How not to get annoyed with a child if he behaves very badly is of interest to almost all parents. Every mother has felt more than once in her life that her patience is coming to an end. In such a situation, it is very important to stop so as not to cross the point of no return, when parents can yell at the child, and sometimes even hit.
Why are parents angry?
I'm irritated with children, what should I do? Before proceeding to consider this issue, you should understand the causes of anger in parents.
- Baby behavior is the most common cause of parental anger. Most often, in adults, disobedience, whims, poor school performance, unwillingness to help and aggression of the child cause anger. Parents are often lost when their children cry and cannot find a way out of the situation that has arisen. Often, when asked to calm down in the address of the baby, adults fail, which then flows into aggression.
- Stress and problems of parents. Often the angersplashes on the child, it is undeserved. Adults are very sensitive to problems at work, traffic jams, rudeness in the store, unpaid mortgages or loans, and much more. All these troubles accumulate, and subsequently lead to the fact that parents break down on their child, who is not to blame for such situations.
- Relationships within the family. When spouses are constantly busy with a child, they do not have enough time to be alone. Financial disagreements that arise between parents often result in negative emotions for children.
- Habit. Sometimes mom and dad take their anger out on their kids just because they were treated like this as kids.
Dangers of Anger
"I'm constantly irritated with my child!" If you have this feeling, then you need to start fighting it. Since speaking with a child in a raised voice or insulting him can have serious consequences:
- Difficulties in communication between parents and children in the near future. Resentment always gives rise to the emergence of internal experiences and isolation. This has a particularly negative effect on the child's psyche. But if a child gets used to shouting and insults, then his nervous system is very stable. But don't rejoice here, because as a result, such children become uncontrollable, and try to intentionally behave badly.
- Fear of their parents can lead to the fact that the child becomes aggressive towards the people around him. Such childrentend to transfer the family model of behavior to classmates. Therefore, they begin to command others, raise their voices and get angry. That is, they assert themselves in the team in ways similar to them.
- Anger on the part of parents causes children to become insecure. Subsequently, they have serious problems with self-esteem and having friends.
How to stop getting angry and annoyed with a child?
Some parents tend to yell at their own children over small things, others when the situation is completely out of control. An adult who loves his child almost always regrets that he could not contain negative emotions.
Before you can figure out how to stop being angry with your baby, you should put yourself in his place. Imagine that your loved one is running out of patience and starts yelling at you. Now put yourself in the shoes of a child who is completely dependent on you for food, housing, security and protection. He is well aware that his parents are his only sources of love, care and protection in this world, and that he has nowhere else to go. Therefore, anger towards the baby turns into a serious psychological problem for him.
Children who have been physically punished by their parents, including butt slaps, have been shown to have long-term negative effects in all aspects of life.
If children are not afraid of your screams and anger, then this means that they have worked out againstnegativity is a kind of immunity. But such a child is unlikely to behave well in the future to please his parents. In addition, he can easily succumb to the bad influence of his peers.
If you tend to talk to your children in a raised voice or reproach them for little things, then you need to understand in detail the issue of how to stop being annoyed with a child.
Create borders
It is common for adults to get angry when something annoys them. The moment of anger is already the first signal that something needs to be done. You can not scream, blame and reproach the child. Your intervention must be positive and constructive.
If you don't like what your kids are doing, explain to them that you're getting angry. Describe in detail the reason for your dissatisfaction. It can be toys scattered around the house, unwillingness to wash in the morning, and so on. Your task is to set a time limit for the child, during which he must correct the current state of affairs. Let's say: Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes. I want you to put all the toys away, wash your hands and sit down at the table by this time.”
If your anger is caused by negative events during the day, then talk to the children and explain that you are very tired and want to rest. And they are required to be quiet and calm.
Recommendations from psychologists
Most parents understand the basic principles of relationships with their children, however, how to learn not to get annoyed with a child in practice- it's more difficult. Sometimes children behave in ways that adults cannot control themselves. Therefore, in order to anticipate possible outbursts of anger in advance, you should find a way to calm down. In moments of anger, you need to stop and take a few deep breaths. Remind yourself that this is not the end of the world, but just another prank by your child.
If possible, turn on relaxing music and try to calm down. Some still use the pillow tapping method to relieve tension. Just do it in such a way that no one can see you. Otherwise, you risk scaring not only adults, but also the child. The kid will perfectly understand that the image of his head is embedded in the pillow, since it was he who provoked aggression from his mother. As a result, this picture may be preserved in the memory of the child.
Despite the famous idea that it is necessary to take out negative emotions so that they do not corrode us from the inside, no one has the right to pour out their anger on another person.
Moreover, studies show that when a person expresses his anger in a moment of anger, his irritation only intensifies. So discharge your anger through physical activity, it will be much easier to communicate with the interlocutor.
Listen to your feelings of anger
"I get irritated with my child for any reason", this is the phrase that can be heard from most mothers whose children are going through the stages of growing up. Anger, anger and other feelings are an integral part of our lives. And only we are responsible for how to deal withthem. It is very important to understand that if we do something in a fit of emotion, we would not do it in a calm state.
Sometimes moms tend to get mad at their kids because they're tired. They need to be fed, put to bed, played with, and so on. But the baby is not to blame for this, and mommy just takes out her anger from fatigue on him. It is very important to be aware of this fine line. After all, the fact that you get tired is not the child’s fault, but perhaps it is your spouse who does not take on part of the responsibility for caring for the baby. Or maybe you yourself are to blame for this, as you rely solely on your own strength.
Avoid physical force
There is another area of emotional weakness in parents. Young mothers sometimes honestly admit: "I get very annoyed with a child when she cries, what should I do?" In this case, it is recommended to keep your composure. Despite the fact that tears are caused by hysteria or whims, you should control yourself. Having spanked your child, you can calm down only for a while, and then you will really regret what you did. Moreover, physical punishment can negate all the good things you do for your baby.
In order not to break loose on the child, you must do everything possible. First, leave the room and calm down. If you could not restrain yourself and you spanked the baby, then be sure to apologize to him and try to strengthen the shaken relationship. Show him that you were very angry, but love him very much no matter what.
Andremember that it is better to prevent the occurrence of such problems than to restore trust with the baby.
Child is a mirror of parents
Why a child gets irritated is of interest to many parents. In order for the baby to learn to manage his emotions, he needs an example. Therefore, it is so important for parents to learn to restrain anger, screams and irritation towards their child.
Remember that children do not tend to do something out of spite. He can scatter toys, pour compote or stain clothes completely by accident. So treat your child like a child. And if once again the baby misbehaves, then keep in mind the idea that he is still small.
Relax
How to stop being annoyed with a child when there is not enough strength to explain the same thing several times? Often such questions are asked by mothers who are almost on the verge of nervous exhaustion. If you feel tired, then you just need to rest. In such situations, you need to act on the principle of a possible plane crash: first we put on an oxygen mask on ourselves, and then we take care of the baby. Such an “oxygen mask” can be a change of scenery for a while, taking a relaxing bath, watching your favorite series, and so on. Everyone has their own way to relax and unwind.
Stay on the side of the kids
The question of how not to get annoyed with a child, we examined in detail. But sometimes situations arise when holding back anger is unrealistic. Children often do thingsthat force parents to raise their voice despite all the ways of self-soothing.
It is very important here to show the baby that despite the fact that you are very angry with him, you still remain on his side. You just need to figure out the current situation together and explain to him what he is to blame for.
Work on yourself
It is very important for every mother to work out the reasons for her anger towards the child, as well as analyze the situation in detail. Perhaps during the analysis you will find a lot of alternative ways to solve the problem, avoiding irritation, anger and screaming. It is very important for parents to work on controlling their emotions in relation to their own children, since negativity disrupts the psyche of a small person. Sometimes it's good for mom to cry. This method helps to get out of feelings of irritation and anger through tears.
Learn to be a parent
"I get irritated when a baby cries." How often do you hear this phrase from your parents? Probably, every mother at least once complained about her baby when he behaves badly or throws tantrums for no reason. Yes, it is infuriating and makes you seriously nervous. But you need to be aware that this is only your child, and his development as a person depends on your reaction.
Feel free to read books on parenting. Professional parenting qualifications need to be improved, like any other. Moreover, understanding the reasons for your child's behavior in various situations significantly reduces the incidents thatcontribute to the mother's irritation and anger.
The role of parenting
It is important to reflect on your role in the life of the baby, and then it will be easier to understand how not to get annoyed with the child. Remember that parenting is the foundation for building relationships between parents and children. Babies grow quickly, and after a while, educational functions will leave your life, and only relationships that develop over the years will remain. And what it will be - warmth and closeness or a feeling of alienation and a lot of resentment - depends solely on the parents.
Your baby is the best
So we have come to the end of the consideration of the topic related to how not to get annoyed with your child. Perhaps the most important advice is for parents to remember that their child is the best in the world. And in a fit of anger, they remembered all his positive qualities. When you feel like yelling at your child, remember how much you love him and be proud of him.
But this does not mean at all that you should let your child get away with everything. You just need to approach the process of education very competently so as not to lose confidence in the eyes of your baby.
