Family relationships often cease to seem prosperous, and gradually life turns into a war zone. Often conflict arises between the child and the parents. The son hates the mother, or the daughter - a similar situation can appear in almost any home. And quite often it is not accompanied by serious quarrels. She appears for no apparent reason, just from scratch. But reverse situations are also possible when a child grows up in adverse conditions and is constantly attacked by adults.
Regardless of living conditions, parents who receive angry phrases about hatred experience far from the most rosy emotions. After all, adults usually not only repeat, but also believe that they live for the sake of children. In their opinion, they do not deserve such treatment. Or did they deserve it? Why do children hate their mother? There are a variety of reasons. And some of them will be described in the review.
Difficulties of growing up
Such behavior from teenagers is frightening. And what is even worse, often children not only utter such a phrase, but also believe in it. Yes, and subsequently they begin to act as ifsincerely hate. At the same time, family relations can be quite peaceful, normal, when parents are completely sane and try to find a common language with their children.
Mother hates daughter (or son) - this is familiar to many. Usually, such a situation is attributed to the difficulties that are characteristic of the transitional age, when a teenager begins to grow up, tries to find his place, to understand the meaning of existence. At the same time, the conclusions of the child usually do not coincide with the opinion of the older generation, which causes misunderstanding, and then conflicts appear.
Main reasons
In some situations, puberty goes smoothly. However, situations where life turns into a nightmare also occur quite often. What are the reasons for such behavior of a teenager?
- Incomplete family, it's hard for one mother to cope, so she starts to take out her anger on the child, for which she receives in response.
- What other reasons can cause the phrase: “I hate my mother”? Let's say the family is complete. However, parents can hate each other, which negatively affects the child himself.
- The phrase can be called a total lie when the parents have a relationship on the side.
- Hatred often appears if there are several children in the family, and someone is loved more and someone less.
- Which mother is hated? A child may experience a feeling of hatred for that mother who does not pay attention to him at all, does not care and does not support him in difficult moments.
The above reasons are the mostbright. They demonstrate that not everything is as smooth as we would like in the family. Children feel these situations on a subconscious level, which is why they begin to say phrases such as “I hate my mother.”
However, problems can be solved by correcting the situation. But this should be wanted first of all by one of the adults. It is enough just to accept that troubles still take place, and find an experienced specialist who is able to normalize relations in the family.
When aggression appears out of the blue
Problems can happen for no reason. For example, the situation in the family is normal, but the teenager still vents anger. What causes such situations? Never forget that a child's behavior is just a symptom. It signals that there is some kind of problem, even if at first glance everything is fine.
In such a situation, psychological help is needed primarily by parents, not by the child. Only a specialist will be able to find problems and eliminate them painlessly for all family members. Otherwise, the child will simply lead to a nervous breakdown.
Improper upbringing
It is possible that certain mistakes in parenting can lead to the phrase: "I hate my mother." Naturally, there are quite a lot of them, it is not worth listing them all. However, most mistakes quite often come down to an excessive number of restrictions, various prohibitions on the part of the older generation.
Perhaps the parents painted the lives of theirchildren by the minute, not allowing them to deviate from the planned plan. At the same time, they think that they are doing the right thing, bringing only benefit. However, teenagers begin to feel that they are trapped, they no longer have enough freedom. They can break down, come to terms with such a circumstance, accept the rules of the game, or they can show aggression.
It should also be noted that the reaction to prohibitions may not appear immediately, but it will definitely manifest itself when anger accumulates and forces appear that are enough to resist parents. And then the question will begin to arise why an adult son hates his mother. Or the daughter will not have the best feelings for her parents when she grows up.
Reasons for overprotection
Daughter or son hates mother… This situation can be the result of overprotection. How to communicate with children so that there is neither excessive guardianship nor permissiveness? First, let's talk about why many parents seek to patronize their child.
Firstly, there may be beliefs that parenting should be strict. Otherwise, the child will simply slide down the slope. And the higher the manifestation of severity, the stronger the love from the parents. And this means that the child will be happy. But this point of view rarely leads to positive results.
Secondly, parents may be afraid that their children will definitely make a lot of mistakes. A similar reason resembles the first, but less global. If in the first case parents are frightened by the unfortunate fate of a teenager, then insecond, they're just worried he'll catch a cold or get an F.
Third, parents can stop feeling needed if they stop controlling their children. And if the child is independent, then it turns out that they live in vain? But, again, this opinion is erroneous.
Mother hates daughter? Psychology admits that one of the above reasons is to blame, which is not able to establish a good atmosphere in the family. But it may well lead to even more serious conflicts. You should figure out how to be in such situations, how to behave.
Hunting to be needed
Son hates mother? Psychology admits that the reason for this is the desire to “be needed” by your child. Such a desire signals that there is a complex of lack of demand, and most importantly, dislike for oneself for this on the part of parents.
In such a situation, thoughts begin to appear that if no one needs me, then I exist in vain. Instead of rejoicing in the success, independence of their children, parents begin to take offense and form more and more new prohibitions. It is because of this that conflict situations often arise.
Many parents believe that if they do not control their child, then he will definitely begin to make mistakes. On the one hand, this point of view is absolutely correct. However, it should be understood that the child will make them anyway. Otherwise it is impossible. To learn not to do stupid things, a teenager must first do them and remain dissatisfied with the results.
Adequate approach tobans
Teenager hates mother? To avoid such situations, we must immediately figure out where bans are needed and where not. For example, you can allow experimentation with cooking if there is nothing poisonous in the kitchen. You can also fix your bike. But you should not mess with the outlet, it's dangerous.
You need to understand that you can achieve something worthwhile only on your own experience. And for a child to acquire it, parents should not constantly interfere with advice and recommendations. It is enough to simply determine what is dangerous and what is not. And if in the first case control is necessary, then the child is able to deal with the second one on his own.
An unenviable fate awaits the child
Where do the fears arise that the fate of a child without constant supervision will necessarily be bad? The causes of fear are usually the same for all parents. If there is a girl in the family, then early pregnancy, drugs and prostitution await her ahead. The boy will definitely get into crime, start fighting constantly and also take drugs.
In such a situation, the question arises whether control will help to avoid such fates. It cannot be answered unambiguously. In some situations, this saves, while in others, on the contrary, it pushes to everything bad. No wonder they say that forbidden fruit is sweet.
What does strict parenting lead to
Overprotection can cause another serious danger. The child will just get used to being controlled, constantly pulled andforbid. Over time, he will stop paying attention to the words of his parents. Accordingly, this will lead to the fact that he will begin to violate everything that is possible, without particularly understanding the situation. And in this he will be guided by two principles. Either parents will intervene and protect, save from problems, or they will punish anyway, so why not do it.
Instructions from the parents in such a situation, he will perform exactly the opposite. For example, if he was told that it was impossible to walk without a scarf in winter, he would definitely try to go outside without it. And if he does not get sick, and no problems arise because of this, then other parental prohibitions do not make any sense.
It may seem that an undressed scarf and drugs are too far apart things. But in the child's psyche, they stand side by side with each other, since, according to parental rules, almost everything is prohibited. Accordingly, in such a situation, reasonable boundaries cease to be developed. And that is why I so want to break the taboos.
Is it empty?
What if the daughter hates the mother? Or maybe the son has negative feelings towards his parents? Outbreaks of aggression can also manifest themselves from scratch, when prohibitions with restrictions are reasonable and few in number, and peace and order reign in the family. Such situations, though rare, do happen.
It is necessary to understand that the child will sooner or later enter the big world and try to take a certain place in it in order to avoid encountering difficulties. After all, problems with peers can be quite painful.
In such a situation, children will begin to take out their anger on their parents, since it is impossible to conflict with classmates, you can run into even bigger problems. And parents obviously will not answer the same. And loving mothers are not at all capable of showing negative emotions towards their children. Such situations are hurtful, wrong, but it happens.
However, it is not worth saying that parents are completely innocent in such situations. First, the child subconsciously understands that the cause of many problems in relationships with classmates is the result of upbringing. And secondly, allowing rudeness towards yourself, you can one day hear the phrase: “I hate my mother.” Such situations are paradoxical, but they happen.
In families where it is customary to treat each other with respect, there are usually no reasons for such phrases. Often this happens only if the mother initially put herself in the position of “servant”.
Problem Solving
I hate my mother, what should I do? To cope with such a manifestation of aggression, it is necessary to change the position. But this is not so easy, as it requires working on yourself, revising the principles and your own behavior. Moreover, both adults and children will have to change.
On the other hand, children's emotions need an outlet. Therefore, it is not recommended to attach great importance to negative manifestations. But this is allowed only if there is an opportunity to talk, discuss what happened, learn about the true reasons. Similar situationideal, because both parents will calm down, and the child is aware of his feelings.
Search for a way out of the situation
What if the child hates the mother? Regardless of the difference in character, bad relationship, it is almost impossible to stop loving mom. However, due to conflicts and constant quarrels, life turns into a nightmare. For this reason, we must try to find a way out of the situation.
Most importantly, do not forget that the mother will not hurt, ruin life on purpose, just because she wants to. She just thinks that everything she does is good, and in the future you will thank her for it.
The following are some tips to help you deal with the situation and resolve the conflict.
- We just need to talk heart to heart. Try to convey to her that you appreciate the care, are grateful for the help provided, but you need something completely different, you want to achieve other goals, and not those that your mother sets for you.
- In no case should you break loose, say bad words. Such behavior will only exacerbate the situation. Yes, and mom from this will only be more painful and offensive.
- If you are an independent person and do not want to be under the constant influence of your parents, find a way to prove it. Start earning money, live separately. In such a situation, it will be possible to avoid constant control by parents and acquire personal space. Yes, and free time can be spent at your own discretion.
- Perhaps mom thinks she's lonely? Make her feel needed, help her find the meaning of life. Perhaps she just needs a friend with whom she can walk, talk about pressing matters. Maybe you can find a hobby for her. The main thing is to leave as little space as possible for negative emotions in her life.
What should parents do?
Firstly, you can't always command your children, constantly demand something from them, psychologically put pressure on them. It is best to try to find a compromise, to agree with each other, to carefully listen to the opinion of the child. Naturally, he will agree with your point of view, but all the same, he will hold a grudge inside, which will definitely make itself felt later.
Secondly, do not forget that children have their own lives. She needs to be interested. Do not avoid communication with the child, learn about his experiences and help with advice. There should be no ridicule, even if the problems seem banal and stupid. For children, all their troubles look global, crisis. Therefore, they need help and support. And if all this does not happen, then they will not experience positive emotions for their parents.
Thirdly, you need to try to find a common language with the child, to become a friend for him, accepting all the shortcomings and virtues. Parents just need to feel in the body of a teenager. Feeling all the grievances experienced, overestimating difficult situations, you can form a wonderful relationship. But do not forget that it is necessary to work constantly in order to maintain relationships.
Conclusion
Mother hate daughter or son? Do not treat such an event as a tragedy. This is just an indicator that there are problems in the relationship, and they need to be de alt with, looking for a way out of the situation.
Remember that there are two settings - children's and adult. In the first case, parents are frightened and offended. And this only exacerbates the situation. In the second case, parents try to deal with the problem. Which setup is right for you? But it is safe to say that if the problem is not solved, then more than once you will have to hear the phrase: “I hate my own mother!”
