Acceptance is a modern concept in psychology that is becoming more and more popular every day. If a person finds himself in some difficult situation, then first of all he is advised to accept it. In the event of a quarrel with a loved one, you are also recommended to simply accept him as he is. There is also acceptance of oneself, without which it is very difficult to live happily and in harmony with oneself. But what is the definition of the concept and when is it needed?
Description of the situation
Very often advice regarding acceptance makes us resentful and irritated. Self-acceptance is associated with inaction, defeat and despair.
Just accept - it's like we need to accept and live the way we live, not changing anything, but only learning to enjoy it. As if we need to give up all hopes and dreams, fold our hands and stop moving forward, convince ourselves that everything is already so good. Naturally, ateach person is protesting.
But is this the same acceptance of yourself and others? Why is it needed and what is worth taking and what is not?
Determining Acceptance
This is a very important concept that is used in practical psychology. But it causes many difficulties, because it has become an everyday concept, the essence and meaning of which easily change depending on the context, time and characteristics of each person.
There are two kinds of acceptance. One of them is used in science, and the other in psychotherapy and practical psychology. If we talk about the strict concept of acceptance of someone or something, then this is a voluntary consent to close interaction that occurs without protests and negative emotions.
As far as practical psychology is concerned, acceptance hides something else. In a nutshell, this can be described as not being angry or angry, regardless of the situation and the people who surround you. Accept another person - do not criticize him or scold him for being different from you or not meeting your ideas. Accept yourself - stop blaming yourself for not being perfect.
The myth of Procrustes
It is very difficult for many to realize and understand the system of acceptance. After all, how difficult it is to learn to accept yourself, close your eyes to the shortcomings of another person, which, in your opinion, are unworthy and wrong. The irony is that the harder you try to do this, the more you will dislike the idea. So what to do?
Remember the ancient Greek myth,who talks about Procrustes. He was a robber who lured strangers who passed by his house to his home. Then he laid the man on his bed. If she was short for him, then Procrustes cut off from the person what, in his opinion, was unnecessary. If the bed was large, then on the contrary, it stretched the pedestrian until he began to match the size of the bed.
I don't think he did it because he was just really angry. Most likely, he sincerely believed that all people should be the same size, and therefore, such as he himself defined. That's why he wanted to fit everyone the same size.
In any case, the expression "Procrustean bed" can be heard in our time. It very well conveys the meaning of the concept of "acceptance". If I don’t like something, then I don’t want to accept it, which means I have an internal protest. It seems to a person that he knows what is right and what is not, and "how it should be." Therefore, he wants to fit everything to his measure.
What's happening to us?
Due to the fact that a person does not want to accept something, he spends his energy, nerves and life on thoughts and empty talk about things that are beyond his control. Thus, people stop feeling responsible for their own happiness, for inner harmony with themselves and for their peace of mind. They explain their position by the fact that they cannot be happy people in such a complex and wrong world.
All forces go to what cannot be changed. People begin to educate their loved ones andrelatives, manipulate them and tell them how and what to do. Although they could have put their own affairs in order instead. When we still manage to “fit” another person, we simply amuse our ego and pride, thus creating the illusion that we control everything around.
Acceptance is an active process, so nothing will change if you don't act. These two concepts should not be confused. Accepting something does not mean that you no longer need to try and correct unpleasant situations in order to make your life better. This concept has absolutely nothing to do with:
- Self-deception.
- Escape from reality.
- Inaction.
- Tolerance and forgiveness.
- Indifference.
- Submission.
- Submission.
- Stopped in development.
This is one of the methods of dealing skillfully and consciously with the world and experience. The order of acceptance may be different, but its main point is that you need to stop fighting reality, because it is meaningless. Understand and accept that reality can be uncomfortable and painful, but that's okay.
Manifestations of acceptance
In order to successfully learn to receive, you need to:
- Come to terms with the fact that you can be hurt and unpleasant. Make room for these painful experiences.
- Admit to yourself that you can lose and have the right to make a mistake.
- Stop trying to control your emotions, they have nothingbad.
- Allocate areas of responsibility for yourself.
What does it mean to accept yourself and the world around you?
Acceptance is being in harmony with the world and reality. Accept what is happening within you and around you. One method of acceptance is that you acknowledge and accept objective reality. Learn to allow what happens to be, even if it's not what you wanted. Allow something to be just the way it is. In other words, it is an internal agreement with what is happening and what is. Acceptance of someone means that you allow them to be who they are.
Learn to accept the feelings of the people around you. Just let them exist inside the other person. Let him have and experience exactly the feelings that he feels and has.
To accept some events or reality in general is to give them the right to be.
Learn to recognize
If you don't learn to accept, you won't be able to interact constructively with the world and the people around you. Is it possible to pick a pear if you do not recognize that it hangs on this tree and on this branch? You can always deny its existence, argue and even condemn its birth. You may think that she shouldn't be here. But it's here, hanging right in front of you. If you accept reality, then only then will you be able to contact it, through which you will be able to achieve changes or take full advantage of its benefits.
Accept means to accept what is. Without any conditions or reasons. Acceptance is necessary in relation to two people, in relation to oneself or to something. It can be various actions that take place in relation to you, it can be some quality of the character of another person or yours. It can be your grief or joy, poverty or we alth. It’s just that we can’t always understand what it is and why it happens to us, why all this is needed.
Trust reality
You can't accept anything if you don't trust yourself and reality. You need to trust that everything has its own meaning, that everything is for a reason. Perhaps you just don't realize it at the moment, but it's needed for something more important and meaningful.
Under acceptance is something even more important. Start looking for meaning in what is happening, what is and what can be. Take advantage of this. Think about exactly what reality wants to teach you. What are you teaching yourself, your body, your thoughts. Find the secret that is hidden in you and your soul.
Other highlights
Acceptance does not mean evaluating a process or situation. You need to learn to accept everything unconditionally, not to divide into good and bad, and also not to evaluate.
It also means living in the present moment without any subjunctive. One should not think about what the present could be or what it should be. Don't think about howyou wanted it to be. Become aware of how it is now, and then agree and accept it. Just accept that it is and give it the right to be. This is what it means to accept.
If we do not accept something in ourselves or in another person, we deny ourselves a lot and waste our energy instead of using what we have. Instead of using it for the benefit of ourselves or others, we simply waste our life forces.
How to accept yourself?
In order to accept yourself, you need to reconsider your ideas about yourself, your plans and desires. Ask yourself a few questions:
- Do I know myself well?
- Are my beliefs as true as I think?
- Do I need to move in the direction I have chosen for myself?
- Do I want to realize my desires?
Try being honest with yourself about what you really want. If instead of a big and noisy family you want loneliness, there is nothing wrong with that, that is your desire. If you enjoy doing some useless activity that others consider it to be, then you should not stop doing it, because it brings you pleasure.
Always listen to your feelings in everything. Think about it, do you feel good now, at this particular time period? How are you feeling? What do you like and what makes you upset in your real life?
There are times when you need to abandon rational assessments, and give everything to the power of sensations. Or just give up the idea of changing yourself for a while, just start living the way you are.
What happens after acceptance
By accepting yourself and the world, you will feel tremendous relief and release from the constant burden that was on your shoulders. All the energy that was once spent on maintaining an illusory picture of the world in your head, on trying to change yourself and others, can now be directed in a different direction.
It can be creativity, work, relationships or family. Think about what makes more sense and what should you spend your life on - protesting or accepting, which is fraught with success?
Acceptance is harmony in oneself and with the world. This is what really changes you and your life.
