The unloved child syndrome is a fairly common problem that takes place in society. People sometimes do not think about their feelings, do not notice the notes of sadness in the voice of their child, do not correlate causes and consequences. Lack of parental love affects emotional and personal development. Unfortunately, nothing goes unnoticed for the psyche.
It becomes difficult for an individual to show his best qualities of character, to believe in his own prospects. The most vulnerable creatures on the planet are unloved children. The signs and consequences of this phenomenon will be discussed in this article.
Manifestations
If there is complexity, it is usually hard to miss. In most cases, human behavior is conspicuous. People do not always express their feelings clearly and loudly, but they do it at least in a whisper, in private.with myself. The problems of unloved children at some point become so bright and prominent that they begin to interfere with life not only for the individual himself, but for everyone around him.
Lower self-esteem
A person who was little loved in childhood is not able to appreciate himself. He constantly thinks that he is given little attention and warmth. Often accuses others of coldness, that they do not understand him. Low self-esteem affects the level of claims. Such an individual rarely seeks to take a leading position, he denies himself a lot, preferring to be content with little.
Inability to appreciate one's aspirations in some cases prevents one from achieving pronounced success, setting objective goals for oneself. A person prefers to do nothing, rather than go to his achievements in stages. He often blames anyone, refusing to follow his cherished dream.
Striving to earn love
An unloved child in adulthood requires some attention from others. A person wants to feel that he is really appreciated, that he is needed by someone. In fact, the need to earn love, to make it an integral part of your life, works. This happens completely unconsciously, on a subconscious level. The fact is that we always strive to make up for the lack of something by certain actions. The individual wants to compensate for his own suffering with some benefits. Sometimes it happens that we succumb to emotional impulses, while not thinking about it at all.possible consequences.
Maternal love is what always warms us in any adversity. We take shelter in these memories as a kind of shield when bad things happen. It can be very sad to watch an adult who sometimes behaves so infantile that one can only be surprised.
Feeling of inexplicable loneliness
It haunts the individual for life. He does not find consolation in anything and nowhere, some special joy that he needs. The feeling of loneliness pierces him all his life, it becomes almost impossible to get rid of it. This is how distrust, fear of the truth, the desire to escape from negative impressions are born. Some people clearly form a sense of their exclusivity. They feel unworthy of all blessings and aspirations. Of course, this is very sad, but there is no need to blame others.
It is absolutely pointless to call others for justice, to demand from them what you did not receive from your parents in childhood. As a rule, when we begin to demand love, it quickly eludes us.
Heightened susceptibility
An unloved child over the years can be distinguished by touchiness, characteristic depressive disorders. He does not understand why he is disturbed by disturbing thoughts and increased vulnerability. Sometimes conflict situations arise literally from scratch, depriving moral strength. The individual does not find additional resources in himself in order to take control of the situation. Personallife seems to him insignificant and not worthy of attention.
Such heightened susceptibility is characteristic of those who believe that little time was devoted to him in childhood. Subsequently, people with similar traumas are afraid to love, because they have a hard time enduring rejection. Love for children is that necessary component that makes them stronger and wiser in adulthood. The more attention given, the better.
Fear of the truth
It is noteworthy that people who were given little attention in childhood are afraid to hear an unpleasant opinion about themselves. They are so hung up on possible failures that they almost never make serious attempts to change something for the better. They feel that others are treating them unfairly, treating them with prejudice.
An unloved child is afraid to find out the truth about himself, because deep down he considers his personality unworthy, not deserving of warmth, affection and attention. A person can carry this fear through his whole life, completely unaware of how much he impoverishes himself, becomes even more susceptible to any negative influences. As a result, a stable fear of life is formed, which does not allow you to enjoy even pleasant little things.
Consequences
Any psychological trauma does not go away on its own. The consequences will certainly be, and quite noticeable and significant. It is worth knowing about them in advance in order not to aggravate your situation. Let's take a closer look at them.
Inability to express emotions
Flawparental attention usually leads to the fact that a person becomes rather withdrawn. A person experiences significant difficulties with self-determination, does not know where to direct his efforts. There is some coldness, aloofness. Such people are usually afraid to reveal their true feelings in front of others, because they are afraid to look weak and defenseless. The inability to express emotions complicates the moments of close communication, practically excludes them. After all, if an individual does not show any interest in interaction, it becomes quite difficult to understand what he really is.
Lack of trust
An unloved child has difficulty expressing his feelings openly just when the need arises. He often has to restrain himself, adapt to limiting circumstances. In this case, it becomes quite difficult to avoid the formation of a lack of trust. A person is forced to withdraw into himself, realizing that he can rely solely on his own person. But things don't always work out the way we want.
Expectations are often not justified at all, they become something like unfulfilled needs. The world of the people around him seems alien and incomprehensible. We can say that love for children is the necessary energy that nourishes and fills the soul of an individual, helps him achieve the desired result. If a child does not receive this from childhood, then, as an adult, he will not learn to truly appreciate himself. To himmany efforts will have to be made in order to make decisions, to act adequately in accordance with the situation.
Permanent fears
Fear of failure will manifest itself in all the affairs and events that take place. A person who has not learned to appreciate himself will have certain problems in all his affairs and undertakings. Fears eat up a lot of positive energy, contribute to the fact that we become even more withdrawn, indecisive and lethargic. This is because the inner core is not sufficiently developed, there is practically no self-confidence. In other words, the individual is a prisoner of his own fears, does not know how to approach the solution of a particular problem. Even some simple actions sometimes take a lot of time and require gigantic efforts.
Inability to communicate
A very serious consequence that cannot be ignored. It must be understood that an unloved child will have big problems in later life. He will inevitably encounter difficulties that an ordinary person is unlikely to deal with. Among other difficulties will be the inability to support other people. This happens because there is no necessary trust, there is only a need to draw attention to oneself, to earn love. The inability to communicate will manifest itself in everything.
When you need to ask someone for a favor, a person will not be able to do this: after all, he is used to relying only on himself. failure tounderstanding others often leads to additional conflict situations.
Loneliness and misunderstanding
Maternal love is what keeps us warm in any adversity. From childhood, a person learns to trust the world precisely through the relationship that he develops with his parents. First of all, how the mother influences the child is of great importance. Children who are loved unconditionally and unconditionally learn to trust others, to listen to their own desires. Thus, a favorable perception of oneself in the world is formed, self-confidence grows. Own opportunities seem realistic, filled with a special meaning. The feeling of loneliness and misunderstanding arises when a person does not know where to go next, where to seek consolation, what to pay attention to. If somewhere in the depths of our souls we feel that we are not loved, then from within comes the realization that we are not worthy of it. Then a person does not even try to change something in himself, but resigns himself to the fact that he is not like others. He ceases to look for a way out, to hope for a positive change in the situation. It is very difficult to come to an understanding of how to act while in self-isolation.
Dependent relationships
Often the lack of a personal life in adulthood contributes to the fact that for a long time it is not possible to find a suitable partner. When we are alone for a long time, we stop enjoying anything. As a result, dependent relationships are formed, sometimes leading to internal devastation. The individual loses hope that he can somehow affect the whole subsequentlife. He withdraws into himself and ceases to make any attempts at all in order to correct the situation. That is why there are so many unhappy couples in the world. It's just that these people don't understand that they're ruining relationships with each other. They try to solve emerging problems at the expense of a partner. Subconsciously, they want someone to free them, shelter them and protect them from all adversity.
Prone to depression
One way or another, all people have it. The only difference is that some struggle with negative circumstances, while others give up. The one who despairs will never be able to overcome anxiety and hopelessness in himself. When an individual does not have the experience of living mutual love, he receives a deep psychological trauma. Subsequently, it becomes difficult to plan and act on your own aspirations at all.
Women
It is noteworthy that the fair sex is experiencing this situation in a special way. The unloved child complex is much more common in women than in men. Girls are characterized by increased sensitivity and susceptibility. The slightest changes in mood are interpreted by them as serious fluctuations. Some ladies are able to get stuck in emotional experiences for the very reason that they were not given enough warmth in childhood.
As adults, such women will subconsciously seek attention from those men who are not capable of truly loving. They seem to be constantly trying to prove to themselves that they are not worthy of something good, morein life. All this happens completely unconsciously, without our efforts. If people were more mindful of their negative feelings, they wouldn't let them come up.
Thus, the problem of unlovedness in children greatly affects the rest of life. A person becomes overly suspicious, tries in various ways to attract the attention of others. If this is not possible, then he falls into depression, begins to perceive himself as a weak and weak-willed creature.
