Problems in relationships between children and parents are common. Misunderstanding arises from the difference in age and completely different views of the world. Sometimes parenting is not easy at all, and many parents begin to annoy their own child. The fact that mom or dad is thinking about this problem means that they love their child, but for some reason they cannot contain their anger. Annoying child? What to do and for what reasons this may occur - this is what we will learn in this article.
Who is right and who is wrong
If you are raising a child, then most likely you ask yourself this question quite often. In a fit of anger, you can scold the child or even spank, but when emotions subside, feelings of guilt take their place. It is like a worm gnaws at the parent from the inside. The same question arises: “Who in this situationright, and who is to blame? But in fact, this is absolutely the wrong approach to the problem.
Such a question only provokes one of two feelings: anger - if you still came to the conclusion that the child was wrong, or guilt - if you did the wrong thing. And the problem isn't going anywhere. Pangs of conscience unsettle a person, he feels tired and irritated, and when the child irritates him again and again, everything repeats. The parent again breaks down on the child and constantly thinks about how bad he is. In fact, it is possible to influence a child without shouting and scandal. You just need to know some tricks.
If you are wondering what to do if your own child pisses you off, then you are already on the right track. And first you need to find out the cause of this problem. And there may be many. The age of the child is also important.
Newborn baby
Difficult delivery and 9 months of pregnancy behind. A baby is born, which both parents and relatives have been waiting for so long. Throughout pregnancy, as a rule, the mother is in euphoria. She is waiting for the baby, imagines how she will walk with him down the street, feed him and put him to bed. In fact, everything is not so rosy. The child often cries and does not sleep well. For the first few months, mother practically does not rest. Fatigue accumulates, and irritation and anger are added to it.
From time to time, a young mother breaks down on the baby and at the same time constantly feels guilty about him. She is annoyed by her owna newborn baby, and this causes bewilderment and even thoughts that she is a bad mother. In fact, many young parents experience this, and there is nothing to worry about. All anger and irritation is the result of fatigue. In addition, the state of the mother is also affected by the colossal restructuring of the body after pregnancy. Postpartum depression is also common, and one of its symptoms is that the mother is annoyed by the crying of her own child.
Problem Solving
So, the main reason that a mother breaks down on her baby is precisely fatigue. And therefore, so that the child does not irritate, you should rest as much as possible. Go to bed with your baby. As soon as he falls asleep, you should immediately lie down and relax. It doesn't matter what time of day it happens. Make time for your favorite activities. The birth of a long-awaited baby is not a reason to forget about yourself. Ask the father of the child or relatives to take a walk with the baby, and at this time take a bubble bath yourself and enjoy the peace and loneliness. Caring for a newborn is the main task of a mother in the first months of his life, but you should not forget about yourself and your he alth.
Little fidgets
Every mother dreams that the baby will start walking and talking as soon as possible. But as soon as this happens, complete chaos begins. The little fidget is very inquisitive, every now and then something will tear or climb somewhere. For many mothers, this is a difficult time. In my 2 years ownthe child irritates the parents with stubbornness and whims. And interestingly, he does many things on purpose to attract the attention of mom or dad. For some parents, this is a real test of nerves. This is especially true for young mothers and fathers who have not yet had experience in raising children. Why is your own child annoying? The mistake of parents lies precisely in the fact that they cannot establish a common language with the child.
Mistakes in parenting
In fact, the child's behavior almost completely depends on the parents, on the situation in the family. From childhood, children try to imitate their parents in everything, and especially in negative habits and things that their mother does not even notice. Therefore, before you start raising a baby, you should look carefully at yourself. Think about why your own child pisses you off. Perhaps it doesn't live up to your expectations? But is what you want - a dogma? The child should be treated as an equal, take into account his wishes and thoughts. The main thing is that it should not harm him.
Mom character
Parents guide their children on the right path, teach them how to live, communicate with others, etc. What is such education based on? Of course, on the experience of the parent himself. That is, if in childhood he fell heavily from a tree and underwent several operations, will he allow his child to climb branches? Most likely not. Very often, your own child is annoying just when he does not do what his parents would like.
Bpsychology there is an exercise called "my character". When you feel irritated towards a child, try imagining a character who overreacts to the child's action.
For example, mom is annoyed that her daughter Anya constantly answers “no”. She just gets angry and loses her temper when she hears that three-letter word. Now the psychologist asks her to introduce the character. She sees a little obedient girl who always does everything that her parents ask her. How does she feel about Anya? The character is jealous of her, as he has never been able to respond to requests in this way. It turns out that the mother’s inner child is simply jealous of her daughter because she knows how to fight back. Try this experiment, and you will see that excessive demands on a child are just an imprint from your childhood.
Single parent
Incomplete family - this is one of the reasons that annoys your own child. And this is not surprising, because one of the parents (most often the mother) falls just a colossal physical and mental stress. She becomes irritated and angry, because she herself has to resolve all issues with the child.
You can avoid this problem if you create a social network around yourself and your child. In other words, try to communicate as much as possible with all relatives and friends. Perhaps sometimes it will even be possible to leave a child with them in order to have at least a little rest. Of course, the function of education will remain the same.one parent, but you will have someone to lean on.
There is one more nuance in a family with one parent. It is also incredibly difficult for a child to contact only mom or only dad. He lacks interaction with other adults, which is why he may misbehave.
Difficult age
Adolescence is a difficult period for both children and their parents. It is at this time that the character of the child is rapidly formed. A colossal restructuring is taking place in the body, views on many things are changing, the hormonal background is raging. During this period, conflicts between parents and children often occur. The latter complain that mom and dad do not understand them and do not support them. Teenagers tend to act out of spite and disobedience, and all this only because they lack love and care. They look mature and independent, but a small and defenseless creature still lives inside them. The thing is that the older the child becomes, the less attention his parents pay to him. Namely, during this period, he, more than ever, needs support and protection.
What to do if your own child (teenager) is annoying? Of course, first of all, you should clearly understand the cause of conflicts in the family. If a teenager constantly protests, most likely, he does not have enough attention. Try to talk to him frankly and find out the reason for the behavior. Your own child is annoying because it behaves inconsistently with your desires, but it should be understood that he is already an independent person who has the right to choose. Only calm conversations can help to establishrelationship with your child, and constant screaming will only aggravate the situation.
Ignoring feelings
There is another mistake many people make. Ignoring feelings is a very bad way to smooth out a conflict situation. If displeasure and tension do not find an outlet, it accumulates and then, sooner or later, can turn into a big explosion. And the reason for this may be the most insignificant. What can a child think if a mother is constantly silent, and then, for example, for forgetting to wash her hands, attacks him with fists? Of course, he does not understand why some offenses are forgiven him, while others, more minor, cause such a thrashing. It is for this reason that whenever you feel anger, do not suppress it.
What to do with irritation
There are 7 simple steps that allow you to resolve any conflict situation, while each of its participants will not feel uncomfortable.
- The first step is to admit to yourself that you are angry. Tell yourself, "I'm actually really angry right now."
- Say what you feel. You should tell the child that you are very annoyed now. But don't say "because of you" or "because of you".
- Ask the child to move out of sight so as not to take it out on him. Let him go to another room until you calm down.
- When you feel that the outburst of anger passes, and you have become more calm, you can return to the conversation withbaby.
- We should discuss his behavior and your reaction. Calmly explain why you think he is wrong. Hear excuses. Tell me how you see the situation from your side.
- Tell your child how to restore relationships. For example, agree that for his offense he should help you in the kitchen.
- The conversation should end on a good note. Tell your child that you love him and wish him well.
Such a systematic approach to conflict situations will teach you not to restrain your anger, but at the same time not to attack the child with fists. Moreover, this method does not cause the mother to feel guilty for having snapped at the child. Of course, the approach may differ in each specific situation. For example, if you are not very angry, you can skip steps 3 and 4 and talk to your child right away. Don't tell yourself, "Okay, I'll keep quiet this time." After all, then the situation will definitely repeat itself and you will be even more angry. And the child does not always know how the parents feel, and silence for him means that everything is in order.
Time to rest
Everyone deserves a vacation, especially parents. In fact, raising a child is a lifelong job that requires a lot of strength and nerves. If you notice that your own child often annoys you, and you get angry at any trifles, then it's time to replenish your energy and vigor.
Do yourselfweekends, relax and unwind. Remember that a child needs a he althy and happy mother, and not always tired and dissatisfied with everything.
