Everyone knows that silence is golden, and it really has a special meaning in the life of any person. To remain silent at the right time is sometimes much more accurate than to utter any words. In everyday situations, it is desirable to be able to determine in time not only when it is better not to say a word, but also when it will not be superfluous to speak out. But the main thing is to be able to remain silent when it is really necessary. How to do it? How to learn to be silent?
Why silence is needed
The need for silence is due to the current situation. Very often there are circumstances when it is better to be silent than to speak. You should control your speech and avoid rash words when solving serious issues related to personal life, in the process of business conversations, when communicating with strangers or children. Man is a rational being and must remain so in most life episodes, otherwise the consequences can be extremely unpleasant. Silence has a number of benefits. It is capable of:
- create space for thought to work;
- free from idle talk and fussiness;
- to sharpen susceptibility to your inner and outer worlds;
- ensure awareness and meaningfulness of actions;
- to enable the most complete absorption of information from the outside.
Manifestations of silence in everyday life
In our lives, silence has a special niche. There are a number of situations where the question of how to learn to be silent is not raised, since this is not necessary. Silence is natural and obligatory in cases:
- Rituals - special events or people deserve to be honored with a moment of silence.
- Obligations - a kind of monastic asceticism, considered worthy of special respect - a vow of silence.
- Rights - The wording "you have the right to remain silent" suggests that there is time for thoughtful speech.
- Secrets - the ability to hide something and not give out other people's secrets has always been highly valued in any person.
Communication
Man is a social creature, and he cannot do without communication within this very society. Therefore, speaking out and speaking out is a natural psychological need. At the same time, there is a new understanding of the situation, the removal of nervous tension, and the relief of the state of mind. However, initially you should always understand whether you need the intended dialogue at all. Is your information or your question useless? Maybe say to yourself: "Better be quiet." Always in a dialogue, you should know with whom and what you can talk about. Do not turn communication intoempty and useless waste of words. When talking, you need to focus on the interlocutor. You can say almost anything to someone, for example, a psychologist or a loved one who is able to understand you. But with most people, it's best to stick with the pattern:
- ask a question - get information;
- make an offer, request or demand - get consent or refusal;
- express doubt, claim, opinion - get an explanation.
Silence in the family
Family relationships are a very complex and delicate matter, and absolutely ambiguous. Silence in the family is not welcome, on the contrary, for mutual understanding you need to be able to talk, because serious quarrels, misunderstandings, conflicts can arise from omissions. But sometimes there are situations when you should be silent like a fish. This is especially true for those cases when it is not the mind that dominates, but emotions, and a negative attitude towards one's half is expressed in the form of angry epithets and does not bring anything good afterwards. How to learn to be silent when you want to express everything that has accumulated in your soul? Very often this requires gathering into a fist all the available will. Later, no doubt, you will be able to think more adequately and express your claims by finding the right words for this.
Silence at work
A person who knows how to keep silent will always be valued at work much more than one who cannot keep his mouth shut. For it will beto mean that the employee knows how to listen to the interlocutor, show attention to him, and also maintain the confidentiality of any information received. How to learn to be silent at work? The ways to keep silence in the work collective are identical to the general methods of gaining inner balance and self-control. As in all other cases, in any society, silence is a manifestation of dignity. In other cases, the ability to avoid opposing views in disputes, the ability to step back from the situation when it is reasonable. However, one should always remember that constant silence can also be assessed negatively. Look for the middle ground.
Main ways to remain silent
How to learn to be silent? Psychology is a science that was one of the first to develop this problem and look for solutions that can help most people. In order to learn how to remain silent at the right time, use the following techniques:
- Self-esteem. If you notice an inability to control your speech and often cannot restrain yourself from speaking out, which gives you considerable inconvenience in life, you should first of all understand yourself. Why is this happening? Continuous chatter can signal both a shattered nervous system, stress, depression, and other more serious psychological problems. Naturally, it would be best to discuss this with a psychologist. It will help you relieve internal stress, and the situation will definitely improve. However, not everyone will go to the doctor. Most people think that inable to deal with the problem on their own. You can try to figure it out yourself, but it will be much more difficult.
- Meditations. Immersion in yourself, reflection. There are many techniques for relaxation, stopping thoughts, achieving inner emptiness, in which one's inner voice is best heard, one's personality is revealed, and sometimes very important truths are comprehended.
- Loneliness. In order to learn to be silent, you can temporarily move away from society and be alone with yourself. This will give a great opportunity to listen and hear. At the same time, it is good to listen not so much to music as to nature: the singing of birds, the murmur of water. Try to assess the environment, the whole world and understand your place in it.
Ways to remain silent in critical situations
How to learn to be silent in situations where emotions are in full swing and there is no way to sit down and calmly meditate or retire, and the words are rushing out, and you are absolutely sure that you will have to regret them later?
- Breath. When a critical situation arises in which emotions take over and you want to speak out, but this cannot be done in any way, breathing exercises help many. Take a very deep breath and a long exhale. For many, a few minutes of breathing is enough. The brain will be oversaturated with oxygen, and the physical condition will change.
- Water. In order to remain silent, you can occupy your mouth with something else - drink water or something to eat,chewing it well and not being distracted by extraneous stimuli.
- Physical exercise. If possible, physical activity can be a good way to distract from unnecessary words. Whatever is most difficult for you: squats, push-ups, abs. In other cases, you can simply run away from an unpleasant conversation in the truest sense of the word.
- Pain. Pain can distract you from just about everything. Our body is so physiologically arranged that in the presence of pain, it is distracted exclusively by them, everything else loses its significance. You can just pinch yourself. But modern psychologists have long come up with a more interesting method: an ordinary elastic band for tying banknotes is worn on the wrist, and in emergency situations it is pulled back and released. In this case, by pulling the elastic band to a different length, you can adjust the amount of pain. By the way, this method is currently widespread and allows not only to avoid unnecessary words in a particular situation, but also to prevent this in the future, since the body develops a conditioned reflex: if you blurted out too much, you got pain.
When is the best time to speak
A man came to Socrates and asked:
- Do you know what your friend says about you?
Socrates replied:
- Before you tell me this message, put your words through 3 sieves. The first is the sieve of truth. Are you sure your information is true?
- These are rumors.
- The second sieve is the sieve of goodness. Will this news bring me good and pleasant things?
-Not at all.
- And the third sieve is the sieve of benefit. Will this news help me?
- Hardly.
- Now judge for yourself: you want to tell me a message in which there is neither good nor truth, and, in addition, it is useless. Why say it then?
Hence the conclusion: before you say something, you should always think about why you need to do it.
