An obedient child suddenly throws "scene" tantrums, begins to stomp his feet to achieve the desired result. This is a crisis of 3 years - a period in which changes in the mental development of the child occur. Sometimes the intensity of this period is so high that the parents begin to get valerian. However, psychologists consider the crisis of 3 years in a child to be an obligatory stage in the life of every baby. It is during this period that the child realizes that he is an independent unit. It is not necessary to interfere with the growing up of the baby. But how to help him survive this difficult period, you need to learn more about this.
What is the crisis of 3 years in a child?
Nature does not tolerate static. Everything that surrounds us is constantly moving and changing. This rule fits perfectly into the description of the child's psyche.
From time to time in the development of the psyche there come crisis stages. During this period, knowledge is rapidly accumulating.and skills.
Features of the crisis 3 years - a complete change and restructuring of social communications.
Why is this crisis developing?
Let's imagine a baby in the form of a chick, which is in the shell. This world "in the shell" is familiar and understandable to him. He's so comfortable. But this "protection" is not permanent. There comes a moment when a “crack” occurs in this period as well.
The shell breaks, and the child comes to the realization that he can perform certain actions himself. And even to some extent do without the help of his mother. The kid consciously perceives himself as an autonomous person who has the opportunity and desire.
So, the crisis is 3 years old. Psychology claims that this period contributes to the formation of strong-willed qualities and independence in the child.
Despite the great desire of the child to be independent, the baby is still incompetent. Therefore, he cannot do without the help of a parent or an adult. Contradictions arise between “I myself” and “I can.”
The main negative of the child is immediately sent to the mother. With peers or other adults, the baby can behave more or less calmly.
What age period?
There are certain age limits during the formation of a child's personality.
The first manifestations of the crisis may appear in 18-20 months. This is an early age. The crisis of 3 years can usually come from 2.5 to 3.5 years.
The duration of this complex phenomenon is rather conditional. In some cases, the crisismay last several years.
Pronounced psycho-emotional reactions depend on several characteristics, namely:
- Children's temperament. In a choleric / sanguine child, the signs appear more clearly than in a phlegmatic or melancholic child.
- The manner of parenting. If parents have an authoritarian parenting style, then the manifestation of children's negativism is exacerbated at times.
- Feature of the relationship between mother and child. The psychologically closer a mother is to her child, the easier it will be to overcome negative moments.
The brightness of the manifestation of emotional reactions is also affected by external conditions. For example, if the peak of this period falls at the beginning of the child's adaptation in kindergarten. It often happens that a younger brother or sister is born in the family. Such indirect external conditions exacerbate the psycho-emotional reactions of the child.
Signs of crisis 3 years
The crisis is characterized by seven symptoms. These distinctive features will help to accurately determine that the child has entered the period of becoming independent from adults. But his excessive emotionality is not a consequence of being spoiled or harmful.
Negativism
This manifestation must be correctly learned to distinguish from disobedience. The behavior of a spoiled child is due to a desire that does not match the parental requirement.
But during childhood negativism, the baby refuses even his own desire, because the initiative comes from an adult loved one. Let's take a closer look at the example:
- Disobedience. The kid played on the street with his peers. Mom calls him to eat. But the child refuses to go home, because he has not yet walked up. At the heart of his behavior is a desire to take a walk, which contradicts his mother's demand to come home.
- Manifestation of negativism. The kid plays outside for a long time. He is called home for dinner. But the child categorically refuses to go home, although he is already tired and hungry. The refusal to enter the house is due to the fact that he wants to confront his mother. Even though their desires are identical.
In a crisis of 3 years, the symptoms and negative reactions are not directed at the request itself, but at a specific person. Most often, the mother becomes such an object.
Obstinacy
Stubborn behavior can be confused with negativism. However, the negative attitude is not directed at a specific person, but at the way of life. Simply put, the baby protests against the objects that surround him.
The crisis of 3 years of life is acute in those families where there is a different approach to raising a child. It often happens that grandparents spoil the baby very much, and parents, on the contrary, forbid a lot.
A child in a state of obstinacy does not want to fulfill any requests at all. He often simply ignores them. For example, a child continues to play Lego, despite the fact that the parents told him to put the designer in a box.
If this is how a crisis of 3 years is manifested in a child, then it is important to switch the baby's attention to another in timeactivity. After a certain time, he himself will remove the toys or wash his hands. And the parent will not have to force him to do it and “stand over the soul.”
Stubbornness
Stubbornness and perseverance are two different things that should not be confused with each other. Perseverance is about the manifestation of the will, which allows the baby to achieve the goal. But a stubborn child will stand his ground only because he has demanded it before.
Learn more about the difference between stubbornness and persistence:
- Perseverance. The child flatly refuses to sit down at the table, because he did not complete the tower of cubes. And it keeps falling apart.
- Stubbornness. If the mother calls the child for breakfast, but he refuses. And before that he said that he was not hungry. In fact, he is hungry and would like to have something to eat.
What to do in this case? It is not worth convincing the baby and continuing to persistently call for breakfast. The right decision is to leave the food on the table and tell the child that he can eat when he is hungry.
Despotism
The kid is trying in every possible and impossible way to force the parent to do what he wants. Even if this desire is momentary. This phenomenon is called childish despotism. A kind of desire to dominate one of the adults.
For example, a child wants to be with his mother every second. If there are several children in the family, then the baby is acutely jealous of his brother / sister: he takes his favorite toys, does not want to go out for a walkstreet with them, pinching on the sly, etc.
This behavior is a great example of manipulation.
Tip: don't follow the little tyrant. Demonstrate to him in every possible way that attention can be attracted in more peaceful ways, while not conflicting or throwing tantrums.
Depreciation
In psychology, the crisis of 3 years is also characterized by the fact that the child abruptly ceases to appreciate what was important to him recently. And this applies both to adults, to toys, and to the rule of conduct.
If suddenly a well-mannered calm child starts throwing his favorite toy, tearing off the doll's limbs, tearing pages out of the book or pulling the cat's tail, then a 3-year-old crisis is on the face.
It is during this age period that kids are rude to loved ones. The baby can hit the grandmother or call the mother a “fool”.
Three-year-olds actively develop their vocabulary during this period. It is not uncommon for a child to start using obscene language. Children use this to get their parents' attention.
It is important to learn how to redirect a child's negative emotions into positive ones. For example, watch good cartoons with your baby, read fairy tales. Effectively play a story game with a child.
Willfulness
Children as young as three are trying to become independent. Therefore, you can often hear from them: “Do not climb. I'm on my own! It is important for the child to try to do everything on his own, without help.adult.
Of course, it's good when a child tries to tie his own shoelaces or put on trousers. But it's bad when he pushes his mother's hand away when crossing the road.
Independence in the behavior of a child is the first step to gaining life experience. Even if something does not work out for the baby the first time, then he will gradually learn from his own mistakes. But you need to introduce prohibitions on the actions of the child, which hypothetically can harm the baby.
Riot
"Riot on the ship" - the baby's reaction to moral pressure from significant loved ones who constantly demand something. Have breakfast at the same time, do not laugh out loud in the street, do not break toys.
Parental dictatorship "poured out" in the form of refusal of habitual actions. For example, a child will not eat on his own, he will become hysterical and show his anger in every possible way.
Doctors and psychologists say with one voice that hysteria is not as simple as it might seem at first glance. Such negative bursts lead to the fact that the immune system and the protective system fail in the body. If aggression does not come out, then auto-aggression occurs (the child directs it at himself: he beats himself, bites, scratches).
The situation is not easy. During the next "rebellion" it is important for the parent not to lose self-control. If the kid rebels against safety rules (wants to play with the ball on the street), then you don’t need to go on about here.
What should parents do?
If a baby has a crisis of 3 years, how to behave? OftenThis question is asked by parents to psychologists. It is important to understand that such changes in the child's behavior are not congenital harm and not heredity. Just a small person wants to grow up faster and become independent. Therefore, it is important for parents to learn during this period to build a different paradigm of relationships with the baby.
At the age of three, the child begins to accept himself and realize his "I". Psychologists say that during this period, the child begins to form an initial self-esteem. And this means that the process of the birth of a personality is underway, even if only a child's.
Parents should smooth out the "sharp corners" of the negative manifestation of the crisis. Basic rules for parents:
- Give your child more independence. Start involving the baby in small household chores. You can trust to wash plastic dishes, lay out napkins on the table. The only exception is work with electric and gas appliances. Let the baby have a simple duty.
- Calmness and only calmness. If parents react too emotionally to a change in their child's behavior, the situation will only become more complicated. If the mother calmly looks at the child's tantrum, then the baby subconsciously understands that it will not be possible to manipulate tears. In the end, the child will calm down and his behavior will return to normal.
- Reduce the number of bans. You should not limit the child in some cases, especially if it makes him angry. Voice important rules that will relate to his personal safety and social norms. Never break themit is forbidden. But in the little things, the parent must find a compromise with the child.
- Give your child a choice. In order to avoid a conflict situation, let the child make his own choice. For example, ask a little girl which dress she will wear to kindergarten today: red or pink.
- Analyze the situation. After any conflict, tantrums or tears, discuss the internal state of the child. Share, as a parent, your emotions. During the discussion, the kid will learn to understand what his mistake was. It is important to verbally express your emotions and states.
Wise parents listen and hear their child.
How to deal with a child's tantrum?
The 3-year-old crisis is the time for children's tantrums to intensify. Psychologists identify several rules for parents in order to be able to prevent the appearance of such negative emotions in time:
- To prevent emotional hysterical outbursts, you need to learn to negotiate with the child. For example, before visiting a children's toy store, specify what exactly you will buy. Of course, in 100% of cases this will not help, but the likelihood of a tantrum will be significantly reduced.
- In the midst of a tantrum, there is no need to try to explain something to a child. Wait a while for him to come to his senses and calm down. Only in a state of calmness of the baby, discuss why his behavior was unworthy. Pay attention: he is not bad, but his behavior is bad. Feel the difference?
- If the tantrums rolled in public, then deprive the child of the audience. Take the baby to a place where there are the fewest people. Distract his attention with a beautiful car passing by or a cat running by.
- Encourage self-reliance. If the child wants to show a desire to do something alone, do not interfere with him. It's not worth helping either. Be sure to praise your child for success and support during failure. You can only offer your help in the form of a question.
- Don't judge a child's actions. It is not worth calling the baby names and hanging labels on him. “Greedy”, “harmful”, “evil” - these and other words we often hear when a mother scolds her child. This cannot be done. These concepts are laid down in the child at a subconscious level. In the future, this can turn into low self-esteem and actions "on the contrary."
Characterization of the crisis 3 years suggests the game as the main activity. All situations that lead to tantrums, lose. For example, buy groceries with dolls, seat your favorite dolls at the table during lunch, play a trip to the clinic or dental clinic.
Patience is the main quality that parents should show towards their child. Especially if he is going through a crisis of three years. To be patient means to respond to all the tantrums of your child without irritation, while remaining calm and confident in your actions. If an adult becomes annoyed, he will automatically teach the child that losing his temper is the norm.
To be patient with a child is to be a loving parent. The baby should feel the love and warmth of his parents. It is important that the child sees that you love him inany condition. Only when the child subconsciously feels that he is understood, it will be easier for him to cope with all the difficulties.
It is important to strike a balance between restrictions and permissibility. Too strict authoritarian parenting style will suppress the activity and independence of the baby. Overprotection is also extremely dangerous for a child, since the parent interferes with full development with his care.
In a family where the center is a child, conflicts often arise in the context of child-parent relationships. There, the symptoms of a crisis of 3 years are most acute. It is important to follow the same parenting model for all adults, including grandparents.
It is important for a child to give sufficient freedom for development and activity. Only in this case, the parents will not have the need to "fight" with the baby. Give freedom - support the child's newly formed idea of \u200b\u200bthemselves and the world.
What shouldn't parents do?
If you don't want your child to grow up stubborn and uncontrollable, weak-willed and lacking initiative, then don't show him that his opinion means nothing to you. Do not suppress it in statements. Give the baby independence.
In no case should a child be scolded and stand his ground, trying to fight his stubbornness. This will only lead to the fact that you will completely lose control over the child. There is another option: the development of low self-esteem in the baby.
Diagnosis
Usually, the crisis of the age of three passes without medical intervention. Parents adequatelyperceive the behavioral changes of their baby. But if in a crisis of 3 years the symptoms are excessively expressed, then parents can seek help from a child psychologist, psychiatrist, neurologist.
Diagnosis includes the following methods of work:
- Conversation. A survey that measures the onset of symptoms, frequency and duration.
- Observation. During the conversation, the specialist carefully observes how the child behaves. Symptoms are more pronounced during casual interaction between parent and baby.
- Inspection. If seizures occur (hysterics, convulsions), a neurologist may perform a physical examination of the child. He evaluates the degree of his sensitivity, muscle tone, strength, reflexes and coordination of movements.
Also, a doctor can make a differential diagnosis for the presence of a neurological disease.
The other side of the crisis
The well-known psychologist L. Vygotsky believes that the crisis should be perceived not only as a negative. Behind it is clearly hidden positive content. This is a transition to a new form of something.
In a crisis of 3 years, the symptoms, in the form of impulsive behavior of the child, must be perceived on the positive side, namely:
- the kid strives for productive activities and a positive assessment of his success;
- children exaggerate their accomplishments in order to maintain their identity.
During this period, the child has increased resentment in response to the restrained reaction of the parent. Therefore, it is important to praise the baby in time for his success, albeitminor.
How often do these problems occur?
The manifestation of the crisis of 3 years is an obligatory phenomenon in the life of every child. This is a legitimate stage of growing up a baby. But the negative signs described above are not a necessary condition for the development of the baby.
Development crises and the 3-year crisis in particular can run quite smoothly and without overt symptoms. Only personal neoplasms can occur, namely:
- child is aware of his "I";
- talks about himself in the first person;
- self-esteem appears;
- persistence and strong-willed qualities arise.
If parents take into account the age-related changes in the child, then this period will pass gently.
In a crisis of 3 years, symptoms and negative behavior are not a reason to panic, and you should not consider your child unruly and ill-mannered. All children go through this period. But it is in the power of each parent to make the course of this complex age-related change as fruitful as possible for their child. First of all, respect the child as an individual. Listen to his opinion.
If you correctly adjust the relationship with your child, then the crisis of 3 years, the symptoms and experiences will go more or less smoothly.
