An idyll in family life is the central heroine of any woman's dreams. Mutual respect, so often described in fairy tales, a reverent attitude and affection in harsh reality, often quickly dry up. Many realize the problem only when a hurricane of cruelty and anger suddenly breaks out of a benevolent family man, which cannot be controlled either by persuasion or humiliation.
There is a problem
The tyrant husband is a fairly common expression in everyday life: a neighbor beats his wife, a social acquaintance is addicted to humiliating his own beloved, and the newspapers again wrote about the torture of the wife's husband and children. This kind of news instills panic and seemingly unfounded anxiety in the minds of even morally stable citizens.
Out of the box
Particularly suspicious women even see mysticism in a family ruled by a tyrant husband. A conspiracy and rolling out a chicken egg is the first thing that comes to the minds of many housewives, so simple hoaxers and charlatans often profit from the psychological imbalance of the family. Handouts and homemade ads ring out about the omnipotence of such specialists who will successfully helpimprove the weather in the house in favor of the offended party.
Many rush for help to the lords of cards and stones, to learn from witch's lips how to get rid of a tyrant husband. A conspiracy in such techniques plays rather the role of self-hypnosis, which helps a woman to realize the presence of a problem and, to some extent, makes it possible to calm down. If you often repeat your wishes, the Universe will one day hear them, many philosophers and prose writers of our time believe. But in the case of beatings and bullying, the consistently stated words read on the new moon do not always play a decisive role.
At the moment, in the practice of many world experts, there are trainings and methods for women who have learned by their own example how to organize their lives when the husband is a tyrant. The advice of a psychologist in this situation can be regarded in different ways: as a motivation in making fateful and already hard-won decisions or a foundation for stubbornly justifying any male actions.
Jealousy is the cause of many problems
Oddly enough, but the situation when the wife of a monster regularly justifies her own tormentor is the most common in the world. Most people cite the feeling of jealousy popularized through books and movies as the root cause of marital distress.
It is often associated with a feeling of constant fear and competition, which originates from the early childhood experienced by a tyrannical husband. Too widespread a tendency, when in a large family, parental attention is not distributedquite fair and equitable. Each child has its own unique character, its own degree of activity and worldview, so the older generation can simply play the human factor. Freud - the most frequently discussed and difficult to perceive psychologist - once painted a picture of the first example of jealousy in a child - the fear of losing the mother's breast and milk. The founder of the scandalous depth psychology believed that in an infant, a feeling of fear of losing the bliss of connection with the mother manifests itself from the first days. Uncontrollable screaming and crying are colorful confirmations of this.
The wife is a kind of continuation of the infantile attachment that the tyrant husband so appreciates. For boys who have not fully lived through the stage of growing up in the cocoon of love of their parents, women become, rather, a means of filling family gaps. As a result, relationships and all their joys and sorrows are perceived through the prism of their own program. For most normally developed women, this situation is difficult to cope with.
The initial manifestations of jealousy, or rather distrust, often inspire the woman herself, increasing her self-esteem. Family life, especially well-fed and satisfied, often leads to a cooling of feelings, insipidity and boredom, which short-sighted ladies decide to sweeten with jealousy. Unreasonable delays at work, lack of time for marital duties, flirting with strangers and long stays in networks do their devastating work. As a result, the faithful, tormented by demons since childhood, loses already fragile control: sudden calls, commanding manners and demandsreports on any occasion can be aggravated by scandals and fights.
Talking with this kind of active wives is quite difficult even for experienced psychologists. The well-established concept of good intentions leaves the subconscious of a woman too slowly. In her understanding, only the desire to add piquancy and gloss to married life is fixed, and the damage caused by her whim is not immediately amenable to analysis.
Signs
Jealousy stands on three rather well-fed whales - the thirst for property, a progressive sense of inferiority and the projection of personal shortcomings onto the people around. The tyrant husband is no exception. Signs of jealousy always eloquently demonstrate their origins:
- The owner does not accept the possibility of his woman communicating with other representatives of the stronger sex - no acquaintances with comrades and the introduction of a male team will correct the perception of a tyrant. He also completely denies the need for a lover's personal space. All-consuming control is the motto of his whole life. Often the root cause of such behavior is the very nature of a man - stubbornness and lack of communication skills lead to lust for power and quarrelsomeness.
- The feeling of inferiority is a solid foundation for tyranny: a man dissatisfied with his body or character shows his complexes more clearly than a woman. Any aspirations of the spouse to develop and improve are perceived as betrayal and manifestations of betrayal. Comparing or drawing a parallel with his wife is the worst offense that a tyrant husband can draw for himself. Signs of jealousy appear with theatricalmeticulousness - any wishes or requirements receive an unprecedented response and a powerful rebuff from the faithful.
- With the projection of shortcomings, everything is relatively simple - an adulterous husband does not doubt the sinfulness of his own wife, so delays at work and silence on the phone are always perceived as a proven fact of infidelity.
Control interference
The abundance of omniscient girlfriends-advisers is a characteristic feature of families in which the husband is a tyrant. Divorce and an emergency move are the most popular proposal that can be heard during girls' kitchen gatherings. The most active friends not only motivate and instruct, but also strive with all their might to become a protagonist in a family problem. Psychologists advise spouses to control such a process of interference in personal life. Not all issues require a mass audience.
Awareness of the problem
In a situation where a woman is married to a sadist and an inveterate alcoholic, the external factor plays a significant role. Being in a constant cycle of alcoholic feasts of her faithful, chronic lack of funds and beatings, not everyone can find the right solution from the current situation. To imagine the full depth of the family tragedy, it is worth returning to its beginning. None of the girls knowingly married an alcoholic and a bully. This is the main thesis of any family confusion. And often it is a stranger who helps to realize it.
Each cell of society develops independently, and the pace, as well asthe directions of this process are determined only by its participants. A person cannot become in an instant a non-drying subject with constant bouts of aggression. Alcohol addiction progresses defiantly gradually, it spreads like bad news throughout the body, inciting its cells to obey only the thirst for drink.
The beginning of such a tragic epic is often missed by women, because an accommodating and positive-minded husband impresses to some extent after drinking. This situation is common in families where the breadwinner is faced with overwhelming tasks of providing and educating. Women themselves prepare the soil for their halves. In world practice, there is a common case when a mother assigned the role of a family executioner to her husband. All misconduct and disobedience of the little ones are clearly transferred to the parent in the most colorful form, after which the tired husband is taken for family repression. Few women realize that the mission of the punisher qualitatively destroys the human psyche, and the man subconsciously does not want to lose the throne of a strong and courageous hero. The circle closes abruptly, leaving sometimes no loopholes to correct mistakes.
The burden of social, marital and parental obligations puts pressure on a man, especially when he has not been instilled with the habit of sharing his even minor fears and anxieties with his inner circle since childhood. The best anti-stress is alcohol, which becomes a catalyst in the process of transforming a spouse. Frequent corporate parties and receptions, later drinking due toevening sadness, then just for appetite. Talking and pleading often lead to pictorial outbursts of anger, assurances of complete control of your cravings and the ability to stop communicating with a glass at any second.
Signs of distress
Specialists say that none of the clients of narcological institutions came to them on their own initiative, especially in the initial stages. Often, the initiator was the victim, whose life was qualitatively spoiled by a tyrant husband. What to do with a fighter and a drunkard, only medical wives or well-rounded people know.
The first signs of disaster may be seemingly small processes:
- The degree or amount of drinks consumed by the faithful has changed - the husband smoothly switched from beer to vodka (cognac) or from a bottle to packs.
- The so-called hangover has disappeared - the gag reflex or headache (stomach) pain does not appear from previously seen doses.
- Reflection of the amount of alcohol on the attitude towards children and spouse. The husband not only takes it out on his wife, who prevented her from getting the dose, but also tries in every possible way to unbalance the children.
- The appearance now of a frequent guest - amnesia: cases when the tyrant husband who has awakened cannot put together all the events. Advice and persuasion only lead to irritation and scandal.
- Eloquent manifestation of dissatisfaction with life, family and work in sober moments of life. The tyrant husband not only grumbles about the faucet that has broken for the umpteenth time, but also gets annoyed about twos, the amount of food orpolitics, the sight of the spouse especially infuriates the aggressor, fights happen.
- Multi-hour drinking marathons turned into multi-day promotions - the appearance of drunken moments is the most striking manifestation of addiction, after the first case, you should immediately drag your hubby to a narcologist.
What not to do? Wife Tips
How to live with a tyrant husband who regularly looks down the neck is not so easy to determine. Each case is strictly individual and mostly depends on the willpower of the alcohol addict and his family. But there are several general principles for a more even coexistence with the aggressor.
It is undesirable for a tyrant's wife to allow the following:
- Deriding addiction or personal qualities of a spouse in society - caustic statements not only will not spur a man to improvement, but will also lead to increased cravings, because every time a bottle brings euphoria, not family and children.
- Provoking jealousy from the faithful in relation to one of his company - this trick is practiced by many wives, not realizing that the situation, modeled as positive, will turn into a drunken trial with possible injuries and greater hatred for the wife herself.
- Shifting the responsibility for the drunken hubby to his parents - shame cannot pave the way for an addict to recovery. And in most cases, he knocks out the already slipping ground from under his feet, the tyrant closes in on himself, at the slightest provocation uses his fists and runs away into the warm embrace of companions out of passion.
- Ultimatums andthreats of divorce - such sanctions can help only for a short time and only in cases where the principles of love, craving for the family remain alive in the soul of a man, otherwise cries for deprivation of rights to children and joint property can lead to relapse and physical violence.
- Simulation of serious illnesses or refusal to perform household chores - the impotence of a woman in almost all men causes disgust and to some extent even resentment; cause increased desire to drink and rowdy.
Advice from psychologists. How can you improve your life with your spouse?
A small list of good habits will help to correct or simplify your own life with a tyrant husband:
- Start with yourself. Marriage with a tyrant is not the limit, you should not get used to the role of a vegetative victim and let everything take its course. Financial independence (even the most minimal one) will help you soberly assess the situation, the material plane always leads to a constant analysis of your capabilities and dependencies. In the initial phases, a drinking husband can still notice his wife's transformations, analyze his own conformity to such a woman, and pass judgment on himself.
- It is always worth evaluating how a tyrant husband behaves. No need to encourage a rude man with a glass or two to improve his mood. A woman who wants to isolate her family from the alcohol plague is obliged to impose a moratorium on alcohol in her penates. The so-called dry law in Soviet times did notis a method of influencing or controlling the faithful, the ban on drinking should become a principle for the whole family, and not just for those who are on an alcohol diet.
- The main problem of the family is a bored tyrant husband. The psychologist's advice is quite simple - in moments of enlightenment from alcohol, men often do not understand where to stick themselves, society is constantly developing, and drinking binges only knock them out of this pace. The tyrant needs to be interested or wisely introduced to a joyful activity - mountaineering, cycling, hiking or skydiving for emotional value can easily replace the euphoria of alcohol, the main thing is not to leave a man with this activity alone, women's praise and inspiration are excellent catalysts for male aspiration.
- The wife of a tyrant must accept the fact that alcohol is a method of relaxation, so by replacing it with something more intense, you can get rid of the problem itself. This principle works at the very beginning of alcoholism; this cannot be changed by an inveterate drunkard. To begin with, a woman must take herself into her fragile hands and begin to act - constant scandals and the use of a rolling pin only discourage a man from doing something. Dinner should be a small holiday for a man, even without fabulous salads and snacks. A pleasant conversation, delicious tea (coffee), a neat wife are the key to the stability of any relationship. If the family has come to the conclusion to solve the problem together, it is worth arming yourself with a life trick.
- If a man is grieving about troubles or difficulties at work or in society, do not dismiss the inflated problems. Eacha person feels a thirst for support and understanding, neglect from loved ones is often taken as a personal defeat and disappointment. A cure in the form of alcohol or drugs is found much faster than the family's distress signal matures.
All these rules can only work, or at least the slightest bit, if the whole family is united and understands the seriousness of the alcohol problem. If a man does not recognize his own weakness and the perniciousness of such behavior, it is much more difficult to cope with him.
How to get rid of a tyrant husband? How to disperse peacefully?
In the case when all methods have been tried, and the result rather aggravates the situation, it is worth considering a divorce. And how to divorce a tyrant husband without harming the kids and your own nervous system? It sometimes takes a whole decade for many women to come to this conclusion, because the weaker sex is prone to idealization and hope, so the harsh reality overtakes its victim immediately.
How to get away from a tyrannical husband who is prone to violence or hostility, it is quite difficult to derive an algorithm. The first thing you need to do is get a good lawyer. Consultations will help to realistically assess the situation, possible consequences and prospects, as well as support arguments from a legal point of view. The next step is to remove the move, you should not share a room with an uncontrolled person, attacks of aggression can lead to injury or death. It's better to send kids toa psychologist to correct existing phobias as well as prevent future ones.
If everything is returned…
It happens that a tyrant ex-husband after some time tries to improve relations. How to act in this situation, each woman decides for herself, based on common sense and already gained experience. The main nuance is the reaction of children to the development of such a plot, after analyzing the totality of all factors, it is possible to decide the fate of a second chance for a tyrant.
