Young people often rush to bring the illusion of "adulthood" into their lives, putting too much emphasis on things like liking, flirting, or even just being polite to the opposite sex. However, in the life of every young man and every girl there comes a moment when a clear understanding of what a "serious relationship" means can save them from premature mistakes, and will not miss a real feeling. About all the exciting questions on this topic - later in the article.
Serious relationship: what does this phrase mean?
All people, regardless of age, need a soul mate, and, starting from older adolescence, physical attraction is also mixed with moral needs, expressed primarily in the desire to touch your chosen one. Choosing a permanent companion is almost always the way to go.trial and error, although each time it may seem to a person that he has found his only happiness. Why does this happen?
The main mistake of failed relationships, revealed in the subsequent analysis of events, is the haste with which young people decide on the nature of their feelings and evaluate the reaction of a partner. What a "serious relationship" means to a teenage girl will most likely turn out to be a manifestation of paternal care on the part of a young teacher, and the clumsy coquetry of a frivolous young lady will be perceived by most guys as a call for intimacy.
Fleeting connections, if they are not a manifestation of sports interest, leave a bitter mark on the soul, but they are also part of an invaluable experience on the way to understanding important truths. Comparing their expectations and reality, learning to accept the individuality of a partner, a person forms his personal idea of a serious relationship. What this phrase means, everyone will explain in their own way. And the interpretation may not coincide with the opinion of the majority, because human views can change repeatedly over the years, but this phrase will be a guide in finding a partner for a specific period of life.
How to find a serious relationship
What does "a serious relationship between a man and a woman" mean? In the modern world, not all romantic love stories end with a marriage proposal, so the transition to a new level of relationship is often determined only by the presence of new signs in the behavior of partners:
- the chosen one seeks to take responsibility for the he alth and morale of the second half;
- young people are not shy about letting each other in on secret secrets;
- partners are not looking for an excuse to meet or call each other;
- relatives and friends on both sides are aware of the relationship of young people;
- lovers have joint plans and long-term projects;
- if an important event happens in the life of one of the members of a couple, then the first person to know about it is a loved one.
Another very important sign of a serious relationship is that partners are sympathetic to each other's hobbies, even if they are far from traditional or considered outdated. Young people do not have to share the interests of the second half, but they definitely won’t treat their beloved’s hobby with a mockery.
How to build relationships right
In every relationship there is a risk of "being left behind", and it will never be possible to completely get rid of such a possibility of development of events. It is in the partners' ability to reduce this risk to a minimum, but such work will be fruitful only with the joint application of equal efforts.
For starters, lovers should decide what a serious relationship means (in their own words about the meaning that can be put into this concept, anyone can probably tell) for each of them. Are there not essential differences in both theories, and is it not of little importance for one of them what seemsvital to another? Mutual confessions and a frank conversation will remove all existing omissions and give an understanding of what young people want to get from a new relationship.
Compromise and concessions are not a weakness when it comes to respect for the opinion or interests of the beloved. At the beginning of the romantic period, partners tend to idealize each other and begin to feel cheated when events do not go according to their fantasies. It is easy to avoid this if you immediately accept both the positive and negative aspects of a loved one, and not turn a blind eye to his minor shortcomings, hoping that they will eliminate themselves over time.
Different points of view
The meaning of a serious relationship for a person changes not only with a change of partner, but also over time. A young couple can position themselves as strong and established in the presence of a harmonious sexual union, and being abroad at the age of 50, people will pay more attention to the sensitivity and prudence of a partner. This explains the huge discrepancy in the views and values of people with a wide age difference.
Modern views of young people on relationships are also ambiguous. Despite the fact that in their dreams, most girls adhere to the traditional relationship scenario prescribed by the classics, in reality they have to literally prove to a potential companion their right to exist next to him. Of course, this does not always happen, but more and more young people go into adulthood with the confidence that a serious relationshipcome not with taking responsibility for your soul mate, but after a certain number of successful dates.
How to recognize a guy's serious intentions
Before moving into the stage of a romantic relationship, young people communicate a lot, try to interest each other and prove themselves to a potential partner. This mutually exciting game, if not thrown headlong into it, but leaving a little room for discretion, can tell a girl a lot about the guy's real intentions.
You should pay attention to how the guy listens to his companion. If he endlessly interrupts her, often changes position, “rumples” during a conversation, then most likely he only creates the illusion of interest in the girl’s opinion or story. Perhaps he only needs a listener who would admire his exploits, or a girlfriend for several dates, whose biography he is not at all interested in.
A good sign is if the guy himself asks the chosen one leading questions about her family, hobbies, friends and each time listens to her "to the point", without interrupting. A young man who really likes a girl is not in a hurry to “pour out his soul”, talk about painful things or make hasty confessions.
If a guy raises all serious conversations only after taking alcohol, it is better to immediately give up hope for a strong relationship, because in this way passive-minded men tend to relieve themselves of responsibility for further events. If they receive a refusal, they can easily reduce everything to their inadequate state and not resume attempts untilnext booze.
Actions are an indicator of relationships
Men can't help but make promises that range from overt ("We'll go to the movies on Saturday") to veiled ones ("It would be nice to go to the movies one of these days"). It has been noticed that guys who are determined to win a girl very rarely use “blurry” messages and try to put more certainty into their promises. Conversely, frequently used indefinite word forms that look like promises always show uncertainty, lack of a direct goal, and fear of being bound by consent.
If a promise is made, then it must be kept. Following this rule will show what a serious relationship means to a man at this stage of life and with a particular companion. A very common mistake of gullible girls is the constant forgiveness of the guy for his “blunders” and wasted words. Men quickly lose respect for women who are too “understanding” and subsequently consciously avoid moving “from words to deeds.”
Intimate question
Of course, not every couple who postpones their first sex until engagement lives a happy life together, and not every relationship that starts in bed falls apart in the first years. However, the statistics of successful marriages says that it is better not to rush into an intimate relationship until the partners have completely passed the stages of preliminary acquaintance and courtship. There are several reasons for following this sequence:
- It is very important for men to be a conqueror in a relationship, and too easy accessibility to a girl's body deprives them of the opportunity to express themselves fully;
- having had sex during first dates, a guy may come to the conclusion that he has contacted a frivolous person, and stop taking her seriously;
- sexual intimacy between people who don't know each other well tends to cause frustration, which leaves a negative imprint on relationships in general.
Patience and the desire to first know the intentions of a person, his habits and values are always rewarded with quality sex, perceived as a reward, and not as a predictable event. Psychologists do not name the exact period of "waiting" for the desired moment, but they advise unambiguously to refrain from intimacy in the first 5 dates (provided that they occur 1-2 times a week).
How to recognize a dead-end relationship
A person who clearly understands what a "serious relationship" means will seek this understanding from his potential partner, however, the goals of young people may not coincide initially. An attentive girl can easily understand whether a guy is ready to connect his future with her or perceives her as a temporary girlfriend. Here are the signs by which it is easiest to recognize a womanizer:
- after 3-5 dates, the girl did not manage to find out anything about her young man, except for general information;
- It is considered normal for a partner to disappear without a trace for a few days, and then reappear with a nonchalant air;
- man scoffs at serious relationships that other couples have, and openly denies the institution of marriage;
- all dates of a young couple occur according to one scenario, in which a man does not seek to prove himself, but rather waits for the first step from a girlfriend;
- a guy, even after several months of close relationships, still does not introduce his chosen one to friends and relatives;
- a man never asks his girlfriend leading questions about her life and always gets off with general phrases of false interest (“How are you?”, “Well, what do you have there?”).
And finally, a guy for whom the entire description of a serious relationship fits into the concept of "keep someone nearby", under no circumstances will ask his chosen one for help or participation, and will not allow a situation in which she could would do it.
The path to happiness or the path to nowhere
Describing their problem of failed or broken relationships to a psychologist, many people (mostly women) emphasize that they have been deceived, betrayed, or even used under the guise of serious intentions. Finding themselves alone and starting to analyze their recent happy past, these people come to the conclusion that they have done everything possible, "put their whole soul" into making a strong union take place. In other words, they were sure that their actions deserved the guarantee of a successful outcome.
However, life does not give any guarantees, and the person who became the culprit of the gap is not at all to blame for the fact that the partner initially perceived him as a sidetacit agreement, and not a person with free will. He could have really serious intentions, but the circumstances were such that the relationship became impossible. Such an everyday situation, if not analyzed from the point of view of useful experience, can give rise to a feeling of fear in a deceived partner about relationships.
Fear, as many famous psychologists say, is the antonym of love. Without giving himself the opportunity to hear his former lover, to understand the motives for his departure, a person deliberately deprives himself of the opportunity to move on. Therefore, if such a situation nevertheless occurred, you should not dwell on failure and regret the time spent. You should give yourself a break to realize all the benefits received in connection with the passing of an unnecessary person and continue to move forward.
