The boss complains about the difficult situation in the company, so you have to perform some of the duties that are not spelled out in your employment contract? A distant relative sighs sadly and complains about high blood pressure, and then the topic of conversation turns to the land that needs to be dug up in the country? If you have experienced similar situations, then this topic is definitely for you.
Introduction
How to deal with manipulators? Such a question, probably, was asked by almost every person who had to intersect with people of this type. Communication with them is quite an interesting, but difficult process. Many people fall under the influence of manipulators and cannot get off this “hook”. This is a difficult situation, as such individuals actively use their tools to influence other people. Usually this is flattery, well-built blackmail and a game of guilt.
Often they also use energy vampirism. Therefore, people in theirenvironment tends to spend not only their money and time, but also their own life resources.
Why endure
Many are faced with the question of how to communicate with a manipulative mom. It would seem that it is not so easy to take and ignore a dear and dear person. In such a situation, people realize that they have a manipulator in front of them, and they have to voluntarily follow his lead.
We are well aware that a person plays his role perfectly. Moreover, he achieves everything through simple dialogue. Most people understand everything that is happening, but are unable to renounce such connections or tell a loved one about their refusal.
Why is this happening?
Most people are not able to answer themselves the question of how to communicate with people-manipulators. Some say they cannot isolate themselves from the company of such people. There are cases of bilateral manipulation, when people tolerate each other for some benefit. But still, most often the problem lies precisely in one-sided manipulation.
Some people tend to lead a “victim” lifestyle, so they can’t say another “no” to a request that they don’t want to fulfill. Perhaps they lack courage, or perhaps they do not want to offend a person. This is especially true for close people who have already perfected the skill of manipulating relatives so much that it sometimes goes unnoticed.
Feel free to express your thoughts and opinions
As long as you are afraid to show your own "I", you will notit will be possible to understand how to communicate with a manipulator - a man or a woman. Do not try to remain silent in a situation where this is absolutely impossible to do. You should not be afraid to defend your point of view and views. If you do not understand this, then you will almost always have to live by order. Moreover, under the influence of manipulators, most people begin to think in imposed opinions.
People who prefer to give control of their lives into the hands of another person, while they themselves are ready to just go with the flow, often become victims of manipulators. It is in your best interest and power to answer the person in person that you really think about this or that situation. And until you learn how to do this, you will be constantly used.
Value yourself
A huge number of women are interested in the question of how to communicate with a manipulative husband. Such a question is so relevant that it does not go unnoticed among psychologists. It is very difficult to say “no” to your chosen one when you depend on him. But! Even if you have lived together for more than 10 years and already agree with his behavior, then this is not a reason to continue living like this. It is important to understand that manipulation is a very insidious tool, not only for the person who uses it, but also for the one to whom it is directed. With experience, people who want to subdue others cease to notice that they bring pain to their loved ones. And why is this happening? Manipulation has become a habit.
Probably younoticed among your environment people who carry out all the instructions of the authorities that are not included in their labor duties. What's more, these dedicated employees don't require any extra pay or bonuses. The worst thing is that they are sure that sooner or later their labors will be rewarded. But! The task of the manipulator is precisely to "ride" such people and not give them anything in return. If you encounter situations like this regularly, then learn to fight back, otherwise your "professional" responsibilities will grow, and you will not get anything from it.
Only you are responsible for your life
Adult children often ask psychologists questions about how to deal with a manipulative mother. Some relatives tend to impose their "picture of the world" on close people. In addition, they try to teach you how to live correctly and act in accordance with their opinion. People tend to be afraid to answer something contrary to their loved ones. Therefore, so often their point of view fades into the background. In this case, you need to understand that your life implies only your rules, only you have the right to dispose of it. Believe me, no one will be responsible for your words if you decide to do as your relative told you, and this advice led to a disastrous result. Some people are able to understand this in theory, but someone needs to "step on the same rake" several times to understand it.
Keep your distance
Before you choose the tactics of communication with a manipulator - a woman or a man - you should understandthat such people are able to deftly change masks. With some people, they can be polite and prudent, with others - rude and agitated, and with the rest - completely helpless. Moreover, sometimes the manipulator can change masks with the same person, depending on their needs and interests.
If you notice such a person in your environment, then you should learn to keep a safe distance from him. Never let him violate your personal boundaries.
Remember that most often manipulators practice their talent from childhood. Therefore, it is pointless to try to re-educate such a person. By making any attempt, you risk losing a lot of strength, time and energy.
Learning to say no
The most powerful weapon in solving the problem of how to stop communicating with a manipulator is refusal. Don't be afraid to say no to someone who is clearly trying to take advantage of you. Remember that only you have the right to plan your time.
Once you've completed this task, you may feel guilty. It also needs to be fought. It is not your fault that you do not want to do something, it is entirely your choice and your decision. You shouldn't be ashamed. Try to remember it! Once again, say a clear “no” without excitement or fear of offending anyone.
Some people are afraid to say no because they risk losing a good relationship from the person. The rest consider itimpolite and rude. Do not worry, because in relation to the manipulator such fears are meaningless, because he pursues the only goal - "to ride someone on horseback."
Tips for giving up
How to deal with a manipulative woman at work? It is believed that the professional sphere is exactly the environment in which you can most often meet people of this type. Here are some tips that work great when you need to fight back:
- Do not hide your dissatisfaction or irritation with a request or demand. Do not be afraid to appear indignant or extremely dissatisfied with the state of affairs as a person. By showing your true feelings, you make it clear to the interlocutor that you are not comfortable with his invasion of your territory. You can openly express your emotions with phrases such as “this makes me angry”, “I should not do this”, and so on.
- Say no clearly and give a short explanation for your answer.
- Offer the manipulator your solution to his problem. And preferably without your help.
- Listen calmly to your opponent's demands, then take a long pause. Let him speak in full.
- Repeat your rejection again. And then say the action that you are not going to perform. In this case, there is a high probability that this information will reach the interlocutor.
How to communicate with a manipulator - a man or a woman - is quite clear. Unfortunately, most people are so open that they are not always able to fight back. In this case, it is worth working on yourself in order to understand that you are obliged to do only thosethings that benefit you.
Don't rush
One of my favorite methods is to surprise my prey. The fact is that when a person is unexpectedly approached with a request, it is much more difficult for him to refuse. That is why it is worth using the time factor. You don't have to agree right away, always answer what you think, and then you can definitely answer. Such a pause will allow you to assess the real situation and weigh the pros and cons before making a decision. In addition, this technique is great for people who find it very difficult to refuse.
Intuition
As mentioned above, sometimes it is difficult to resist manipulators, but it is possible.
To do this, you will have to work hard on yourself, learn to distinguish between different forms and manifestations of manipulation, as well as evaluate the behavior of your partner in various situations.
Some people rely on their intuition. And it works! Unfortunately, we rarely listen to it, but we should. The fact is that people tend to justify the actions and actions of others, even in the most unacceptable situations, and manipulators actively use this.
Listen to your inner voice. If you're feeling stressed out or uncomfortable with someone, there may be something wrong with your interactions. Try to understand if the person is using you for personal gain.
Introvert reaction
It is believed that extroverts mostly sin by manipulation. And the hardest thing for them to have a dialogue withintroverts. It is difficult for them to be in the same room with them, and communication sometimes becomes unbearable. This is your weapon! You can be silent for a long time before answering the manipulator. Make an enigmatic look and smile slightly, then pause for a longer time. Be silent for the next sentence. The manipulator should see that you are listening to him, no need to look around while talking with him. Concentrate on the conversation. After some time, declare that you completely agree with the opinion of your interlocutor, but such a complex topic requires time to think. Sooner or later, the manipulator will lose patience with an introvert and find a victim with whom it will be easier to negotiate.
Reciprocal manipulation
It's very difficult when you're surrounded by human manipulators. How to communicate in a family with relatives who prefer to "ride" you? Often experienced manipulators act as a savior or a victim. That's the best way to position the person. The highest aerobatics in dealing with such people is to break the whole course and rules of their game. If the manipulator wants to get any help or benefit from you, then switch to victim mode. Complain about anything. It can be: an angry dog at the entrance, debts to the bank or acquaintances, bad weather. It is human nature to sympathize, and the manipulator is far from being an insensitive person. When he starts offering to help you save him, turn him into a victim. Note his age, high blood pressure, tired appearance, and then say a few words of comfort about his grievances with yours.statements. A manipulator who finds himself in such a situation will not want to continue his game with you, and soon will completely stop trying to use you for his own purposes. And why waste your time on people like you, if there are many "victims" around, with whom it is much easier to negotiate.
And remember that only you decide whether to fall for the tricks of manipulators or not.
