Unfortunately, not everyone can be happy looking at the happiness and success of others. Envious people can be your closest friends. But why? We will try to give answers to these questions further.
What is meant by the term "envy"
Under the envy it is customary to understand several things. First, it is the desire to have what the other person has. Secondly, the wish for evil for another person, and thirdly, the behavior of the "dog in the manger" (I don't have it, so no one will).
Why do people feel jealous? There are reasons for this, such as:
- More beautiful, from the point of view of the envious, appearance (for example, tall). It is clear that nothing can be done about this, except how to start perceiving appearance differently.
- Beautiful and expensive things.
- Best position.
- Having a family or a great love relationship.
- Good relationship with parents.
- Other reasons.
Destructive feeling
Psychologists around the world are beginning to agree that even the most unpleasant human emotions serve him well. Yes, fear is calledto ensure the safety and security of a person's life. This is the main job of the brain - to do everything possible to ensure a comfortable existence. At the same time, comfort is understood as a well-known way of behavior. What is the positive side of such a destructive feeling as envy? Other people's successes act as a kick to achieve their own. But in the usual sense, this is still the same defense mechanism. Man is a social being, and it is pleasant for him to think that he is not alone in his grief. At the same time, other people's trophies inflate the envious failures to incredible proportions.
Roots of envy
Why are people envious? This destructive feeling appears in early childhood. And, as is often the case, adults themselves are to blame. Of course, moms and dads only want the best. Every adult, when he was a child, could hear something like: "Look, Olya is so good at drawing, and you?" And what does the little man feel? Probably, the answer would be something like this: "I hate this Olya! Why do my parents love her more?" Children's perception is different from adults. Toddlers have only two categories, "I am loved" and "I am not loved." Comparing children to each other, adults not only spoil the relationship, but also instill in the child feelings of self-doubt, fear, distrust. Such a kid in adulthood will be afraid to change anything, feeling deprived, offended by the world, incapable of anything.
How to recognize envy
Let's move on to the question of how to recognize envious people. There are several signs that will betray those with a head:
- Hatred without objective reasons. If you've faced hate but haven't done anything to deserve such a reaction, you can assume that you're just being envied. Nothing can be done in this case. The best option is not to go into conflict and let go of the created situation with the world.
- Gossip. Another feature of how envious people behave. If you have become a source of gossip, then this is a sure sign that you are envied. To get involved in a conflict means to spread it further. Most often, envious people tend to talk behind their backs. They do not have the courage to go into direct conflict. The weapon against this is a direct conversation with the gossipers.
- The joy of failure. The envious will simply fly on wings, no worse than from first love, when he witnesses the defeat of the one to whom he feels this feeling. Do not worry. No one is immune from mistakes. Skills and concentration are able to return the previous results, and the envious person will remain in the same place where he was. The very experience of a negative feeling gives them a certain pleasure. The same low self-esteem prevents them from moving forward. Don't give in to negativity and move forward boldly. Maybe your small failure will turn into your biggest victory in time.
- Envious people are the closest competitors. They are always and everywhere trying to get on the same level with you, although you are just doing your own thing, without regard to others. Getpleasure from life without turning to those who burn you with their eyes from behind. The best weapons are confidence and a sense of humor.
- Copying the image, thinking, style. Keep your composure. Talk to someone who is jealous of you, explain the importance of being yourself, and not a copy of another person. Maybe this will be the beginning of a great friendship and you will become the one with whom the other will start big changes and good luck.
- Exaggeration of one's merit. Author Bly puts it this way: "In any environment, there are people who are filled with negativity about themselves and the environment, fictional weakness. As a rule, this is associated with financial we alth and a desire to live better than it seems in the present moment." What can be done? Admire the success of the envious. This will give him confidence.
- Belittling success. Whatever you do, the envious person will try to convince you and the environment that this is just a coincidence, and you are lucky. Unpleasant, of course, but perhaps treats this with understanding.
- False joy. How to recognize an envious person? Very simple. He will congratulate you, praise and compliment you until you leave the room.
Patience and courtesy
Why people are envious, it became clear, but what to do about it? Ideally, just stop talking. If this is not possible, be patient. As it became clear, envy is often the result of self-doubt. How to deal with envious people if you have to see each otherday within the work team? Encourage the one who envies you, praise, celebrate his successes, be polite. Remember, in any situation, you choose whether she owns you or vice versa. Look at what is happening from the outside, as if you had to play an exciting game. This technique will free you from emotions and give a larger viewing angle. A simple example: when you watch a football match, you can see the entire field, all the players. And the attention of the players is limited to the figure of the ball and its location. By being respectful and courteous to someone who hasn't had the best feelings for you, you don't get negative yourself, and you can build friendly or at least tolerant relationships for yourself.
Philosophical view
Remember: very envious people are the most unhappy at heart. Internal fear and an impressive supply of excuses do not allow you to go forward, and digesting the same negativity requires a huge expenditure of internal strength. If it is in your power, think about how you can help a person who is experiencing envy so that he becomes a little happier. Do not waste energy on conflict - the mood will deteriorate, and the problem will not go away.
Communication Rules
How to communicate with envious people with minimal damage to your own emotions? A few simple guidelines:
- Limit the time of communication to the minimum possible.
- Envious people are so because of the lack of information about how success comes. Try to talk to the person about how much effort is investedin order to have everything that is. At the very least, the interlocutor will be convinced that nothing just falls from the sky and you need to work. Maybe an envious person, having listened to what success is worth, will simply say: "I feel good as it is" - and leave you alone.
- Many have heard the saying that you need to be happy quietly. Do not spread to everyone around about success, good relations with your spouse or girlfriend. Guard your own world, and let your happiness be yours alone.
- Don't complain about failures. It will be used against you.
- Do not react to the barbs of envious people. They are just waiting for this. More confidence.
What to do if you feel jealous yourself?
How it relates to envious people is now clear, but what if you yourself are among them? The answer is simple - love yourself. Every person in the world is unique in their own way. And everyone has their own gift: someone writes poetry, someone draws pictures, and others cook superbly. What are you the best at, what is unique within your universe? When answers are found, envy will go away on its own. Because the understanding will come that there is neither the best nor the worst, there are just those who are not in their place, and the Universe is trying to reach out to a person through a streak of some kind of failures.
Even if you've been compared to a friend or older brother, let it go. Events are already in the past. It is not necessary to listen to the opinion of the environment, parents, relatives. Find and develop what is best in you, andothers will certainly notice and appreciate it.
Magic and amulets
Of course, you can find an amulet from envy, pin it, but does it work? If you believe that it will make you feel better - you can put it on. If you are not so suspicious and it is alien to you, you should not force your world. Any amulet works only if the owner sincerely believes in its power. But better than any amulet is a simple, kind attitude towards a person who experiences destructive emotions towards you. Of course, it is very difficult to be in space with such people for a long time, but think: it is difficult for you to be with an envious person for a certain amount of time, but he is with him all his life and has to endure pain.
Does envy affect he alth?
Can envy somehow affect the physical condition? Of course, there will be no direct and noticeable consequences to the eye. But on the energy level, a person may experience the following symptoms:
- Loss of vitality.
- Lack of joy and positive emotions after talking with someone who envies you.
- Stress.
- Problems at work.
- A series of minor troubles.
- Other signs of what is commonly referred to simply as the "evil eye".
Why is this happening? Envious people are not able to give positive energy into space. After all, they themselves are filled with negative emotions. Therefore, they take something good from the environment, their joys and successes, but not in physical form, but in energy form. That is why there is often a feeling of emptiness after evenshort contact with an evil and envious person. I want to sleep, there is no strength and I do not feel the joy of communication. If you yourself feel that you can no longer tolerate such an attitude towards yourself and do not want to give your success to someone, it is better to stop communicating, even if it is your best friend or childhood friend. Look for real friends who can sincerely rejoice for you.
Your relationship with the world
A person receives negative emotions from others and unpleasant situations only when he himself creates something not too pleasant inside himself. This is how the world responds to radiation into space. It is worth taking this as a signal to become better, and not as something insurmountable. And then it may happen that you yourself will understand: not all people are evil and envious, there are those who rejoice sincerely, are inspired by the successes of other people and draw joy from this. Be kind to the world and it will return the same, because you are part of it.
Advice from a psychologist
Here is what the psychologist Seltser says: "One should not look at everyone and everyone with suspicion and distrust." Not everyone will notice your success and be jealous. Instead of suspicion, it's easier to just analyze your surroundings and figure out the envious people and the reasons for this feeling.
