The most meaningless feeling that a person is capable of is resentment. A touchy person, by his behavior, tries to prove his importance to the whole world and a specific individual, not confirming this with anything other than illogical attacks and accusations. Looking at relationships through the prism of resentment distorts the worldview so much that they stop taking a person seriously and try to end the relationship with him, giving rise to an even greater feeling of disappointment in the latter.
Resentment and touchiness: what's the difference?
Resentment is a reaction, often demonstrative, in response to a statement, action or lack of action. The person is trying to show that he is dissatisfied with the course of what is happening, that he expected another, and with his whole appearance demonstrates how much his disappointment is. Disappointment is woven into the insult (one thing was expected - another thing happened), pain and sadness (“I didn’t expect this from you”), excitement and anxiety (suddenly it will happen again), powerlessness (“you are stronger - therefore you consider yourself right”), irritation and anger ("I will avenge you").
Resentment is like the flu: you can get a fever and recoverin a couple of days, but perhaps the inflammation will take over the entire body and cause an already chronic condition or destroy the carrier. This state is called resentment. A very touchy person is ready to be constantly offended by all possible irritants, sometimes erecting heaps of non-existent problems from scratch, showing with his whole appearance how unfair the world is to him.
All human feelings are a subjective thing, but the feeling of resentment is several times stronger than all the others, since one's "I" and personal dignity are put above the rest.
Why do people get offended?
Psychologists divide all causes into four categories:
- Misunderstanding of jokes: most often touchy is a person devoid of a sense of humor, he can be offended by even a small undercoat - this is his defensive reaction and an indicator that it is not necessary to do this. This is the easiest form, although it happens that a person becomes obsessed and carries a grudge for years, developing a plan for revenge.
- Manipulation: wanting to get what he intended, but not seeing the desired result, a touchy person “pouts his lips”, moves away and is silent - with his whole appearance showing that he is waiting for completely different actions.
- Deceived hopes: often people give in to fantasies or attribute non-existent character traits to others, expect unusual actions, and then are deeply disappointed with reality. With resentment, they try to show the magnitude of their disappointment, as if unobtrusively trying to change a person.
- Inability or unwillingness to forgive: too high self-esteem andhyperegos make people blind to other people's emotions and motives for actions. At the same time, this category of people can combine all three of the previous categories, turning a person into a paranoid one.
How does resentment turn into resentment?
Because of an excessive sense of self and increased self-pity, a person often has internal strife: “Why me? Why can they and I can't? I deserve better, more.” This further immerses a person in an illusory reality, invented by him and, most likely, significantly different from reality. And the more often this happens, if the cause of resentment remains unresolved and settles inside, the more a person becomes touchy, obsessed with his experiences and blind to the feelings of others. Excessive resentment becomes a natural state, destroying the inner world of a person.
Four Types of Offended
Psychoanalysts divide touchy people into several types, after analyzing which, you can understand why they hold evil on you and how to correct the situation.
- People with an eternal victim complex: they are constantly offended by everyone and everything, with or without reason: any careless word, sideways glance or gesture can drive them into deep depression, a week-long silence or, conversely, constant whining. This type of overly touchy person in the heat of passion can do anything, up to a suicide attempt, so you need to be extremely careful with them.
- Paranoids: people who are touchy due to excessive suspicion, jealousy andfear of being deceived. They hear only what they want, understand the situation only from their extremely subjective point of view and look for a catch in almost everything.
- People with an inferiority complex: their total self-doubt gives rise to a feeling of insecurity, it seems to them that others constantly want to offend, laugh at shortcomings (sometimes visible only to themselves) and assert themselves at their expense. Often such people are touchy in a quiet way, they do not scandal, do not try to manipulate, but simply withdraw into themselves, accumulating a lump of resentment.
- The Avengers: their distorted view of the world, combined with megalomania, makes them constantly replay plans for revenge, retribution for offense and encourages further immoral actions. Moreover, their gnawing resentment is so great (even for a trifling trifle) that for years they can hatch a plan of vendetta worthy of Moriarty himself.
Male offense
Men are actually very rarely offended - they are more likely to be upset, angry or disappointed in some actions of loved ones. The logical mindset simply does not allow them to keep the reason for a long time - in half an hour the male consciousness will find something more interesting for itself than talking about the past action.
The only thing that can really hurt him and unsettle him for a long time is criticism of his "male" behavior: sexual failure, comparison with other men, public condemnation and depreciation of his gifts. Then a man can either close himself in himself, or, keeping the external habitualbehavior, keep resentment in oneself for quite a long time, and during a strong quarrel, express everything.
Women's offense
Women own the palm for grievances: they are offended several times a day, while for some these are fleeting states that you can’t even call an insult - so, I was upset for five minutes and forgot. For some, this is an idea-fix of their whole life: “You offended me - you didn’t see my tears,” because of which they begin to poison life for themselves and those around them. At the same time, an offended woman looks like a madman: she absolutely does not own her mind, emotions and can say mountains of superfluous, rude and unnecessary. Excessive sensitivity is what destroys such women.
Children's offense
Resentment of a child is a great psychological trauma that can lead to a lot of complexes, rejection of the realities of the world and a distorted perception of people around. The danger is that an unstable child's psyche cannot cope with experiences, cannot respond correctly to an irritant and imprints negative experience on the subconscious, forming an illusory reality.
Most of the people who are too touchy brought this feeling with them from childhood, they have grown together with it and cannot live without it. 80% of all fears, phobias, complexes and reactions are laid in a person at preschool age, most of them come from parents and close relatives. So next time, before scolding a child for something, think ten times whether it is necessary.
What is the risk of communicating with such a person?
When there is a touchy person in the company, it is like a boil: it is very disturbing, but at the same time no one dares to touch, so as not to hurt. An imperceptible ring of alienation is formed, which offends a person even more - the circle is closed. In addition, a very touchy person reacts sharply to criticism. Therefore, openly judging him for his susceptibility is like adding fuel to the fire.
The constant need to select the “right” words, expressions and actions already indicates that you are being manipulated, which means that a person has understood the power of his influence and will use it every time as needed.
Why don't all people get offended?
The psychology of a touchy person is different: some are extremely rarely subject to such a painful reaction, while others, on the contrary, are hypersensitive. With some you can joke on the verge of a foul, while others react sharply even to a comment about a hairstyle. Why is this happening?
In fact, everything depends on the internal state of a person: how much he is self-sufficient or dependent on public opinion, what is the magnitude of his sense of pride and self-importance. Everyone has their weak points and pain points: for some they are on the surface and painful, while for others they are hidden under a thick layer of character and willpower.
How to communicate with a touchy person?
For others, this is sometimes a whole problem. How to call a touchy person so as not to offend? How to communicate with him at all if there is no opportunity to end the relationship (this is an employee, relative or husband-wife).
The first way is to tryignore manipulation attempts, provided that one's rightness really is. You can ask the opinion of a disinterested person (of course, tactfully, so as not to offend the offended one more).
Second: try to take the situation into your own hands and turn it from sensual squabbles into a calm discussion of the problem.
Communicating with overly emotional people teaches tolerance and loy alty, this is a good reason to look at yourself and others from a different angle. You need to be condescending to sensual outbursts - after all, if the reasons for such a reaction are known, then it becomes clear that a touchy person has internal problems through the roof. Have pity on him, only mentally.
The all-in method: feign resentment in return. Perhaps, feeling in the place of a “pseudo-offender”, a person will change his behavior and attitude. Try to put yourself in the place of the offended person and mentally scroll through the situation, trying to look at it through his eyes. Ask yourself what percentage of your fault is it that the person is offended. Be objective: maybe you unknowingly, without thinking, hurt a person.
How to help get rid of resentment?
Explain to the person why you acted and said this way and not otherwise. Explain in detail the reason in the smallest detail, make it clear with all your appearance that there was no desire to offend. If the situation really demands it, you need to apologize. Just remember: to apologize means to regret what you have done and promise to do it more. Human reactions come fromactions, not just words.
Try to explain that resentment is a destructive feeling, showing how much the offended person does not respect himself as a person. Show that you respect him, but you will never have close relationships if they develop in such a one-sided way.
What will accumulated grudges lead to?
Does everyone know that resentment is a manifestation of one of the seven sins of Christianity: pride? A wounded sense of superiority spurs a person to rash acts: this is how relationships are broken, marriages and family ties are broken. Everything happens because everyone puts himself above the other, and this is a manifestation of pride.
Focused on their inner experiences, a person loses the ability to think sensibly, efficiency drops, which, in turn, can lead to job loss. In an attempt to numb the pain of resentment, some people turn to drinking or taking drugs.
Why does a touchy person often get sick? His nervous system is constantly overloaded with stress, depression and neurosis. Under the influence of feelings, it disrupts the usual diet, which will adversely affect the digestive system: gastritis, stomach ulcers are side effects of stress.
From constant worries, migraine develops, spasm of the muscles of the neck and shoulder girdle (which can lead to problems with the spine). Spasmodic muscles, in turn, block the free functioning of the lungs, hyperventilation is disturbed, and this is the first step towards colds and various inflammatory processes.
In the process of communicating with a touchy person, try to convey this information, perhaps common sense will win, and the offense will go away.
