My children enrage me: relationships with children, reasons and advice from psychologists

2024 Author: Miguel Ramacey | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 06:11

Almost all parents look forward to the birth of the baby, especially the first child. Being in a position, a woman strictly follows the recommendations of doctors, she refuses herself in many ways, if only the child is born strong and he althy. All members of the family treat the baby tenderly and reverently, enthusiastically note his every new gesture, every squeak.

It would seem that the selfless love of parents should last forever, but in practice this is not always the case. For some reason, a grown child begins to annoy his dear dads and moms. Where do those quivering feelings that the parents experienced for the child go? Where do disagreements and serious conflicts appear in the family?

My kids piss me off

Don't forget that little girls and boys are not dolls. They tend to be overly active. They have their desires, whims. It is difficult to meet a child who will sit quietly in a corner and listen to every word of an adult.

Children will demand attention even when you have a headache, you are very tired, hugetrouble, you don't want to live at all. Many kids will fight your inhibitions because they have fun, they don't see the point in complying with your demands, they show their personality traits, and for dozens of other reasons. Many fathers and mothers are terribly annoyed by all this.

But sometimes there are situations when a newborn baby infuriates. Most often, this is observed in families where the baby came into our world without the desire of his mother or father. If serious disagreements arose between the parents, they also no longer really need the fruit of their love. In addition, the baby can annoy loved ones if he is constantly naughty. In this case, you should not shout at him, but consult a doctor. Perhaps the crumbs have some kind of pathology, and he is trying (in the literal sense) to shout to you.

What could be the problem

You said to yourself: "My children piss me off." What's next? You should clearly realize that they are not obliged to fulfill all your requirements unquestioningly. Leave them a piece of personal space, both materially (for example, his room) and spiritually. Let them express their own individuality. It is quite normal when your child has his own interests. Due to the large age difference, they may not match yours.

Children should have their own opinion about the country they live in, culture and so on. Otherwise, a self-sufficient person will not grow out of them. Your children may have friends you don't like, but your child doesn't care. Often seniorthe child also infuriates because he fences himself off from you, begins to hide something, is rude. This cannot be called the normal state of affairs. If your son or daughter started behaving this way, then they don't see you as a friend. Who is to blame? Of course, you yourself.

At some stage of growing up of your beloved child (perhaps already from the cradle) you became for him not his beloved parents, but strict and demanding educators. At first, the wall you erected was transparent and almost not felt. But every year it became more and more dense. How to destroy it? The older the child, the more difficult it is to do this, and sometimes even impossible. The only way to build a relationship is to try to become a friend to the child, to gain his authority.

The cost of parenting

Do not forget that the child is not your property. He doesn't have to live and act like you. He has his own thoughts and feelings, he has every right to express them the way he likes. Of course, it is necessary to raise children, but you cannot go too far in this process.

Initially, all your requirements must be reasonable and logically justified. For example, you can strictly require your child to wash their hands before eating, clearly explaining what will happen to him if germs get into his tummy. But you should not insist that he play with this particular boy or only with this girl. You should try to explain any of your requirements to the child. In relation to kids, it is better if it is in a playful way. With older children, dialogue must be respectful. Will notsuperfluous if you ask for their opinion, praise for their help or the right decision.

Fatigue is not a cause for irritation

Of course things happen in your personal life. You may not be appreciated by the authorities, offended by a friend, angered by a passerby on the street. You return home not in the best mood. But is it your child's fault?

When you cross the threshold of your apartment, you must leave in the entrance all the irritation that has accumulated in you for the whole day. If you try to distract yourself by playing with your baby, a certain balance will appear in your own soul. Do not break it with swearing and inattention to your little one, do not punish him for all your misfortunes. When he falls asleep, you can continue the therapy of your soul, for example, taking an aromatic bath, listening to pleasant music, talking on the phone with a friend. But all this will be later, when the baby falls asleep and does not need you.

Too many responsibilities

If you feel that you are not coping with the responsibilities that are growing like a snowball every day, try reaching out to your loved ones. Perhaps your parents do not know how difficult it is for you. If you tell them about the problems, they may take your child to their place for a week or two, and at this time you will tighten your "tails" or just get some sleep.

In any case, you should not blame the baby for your difficulties. After all, he did not ask you to become a mom (dad). You yourself made a serious decision to expand the horizons of your family and have a child. If you are not towhom to ask for help, try to choose the most important from all those things that you do not have time to complete. The rest will be done as far as possible.

Try to understand that the immense cannot be grasped, no matter how hard you try. In the pursuit of your affairs (for example, a career), you are missing something important. This is communication with your own child. The years fly by quickly. It may happen that the grown-up heir will only need you as attendants, because you yourself broke off the spiritual connection with him when he was small.

Infuriates own child. What to do?

If your baby annoys you, does that mean you're a bad mother? If your charming toddler beautifully painted expensive wallpapers in the morning, broke your favorite vase in the afternoon, and in the evening threw a tantrum about the fact that he does not want to eat semolina, it is difficult to control himself.

It so happened that you are in a terrible mood that day, you want to close yourself in your room and be alone. But you can't explain this to kids. They are always there, you need to communicate with them, answer the same questions ten times, remain understanding, kind, caring and most beloved in their eyes.

In this situation, try to remember what your little one has been doing all day. Almost certainly he was left to himself. Most likely, you did something important and did not pay attention to it. That's why he painted the wallpaper, cut the cat's mustache, knocked over a flower pot on the floor, and did other terrible things.

How often children are annoyingand enrage us only because we are not up to them! They pester us with their cubes, and we have the annual report in our head. They need to put the doll to bed, and we need to watch our favorite series. They ask to draw a house with a roof, and our dinner burns on the stove. How to be in such a situation? Is it always necessary to give up your interests for the sake of the child? How to overcome the irritation in ourselves from the fact that we are prevented from doing our own business?

Irritation

In psychology, this condition has long been given an explanation. Irritation is our reaction to the behavior of other people that we do not like, interfere with, or distract from something. As a rule, this condition develops gradually. For example, at first you simply told your child: "Leave me alone!". If he keeps pestering you with questions, you can yell at him. Then swearing, shouting, a belt, a corner, deprivation of sweets and other methods of "education" are used.

How to make the baby understand when you can and cannot pester your parents with your requests? You need to start teaching him this literally from the first year of life. Child psychologists advise as the baby grows up to teach him independence. Do not take care of the baby too zealously. Give him the opportunity to independently build a castle out of cubes or draw "doodles" in a notebook. Praise him for his efforts. Introduce responsibilities gradually into his young life.

If small children are enraged, then, whatever one may say, their parents are to blame. Let's say you missed the moment of the beginning of education. If your heir is already 3-4 years old, but he himself can’t do anything,therefore, he constantly demands something from you, it will be a little more difficult for you to accustom him to independence. Start small. If your adult business allows, try to involve a child in it. For example, if you are busy cleaning, give him some task.

Manipulation

It sounds strange, but our children are very wise. They perfectly understand where the weak point of the father, and more often the mother, is located, and they try to manipulate it. In what it can be shown? For example, a child knows that it is very important for you whether he ate semolina or not. The kid begins to demand a new car for one spoon, a robot for the second, a kilogram of sweets for the third.

Very often, children begin to twist ropes from their parents in public places, for example, in a store. They feel or understand that moms and dads are ashamed of their behavior, so they will try to quickly hush up the conflict. So our kids demand to buy them the most beautiful toy, ice cream or something else, and at the same time stomp their feet, fall to the floor and so on.

Psychologists say that parents are to blame. It was moms and dads who taught the baby to manipulate. For example, they promised the baby to buy something if he collected his toys.

How to deal with manipulation

There is no need to get annoyed at such behavior of children. Even if they behave very badly, do not stop loving them. This is the main advice that psychologists give to all parents.

Think about why a child who demands something from you infuriatesthen. After all, you behave exactly the same way when you need something from him. He just learned your lessons very well. Is it necessary to scold him for this?

Psychologists advise you to reconsider your own behavior, stop promising your child to provide any benefit if, for example, he cleans his locker, does his homework, apologizes to Aunt Masha, goes on vacation to his grandmother in the village or looks after little sister.

Another trick is to ignore the child's tantrums. This is quite difficult to do, especially in a public place. But even if the little one fell on the floor in the store and demands a new car, you can’t beat him for it.

The famous doctor Komarovsky advises in any situation, even if the child upsets you very much, in the evening be sure to wish him sweet dreams, end the day on a positive note.

Of course, many are pissed off by their own child who misbehaves. In the case of manipulation, be sure to review your behavior and stop doing the same. If you need something from a child, demand it without promises of all kinds of gifts. If you can't buy him something, don't come up with impossible tasks. Just say a firm "no" and explain why it is that way and not otherwise.

Parental anger

It is generally accepted that this is the emotion that is born during the assertion of who is the boss in the house. This is manifested in who will prevail, a parent demanding unquestioning obedience, or a child ignoring any instructions. Anger can arisein a situation where the heir does not heed any admonitions and regularly does bad deeds, for example, a teenager brings deuces from school, smokes, walks with no one knows who and where.

Small children can be very annoying if they mess up something around the house, like breaking their mom's expensive phone, even though they are strictly forbidden to touch it.

At such moments, you can lose control of yourself and hit the child. In medical practice, there are cases when loving parents in a fit of anger broke their children's arms or legs. How to deal with your feelings and not hurt your baby? First, immediately drink a sedative. With a teenager, you can start a dialogue only when you are in an adequate state. If you hysterically shout at him or threaten him, he will simply move away from you even more, close up, perhaps begin to despise or hate you. With such a development of events, he can leave home. Who will benefit from this?

If you go back to the example of the broken phone, you can't physically punish the baby either. Try to calm down. Remember: a phone can be repaired or a new one can be bought, but a child cannot.

How to restore peace of mind

Psychologists advise many ways to help calm the nerves. Above, we mentioned medical preparations. Do not neglect this recommendation. If the nervous system is in a too excited state, it is very difficult to correct this only by psychological methods. But they will help you too.

Experts say what is neededfind an object on which you must vent your anger. Let it be a wall in your room, into which you throw a soft toy with all your might. You can also tear the newspaper into small pieces or trample on your hat with your feet.

A contrast shower or even a simple wash with ice water helps to find peace of mind. You can close yourself in the bathroom and shout into space several times: "My child infuriates me!". However, do not try to start resolving the conflict with your heir, being on the verge of collapse. Screaming in the same bathroom, tell yourself that you love your son (or daughter), no matter what, he is dear to you. Think about what would happen if he suddenly disappeared from your life.

Having calmed down, do not rush to sort things out right away. First, play the situation from all sides, make a plan (for yourself personally) how you will restore the trust of your child.

How not to get annoyed with your sons and daughters

Your child infuriates your child? What to do to regain your peace of mind and not ruin your relationship with your beloved child? It is impossible to give universal advice that is suitable for any situation. In order for children to perceive the requirements of their parents, they need to be taught this from an early age. However, this must be done in a playful way, so that the child is interested. In addition, teaching him, for example, not just to collect toys in a box, but to send dolls to a house or cars to a garage, you will develop his imagination.

With a teenager, it will be easier for you if you have trustingfriendly relations.

In any situation, do not allow yourself to use physical force. The child absorbs everything like a sponge. He will easily accept such behavior as the norm and begin to behave in the same way towards those who are weaker than him. This will only bring you more trouble.

What psychologists say

So you said to yourself, "My baby is pissing me off." What to do? Psychologists advise looking for your mistakes in any wrong behavior of a child. When the baby was born, he knew nothing and did not know how. It was you who taught him to manipulate you, to be lazy, to make reservations, not to obey. You might argue that you didn't do anything like that.

Psychologists say that adults almost never notice mistakes in their behavior, but the child becomes their indicator. Try to analyze your actions more often, do not manipulate your child, do not threaten him to "give someone else's aunt", "call a grandmother" and so on.

In any situation, remember that this is your child, you love him very much.