Sometimes you want to close yourself from problems, reality, get away from troubles. Self-deception is the psychological defense against all this. But this is not good. A person, hiding behind an illusory screen, is dishonest to himself, insincere. It would seem that in this way we manage to hide our fears and weaknesses, but this is not an option.
Why?
Because by hiding deep within ourselves shortcomings, vices and evil, we do not get rid of them. And they, in turn, will gradually kill us and our lives. So, self-deception is a conscious purposeful action of a person in order to avoid unpleasant truths, unwanted reality. This is nothing but the suggestion of thoughts that do not correspond to reality.
Let's give examples of self-deception
They will help to assess the degree of harm that not only the individual receives, but also the people around him. Suppose a person has symptoms of a serious illness, but he does not pay attention to them in every possible way, rejecting this, suggesting to himself that absolutelyhe althy until the effects of the disease become irreversible.
Or the mistress of a married man is sure that he does not love a wife with whom there is no intimacy, and will soon leave his family for her.
Parents who blindly love their children exaggerate their virtues without seeing their faults. For example, a son who is engaged in the ice hockey section does not drop any hopes and most of the time sits on the bench, he sees the future world champion.
An unprepared student going to the exam is completely confident in his abilities, convinced that he has sufficient knowledge to pass the subject. As you can see, there are many examples, but the result is the same - the destruction of illusions, which entails pain, disappointment, stress, depression and even death. Thus, self-deception is an excellent means of self-defense against negativity, but sometimes it becomes uncontrollable, turning into a guiding star, a life guide, a behavior strategy.
How dangerous is he?
To achieve a result in life, a person needs certain resources. And self-deception can have a negative impact on this factor. In this situation, the individual is able to overestimate himself by ascribing the missing qualities that are absent in reality.
A successful person really looks at things, sets feasible tasks for himself, solving them, moving towards a big goal. While the loser sets unattainable boundaries, unbearable opportunities. And everything happens because he is deluded in his powers. If the cause is imaginary, will it happenexpected consequence? Of course not.
Let's look into the reasons
As mentioned above, self-deception can act to some extent as a conscious strategy of behavior or as a random moment of the situation. So, why does a person pass off a lie as truth:
- Anxiety and cowardice is the first cause of self-deception in life. This is the fear of admitting something to yourself, admitting your misdeeds, sins. Or the fear of taking responsibility for something. To free yourself from them, you need to take the first important courageous step - to recognize them.
- Low self-esteem. As a rule, such people do not have an inner life core, self-respect, there is no dignity. And they have to lie about themselves, achievements, increase them, invent good qualities, and they themselves begin to believe in this lie. A person who knows his own worth does not need to deceive himself.
- Fear of experiencing pain and suffering. That is why the individual simply decides that the problem does not exist. But it does not disappear anywhere, and this must be understood. If problems are not addressed, they will accumulate and explode sooner or later. It is necessary to gain strength, find solutions, and not pretend that everything is fine.
- False knowledge and faith. A person believes in something that is not in reality. And on the basis of this he draws vital conclusions. And what is happening in reality, does not notice. The individual perceives only what he is trained to perceive. Unconscious self-deception will be based on ignorance and ignorance.
Ignorance is the biggest cause of self-deception. It is the lack of educationbinding to the old, stereotypical thinking impede the assimilation of new information. It deprives the individual of critical thinking, the person is deeply convinced that he knows everything better than others. The ignoramus is the last thing to admit to self-deception and misfortune, while not accepting someone else's help, again because of their stereotypes.
These are some reasons, there are many. One thing can be said: they all indicate that a person is not able to realize either himself or the surrounding reality, as a result of which he cannot develop.
Ah, it's not difficult to deceive me!… I myself am glad to be deceived
Quote from the poem "Confession" by the great Russian poet S. A. Pushkin. He dedicated this work to the stepdaughter of the mistress of the neighboring estate, Alexandra Osipova (Alina), while in the village of Mikhailovsky. The poet understood that his declaration of love was hopeless, because her heart was occupied. And the last line of the poem "I myself am glad to be deceived!" speaks of a certain love game, flirting, which Pushkin offers to the young lady. He is ready for anything to get her reciprocity. Even self-deception. This is an example from the literature. And by the way, there are a great many of them.
Well, we will return to the problem of self-deception in life.
Positive thinking
Has nothing to do with illusory thinking, that is, self-deception. Let's figure it out. To achieve heights and achieve the goal, to find a way out of the current difficult situation, while maintaining a sober mind, without falling into panic and depression, can only be positivethinking person.
Self-deception is the other side of the coin, it is an attempt to think positively when a person is dissatisfied with his life, dissatisfied with his achievements and himself, but at the same time reassures himself that everything is fine. That is, he tries to think positively, but without movement, without solving emerging problems.
Thus, if you want to change your life, drive away self-deception. If you are not satisfied with what you have, you should not convince yourself that everything is fine, because then you don’t need to change anything. This is how people live their lives. Do not wait for the weather from the sea, act, break the "false optimism", plunge into reality and change it.
How to find it?
Self-deception is the process of suggesting thoughts that do not correspond to reality. The main thing is to learn to turn on self-control and treat yourself critically, without prejudice and censure. Observe yourself from the outside, ask questions that will help reveal internal beliefs. After the work done, you need to focus on the following points. So analyze:
- Thoughts. For example, when starting a new relationship, people may have bad thoughts: “I am convinced that the girl will lie to me because the previous one betrayed” or “I am afraid to fall in love again, because I will experience pain and disappointment again.” Or very positive: “This is the best, unique, ideal girl in life!” Here you need to think about whether you are superimposing your past experience on reality, are irrational thoughts biased?
- Emotions. When you enter into a new relationship, think about trusting a partner, you have a feeling of fear, anxiety. You need to ask yourself what is this reaction and why does it occur? Is it connected to reality or is it an echo of past unresolved issues?
- Behaviour. We want our behavior to exist separately from us, because it is our reflection. That is, not trusting a partner, looking through his phone, we do not recognize the fact of jealousy. And when the behavior goes against you, ask why are you acting the way you do? What do you not want to admit, why are you doing this and choosing self-deception?
Until a person gets rid of self-deception, he will lie to himself and others. You need to work on yourself, because deceiving yourself can harm and destroy romantic relationships. And by observing your thoughts, emotions and behavior, you can change for the better.
How to avoid it?
If you still notice the fact of self-deception, you must:
- Acknowledge the fact of his existence, no matter how ashamed or hurt. It's a shame to continue to deceive yourself.
- Soberly assess your capabilities. Feel free to seek other people's opinions about you.
- And most importantly, learn to think right.
It's hard, but you can succeed if you want to. First, try to be honest with yourself. Attend special trainings. Implement the principles of right thinking in your life. Learn to value yourself andcapabilities. And a few more tips:
- Be honest.
- Think about what really gets in the way of your happiness?
- Get rid of the fear that by dropping the illusory screen, things will get worse.
As soon as the problem of self-deception becomes a reality blocker, a person begins to indulge his shortcomings (weakness, fear, laziness, and so on). It is difficult to look at reality openly, but achieving a real goal and true happiness is worth any effort and labor.
