People since ancient times have been aware of the importance of the ability to conduct a dialogue, since the ability to correctly convey information and correctly understand the interlocutor's thought depends on the social status of a person in society, and the quality of his personal life. There are many solutions to interpersonal communication deficiencies and rules that anyone who is thinking about improving their social skills should know better. How to become a good conversationalist in the company of friends and alone with a person of interest?
5 signs of a good conversationalist
All well-known psychologists teach that before you get a portion of positive emotions from your interlocutor, win his interest in yourself and in general it is pleasant to stand out against the general background, you must, first of all, sincerely sympathize with your counterpart. Falsehood is one of the most easily recognizable types of deceit, and once convicted of it, one will no longer find mutual understanding among opponents.
A concise description of a good interlocutor looks something like this:
- he is interested in many things and therefore it is easysupports conversations on a variety of topics;
- one of his main features is a sense of humor;
- he is positive, able to find a way out of any confusing situation;
- he is attentive to the stories of his interlocutors, always keeps the thread of the conversation and actively participates in it;
- he has developed a sense of empathy.
For a person who wants to be known as interesting and versatile, erudition is, of course, important, but not as much as the ability to use all one's knowledge. It is not enough to know how to drive a car - you also need to be able to get into it and drive. Therefore, good theoretical knowledge must be supported by the ability to apply most ideas in practice.
How to be a good conversationalist for a girl
Girls know how to be attentive listeners, give their support and understanding, but before receiving all these benefits, the guy needs to prove that he deserves them. Therefore, even if the guy is not typical of the role of the protagonist of a romantic film, he will have to borrow at least for a while the qualities that, according to the girls, make a “dream man” out of an ordinary interlocutor.
What are these qualities:
- The ability to subtly joke (but not ridicule), to give a touch of positivity to each of your thoughts.
- The ability to admire, and, above all, those details of the girl's appearance that she herself tries to emphasize. This also includes the skill of "not noticing" the obvious flaws in the image of the interlocutor.
- Showing interest in literally everything shetells. This is characterized by well-timed leading questions and encouraging remarks.
Girls don't like it when during a conversation a man "runs" his eyes around or around their figure. You can be a hardened introvert and utter no more than 2-3 words during the entire conversation and be forgiven for it, but the owner of the "evasive" look will never see such privileges.
How to become a good conversationalist for a man
The mistake of many women who want to arouse the interest of a man is the haste with which they seek to reveal to him all their beneficial sides. At best, the guy will consider the interlocutor frivolous, but will continue to communicate, at worst, he will lose all interest in her.
How to become the best interlocutor for a stranger and remember him from a pleasant side:
- Step aside moral teachings and get ready to approve - the more "likes" a guy gets for his actions and behavior, the more likely he is to be interested.
- No need to compare your opponent with anyone - men really appreciate their uniqueness.
- Don't be too open to a stranger and talk about your past - general information will be enough.
- Don't pry a man for personal information.
- You need to show at least a little sense of humor and be sure to encourage glimpses of it in the interlocutor - guys put their ability to entertain high.
It is very important to understand that men do not take hints, and ifa woman wants to continue communication, she should say directly at the end of the conversation that she was very pleased to talk with such an interesting person. If this is not done, the man will most likely perceive the silence as dissatisfaction with him and will try to retreat.
The ability to listen and the ability to hear
It is important for any individual to realize his significance, which is manifested in the great value of everything that happens in his life. However, it is possible to give weight to most events only if they are shown to another person, and here the qualitative selection of a worthy listener comes into play. In 10 cases out of 10, a person will carry the news about his achievements or a story about the disasters that have befallen him to someone who has already once shown himself to be an attentive interlocutor and has thus earned the right of the first priority.
How to be a better conversationalist and a great listener:
- observe in the conversation the ratio of silent attention and efficient comments about 5:1;
- moderately show emotions that betray keen interest;
- never interrupt the speaker;
- be able to recognize pauses during which the interlocutor is waiting for comments on what was said.
Of course, it can be difficult to keep attention on the problems of another person, but if the counterpart suspects that he has tired the listener, he will withdraw into himself and no longer want to be frank with this person. Therefore, it is necessary to concentrate on the storyline of the story and consciously perceive what you hear.
Mastery to beheard
How to become a better conversationalist? Making yourself heard in the right context is perhaps the pinnacle of the art of communication, because each person seeks to take out of the conversation only what is close and useful to him. It is necessary to constantly scan his reaction, evaluating both verbal and non-verbal signs of the counterpart.
Signs of fatigue of the interlocutor, expressed in gestures of impatience or fatigue, will indicate that words are wasted in vain - the person has already lost the thread of the conversation and is not able to conduct a dialogue. In this case, you can try to return the attention of the counterpart by the classic reception of lecturers - to say some unexpected stupidity, to joke, to drop a book, a pencil. You can quickly direct the listener's attention to himself by asking him a question or asking his opinion on what was said.
For "chronic silent" training to improve oratory skills will be useful. Psychologists advise for this purpose to spend 10 minutes daily discussing an arbitrary topic with oneself. You need to do this while standing in front of a large mirror and watching your gestures, directness of gaze, freedom and ease of posture.
Recommendations from psychologists
How to become a better conversationalist? At trainings conducted to improve the communication skills of leaders, psychologists focus the attention of listeners on the importance of the following key points for productive communication:
- voice intonation - moderately low, trustworthy, warm;
- attention to non-verbal signals sent by the opponent;
- timely switching the interlocutor's attention to increase his activity in the dialogue;
- the ability to participate in a conversation not only with words, but also with the body, that is, to send competent non-verbal signs yourself;
- eliminate words and parasitic phrases that clog speech;
- information savvy;
- positive approach.
One of the preferred options for solving the issue of how to become a better interlocutor is to track your speech for 2-3 days, for which you need to discreetly record all your dialogues with people on a voice recorder. Then, during one evening, all the recordings are listened to and an objective assessment is made of the identified communication skills. At the same time, it will become clear what aspects of speech will have to be worked on.
Rules of communication from D. Carnegie
Most modern theories about communication literacy are borrowed from the greatest motivational psychologist of all time, Dale Carnegie. An easy way to become a good conversationalist in his presentation is to follow a few rules:
- absence of any critical remarks regarding the opponent;
- the ability to make complements without falsehood and flattery;
- sincere interest in the interlocutor;
- the ability to give a person what he needs most;
- smiling, openness;
- empathy;
- willingly admitting you were wrong.
According to Carnegie, an easy way to become a good conversationalist is to stop tryingto please people and set yourself the goal of seeing in each opponent, first of all, good, attractive qualities. To do this, you can use a simple exercise - having met a person, list 10 pleasant features of a new acquaintance to yourself and completely ignore even visible shortcomings.
Just a few weeks of this practice will do something incredible - it will completely change a person's view of the world around him, add positivity to him, inspire him to new partnerships and, most importantly, discover in him the best friend and excellent conversationalist.
