Losing loved ones is always hard. It is difficult to describe in words the emotions that appear in the soul when it comes to the realization that a loved one will no longer come up, will not speak, and will not even call. You need to accept the situation and try to move on. Read below to learn about the stages of grief and how to go through them.
Denial
How does a person who has just lost a loved one feel? Denial and shock. It's hard to believe that a loved one is gone. The brain does not agree to accept such information even if a loved one has been ill for a long time and doctors have long been talking about a fatal outcome. A person does not want to believe in the worst, and it always seems to him that everything can work out by magic. You should not be surprised at a person who, like a mantra, repeats the same words: "I can't believe it." There is no need to say anything in such a situation. The first stage of experiencing grief is not the most difficult, but the most painful. Help the person in hissituation is impossible, and even from sincere sympathy it will not become easier. You can only be close to a person who has experienced a loss, hug him and say nothing to him. A person can cry and wail. This is normal. Nerves in this case are tense, and with tears comes emotional release. It happens that it doesn’t get easier from tears, everything inside turns to stone, and a person tries to realize the idea that a loved one, who was there yesterday, is dead today.
Aggression
When the truth finally comes to consciousness that a loved one is no longer alive, the second stage of grief comes. The person becomes aggressive. Everything irritates him. He cannot understand why bandits, murderers and swindlers live on earth, and a good, kind and intelligent loved one no longer exists. Who is angry with someone who has experienced a heavy loss? On yourself, on others, on the world and on God. For everyone and at once. How is aggression manifested? If a person is balanced, then she will not openly throw herself at people. The person will explain that he is now ill and has not the slightest desire to communicate with anyone. Such a desire must be respected and not contradicted. The second stage is delayed for those people who do not have the habit of looking at life optimistically. Those who are used to complaining and whining about their plight may linger in the aggressive stage for several weeks.
Trading
When a person realizes that there is no one to be angry with, he begins to scroll through various situations in his head. One of the most frequent phenomena is trading with higherforces. Believers pray to God that their deceased relative in heaven would be well and that he would go to heaven. For this, the person promises to sacrifice his happiness, and if necessary, his life. Atheists in moments of grief begin to ask the Universe to take them along with their loved one, and sometimes people even want the Universe to take them instead of their loved one. A person invents various situations and scrolls through his head all sorts of mystical variations of the return to life of the one he lost.
The third stage of grief involves thinking about what I could do to save the person. Someone regrets that he did not call an ambulance in time, someone winds himself up, thinking about why he did not make a loved one undergo a full examination or did not heed his heart complaints.
Depression
The man died, and now it's a fact. When this information fully reaches people, they lose heart. The person understands that now life will be different. You will have to change your usual way of life, redo documents, wander around various authorities, and possibly get a job or change your place of residence. All this puts pressure on the survivor of the loss, and he falls into depression. The more the deceased meant to a person, the harder it will be to start a new life. If a daughter has held onto her mother's skirt all her life and has no one but her mother in her life, then such a woman will have a very hard time. She may not even cope with severe depression on her own. She will have to contactexperienced psychotherapist. Independent people who do not cling to those around them experience grief faster. And this does not mean that they loved less. This means that they were less dependent on the deceased person.
Acceptance
A man died? What does the fourth stage of grief look like? A person understands that a loved one is gone forever, and nothing can be done to bring him back. It is at this time that the realization of how to live on and that this can be done comes. A person begins to reach out to other people, comes out of his cocoon and gradually begins to come to life. The bright memory of a deceased loved one will always live in his soul, and the acceptance of loss is by no means the oblivion of a person. Acceptance is the understanding that the life of a loved one is over, and your life continues, and no matter what the circumstances, you will continue to live happily and well.
As it was already written above, those people who are used to looking at things positively and understand that any experience, even negative, can stimulate a person to further development, come to this stage faster.
Find a hobby
How not to get depressed after the death of a loved one? You need to keep yourself busy with something. The ideal option is an exciting hobby. Do you have it? Good. If you do not have it, then you urgently need to find it. Think about what you have always wanted to do? Dance, sing, draw? All these desires can be fulfilled at any age. Entertaining leisure activities will help you not to become discouraged, but to find your path, according towhich you can then move all your life.
A hobby should be one that allows you to use your brain. Cross-stitching or doing puzzles will be less effective than dancing or doing yoga. It is better to find a hobby that will require you and physical activity. When doing exercises under the guidance of a trainer, you will try to follow the instructions exactly and not miss a new movement or a new asana. And by embroidering, you can let your thoughts drift, and you may not like the path they take.
Work harder
Severe depression takes over the soul of those people who have time to lie on the couch and self-flagellate. A person who works hard and then is obliged to take care of the household does not find time for a prolonged depression. If you're underused at work, you can make a difference. Ask your boss to give you an extra task, or take on the extra work yourself. You can work not only at work, but also at home. If you live alone, then you definitely need something to load yourself with. And it’s better to let it be work than thoughts about the departed person. Some might say that rest is an integral part of productive activity. But rest is needed for mentally he althy people, and not for those who have experienced a loss. And a person with a heavy heart will not interfere with additional mental stress. Looking for an answer to the question of how not to get depressed? Here it is - get to work.
Set uplife
How to deal with negative emotions? The best way is to get away from them. Get your house in order or do some renovations. You can sort out the things of the deceased so that they are less likely to catch your eye, as well as sort out your own things. People often live in disorder without even noticing it. Do some general cleaning. Clean a room a day. Move the furniture, wash the floor under the sofa and dismantle the mezzanines. This activity will help you take your mind off sad thoughts and feel better. Psychologists say that the more order in the space in which a person lives, the more order in the head. Therefore, start sorting things out first, and then move on to sorting out your own thoughts.
Don't spend all your time at home. Get outside. Go shopping, walk in the park, and don't be afraid to talk to people.
Communicate more
Losing a loved one is a serious blow. But don't dwell on your grief. The more a person opens up to this world, the easier it will be for him to survive the loss. When the first stages of overcoming grief have passed, a person should begin to establish his former social contacts. You can call friends or relatives. Of course, it is too early to join in the wild fun, but it is quite possible to spend a quiet evening with friends at home or in a cozy cafe. Conversations and support of loved ones are very important for a suffering soul. Closing in on himself, a person cuts off all contacts that he has been making for a long time. People will try to get through to a person for the first month, but when theysee that all their attempts are unsuccessful, they will step aside. Therefore, try not to scold or criticize your friends. Whatever they do, they want to help you and cheer you up.
A person can survive any hardship
Are you haunted by guilt after the death of a loved one? It's quite normal. Everyone tends to think that he could do something or not do something, and then fate would change for the better. But you cannot return the past, and it is already impossible to replay your actions. You need to take it for granted that a person has died and now you cannot help him in any way. What can make a survivor feel better? From the thought that no difficulties are given just like that. If a person suffers, then he is either experiencing punishment for his own mistakes, or he is undergoing a test that will allow him to become stronger.
Do you turn to your friends with a request - "help to survive the grief"? This is not worth doing. A person must independently accept and realize the bitterness of the loss, and then find the strength in himself to move on. Third-party people will not be able to help you with this, but it makes sense to seek help from a good psychotherapist.
You are not guilty of anything
It is human nature to wind oneself up. And if you have a habit of thinking about what you could not do at home so as not to miss the bus, then it is not surprising that you will think about what you could do to help your loved one live happily ever after. You need to get rid of the habit of self-winding. It will not do you any good, but only help to underminenervous system. And shattered nerves will bring you many problems in later life. Never blame yourself for anything. Have you made a mistake? Perhaps, but if it is no longer possible to fix it, then you should not worry about it. Make a conclusion from the current situation and live on. A smart person who knows how to get around the rake that he has already stepped on will be able to live happily and quickly recover from the nervous upheavals that fate presents from time to time.
Don't try to fill the void right away
What is the biggest mistake people make who have recently lost a loved one? They are trying to fill the void that has formed in the soul with someone else. Such a “patch” that you stick on the wound will be very painful to tear off when the wound heals. So don't make mistakes when you feel bad. Girls are more likely than men to try to find solace in a new romance. They choose a person who can listen and console. But then, when the condition returns to normal, she will notice that next to her is someone to whom she does not have deep feelings, but is seriously in love. And then the girl, who recently experienced a heavy loss, will have to break the heart of a person who has been so kind and sweet throughout the difficult period. Try to find support either in yourself or in friends. But do not commit those actions for which you will be ashamed in a week or in a month. Do not drag other people into your problems and do not make them suffer. It will only become more difficult for you if, after one loss, you have to part with someone else. In this case, the person maya prolonged depression will begin, from which it will be difficult to get out.
