Of course, we all live in a society, but each of us needs some inviolable territory where we can feel safe. Personal space is the main condition for the normal functioning of the human psyche. Therefore, defining and maintaining its boundaries is very important in the life of each of us.
Reasons why we need our own comfort zone
The very idea of personal territory is rooted in the distant past and is associated with the animal world. Ethologist Lorenz Konrad (a scientist who studies the genetically determined behavior of animals and humans) argued that the presence of individual space is associated with the aggression of flocking animals or birds. For example, starlings sit on wires at intervals. The distance between them is exactly equal to their ability to reach each other with their beak. If the animal is not aggressive, then it does not need personal space.
It follows that an animal needs some kind of personal territory as much as it expects any aggression in its direction.
Man, to some extent, is also a flock individual, so the conclusion that was made by Konrad Lorenz applies to him. For example, when a daughter approaches her mother and hugs her, the mother does not think that the child is violating her personal space. But this same woman feels completely different if she is hugged by an unfamiliar colleague. Why is this happening? What are the boundaries of our individual space? What factors influence their establishment? The personal space of a person and its types will be discussed in the article.
Borders
Personal or individual space is a zone in which a person feels safe and comfortable. The following boundaries of the comfort zone are distinguished, depending on the degree of acquaintance with people:
- From 15 to 45 centimeters is the distance that is comfortable when communicating with children, a partner, close friends.
- From 46 centimeters to 1 meter is an acceptable distance when communicating with colleagues, neighbors, classmates.
- From 1 meter to 3.5 meters - psychologists call this space a "social zone", that is, a comfortable area for communicating with people in transport, at a bus stop.
- A distance of more than 3.5 meters is required to communicate with a large group.
Indicators affecting the definition of boundaries
The establishment of restrictions depends, first of all, on the personal characteristics of the person himself. For example, here are indicators that affect the definition of comfort zones:
- Type of characterperson. Closed people, closed from the outside world, need solitude. People who are open and sociable often violate the individual space of others and allow outsiders to enter their comfort zone.
- The degree of self-confidence. Self-sufficient and self-confident people do not violate the boundaries of the personal space of another person. For example, a wife would never check her husband's phone. That is, the lower the level of self-esteem, the more a person allows himself to violate the individual zone of another person and allows him to do this in relation to himself.
- Residence. People living in a metropolis have narrower boundaries of their own space than those who live in small towns. In addition, southerners are said to be less zealous about their personal comfort zone than northerners.
- Family and culture. There are families in which the boundaries of the personal zone are practically erased. A person who grew up in such an environment, as a rule, can speak on any topic without feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed. If a child grew up in a family that respected the personal comfort zone, then it is very difficult for him to talk openly about aspects of his personal life or discuss others.
Violation of personal space
Any invasion of personal comfort zone leads to irritation. The reason is that a person, by defining boundaries, wants to protect himself both on a psychological and physical level.
Someone is comfortable communicating at a distance, while others are not. It is especially difficult for thosepeople who need some distance from others. At concerts, in transport, at work, in an elevator, they experience panic, irritation, disgust. And if you compare every violation of their personal space with a slap in the face, then it’s hard to imagine how many such slaps they receive during the day. They are stressed, and for quite a long time.
And what about a child who is constantly climbed with hugs and kisses? And then they say that he is a capricious and uncontrollable kid.
Violation of personal space always leads to psychological discomfort, which results in stress, depression, insomnia. It doesn't matter if it's an adult or a child.
Why is it important to learn how to protect your space?
Invading another person's comfort zone or ignoring one's own personal boundaries always leads to conflicts, to aggression.
Negativity can be directed both at the offender and at oneself. A person begins to blame himself for all the troubles. An internal discomfort appears, which gradually destroys him as a person. In addition, he sets a bad example for his child, who in adulthood will also endure unwanted attacks, because he does not know how to defend himself from them at all.
People who have difficulty dealing with borders always have psychological problems and all sorts of illnesses.
What to do?
Here are some tips to help protect your privacy.space:
- Learn to say no, even to your loved ones.
- Give up guilt forever, as it is the perfect tool for manipulation.
- Exclude familiarity when communicating.
- Don't try to please everyone and be nice to everyone.
- Deal with criticism properly.
- Don't let anyone manipulate you.
- Try not to respond to provocations.
- Always maintain physical distance when communicating.
- Don't be too frank.
- Try to be fair.
Individual space is a zone of calm and security. Don't overstep other people's comfort limits by intervening in their lives, giving advice, and then it will be easy to keep your distance and not allow others to overstep the boundaries of what is permitted.
Types of personal comfort zone
Individual space has other dimensions besides the physical one. The following forms are common:
- Object space or private property are things, objects to which only we have access. For example, personal computer, desktop, office, bed and so on.
- A living space is a private place where you can retire, relax and feel safe. This is not necessarily your house or apartment, it can be your own corner, your own part of the room.
- Personal information space is the right to secrecy. You can not read other people's letters, SMS, view a mobile phone. Everyone has ita person has the right to privacy.
- Personal emotional space is the feelings that we experience at will.
- Personal time is time free from obligations and work, which you can dispose of at your discretion.
Male and feminine approach to the concept of "personal space"
Men intuitively protect the boundaries of their comfort. They know how to do it both physically and verbally. Their clear restrictions make it clear how secure the private area is.
Women have problems with trespassing. This is due to the fact that the nature of the beautiful half of humanity is dual. On the one hand, they want to dissolve in their chosen one, and on the other hand, they allow a lot of things that are unacceptable towards themselves.
They begin to endure, and it is in this sacrifice that the difference between men and women lies.
Every partner's comfort zone in a relationship
Partners sometimes need to be alone with themselves. When there is respect in a couple, then problems with violating the boundaries of personal space in a relationship do not arise. And if suddenly the rights of one of the partners begin to be infringed, then we need to start working on this.
You should always start with yourself, this is the only way to make a loved one understand how important it is to take care of personal boundaries: phone, email, social networks, meetings with friends.
In privaterelationships must be compromised. You need to be able to talk and negotiate, and then there will be no problems in violating personal space.
