The Rules of 3 Dates (or the Reciprocity Exchange Method) help build relationships and lay the foundation for a life together. And sometimes they become a gravestone for born love. The problem is acute even in the current generation. The modern age, quick feelings, sharp reciprocity and mountains of oversight are the main enemies of youth. What to do on a first date, how not to lose attractiveness in the eyes of a man, and what to give girls - we will find out further.
Some statistics for the attractiveness of consciousness
Love and relationships are what a kid faces at school or kindergarten, when a girl likes it, and what adults have difficulty with when they want to strengthen a couple, recreate feelings. Two people always need to work on this, for a couple is the responsibility of both. Statistics in this area are conducted by various American and Russian colleges and universities. So, students from Russia decided to conduct a social survey, which revealed the true problem of all couples:
- Women always think they are prettier and more attractive than men. Because of this, 12% of people are disappointed with the firstmeeting. At the same time, 28% of the total number continue to get to know each other better, but soon completely break off all sorts of ties, burn bridges, delete phone numbers.
- Smell from the mouth is the main problem on the second date. If there are decayed teeth in the mouth, take care that these 64% of the population of the country are not oppressed by an unpleasant odor. Heal your teeth, brush your teeth, eat mint. Don't eat onions, you're not in Austria.
- The problem with online dating - in 57% of cases partners are dissatisfied with the appearance of the other. Unjustified expectations, a reality that is not comparable to what was seen in the photo on the page of the subject of sigh.
Otherwise, everything is fine, but there are some comments from people who confessed to "sins". They assume that they are smarter and wittier than their partners. This applies to both men and women. The first meeting is always exciting, so sometimes they overestimate their capabilities. Men and women took part in the survey - you need to rate yourself on a ten-point scale. Each "loved" himself by 7-8 points, while the partners gave a lower score to the satellite.
From here questions, unrest, fair conclusions arise: what is the meaning of the theory, how does it work? Let us dwell on this in more detail, consider in detail all the pros and cons of practice according to theory. After all, this question worries not only the beautiful half of humanity, but also the strong one.
What does the three date rule mean: perspectives, tactics and seduction method
The model itself consists of three successive steps, which each time increase the force of attraction of partners, give rise to excitement and dot all the "i":
- First date means getting to know each other. This is the time to build a conversational practice that helps you understand which person is listening and who likes to talk. The process can take a long time and stretch over several dates. The first or even the second date with a girl does not mean that you have 2-3 hours of time in which you must please.
- Scientists have proved that love at first sight exists, and it takes 3-7 seconds to fall in love with a partner. At the same time, a person feels dispelled distrust, opens up on the other side, becomes, as it were, vulnerable in the face of a partner. The first rendezvous was successful, and on the second, acquaintance with the person begins - you will learn each other's hobbies, interests, approximately compare your habits and principles, material and spiritual values.
- If it was not possible to achieve an arrangement on the second date, there will be no third. At the last meeting, according to the theory, each partner already knows whether the relationship will continue or not.
The first meeting and the second behind, the third remains. On it, men, as a rule, “squeeze” the girl so that she loses her vigilance. This is not a strategy, but a complex of the inside of a strong half of the population, living in the consciousness and subconscious of a person. It all starts with a "standard set" of courtship:
- Flowers being offered. In addition, her favoritecandy.
- A bear or plush toy is a cute way to remind yourself when a man is not around.
- Cafes, restaurants, going to the theater - spending time together as an imitation of a family weekend.
Usually, guys are counting on a continuation, and girls think that this is the end of opportunities. It's time to evaluate all investments and efforts. And often after that there is a pause when no one calls. Guys think they didn't care enough. Girls are waiting for something more interesting, as they say, raising the bar to the next level. Psychologists say that the point of the three-date theory is to evaluate, test each other, and then decide whether to continue.
How to understand that he is the one?
In order not to lose one's head from illusions, it is enough for girls to ask one single question before coming up with names for common children and choosing a picture of a dress from a wedding catalog: "Should a woman work?" Further, it should be clear what a person breathes and lives, what kind of family man and husband he will be.
Some phrases kill male consciousness and understanding. And in order not to inadvertently miss your fateful meeting, man, family in the future, ask everything that gnaws at you on the last date. This will allow you to prioritize, to understand how a man thinks, what he wants. If he really thinks that a woman is made for work, he does not see you as a mother, but only as an object for earning. This is a weak side - to see a male core in a woman and try to correct the lack of your gut financially andopportunities.
If a man grew up in a we althy family, he knows the value of words and deeds, things, he will not talk about a woman's debts to him or the family. Indeed, no one owes anything, there is only mutual respect. If a man is a breadwinner, a woman is a keeper of the hearth, then her work should bring pleasure, and she will be able to "plow" in the kitchen, in kindergarten before the matinee, at meetings in schools and on the eve of the registry office, shedding tears.
How to find the right one to marry?
If you think that it is not fashionable for men to wait until the age of 30 for a fateful meeting and enter into legal relationships, it is better for men not to read the article further. Now we are talking about the third date, when the girl is "still decent", but is already ready for something more. Do not confuse this with intimate connection and decisiveness for "all at once." Girls have their own ideas about the limits of what is permitted and measures of decency. If we deviate from principles and science with theories, then in practice everyone decides for himself when to start sexual relations, and when to continue spiritual acquaintance.
Nowadays, unfortunately, some young people do not consider rash acts to be foolishness or a sound decision. For some, a meeting given by fate comes immediately, for some, even a year is not enough to sort out feelings and ambitions.
The rule of 3 dates only prescribes behavior, but does not limit the couple in desires and actions. To resolve controversial situations, you should be guided by conversations - listen to each other and make decisions together, even if youit seems that they have known each other for a long time, you know everything about a person. Your "skeletons" in the closet are not yet available, so do not rush to get them out of the closet and install them like a monument above the bed. Don't get into the soul - you can't know what a person went through before he met you. You should not be reminded of mutual respect, where each side, male and female, has the right to a word. And no matter what it is, offensive or subjective.
Dating theory through the eyes of a womanizer: how not to fall under the yoke of passions?
The tactic works pretty much the same as the standard seduction scheme. A womanizer man can meet anywhere - a club, bus stop, transport, university, and more. His main task is to seduce and impress the girl to want to come on a date. As a rule, acquaintance begins and ends within half an hour. The second stage is the sacrament of the meeting, at which he will not tell about himself, because there is still a third date ahead. Why reveal all the cards? As soon as he wins favor, he will try to leave.
For him, there are no rules for 3 dates, or rather they are, but they are accepted by him in a different interpretation. During this time, he shows himself from the best side to get the result. The method is suitable for those men who have been deprived of female attention since childhood. They need to feel needed, leaders, conquerors. Psychologists say that this is preceded by low self-esteem of a person who was abandoned, humiliated and disliked in a previous relationship.
Girlsone should carefully perceive hints, a secret message for something more, since a man, fascinated by himself, cannot correctly capture the feelings of a girl as an interlocutor. By the way, the guy will not talk about himself either on the first or on the second date.
How effective is the theory?
It is believed that after the last meeting, young people should not see each other for at least 3 days in order to understand whether feelings have flared up or not. To continue the relationship, the right pace and tact are chosen. A bored couple will be doomed to building a relationship, of course, if over the horizon the man does not find another "victim" of seduction for self-assertion.
Also, the rule of 3 dates says that this is the prerogative of men, rather than the beautiful half of humanity. They are the ones created to find the means to catch the prey.
- The essence of a man's understanding of the seduction strategy comes down to obtaining approval, consent to further dates and everything that implies a positive response.
- If a girl asked for a date, it can scare a man. Rather, this situation will be natural for those couples where the woman is like a "man in a skirt", and the guy is a pacifist who wants to look at the world through rose-colored glasses.
- The effectiveness of theory and practice will be maximized if both parties take into account each other's wishes. It would seem that respect and the ability to listen come with time, perhaps in the 20th year of marriage. However, psychologists say that first dates are always so exciting that they push a person to rash acts. And it always revealspotentials and opens eyes to the "upstart", egoist and selfish "macho".
In our age of the rapid struggle for life, which flows out from under your feet, it is considered normal if a girl invited you on a date. There is no time to wait for praise when he calls or writes. It is because of this indecision that many girls cross (oh, what a horror) the line of grandmothers, hoping to speed up the dating process. It is not uncommon to see a woman with a bouquet of flowers intended for a partner. In this case, the man does not need to be afraid of the "rival" at all, but to make friends. Surely, deep down, the lady will open up as a gentle romantic or appear as an ally in playing World of Tanks.
If she is a man, or How to put yourself in front of a girl with ambitions and a male core?
There are nice-looking ladies who prefer to take matters into their own hands. A sort of "necks and heads" who think for the stronger sex, make a decision and fulfill it, keeping their word. Men need to understand that they have an "ideal" before them, whom they are not ashamed to take to football, to offer a game of chess. However, no one cancels the theory about the rules of 3 dates for girls:
- They will wait for the first steps from the gentleman, but their absence will not be a surprise.
- Such young ladies always know what they want. If you don't offer them something, they will do it for you. It's scary, but a man is a rather "brave" creature who will have to make up for lost time and live up to the expectations of a companion.
Nextwith such girls, you do not need to think about what to do on a first date. The program for the evening has already been drawn up, and you are needed for extras, no matter how rude it may sound. The case when the two change places in the physiological sense. Why not? Also a good experience, quite interesting for both.
Is it dangerous to mess with "simples" who are actually "hysterics"?
We are talking about that half of the fair sex that waits on a date for the first steps, is silent when meeting and smiles, looking into the depths of the soul through the eyes. And it seems, nothing alarming, but the look and mystery, like a devil in a whirlpool. Such girls definitely need bouquets of flowers - a game by the rules, but nothing more. Harmless thoughts will sooner or later lead the girl to the question: "Why doesn't he call for marriage?"
It can happen on the third or tenth date, it doesn't matter, but it will still be to think through conjectures in search of an answer. Men do not need to be afraid of such behavior, because the girl is driven by self-awareness. Psychologists explain this as a psychological trauma that is rooted in the family. Unsuccessful marriage of grandmother, mother or, conversely, father, grandfather. But the priests look at it from a completely different angle:
- A woman by nature was born for marriage - building a family, having and caring for family values, giving birth and raising children. At the same time, she does not mind working, cooking, respecting her husband, indulging him.
- These subconscious girls don't like uncertainty. If the guy is notsays when a wedding date is set, a woman starts to get lost - time goes by, she gets old.
- The biological clock is the main problem of such beauties. A man, as you know, can conceive his first child at 35 or 40 years old. It is desirable for a girl to give birth to her first child before the age of 30, because "the farther into the forest, the more complications."
From here arise prejudices, haste, awareness of life passed by. A woman begins to crush a man from the first day with questions like: "How many children do you want? What names will we choose for children? Imagine, grandchildren come, and a cat has settled with us …" Such conversations not only scare, they repel a man. He, as a reasonable person, believes that the girl is ready for anything for the sake of her goals, not paying attention to the essence of the message of her thoughts. In such couples, the rules of etiquette on a date practically do not apply, they are out of place there.
Instead of the notorious cafe, a man should take care of an acceptable place to conduct such conversations on a second date. There, the couple will get to know the features of each other's worldview more closely. In general, the rules of behavior on dates are conditional, they are not established by someone, they are not prescribed by law or the church. Everyone is looking for a "foothold" for establishing and continuing relations.
How to build a dialogue if you do not know the psychological type of the interlocutor?
When it's decided where to invite the girl on the 1st date, another dilemma follows: what to talk about or how to extend the time together. Not an easy task, butsolved like an equation in algebra.
- First find out how the person views things that are important to them. Then ask questions about your values. Your partner doesn't have to share your views.
- Men are encouraged to ask rather than talk about themselves. Whoever leads the conversation gets more facts. It is here that a guy can find out the type of a woman, and she can show herself in all her glory, not only outwardly.
- A narcissist will always demand loy alty. It doesn't matter if you give it to him or not, he will ask, remind.
- Men who can't help but look in the mirror will look for ways to gain respect for their person. At the same time, on the 3-4th date, he will want complete obedience from you, as from property.
- Jealous people and owners will not miss the chance to take possession of you. Mentally, without intimacy. As soon as you open up to him, wait for the request to provide a phone for verification.
- Insecure men don't mind being neutral or even signing a non-aggression pact on their territory before the 8th or 10th date. Time drags on slowly. By the end of the first year of dating (you can’t say otherwise), the guy will want to move on to more serious steps. Only until this moment, your couple will remain free relationships.
- Some men take the theory of three dates as an axiom, planning to get that treasured forbidden fruit on the last one. At the same time, no effort is made, there is no effort in seduction.
The last type of man is not looking for options where you can take a girl on a first date, liketo invite to the second, third… This is comparable to the expectation of wages, when there are three days left until the end of the month. Efficiency does not increase, the sales plan does not, but the right time towards the end pleases, as if a miracle is about to happen.
Why don't the rules work?
There is still that type of woman who does not consider either theory or practice as a means to move forward in terms of dating and making relationships or useful connections. They are not used to experiencing feelings on themselves. The 3 date rules for men may not work in their favor, as for a woman it is a fuse against surprise and spontaneity.
Sabrina Alexis in her book He's Not That Complicated talks about the ability to understand what a man wants from you: easy meetings and relationships, seduction and passion, or sex without commitment. There is a saying by an unknown author:
The situation is in the hands of the woman before sex. As soon as she gets into bed with a man, she will lose control and power over him.
You can agree or disagree with this, but sex does affect people's relationships. They will become stronger or even turn into banal spontaneous meetings for the sake of "sporting interest." You can endlessly accuse the stronger sex of cultural prejudices, bad upbringing or natural inclinations, but the fact remains: a woman decides to give or not to give a man power after bed; a man decides whether to give a woman obligations in hisperformance.
There are men like Al Pacino who are ready to marry at first sight. This scares, but does not repel girls who are able to go on an adventure. In addition, there is a benefit - the lack of dates, waste of time and effort. If the rules don't work for men, it's pretty embarrassing for girls to face the truth:
- She will insist on continuing the meetings.
- She screams silently: "I just got alone with the man of my dreams on the 3rd date!"
- He will think that once is enough, it's time to move on.
Really, these rules are out of thin air - some don't work. Although some completely watch them and observe them like a meal. It doesn't matter how much time you spent together, the main thing is how, where, what happened between you. A negligible percentage of people agree to continue the relationship after early sex. Nevertheless, he is, despite the fact that women practically do not lose interest in a man after a joint meeting of the dawn.
