All children dream of becoming adults as soon as possible. But what happens when the long-awaited time comes? Carefree time is behind, and ahead are endless duties, responsibility, testing one's abilities. The words "need" and "should" take root in the lexicon. A person finds himself under the cap of his own hopes, led astray and at a loss. Psychologists call this state a quarter-life crisis. In this article, we will get acquainted with the description, causes and ways to overcome this psychological phenomenon.
Description
The quarter-life crisis covers the period from 20 to 35 years. Sometimes the beginning of it coincides with the transition of a teenager into adulthood. A person faces a serious choice. Which way to go next? What is more important: self-realization or personal life? These questions cause confusion, confusion, fear, frustration.
The term "quarter-life crisis" was first used inbook of the same name in 2001 and formulated by analogy with a midlife crisis. The authors were two 25-year-old American women - Abby Wilner and Alexandra Robbins, working in the New Yorker magazine. They had similar experiences at the same time.
The study of the psychological state itself was started by Eric Erickson back in the 90s. He proposed the concept of eight crises that a person usually encounters during his development. One of the first is the “proximity crisis”. According to the psychologist, between the ages of 18 and 25, young people are especially eager to establish "intense" romantic relationships. In case of failure in the personal sphere, feelings of loneliness and depression arise. They inevitably affect all areas of human life, introducing imbalance into them.
Signs
In addition to depressive moods, the list of signs of a quarter-life crisis includes other phenomena. They help to accurately “diagnose.”
- I want to do something crazy, but indecision holds me back. For example, because of the pressure of the daily routine, there is a desire to drop everything and go to India, live in an ashram. But there are doubts whether this will bring happiness and freedom. And if this is a mistake, will it be possible to return to the previous life? Or maybe you should decide on something else?…
- Tormented by nostalgia for school and student times. They were truly carefree. Then the most difficult question was what to wear to prom. And now a person feels that he is stuck between childhood and adulthood.life. Only memories can brighten up this situation, but after them a bitter residue of hopelessness remains.
- The thought of budgeting is scary. The start of adulthood comes with financial responsibilities. Payment for utilities, food, entertainment, transport and other things requires careful and careful calculation. And a person is often simply not ready for this.
- There is a sudden fear of failure. At the university, it was possible to skip seminars, retake tests and change faculty in case of an erroneous choice. Adult life does not give such concessions. It is necessary to act decisively and for sure, to choose once and correctly. This is what causes fear.
- Became bored with friends. Relaxing in a club with a noisy company no longer seems like an attractive idea. More and more people want to spend the evening alone. Friendships are weakening. There is a misunderstanding.
- Unjustified expectations oppress. As a child, adult life seemed successful, interesting and eventful. But in reality, everything turned out differently. Glooming the situation is the achievement of peers.
The presence of at least one sign is an alarm signal. It is necessary to find the cause of the psychological stagnation that has begun.
Reasons
The quarter-life crisis, like any other phenomenon, has its origins. Among them, experts identified three main ones:
- Parent pressure. They are older, and therefore wiser, more experienced and more far-sighted. They are absolute authorities. But their concern is not always helpful. Child,Being already in the adult period, he tries to justify parental expectations. To do this, he neglects his own desires and guidelines.
- Information space. Virtual life has brought people closer. Now, without leaving your home, you can find out where your neighbor traveled, what kind of car they gave to a classmate, and how many children a childhood friend has. Receiving information of this nature, the subconscious involuntarily launches a comparison program, which entails a depressive mood, dissatisfaction with one's own life.
- False beliefs. Society and the media form a certain stereotype of success. As a rule, the measure here is material income. Very often this causes not only a crisis of a quarter of life, but also an inferiority complex in 30-year-olds. Another erroneous belief is that financial fortune can be "put together" without effort and talent. And when unrealistic expectations collide with reality, the crisis is felt most acutely.
Some psychologists associate the concept of a quarter-life crisis with generation Y. These are young people born after 1981. They deliberately delay the transition to adulthood by staying as long as possible in the parental home.
Phases
Researcher from the University of Greenwich (London) Oliver Robinson has been studying the mechanisms of the quarter-life crisis for several years. According to them, this phenomenon usually lasts no more than two years and ends with a positive result. The individual is aware of the problem andafter considering several options, finds a suitable solution. During this time, he goes through four phases of a quarter-life crisis:
- At first, a young person feels hopeless and driven into the framework of a career or personal relationship. But even though he is free, he still doesn't feel relieved.
- In the second stage of the quarter-life crisis comes the understanding of the need for change. A person no longer suffers, but explores opportunities according to his interests. That is, he begins to look for his own path of development. What he can, and, most importantly, wants to do.
- In the third phase, a person moves on to the restructuring of his life. To do this, he needs to get rid of everything superfluous and revise the value system.
- And, finally, at the final stage of the quarter-life crisis, new guidelines and commitments are being consolidated.
Despite the complexity of the process, Researcher Robinson is confident that it leads to positive change. The passage of this path is one of the key links in the self-development of the individual.
How to overcome?
However, in rare cases, the process is delayed. This is due to various factors: the physical and mental he alth of a person, living conditions, environment and others. A reasonable question arises: "How to overcome the crisis of a quarter of a life?" Experts in this regard have some universal advice. Using them, you can quickly, painlessly and most profitably pass this period.
Don't correlate the word "should" with age
Thisthe most common mistake of the younger generation. Guided by social stereotypes and under pressure from older people, a person is afraid of inconsistency. He believes that he lives wrong, that he should do more for his age, be socially superior … How to deal with a quarter-life crisis in this case?
In fact, if everything goes differently, then this only speaks of a different system of values. Therefore, do not rush to extremes. The feeling of meaninglessness pushes a person to rash actions: conflicts and unnecessary purchases. You need to recognize and emphasize your individuality. Decisiveness to show only in order to create a comfortable personal space. And communication with unpleasant people is best minimized.
Do not close
Psychologists strongly advise during the crisis of the first quarter of life not to withdraw into oneself. It's just pointless and might give the wrong result. In one interview, A. Robbins confirmed that people in a similar situation often experience everything alone. It would be wiser to share with peers or an older generation. The crisis of age happens to every second person, so for sure there will be a good adviser who will help you safely overcome this condition.
Not all at once
It is better to make adjustments in your life gradually. Grabbing at several things at the same time, you can not succeed at all. There is also a risk of making mistakes, which will be difficult and even more painful to correct. It is important to decide on desires and without panic, fuss to actstep by step, starting small. You also need to work on your beliefs. All people go to success in different ways. For some it is swift and short, while for others it is thorny and long. You cannot measure everything with one ruler. Sometimes it takes time.
In culture
The phenomenon of a quarter-life crisis is covered not only in psychology. It has been reflected in cinematic art. The films “The Graduate”, “Transitional Age”, “Paper Chase”, “Lost in Translation”, “Ghost World” and others are devoted to this topic. In each picture, the age crisis is played out in an original way: comedy or drama. You can trace this psychological phenomenon in the TV series "Girls" (2008). The emphasis, as a rule, is on the personal sphere of the characters. But the semantic context is the same. No matter how difficult the period of a quarter-life crisis is, it is useful and even necessary. It makes a person stronger and wiser, helps to find one's own path.
