How to build relationships with a child? This question most often arises among parents whose child begins to show character and show independence. Those mothers and fathers who continue to put pressure on the baby with their authority run the risk of completely losing contact with him. Indeed, in such cases, children, as a rule, withdraw into themselves, begin to think that no one understands them, and feel lonely.
It is especially important for parents to know how to build relationships with a 5-year-old child. After all, this age is considered the most important for establishing friendly contacts. And if the parents missed this moment and the relationship is already ruined? In this case, you will need to use emergency tactics of action, which is recommended by professional psychologists.
Importance of the problem
Relationships between parents and children deteriorate if adults do not have the tact, necessary sensitivity, and do not protect the secrets of their daughters and sons. This happens and if they do not keep up with the dynamics of theirdevelopment. Relationships between parents and children as a psychological problem begin to develop in those situations when adults are false in their conversation, are not able to enter the child's world without imposing their views, pressure and criticism, without nervousness and prejudice.
Trust Week
How to build relationships with a child? Psychologists recommend setting aside the so-called week of trust for this. When conducting it, you should not scold the child for what he said or did. During this period, parents should watch their child and note all the good that he is trying to do on his own.
Adults should understand that it is time for them to start trusting the child. After all, he already has sufficiently developed self-esteem and independence, allowing the baby to make certain decisions. Of course, in this case, regardless of age, the child for the parents is still a child, but already matured. Such a week of trust will become a kind of training and education for a growing person.
Role model
How to build relationships with a child? To do this, he needs to instill positive qualities. And will children be able to become independent, reasonable and independent if they have no one to take an example from? It is difficult to teach how to act as a growing person in certain life situations. The child needs to be shown by example. Only in this case, parents will be able to achieve the main educational goal. Moreover, it should not consist at all in issuing instructions and advice, but inexpression of approval and support on the path of life.
Ignoring wrong behavior
It is not uncommon for parents to cause their child to misbehave. It's all about the attention paid to such behavior by adults. Adults can react positively to the actions of the child, praising him, or negatively, criticizing him. However, according to psychologists, a complete lack of attention can solve the problem of bad behavior and establish good relationships. The ignoring technique is a fairly effective method. Parents will only have to comply with certain conditions:
- Not paying attention means not yelling and not reproaching your child. Going about your business, you just need to keep an eye on the child.
- You can completely ignore the baby only until the moment when he stops misbehaving. It can last from 5 minutes to 30. So parents will need to be patient.
- Ignore the child and all other family members who are in the same room with him.
- After the baby begins to behave well, he should be praised. Parents should say, for example, that they are very happy that the baby has stopped screaming, because loud noises hurt their ears.
Thus, adhering to the ignoring technique will require patience. But most importantly, adults should remember that they should not pay attention to the child at all, but to his bad behavior.
Distractions
How to build relationships with a child? Avoid conflict situationsdistraction maneuvers. This method is most effective in cases where the child has already managed to be capricious so that it becomes impossible to reach him. Distracting the baby is quite simple, giving him a toy or other thing that he desires. For older children, parents will need to be creative. They need to know what the children dream about and focus their attention on what is not at all the subject of conflict. For example, a child may stubbornly reach for chewing gum. Do not offer him fruit at the same time. This will further anger the son or daughter. How to behave with a child in this situation? Parents should immediately pick up an interesting activity for him. For example, start a game with him or show a trick. At such a moment, any food offered as a replacement for chewing gum will remind the baby that he did not get what he wanted.
It is the abrupt change of action that leads children away from their demands. In addition, she will allow the new proposal to play on the curiosity of the baby. Parents should know what their children dream about and intervene as quickly as possible. The more original their new proposal is, the more likely they will be successful.
Change of scenery
If the age of the children is between 2 and 5 years old, then the parents must physically remove the child from the conflict that has arisen. It is a change of scenery that will allow adults and kids to stop feeling hopeless. Such a mission would be best served by the parent who currently has more cheerfulness and flexibility incircumstances.
A trip with children to the forest, to the zoo, to the cinema, to the park and other interesting places will be a great change of scenery.
Use replacement
How to improve relations with a child if he does not do what is needed at all? In this case, parents should occupy him with what is required. Adults need to teach children how to behave correctly in certain circumstances. Just say "You can't do that!" will not be enough for the process of establishing contact. Your child will need to show an alternative, that is, to clearly explain how to act in a given situation. For example:
- child drawing with pencil on wallpaper should be given a coloring book;
- a girl who takes her mother's makeup needs to buy a baby one that can be washed off easily;
- with a child throwing stones, you need to play ball.
If a child picks up any fragile or dangerous thing, in return he should be given a toy. After all, children are very easily carried away and quickly find an outlet for physical and creative energy. The ability of parents to quickly find a good replacement for the undesirable behavior of their child will save him from many problems.
Hugs tight
Parents should not allow children to fight with them or anyone else, even if the child does not hurt. Sometimes mothers tolerate when babies try to hit them. As a rule, fathers do not allow this to their child. Mothers should not tolerate such behavior of the child. After all, pugnacious children behave in this way not onlyat home. They allow themselves to fight in other places, and even with strangers. In addition, reacting to something with physical violence is a bad habit. And in the future, it will be quite difficult for a growing person to get rid of it. Parents should not allow their child, growing up, to believe that his mother (equivalent to the concept of a woman) will endure everything from him, including physical abuse.
How to wean the baby from fighting? To do this, an adult must hug him tightly, not allowing him to dissolve his arms. At the same time, you must firmly say: "I do not allow you to fight." You need to be prepared for the fact that the child will start screaming and squealing loudly. But after, feeling the firmness of an adult, his strength and conviction, he will understand that he needs to calm down.
Find the pros
Children's relationship with their parents should not be based on criticism. After all, it is always very unpleasant. A child who is criticized begins to be offended and annoyed. This leads to the fact that he stops making contact. Of course, parents should still be critical about the wrong behavior of their child.
However, they need to make every effort to avoid conflict. How to achieve such a result? Yes, just soften your criticism. In this case, the child will be much easier to perceive it. For example, an adult may say that the baby has a wonderful voice, but still you can’t sing during dinner.
Choice Offer
Children are sometimes quite activeresist any instructions from their parents. Why is this happening? Yes, because this is the only way for them to defend their independence. How can conflict be avoided in this case? To do this, the child should be offered a choice. For example, asking him what he will eat for breakfast - porridge or scrambled eggs, or what shirt he will go to school in yellow or blue.
It is important for parents to give their child the right to choose. This will make him think for himself. When given the opportunity to make decisions, children develop a he althy sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Such a move allows parents, on the one hand, to satisfy the needs of their offspring for independence, and on the other hand, to maintain control over his behavior.
Problem Solving Together
This technique is especially effective for children from 6 to 11 years old. After all, it is at this age that younger students have a great desire to take responsibility. How to speak with a child in order to achieve the desired result? For example, a mother may tell her son that because he takes so long to get dressed in the morning, she is constantly late for work when she takes him to school. At the same time, you need to ask the child if he has a solution that would correct the situation? It is this direct question that will make the student feel that he is considered a responsible person. Children are well aware that parents do not always and not always have their own answers. That is why they often seek to make a personal contribution, sometimesjust spouting various offers.
Hypothetical situations
Psychologists also recommend using this technique at the age of 6 to 11 years. In order to build relationships, parents will need to use hypothetical situations, citing another child as an example to their child. So, they might ask what to do with mom and dad of his best friend who doesn't want to share toys.
In this case, adults have a great opportunity to discuss the rules of conduct with their offspring without any conflicts and quite calmly. However, it should be borne in mind that the conversation should be held in a calm atmosphere in the absence of passions. Films, TV programs and books are also excellent pretexts for starting a discussion of life's problems.
It is worth bearing in mind that when resorting to imaginary examples, parents should not end the conversation with a question that brings the child back to reality. For example, ask him if he knows someone who, like his friend, does not share toys. Such a question will immediately destroy good feelings and the valuable message that parents tried to convey to their child.
Games
Boys and girls are interested in many things. When we play with children at home, we allow them to see us as a child. This brings together and allows you to make contact.
You can use anything - balls and dolls, making crafts and singing. The main thing is that the game is interesting for both the child and the adult.
Big family
If parents raise two or more children, psychologists advise to constantly express their love to each of them. To do this, kids need to say as many warm words as possible. In addition, parents need to hug their children more often. According to psychologists, in a large family, this should be done at least 4 times a day.
What should parents do if there is simply not enough time for children due to high employment? You can create a peaceful atmosphere in the family in various ways. For example, one of the parents can sit the children on their lap and hug them at the same time. If there are more than two babies, and this method does not work, then moms and dads are invited to arrange a general kiss. For example, children immediately kiss one of the parents, then the other. After that, mothers and fathers kiss the children in any order.
