When it comes to addiction, most often we have images of people suffering from the so-called chemical addiction (addiction to alcohol, drugs, smoking). In addition, we include excessive passion for computers (games, social networks) and gambling as addiction.
However, there is also codependency, which differs from other types of addiction in that at least two people are involved in this process. And breaking free from codependency can lead to resolution of many other problems, whether it's substance use or "living" on a social network.
Need to know what to fight
To get rid of codependency, you must first understand what it is and why it is dangerous. There is a rather long list of characteristics of a codependent person, here are some of them:
- codependent feels good when others approve of him;
- feels guilty about other people's problems;
- fear of rejection;
- divides the whole world into "black" and "white";
- undeservedly idealizes others and takes offense at them for not living up to his expectations;
- cannot distinguish their thoughts and feelings from those of others.
This list can be continued, however, all of the listed characteristics reflect the erasure of the boundaries of the personality, an unconscious type of thinking.
Recovery possible or not?
The traditional medical approach answers this question in the negative, referring to the impossibility of confronting the biological and hereditary factors involved in the formation of addictive behavior.
However, according to Berry and Janey Weinhold, freedom from codependency is first and foremost about freedom from unfinished, unresolved issues in the client's early childhood. Each person goes through a number of important stages in the process of his development. All stages associated with the transition of a person from one stage to another must be completed in an acceptable way, otherwise there is a risk of developing deviant behavior.
Probably at some point in the client's history, boundaries were violated or some event occurred, the recollection and processing of which will allow them to experience liberation. We are sometimes only a few steps away from codependency, and it is important to be especially careful when raising children.
The main thing is freedom
In his book Breaking Free From Codependency, Berry Weinhold emphasizes the concept of freedom as a qualitypersonality characteristic. Freedom implies a certain state that cannot be achieved by focusing only on external stimuli. However, freedom does not mean impunity and permissiveness. First of all, it is important to understand what we want to be free from.
Freedom from codependency involves, first of all, turning the inner gaze on our own "I", on the awareness of the reasons that determine our behavior.
Roads to recovery
Most often, breaking free from the codependency trap occurs in two ways:
1. By focusing on codependency as a disease, as a foreign object that needs to be de alt with.
2. By building new relationships with loved ones.
But there is a third way, which is the subject of the book "Liberation from codependency". This approach is based on the fact that codependency is not an incurable disease, but quite successfully correctable.
Personal potential on the path to freedom
Codependent relationships devastate a person, because they lead to the erasure of the boundaries of the individual, to a partial loss of oneself and dissolution in another. Work aimed at developing one's personal potential, at understanding oneself as a whole, leads to strengthening the boundaries of one's "I".
In order to break free from painful codependency, today the most effective is the 12-step program, which includes a phased study of the problem of codependency. In the course of working under this program, a person learns to take onresponsibility for your life and, as a result, becomes a more mature person.
Codependency and society
However, getting rid of addiction is complicated by the fact that modern society is not interested in the development of an individual. Solidarity, team spirit is good. But, on the other hand, a society built on codependency is a herd effect, erasing the boundaries of one's "I", the absence of one's own opinion and, as a result, being influenced by someone else's point of view.
Nevertheless, man is a social being and cannot live apart from others. In the struggle to break free from codependency, other people can provide invaluable support and assistance. In particular, getting rid of the codependence of married couples is much faster, more efficient and painless if it is carried out immediately for both spouses. Attending a variety of support groups will also speed up the recovery process through the positive influence of other people with the same problems. And finally, reading motivational literature about successful release will provide the necessary resources for personal change.
Codependency Prevention
The easiest thing we can do to keep our child safe from co-dependent relationships in the future is to have a strong connection with him from early childhood, but at the same time respect his boundaries. To do this, it is important to understand that a child is a person who has the right to his own emotions and feelings. When we forbid somethinga small person more often than we allow, he can stop believing in himself and rely only on someone else's, "competent" opinion.
