40 or 30 years ago, the word "manipulator" was not used by the broad masses of the population. The average resident of the USSR knew that he could be deceived by representatives of the gypsy nationality if he relaxed and fell for their tricks. However, with certain precautions, this could have been avoided. But over time, the forms of deception have changed, and now the orderly ranks of manipulators, or the so-called pick-up artists, have joined our reality together, practicing their knowledge of psychology on those who are unfamiliar. According to experts, the manipulation of the minds of both men and women began about 25 years old. Of these, for about 15 years this movement has been actively introduced in the post-Soviet space. So, the question of how to recognize a manipulator is quite relevant.
Basic instinct
Perhaps the first hello from the manipulators who arrived from behindmilestone was the film "Basic Instinct", in which the heroine Sharon Stone demonstrated a virtuoso mastery of pickup techniques. The trick is that it was impossible to convict her of anything, since she provided for multi-way combinations. This allowed her to always be two steps ahead of her victims.
In 2006, the story was continued - "Basic Instinct 2", where Catherine Tramell, having expanded her arsenal of manipulations, won the duel with psychotherapist Michael. The film can be considered as a manual for a pick-up artist. Let's try to figure out what the impact on a person is based on and how to recognize a manipulator.
Complexes and archetypes
There are no perfect people in this world. It is a fact. We all come from childhood, and each of us has our own memories, including traumatic ones. Our parents, while raising us, made mistakes, the consequences of which we sometimes correct, and sometimes pass on to the next generations. Entering a period of old age, we can realize the hidden reasons for our actions, but, as they say, if youth knew, if old age could. Belatedly, we are trying to protect our children from the paths we have walked, but it is too late: they have already taken the first steps along this path.
The fact is that no one can force another person to change. Personal transformation is possible only with good will and with full awareness of the goals. However, this often happens already when a person realizes that he is at the last line, beyond which there is a cliff. And at that moment the instinct of self-preservationit works, but not for everyone … It also happens that the realization that for decades you lived a life that was not your own and you were corny used comes too late: there is neither time nor energy to change something.
What is not taught in school?
Unfortunately, there is no subject in our education system that teaches teenagers how to recognize a liar and a manipulator. Dozens of class hours are spent studying algebra, biology, chemistry, and even the history of religion. But what to do in order not to become a victim of a manipulator, how to recognize him among his surroundings? This is what children and adolescents have to learn from their own experience, which sometimes ends in suicide…
In such cases, threatening letters and recommendations fly from the Ministry of Education and Science to the scene of the tragedy "to deepen, expand, punish, check, etc., the work of the teaching staff and the psychological service." In all schools of the "distinguished" region, mass testing, parent meetings begin, but the reason remains unrevealed, since this would require a change in the approach to the education system. And who needs it?..
Result: the salvation of drowning people is exclusively in their hands.
Hook and eyelet
We all know this phrase "Demand creates supply". In the context of manipulative practices, this statement can be paraphrased "If there is no loop, then the hook is useless." Indeed, you can use various psychological "tricks" as much as you like, but if the object does not respond to them, then it is useless to press this button. Butthere are other points…
So, do not rush to rejoice: everyone has complexes, with the only difference being that some are working through them, thus acquiring inner strength, while others are waiting for a kick from life that will make them look directly into the eyes of their fears. But neither one nor the other is immune from manipulation. However, the rule "Forewarned is forearmed" works for everyone.
Activate your buttons
It should be noted that both men and women are manipulated. The methods of influencing both are practically the same, especially in light of the hard-won equality.
Now we are not surprised by women businessmen and men who are homemakers. However, these changes took place just over a century ago, and the deep subconscious continues to live according to its own laws. And they are the hidden motivators of our actions.
So, let's turn to the unconscious and its archetypes. According to them, a man is, first of all, a father, a warrior and a breadwinner, and a woman is a mother and a keeper of the hearth. The unconscious behavior of both is based on this. And here are all the vulnerable points, and the task of the manipulator is to recognize the signs of the weaknesses of the future victim.
Alpha male
To attract a female, the male, figuratively speaking, spreads his feathers or tail, in every possible way showing his strength and brutality. In the modern world, this can be expressed in demonstrating one's achievements and capabilities, as well as the sphere of influence, that is, the level of available power. It is such a man that he subconsciously seesa woman the father of her children.
Therefore, if there are no such advantages, then one has to either invent their presence or colorfully describe the bright prospects that are about to open to the admiring gaze of the electorate, as well as to the hero’s potential life partner.
But modern ladies, especially those who have achieved a lot on their own, are not too ready to lend their ears to such "noodles", so special training is required here: knowledge of the psychology of a woman, as well as acting skills. And, of course, you need brains tuned to certain goals and objectives.
Therefore, the question of how to recognize a manipulator is far from simple. You can find the answer to it if you understand in which object the subject is interested.
Hidden reasons
To answer the question about the object desirable for the manipulator, you need to understand: why does he need it? What do you think: are manipulators born or made?
The answer will be ambiguous: we all, one way or another, strive to achieve goals that everyone has their own, corresponding to the inclinations and abilities received at birth. Ways to achieve goals are determined by our attitudes (they are also conscience), as well as upbringing and living conditions, including in childhood. From childhood, we take out both good and bad, in particular, fears and complexes, as well as the usual ways of our own reactions to them.
With age comes the realization that you should not show others yourweaknesses, and their disguise begins. But in the depths of the soul, knowledge remains: fears remain, and the stronger they are, the better they need to be hidden. And for greater reliability, armor is formed in the form of an "alpha image".
Psychologists know: what is our complexes can become our stimulus for growth and development. But those who are not ready to change themselves can start inventing ways to change the world around them "for themselves", driven by the fear of exposure.
Manipulators, narcissists, socially adapted psychopaths, pick-up artists - they all strive to achieve influence and power at any cost, without caring about the fate of their potential victims.
Their distinguishing feature is the lack of empathy, they are basically incapable of sympathy, this quality is blocked in them, and this is the first of the answers to the question of how to recognize a manipulator.
What do they need?
If you think that a manipulator needs a personality with the psychology of a victim, then you are mistaken. Such people are not attractive to him for one simple reason - they have a low energy resource. The victim, as a rule, is weighed down by a sense of guilt instilled in her, and therefore cannot be effective in society.
And the manipulator, as you remember, needs power, the amount of which is directly proportional to his inner, carefully concealed fear. Therefore, it will look for the most resourceful object that it can reach.
He or she who interests him has something valuable: energy,real estate, influential friends, wide opportunities, money, etc. And in order to get close to such a person, you need a "spectacular appearance" and subsequent promotion of the object. And this is the second answer to the question of how to recognize a manipulator.
Real princes are few
The ratio of princes or princesses and the average population of a single country has a clear bias towards the latter. Accordingly, Valery Meladze was right in the song "Girls from high society": there will not be enough for everyone. But everyone or almost everyone dreams, especially in their youth. And then it comes, a harsh reality that deep down you don’t want to put up with, so many continue to hope … This is the very loop for which the hook is ready.
You can recognize a man as a manipulator, including by his spectacular appearance, completely depriving you of your mind and a stable emotional state. The apotheosis of this "file failure" will be your thought in the very first 15 minutes of meeting: "This is him, and I want children from him!"
How to recognize a manipulator? 20 sure signs
Before you finally lose your mind, ask yourself the question: "Do you really think you got a prince on a white horse?" By the way, this question is also relevant in relation to the "princess in the golden carriage".
Maybe it's simpler and he (she) is just a pick-up artist, which is likely if:
- He looks flawless.
- He has the posture of an alpha male.
- He showers youcompliments that are too sophisticated to be true.
- He has a great sense of humor, which speaks of high intelligence.
- He lets you know he's been looking for someone like you for a long time.
- He seeks to violate your personal space, either with your permission or without permission.
- He looks you in the eye for an unnecessarily long time.
- He tries to impress you with his talents or stories of achievement.
- He makes promises that will never be kept.
- He does everything to keep your meeting going.
The following happens to you:
- You realize that you have lost the ability to reason adequately.
- You have all the signs of a high level of adrenaline in your blood: your heart is pounding, your palms are wet, your legs are giving way.
- Things like joint children creep into my head.
- You feel sick for some reason or have other signs of illness.
- You are having a bad feeling.
- You fall out of reality.
- You catch yourself thinking you can't argue with him.
- Your IQ f alters in his presence.
- You have exceeded the legal threshold for being candid with a near-total stranger.
- You have the feeling that you are present at the performance with your participation.
It's the signals your body is giving you that matter: don't dismiss them.
Baited
If the first meeting had a continuation, then the following will happen: at first they will "probe" you,studying your strengths and weaknesses, while taming and creating maximum emotional and domestic comfort: flowers, going out, breakfast in bed, enchanting sex, heart-to-heart talks, walking your dog, etc.
About the extreme frankness in conversations: they are important for finding out your secrets that no one knows about, as well as for determining the pain points of your psyche.
At the same time, you will be told that his (her) dream is to find "the one" with whom blah blah blah … If you ask why she (he) has not been found yet, then you will hear that "there is a lie around, everything is not what it seems, etc." or "I forgot (forgot how) to love, something is wrong with me, no one can help me"…
This is the third answer to the question: "How to recognize the manipulator, and who in sheep's clothing entered your life?"
Classic of the genre
It won't be long before you can't imagine your life without him (her). And you will be in full confidence that the other side feels the same way. Most likely, you will start living together, however, it is likely that the initiative will come from you.
- In general, if you have not yet lost the remnants of consciousness, you will notice that you almost always take responsibility for important decisions. But by this time, you will be so absorbed in this relationship that you will begin to drive any doubts from yourself, finding a million excuses for this behavior of your boyfriend. For example, you will be seriously sure that he simply does not wantdeprive you of your freedom.
- Then you will notice that the compliments addressed to you have decreased, and the complaints have increased. Your appearance will begin to be criticized, and in front of witnesses. This will significantly undermine your self-confidence, but will increase his (her) shares.
- You will catch yourself in fear of losing such an irresistible treasure that you have received. And your self-esteem will drop even lower: you will begin to follow the instructions of your "guru" about clothes, makeup, mutual acquaintances, financial distribution (even if you earn them yourself), relationships with family and friends.
An attempted "coup"
Since you were chosen by the manipulator also for the resource potential, you will have attempts to "revolt on the ship". You will want to return "everything as before", although in fact it will be a desire to find the former (former) self. The paradox is that in order to return to yourself, you will need to remove the "extra element" that has appeared in your life. But you will drive this thought away from you, because you are "hooked on an adrenaline needle."
So you'll want to "put the accents on the relationship". There will be no "response word": you will simply be ignored, and then, as a punishment, they will disappear from the horizon for five days. The phone will remain silent.
- The first day you will be outraged, the second day you will spend in doubts about your rightness, the third day you will spend thinking about your wrongness, the fourth day you will spend inwaiting for the "master" to beg his forgiveness for his inappropriate behavior, the fifth day you will spend trying to please the returning hero.
- But that's not all: you will be punished because the manipulator never forgets anything. Therefore, they will begin to ignore you, and in a completely polite way. By the way, this will also apply to sexual relations. Attempts to explain themselves will be penalized as above.
- And one more thing: your resources, because of which you were chosen as a victim, will be widely used. And if you become stubborn and refuse a request for money or other benefits, you will again have a "cold shower" procedure.
- And then your potential will "zero out", and your hero (or heroine) will start looking for a new "cash cow": you were just a stepping stone on the way to something more. And you will be left with a ruined life, but "nothing personal - just business."
And this can be considered the fourth sign of how to recognize a manipulator.
Your transformation
So, after an enchanting prologue, you will encounter a sad epilogue. Many victims of manipulators, both men and women, were left not only with a ruined life, a crippled psyche, but also with undermined he alth. From the person who once entered into this relationship, there remains a mole or shadow. It will take more than one year to pick up the pieces of yourself. And yet, many victims hope to "cure the manipulator." There is only one answer: "Impossible".
Now about women:you can recognize her as a manipulator by observing which “painful” points of the psyche she prefers to put pressure on. Most often, guilt is exploited, since centuries of experience have taught her to use her weakness as strength. Gradually, a man in such a toxic relationship loses his will, and then the second act of the drama begins - the swinging of the pendulum of emotions.
This technique is used by both male and female pick-up artists: a person cannot be sure of anything, promises are not kept, requests are ignored, third parties are involved as competitors either from among the "former" or from among " new "manipulator, attempts to sort things out are psychological aggression, which returns the victim to a sense of guilt. And besides, a person develops a strong confidence that something is wrong with him.
We talked about personal relationships, where there is a danger of manipulation, but how to recognize a liar and a manipulator among partners, in particular, business ones? Very simple: he will also first ingratiate himself, then deprive him of confidence, and then, having achieved that no important issue can be resolved without his participation, he will begin to redistribute property.
Protection system
Remember a few tips:
- Don't get into this relationship at all.
- If you're already hooked, use the mirroring technique.
- Discipline and "mutiny on the ship" are ineffective, so don't waste your time.
- If he (she) packed up and left you without explanation,sing "Hallelujah", change the locks and lock your phone.
- You will need the support of loved ones after parting with the manipulator. It will not be superfluous to go to a psychologist.
- Work through your desire to wait for him and explain himself. Start life with a clean slate.
- Never give him (her) another chance, even if he strongly asks to return.
