One of the basic human needs is the need for fellowship and recognition. For a shy person, the need to communicate causes certain difficulties. What is natural for others becomes a problem for him. It is inconvenient for him to ask for help, to establish contacts with new people, he may feel strong constraint and embarrassment while in society. Both adults and children are overly shy. The age feature of the baby in some cases turns into a stable character trait.
Why is my child shy?
In some periods of growth and development, all children are shy, although the degree of manifestation of this property is different for them. For example, girls are more likely to be shy than boys. This is due to their gender and characteristics of education. Sometimes children outgrow the “shy” age, and the character remains the same. A preschooler is afraid to look up at an adult or ask for something for himself. Schoolboy is shyraise his hand in class, the teenager does not dare to meet a peer of the opposite sex, fearing rejection. Parents and loved ones need to know why their child is very shy and how to help them.
Age features
At 8 months of age, babies begin to experience "stranger fear", which is a psychologically based stage of growing up. Relatives and acquaintances, to whom children had calmly walked into their arms before, are often discouraged. Do not worry and sound the alarm - this is not shyness. So the baby grows up, starting to feel his autonomy.
From one to three years old, a child trusts relatives and well-known people. Strangers make him anxious and embarrassed. The question of why a child is shy should not worry the parents of such a baby. Mother and father teach him how to get to know and settle in a new environment, instilling confidence in the baby with their presence and support.
At three years old or a little later, most kids start attending kindergarten. Some peanuts calmly get used to the situation, while others are still too early to change something in their lives. There are boys and girls for whom a children's institution, due to the peculiarities of their character and upbringing, is so far categorically contraindicated. For a shy kid, a new environment is stressful. How to ask for help, express your needs, if the teacher is one (or two), and there are many children?
Recent baby went to school? Here he sits at a desk for the first time, thenbecomes a teenager, a high school student. Too obvious manifestation of restraint and indecision at this age suggests that the child is suffering. It is difficult for him to show spontaneity and activity, to get acquainted with other children. It's hard to say "no" or stand your ground. The need to adapt to the ideas of other people and dependence on their assessments hinder the development of one's own abilities and the search for a personal calling.
Exciting questions
What to do if the child is too shy, what can be said about his insecurity and fear, how can parents help their son or daughter overcome a negative experience that prevents them from breathing deeply? Is it necessary to try to "rebuild" the baby if he is naturally shy? These questions have always worried parents. The answer to them lies in the individual characteristics of the minor: character, temperament, upbringing, environment, home environment, and so on. It is possible to help a child, but parents must understand the main thing: the well-being of the child depends to a large extent on them.
Themselves like this…
The formation of internal confidence depends on many factors. Modesty and modesty can be a manifestation of an innate temperament or determined by the influence of the family environment in which a small person lives. Timid parents dream of a lively and mischievous son, and they have a shy child. The reasons for shyness are obvious, where does the baby get decisiveness if his parents are timid and do not know how to fend for themselves?
Control orpermissiveness
Controlling parents often broadcast excessive strictness and an authoritarian approach to parenting. The child is surrounded by obsessive attention and guardianship, his every step is checked. Parents of this type are proud and focused on external evaluation. Their child should be the best, his real inner world is not interested in adults. Instead of empathy - criticism and evaluation. Instead of sincere interest - pointing out the successes and abilities of other children.
The other side of control is overindulgence. Lack of clear boundaries and lack of emotional support are its main features. The result of such "education" is extremely similar to the result of a drill with predominant control. The kid perceives himself as weak and insignificant, suffers from feelings of guilt. Controlling parents and adults with an indulgent parenting style may wonder why a child is shy, but unfortunately, they rarely realize that the reason lies in themselves.
Here are the conditions…
Separately, the influence of a dysfunctional family should be highlighted. Perhaps there is violence in such a kindred environment, or parents suffer from alcoholism. There are many options. Children from such families are sure that the world is not safe, and they do not deserve to be treated well. The feeling of embarrassment for their family poisons their lives and makes them cringe in shame. Also, the formation of a he althy structure of the "I" is endangered in those children who have lost their parents or were cut off from life early.mother.
If the child is shy… Tips for parents
We need to change the approach to the baby. Close and trusting relationships will help. It is worth learning how to use the techniques of active listening and "I-statements" in a conversation. There is no need to admire a child for any reason, but for real, albeit small, achievements, one must praise. It is useful to entrust responsible tasks and thank for their implementation. You need to talk with respect, even if there is a baby in front of an adult. You can not raise your voice to the child and compare it with other children. Let him make sure that he is important in himself, such as he is, then his self-esteem will begin to strengthen.
Fathers are often even more worried than mothers that they have a shy child. “What to do?” they ask, especially when it comes to a boy. Dads of sons need to understand that courage and determination will not appear at will or at the will of an adult. For the formation of such character traits, the child needs parental support. A father should always be on the side of his baby, not scold him for cowardice, but protect him, be a support. Then the child will gradually overcome his shyness and in the future become courageous and bold, like dad.
Every person's personality is unique. Children are no exception. Parents are mistaken, spending energy and time on "remaking" a little person. He will never live up to expectations because he has his own way. Wise parents don't dream ofthe ideal toddler, they are attentive to their real children, know their needs and come to the rescue when needed. They know why the child is shy or too active, as they are responsive to any of his features. Even flowers open in an atmosphere of trust and friendship, so the main advice for adults is to take children seriously and respectfully. And do not forget that their happiness and well-being is in your hands.
