There are people for whom the whole world is gray and sad, they are sad, grouchy and always dissatisfied with everything. No one wants to communicate with such whiners - they avoid meeting with them, their calls are not answered, and messages are ignored. Someone more courageous and straightforward will say to such a person: “Just stop feeling sorry for yourself, everything will work out, and people will be drawn to you.” But it's not as easy to do as it is to say. To help those lost in a sea of sadness and sadness, let's figure out what kind of feeling it is, where it comes from, what it leads to, how to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start a full happy life.
Reasons
There are many reasons for this complex and difficult psychological state. Here are the most common:
- Envy. Watching the successes and achievements of others, people often wonder why this is not happening to them. For some, such an observation gives impetus to action, andothers start to just feel sorry for themselves for the fact that life is so unfair.
- Laziness. Often nothing good happens in a person's life simply because he is too lazy to do at least something, to perform at least some action to achieve the goal. I want everything to happen on its own. And when this does not happen, then the whole world around is to blame, and the person himself is so unhappy that everyone around, including himself, should feel sorry and sympathize.
- Attention and love. Many people confuse these two concepts and find nothing better than, for example, attracting the attention of an object of love or sympathy with the help of complaints and banal whining: “I’m so tired, have pity on me”, “no one loves me, hug me”, etc. Sooner or later, the soulmate gets tired of constantly regretting, the relationship is broken, and then self-flagellation moves to a new level: “I am so unhappy, I told you that no one can truly love me” and deep grief and depression begin.
This list is not exhaustive, but as a rule, many other reasons, when examined in detail, come down to one of the above points.
Consequences
What happens to those who feel sorry for themselves too often and selflessly? Their lives are bleak and dull, they often remain lonely or destroy all relationships and connections themselves, they rarely achieve success in work or business.
Unfortunately, pathological pity for oneself and one's life often leads not only to severe psychological conditions and depression. itthe phenomenon can also affect the physical he alth of a person:
- Blood pressure. From a state of constant stress and sadness, blood pressure can rise or fall (depending on the characteristics of the body) and ultimately lead to stroke and other serious diseases.
- Heart rate. Under the influence of all the same factors, the pulse either quickens or slows down, which disrupts the normal operation of the main motor of the body. Consequences: heart attacks, heart failure, etc.
- The digestive tract. Many seize their pity with sweet, starchy or fatty foods in excessive quantities, while others, on the contrary, lose their appetite and even feel nauseated. As a result, weight problems, various diseases of the digestive system, liver, kidneys, and more.
Moreover, illnesses resulting from constant stress in the form of self-pity cause even more of the same feeling, and everything starts anew and only gets worse. To break this terrible circle, there is nothing better than to stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Stop lights
To understand whether the cause of all the troubles in life is really self-pity, just answer a few simple questions:
- Are all the trials and tribulations that fall on your head deserved?
- Is life fair and does it give everyone a chance to succeed?
- Tomorrow everything will change and the world will be a better place?
- Is nobody to blame for what is happening?
- Old grievances and difficult situations long agoforgotten and no one remembers them anymore?
- Do people around have a much bigger problem?
If at least a few questions are answered in the negative, then you urgently need to tell yourself "stop" and find a way to stop whining and feeling sorry for yourself. Any doubts? Then we reread the paragraph about the consequences and think it over again.
Good start
How to stop feeling sorry for yourself? First you need to figure out exactly what factors cause this feeling. There is a great technique for this:
Step 1. Retire. No one should be around - no family, no friends, no acquaintances, no just passers-by. You can close yourself from everyone at home, you can go to nature or to a sparsely populated park. The main thing is absolute loneliness.
Step 2. Remove all irritants. If loose hair interferes, then they must be collected in a bun or ponytail. If a fly or a mosquito buzzes near the ear, then you need to find another place or drive the pest away. It is better to turn off the mobile phone for a while, and completely remove the tablet from sight.
Step 3. Calm down. Here everyone has their own ways: drink a cup of herbal tea or a glass of weak red wine, give yourself acupressure or count to ten. It is important to achieve a state of calm and tranquility.
Step 4. When the desired state is reached and nothing interferes, you need to get a blank sheet of paper and a pen. Then divide the sheet into two halves and begin to write in one column those factors, circumstances and phenomena that cause or feed self-pity. For example: overweight, big nose,low salary, lack of friends, unhappy love, etc. The list must be written slowly, thinking over each item and analyzing all aspects of your life.
Step 5. Once all the sorrows and sorrows are on paper, you can start filling in the next column. Opposite each item, you must indicate the method of elimination. You need to do this without thinking about the possibilities and prospects, that is, stepping back a little, as if we are talking about someone else. For example:
- overweight - lose 20 kg, exercise and eat right;
- big nose - learn how to properly apply makeup and choose a hairstyle to hide this lack of appearance;
- low wages - find another job;
- lack of friends - meet new people;
- unhappy love - to become beautiful and happy and let him regret the one he lost.
If the list contains difficult items, such as the loss of a loved one or childhood trauma, then a visit to a specialist (psychologist) should be indicated in the solution column.
You will get an impressive list of problems and their solutions - this will be an instruction for actions called "How to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start living." Now you need to act and do what is written, while the list itself must be saved in order to mark with a “plus” what has been done and cross out eliminated irritants with bold lines.
This path is not easy, but to make it a little easier, there issome expert advice.
Recommendation 1
How to stop feeling sorry for yourself and crying when there are like-minded people who understand, support and sympathize? These "well-wishers" must be removed from the environment. If you can’t completely move away, for example, if they are close relatives, then you need to reduce communication to the minimum amount. At the same time, in conversations, choose general topics: about the weather, about nature, about birds, etc. And do not give yourself the opportunity to feel sorry for yourself. To stop, as they say, "on the vine".
Recommendation 2
How to stop regretting missed opportunities? Use new! Every minute of your life must be devoted to some business. Find yourself a thousand and one things to do. The main thing is that there is no time left for pity and reflection on what could have been. Work, dancing, knitting, sewing, theater group, volunteering, growing flowers on the windowsill and much, much more. So life will become more interesting and full, and there will be no time for pity and tears.
Recommendation 3
It is vital for a person to communicate with his own kind, so it's time to make new acquaintances and renew lost connections. The main thing is not to complain to anyone about anything, otherwise all efforts will be in vain. For friendship, close relationships or just an interesting pastime, it is better to choose those people who have an active and positive life position. It is not difficult to find a social circle today: social networks, dating clubs, various circlesinterests”, etc.
Recommendation 4
Happiness and success can be inspired in the same way as pity and sadness. Every morning, immediately after waking up, and every evening, before going into the world of dreams, be sure to repeat to yourself: “I am happy. Everything is fine with me, and the new day will bring me only success and good luck. You need to repeat this, no matter what, even if there are temporary difficulties or troubles. Self-hypnosis is a very important good tool for those who are wondering how to stop feeling sorry for themselves.
A little relief
Of course, this list of recommendations is not complete. Everyone can, if desired, find for themselves their own way, how to stop feeling sorry for themselves and start acting. And if sometimes it’s completely unbearable, then you can give yourself a little indulgence. For example, once a month, give yourself an hour or two of time to realize what happened in life and feel sorry for yourself. But let this relaxation end not with a long depression, but with a list of new tasks to achieve great goals and victories.
