "projection trap", which does not allow you to love a person as he is. The fact is that every personality contains two aspects. The Light One is ready to fully accept and approve the behavior of his neighbor. And the shadow side of the personality is connected with the denial of oneself. Like this? A person who has fallen into this trap begins to attribute his aspirations and intentions to other people only because he is not able to recognize them in himself at the level of consciousness. He projects his shadow part on his neighbor, and therefore irritation towards others is rapidly gaining momentum in direct proportion to his own denial. It must be remembered: a person is not able to notice in his neighbor those character traits that he himself is not endowed with.
Erase the line between love for life and love for people
In the previous sections, showing love and respect for people through self-confidence was discussed in detail. This factor plays a huge role, but another aspect is no less important: how to love life and people? In this chapter, warmth towards society is defined as a consequence of an optimistic life position. There are people who notice only the positive aspects of life and all kinds of pleasures that every day provides them. Such people try to avoid negative moments or turn a blind eye to them.
But after all, such a train of thought is appropriate not only in relation to love of life, but also regarding the acceptance of others. So, in order to sincerelyto form a warm attitude towards people within yourself, you need to truly love all aspects of life. Embracing a sleepy morning, an autumn rain, and even an allergy to your favorite fruit is when you're absolutely ready to let humanity into your life.
All love starts from within
If you are in harmony with yourself, then it will not be difficult for you to fall in love with a loved one. Many have the illusion that they live with family members, colleagues, friends, lovers and at the same time build relationships with them. In reality, they live and build relationships with themselves ("I was born", "I got married" and so on). But communication with others directly depends on the assessment of oneself. Antoine de Saint-Exupery in his work "The Little Prince" cited a particularly truthful dialogue, which once again proves that the initial element in the life of every happy person is inner peace and harmony with oneself: "You are beautiful, but empty. I won't want to die for you.”
That's right! When a person develops and improves himself in every possible way, he begins to be proud of himself more and more. So, self-love grows in direct proportion to the enrichment of the inner world. Accordingly, the degree of love of life and humanity is significantly increased, which is the ultimate goal of a person who has not yet accepted his environment.
Being yourself is the decision of happy people
It's no secret that the spontaneous person is the happiest person. After all, if you can in any situationto remain yourself, then the loss of energy is completely irrelevant for you, because only “masked people” who are embarrassed or afraid to show their real selves lose it.
It is necessary to remember that because of the playing of other people's roles, you can not live your life, but understand this only at the end of the road, when it is too late. Therefore, it is advisable to accept that you are different from others in any case. Trying to fix this is completely useless and even stupid, because this chance can be used wisely, after which you can endlessly enjoy life and yourself.
Each of you must realize that by loving the soul of a person, you will open the doors to an unknown world of harmony and prosperity. Before you enter them, you will definitely burn all the masks and with your head held high take the first step into a new future, where you will fully enjoy your spontaneity and the mutual openness of others.
