Surely every representative of the weaker sex, getting married, dreams of a strong, happy marriage, which will be filled with mutual understanding and love. And at the same time, certainly not a single woman even suspects that over time her husband can turn into a nervous, always screaming despot. What to do with those whose husband constantly humiliates and insults? Psychologist's advice will help to understand this difficult situation and find the right solution.
Probable causes of the problem
You are a faithful and loving wife, an attentive housewife, a caring mother. Colleagues treat you with respect, you always look after yourself and do not give reasons for jealousy. Husband is always dissatisfied. All sorts of little things can provoke an attack of aggression, which instantly develops into a whole stream of curses and insults. Neither requests, nor tears, nor reciprocal statements - nothing brings results, the situation is only aggravated. What to do if the husband constantly humiliates and insults? Psychological advice will help you findcause and sort out your strained relationship with your loved one.
- He took this model of relationships from his family. A boy brought up in a house where there is no mutual understanding, and his father is rude to his mother all the time, is likely to transfer this experience to his own family. Even on a subconscious level, he does not even imagine that a completely different situation can reign in the house.
- Jealousy and complexes. Men with low self-esteem can assert themselves precisely through psychological violence. According to psychologists, by morally suppressing a woman, he becomes better in his own mind. Such men can speak sharply to other people. The situation escalates several times if the wife is successful at work. It is in order to suppress her self-esteem, comparing it with his own, that the sadist uses all sorts of insults.
- Problems not related to women. Why is my husband always abusive? A man who tries with all his might not to dump his problems on the people around him, as a result, can unconsciously splash out his negativity on his soulmate. This can also happen because the spouse initially assumes that instead of supporting the wife, she will condemn him.
- Lack of warm feelings. Psychological abuse by a man can be explained very simply: out of love. The reasons for this may be very different, but in the end it all comes down to one thing: for him, life with an unloved woman turns into a real hell. It would seem that there is only one way out of this situation: just sit down and talk with your wife, directly telling her about your feelings. Butsome men are simply not capable of such an act.
- Constant comparison. Psychological sadism is often found in families where the spouse is a “sissy”, who is constantly looking for why his mother is better than his wife. An equally common option is the appearance of a woman on the side, as well as the presence of an ex-wife. In this case, the husband offends his wife, because he believes that she does not correspond to his ideal. The psychologist's main advice in this case is not to take the words he heard personally, because this is only his subjective assessment.
- The presence of provocations. Yes, dear women, you too are not always angels. Maybe instead of spending time with your husband, you spend too much time chatting with your girlfriends or watching melodramas. Or your head hurts too often. In addition, an attack of aggression may be caused by your negative feedback about his relatives, clothes or work. Men with minimal communication skills often throw out everything that has boiled up in the form of screams and insults. So analyze your own behavior.
Other reasons for constant screaming and humiliation
- Lack of sexual and emotional satisfaction. Perhaps your husband is deprived of your support, does not feel your feelings and simply does not understand exactly how you feel about him. Any man needs a sensual woman for whom he will move mountains. And many wives tend to waste their potential on solving the problems of their relatives, girlfriends, children. It is precisely because of this thatmany couples often have all sorts of problems. After all, gradually the husband begins to move away from you and splash out his anger, as well as resentment in scandals.
- Social failure of a man. Very often, for the representatives of the stronger sex, it is extremely important to take place as a specialist, to achieve heights and recognition. Only in this case he will be confident in himself and tomorrow. If he chose the wrong job and did not realize himself, over time, the whole stream of his dissatisfaction will pour out on his chosen one.
- Stress from the modern rhythm of life. Not all men are able to withstand the difficulties of today's life. If there is an emergency at work, and the boss is tearing up and mosques, you can add here the delay in salaries and standing idle in traffic jams, then it is possible that in the evening you will have a lot of complaints. In this case, it is very important to understand the characteristics of your spouse. Try to limit it from additional stress. Perhaps he is used to the fact that his shirt is always ironed and is waiting for him on a hanger, and borscht, in his opinion, should always be with sour cream. Try to make your husband as comfortable as possible at home.
Husband constantly humiliates and insults - what to do
It's no secret that in every family there are all sorts of quarrels and quarrels. And this is normal, because each person has his own character and a certain mood. But if there are no visible reasons why the husband constantly humiliates and insults, the advice of a psychologist will help you understand and understand what to do in this situation.
First of all, think about under whatcircumstances, the husband has a fit of aggression:
- he is just drunk or under the influence of some psychostimulants;
- he is completely sober;
- this only happens in private with you;
- he can insult you in front of a child or strangers.
How to behave in such a situation can be understood if you delve into the psychology of relationships.
- Surely it is difficult to understand in the conditions of constant conflicts and discontent whether you love your husband, but first of all you should figure out if there is any reason to try to save the family. Or maybe the constant negativity simply crossed out all the good things that happened before.
- How do you usually react to aggression, respond in the same way or, on the contrary, withdraw into yourself.
- How often does this swearing happen and what provokes it.
- What state is the husband in: sober or drunk.
- Does he have any serious complexes.
Humiliation from a drunken husband
What to do if your husband constantly insults you while drunk? First of all, try to abstract and understand the situation. Remember that alcoholism most often affects those people who endure strong and regular stress. Therefore, if your loved one abuses alcohol, he may not have enough of your support and inner peace.
It is the aspirationhide from reality, the real world entails the degradation of the individual. At such moments, a person simply does not understand what is happening in his family and on whose side justice is. If your spouse suffers from this addiction, the first thing to try is to help him fight addiction and provide the necessary moral support. If he flatly refuses any help, you have only two options: change your own attitude towards your husband and come to terms with the situation, or break off the painful relationship and leave the sadist.
Consequences for the child
You may be surprised, but the most significant blow from the insults and humiliation of a spouse is your children. After all, it really only seems that the child is not involved in the conflict in any way. In fact, a mother for children is always and in everything a protector, and when she is offended, the child loses such a necessary sense of security. As a result, he is subjected to severe stress, which can gradually manifest itself in a craving for sadism, theft, various phobias and other psychological deviations.
If we are talking about the humiliation and insults of a husband with a child, then all psychologists unanimously agree that there is only one way out of the situation: to stop everything that is happening. And there are many options here: starting with all sorts of psychological seminars and ending with a complete break in relations. Each individual situation may have its own way out.
If the husband constantly insults and humiliates: advice from a psychologist
If you have come to the conclusion that it is not your wrong behavior that provokes a man’s aggression, but the desire to return your old feelings still remains, listen to the recommendations of experts.
- At the right time, it's important to say: "Stop, I won't continue to swear and shout." Do not continue the scandal until the conversation is normal.
- Don't be like a screaming husband. If, in response to his accusations, a man hears the opposite, for example, how good he is, and you are surprised that such a strong man can even show weakness and raise his voice to a defenseless woman, then his aggression will disappear.
- Stop provoking your spouse. If your husband does not like some of your actions or details of your appearance, try to correct them. True, unless such a correction will be a victim for you and will not harm you.
- Try to be tactful. If your spouse is jealous of your success, try to present it as if you have achieved everything only thanks to his support.
- Restrain from criticizing his tastes, loved ones, friends, work, and in no case focus on his mistakes.
Among other things, pay your husband's attention to the fact that his screams hurt you. If he is annoyed by your behavior or appearance, tell him you didn't mean to cause a scandal.
What to watch out for
Under no circumstances allow:
- to scandalsdeveloped in the presence of the child;
- closing in yourself, bringing the situation to such a state in which you simply cannot act;
- reconciliation with such a life, if the rudeness of her husband is his constant role.
Action plan
So, you have analyzed the current events, corrected all the mistakes on your part, being a patient loving wife. If none of the steps you have taken has helped, use a few tips from a psychologist.
- Get out of the house. Even if you don't plan to end the relationship, your leaving can instantly sober up your husband. Disappear from his life for at least a week: stop responding to calls and do not look for meetings. And when you return home, let your spouse understand that a quiet life without his screams suits you much more.
- Try to ignore his next bout of aggression. Leave the house or lock yourself in another room and wait for him to calm down. Then try to have a normal conversation.
- Try to start a dialogue with all the questions that interest you in some public place. Usually domestic sadists behave calmly in public.
And here are some tips from psychologists for those whom their husband does not offend very often or the situation has only recently become aggravated:
- first of all, put yourself and your thoughts in order, not every man can insult a beautiful, well-groomed woman;
- take a walk with your spouse to places associated with nostalgic shared memories, such as where your first dates were -this method allows you to return feelings to families that have absorbed life;
- view wedding pictures and videos, remember how good you were together.
But what you definitely shouldn't do is run to your friends and complain about the tyrant. If you feel that you feel bad and simply can no longer experience everything that happens on your own, use free psychological help.
Building a dialogue
How to talk to your husband about relationships? To do this, just ask a few simple questions.
- About children. Ask if he understands that in the future your child may transfer his behavior pattern to himself. Does he want his son to insult and offend his wife in the same way, or does his daughter endure all sorts of humiliations as an adult. Does he understand that his children, most likely, not only fear him, but also hate him. Does he know that if a husband insults his wife in front of a child, then he is in a state of constant stress.
- About your relationship. Talk to him about what exactly needs to be done in order to return former peace and love to the family. Ask if he gets satisfaction from such a life and his actions. Is he impeccable to demand the same from you. And in the end, does he love you.
- About him. Find out why your husband chose this method of self-affirmation. Can he change with your support and help. Can anyone around him help him.
With this dialog, you cantry to get through to the mind of your spouse and get him to reconsider your relationship. During the conversation, you must remain calm and confident.
Other solutions
It often happens that no arguments are able to force a notorious man to abandon his characteristic behavior. After all, at the moment when a husband insults and beats his wife, he feels a surge of strength and confidence at the expense of another person and his feelings.
That is why, unfortunately, it is far from always possible to solve the problem of the psychological on your own. In this case, it is very important to contact the appropriate specialists in time. Couples need free psychological help if:
- husband suffers from various addictions that contribute to the emergence of aggression;
- moral sadism is accompanied by beatings;
- the man has a mental disorder that led to the problem;
- the couple want to figure things out on their own, but can't.
When there's nothing to do
When not to try to save a relationship:
- a man openly declares a lack of feelings, the reasons can be different, up to the appearance of another woman, it is unlikely that it will be possible to save a family in this case, and sacrificing children and yourself is simply pointless;
- not only you, but also the children have psychological problems;
- you dislike your spouse, there is no more love.
Andremember the main thing: if you experience fear of your husband, excessive depression, a sense of hopelessness and fear for your child, you can always seek qualified help by calling the Women's Crisis Helpline. Believe me, any problem can be solved, the main thing is not to despair.
