Emotions and intelligence - what do they have in common? It would seem that these are completely different spheres, between which there are no common points of contact. Until the 60s, this was exactly what was thought, until scientists introduced such a thing as “emotional intelligence”. As it turned out, the well-known "rational intelligence" (IQ) does not give a reliable idea of how effective a person will be in a family and work environment. Much more important is emotional development, which greatly affects social skills.
Emotional intelligence. What is this?
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability of a person to be aware of their personal emotions and the feelings of those around them. Understanding the mindset of other people allows you to guess their intentions. This, in turn, makes it possible to control the emotions, goals and motivations of people. Emotional intelligence includes sociability, confidence, self-awareness, self-regulation, optimism, and more.
It is a harmoniously developed EQ that allows you to acquire the skill of building long-term and reliable relationships. Without this, a person does not have the opportunity to become successful in the main areas of life. Therefore, emotional intelligence is a very important characteristic that you should work on throughout your life and you need to start from early childhood.
Why a child needs emotional intelligence
EQ is very important for future life in society. That is why it is necessary to develop emotional intelligence in a child. Children who have a developed EQ find a common language with peers and adults better, adapt more easily in society. They are more responsive to the emotions of other people, are able to control their actions, and are also more amenable to education. With such children, parents, as a rule, have no problems getting used to kindergarten, then to school, etc. These kids do not have difficulties with communication and communication, they easily make contact and have many friends.
The foundations of EQ are laid in infancy. Mom, without even thinking, obeying instincts and guided by love for the baby, contributes to the development of his emotions through touch, smile, affectionate treatment, singing lullabies, etc. Even when she is angry with the baby, this is also important for his development. Thus, the child learns to distinguish between emotions, begins to understand what he is doing right and what is not, what causes positive feelings, and what actions upset others.
As we see, it is throughcommunication is formed by emotional intelligence. Children, like sponges, absorb everything that surrounds them. What else can be done to develop EQ in a baby? Let's find out.
Development of emotional intelligence in children
General recommendations for EQ development:
- Show your feelings for your baby as openly as possible. Feel free to express sincere emotions towards your child.
- It is necessary to create a comfortable and friendly atmosphere in the family, eliminating, if possible, nervousness and aggression. In such an environment, the baby will not withdraw into himself, but will be able to show his emotions openly and sincerely. A favorable psychological state of the child is the main condition for its harmonious development.
- If possible, comment on the behavior of the baby, voicing all the emotions experienced by him and those around him. For example, “Katya is angry (happy)” or “Mom will miss you.”
- Play Guess the Emotion with your baby. Look at pictures of different facial expressions of people or animals. Voice their feelings: “The boy is scared”, “The bunny is happy”, etc.
- Watching cartoons with your baby - analyze the actions of the main characters with him, give them an assessment, explain to the child what different characters feel, how they show their emotions outwardly.
- Try to start introducing your child to other children as early as possible. The interaction of kids in the park, on the playground -this is the best way to develop emotional intelligence in a child. Children develop their social skills through play.
John Gottman. Emotional intelligence of a child
For those parents who seek to get closer to their child and teach him how to properly manage his emotions, the books of famous psychologists John Gottman and Joan Decler may be useful. In their writings, they destroy the well-known stereotypes in the upbringing of children. Psychologists show that those methods that we used to consider correct do not work. The book contains recommendations on how to be more attentive to the emotions of the baby, how to better understand the mood of the child, how to discuss feelings in a language that the baby will understand and much more. It is, at its core, a practical guide to action.
The development of emotional intelligence in preschool children is a task that not all parents cope with adequately. Moreover, each type of parent cannot keep the situation under control for various reasons. Let's look at the main points in order to have an idea about the mistakes adults often make in relation to their children.
Types of parents who fail to develop EQ in their children
- Rejectors. These are parents who do not attach any importance to the negative emotions of their children, either completely ignoring them, or considering them a trifle and a trifle.
- Disapproving. These are adults who are too harsh on the manifestation of negativethe actions of their children. They can chastise the child for negative emotions and even punish them.
- Non-interfering. Parents accept all the emotions of their baby, empathize with them, but do not offer solutions to the problem.
All these mistakes in education lead to the fact that emotional intelligence in preschool children develops incorrectly, which is fraught with problems in adulthood. Wise parents should ensure that their little ones will be able to overcome difficulties and make their own decisions in the future. Babies need to instill the basic concepts of communicating with other people from an early age. To do this, you need to find out what type of parent contributes to the most correct development of emotional intelligence in a child?
Emotional nurturer
This type of parent has the following important qualities:
- Can safely be around a child who is experiencing negative emotions. They do not irritate him or cause anger.
- Takes a child's bad mood as an opportunity to get closer.
- Believes that the baby's negative emotions require parental involvement.
- Respects the baby's emotions, even if they seem insignificant to him.
- Knows what to do in certain situations in which negative emotions are manifested in a child.
- Helps your child express their current feelings.
- Listen to the baby, show participation, sympathize,and most importantly, he will suggest ways to solve the problem.
- Sets the boundaries of the manifestation of emotions and teaches them to acceptably express them, without "going too far".
All of these key parenting steps help a child learn to trust, manage, and overcome their emotions.
Basic steps of emotional education
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person's shoes and respond appropriately to events. Only people with developed emotional intelligence are capable of manifesting this quality. Children for whom they did not express sympathy, did not allow them to get angry and upset - they become isolated and feel lonely. If we want a little person to let us into her world, we need to be able to understand her, let her feelings pass through us. And also to confirm the validity of emotions close to the baby and help find ways to solve the problem. As Gottman writes in his book, a child's emotional intelligence develops properly only when parents follow key rules.
There are five basic steps to cultivating emotional intelligence. Let's consider each of them in more detail.
Step 1. Awareness of the child's emotions
In order for parents to succeed, they must first learn to understand their own feelings. Hiding your negative emotions out of fear that anger or irritation will only make things worse and set a bad example for children is not the best option. HowNumerous studies on this topic show that children whose parents hid their negative feelings cope with their negative emotions much worse than those whose parents allowed themselves to openly show all feelings, including not very pleasant ones.
Step 2. Susceptibility
Perception of emotion as a means to get closer to the child. You can not ignore the negative mentality of the child in the hope that it will pass by itself. Negative emotions leave if the child has the opportunity to talk about them and get support from their parents. Unpleasant feelings of the baby are an occasion to communicate with him closer, talk about his experiences, give advice and become closer to him.
Step 3. Understanding
Showing empathy and validating emotions. It is necessary to sit with the child at the same level and make eye contact. An adult needs to remain calm. Listen to your baby, show that you understand him, confirm his right to experience this emotion and support the child.
Step 4. Teaching your child to express their feelings
Help your child express their emotions with words. Descriptive expression of deep, inner feelings has a calming effect and helps children to relax more quickly after an unpleasant incident. When a child says what he feels, he focuses on the emotion, lives it, and then calms down.
Step 5. Reasonable boundaries
Introduction of restrictions in the manifestation of feelings and help in overcoming difficulties. We have to saythe child that he is experiencing the right emotions, but it is necessary to find a different way of expressing them. It is also imperative to offer assistance in solving the problem.
Conclusion
According to the recommendations given by Gottman and Dekler, the emotional intelligence of the child must be developed, showing maximum participation and understanding. It is important to realize that the baby cannot have unnatural feelings. All of them deserve your attention and acceptance. Teach children to perceive and be aware of their experiences, help them solve problems - all this is advised by the psychologist Dekler in his book. The emotional intelligence of a child is a very important area that affects almost all aspects of life.
